Heyyyyyyy….. I am Julia Bond, adult film star. I am a little crazy, a little wild, and always unpredictable. That’s just me. Me describing an average day in my life may seem unreal, but this is my life and I love it. My life is one big risk. Whether I am singing karaoke in Baskin Robbins, jumping a 12 foot high fence at midnight, or trying to buy weed seed’s at Home Depot. This is a just a boring ole day in my life, running errands.
Once I am ready to take on my day, I am out the house. I have such a short attention span; I am always looking for trouble to get into. I live for exciting moments.
Once I have a thought, I go for it. I never have second thoughts. That is how all of my tattoos happened. Crazy days for a crazy lady.
I must warn you that what I am about to say may be disturbing, cause hair loss and age spots. That was my little disclaimer so: No Suing Me Allowed!
Ahhh, a day in my life….. ALWAYS starts off with my morning video for my YouTube channel: www.youtube.com/iamjuliabond. I have the best YouTube fans in the world.
After my video is all done, I head for the door. My crazy brain is always thinking of ideas for my YouTube channel. Since I am not a housewife by any means, I rarely cook….okay NEVER cook. Restaurants around town love me. After today I think I am banned from Denny’s and Baskin Robbins.
I am really going to have to put on my list of things to do, “Get friends who will feed me”.
As soon as I walked into Denny’s can you believe someone asked me if I was Carrot Top(?!)!! Silly Willy’s. I have to admit I was a little disappointed with this Denny’s. Old fries and a waitress that has never been seen since.
She took our order then served our food and disappeared like in a Criss Angel magic show. Now everyone might not know that Julia Bond needs her ice cream shake after she eats so I head to Baskin Robbins. I’m not sure what Baskin Robbins does for you, but some times they play the best elevator music in them. I couldn’t help myself and just had to dance.
I tried to open the freezer doors where they keep the ice cream cakes, but they were locked! I wanted to reenact the hard nipple scene from the movie King Pin. Nipples with a little frostbite is always sexy.
I started worrying what kind of neighborhood I was in where even ice cream cakes were not safe. I had to high tail it out of there. I could have been sold on the black market, or even worse: the swap meet.
There is no time to waste. Today is flying by here. I have so many errands I have to run I don’t know where to start. My next destination is the Disneyland for coupon cashers: WALMART. There is so much you can do there. Is it an auto body shop, grocery store, and nail salon?!?!?! It’s everything! As soon as I walked in I had a few stalkers. I felt their eyes all over me.
Here I am just trying to get my check list done and I was being followed. When I turned around all their eyes went in different directions, pretending to be interested in the items closest to them. Could they all be into scented candles? I think not. Finally I asked them if they knew me. All of a sudden they are all Helen Keller.
Write me a note! Something! I would have tried to speak to them more, but I had just spotted my next victim…oh, I mean “errand”—a man named Wilbur with the brightest shirt in all of the West Coast. He was on his cell phone. I think he was on PartyLine or Psychic Network. With the cameras on, I kindly demanded him to get off.
I needed him to be the 1st guest on Julia Bond Takes It To The Streets.
Being a nice girl, I asked if I could interview him for my show. I asked him if he could spell “sex.” He then proceeded to spell SEX, “S.E.X.O.” It was at this point where the interview went from good to great. My YouTube channel just went bilingual! After a few questions about him masturbating, things went from entertaining to serious.
Mr. Wilbur (if that was his real name) admitted to having his girlfriend in his trunk. I felt like I was hosting the show To Catch A Predator. I should have known, being that Walmart is directly across the street from Baskin Robbins, once again, I would have to run for my life.
When the sun starts to go down I start turning into my alter ego: Rude Ruth. If you thought Julia was bad then you are not ready for Rude Ruth. She has crazy written all over her. I try to keep her locked away in a cage, but she is tricky. It was her idea to start my One Hit Wonders videos. While I was driving and mass texting, Rude Ruth came out and said one thing….”music video”.
That had to be the best idea of the day. Lucky for me I carry booty shorts, corsets, and pearls in my purse at all times. You just never know when I might need them. I say, “better safe then sorry.” Now—Location! I had a few in mind, but how would I make my Daily Diary videos if I am in jail? Think, Julia, THINK! It was about 11:30pm when I found it…
The perfect location with lighting that could be used in a Spice Girls video. There is only one problem….a 12 foot fence. It’s okay; I mean, I do have Rude Ruth on my side. This fence is nothing. Big Deal!
I put one foot in the chain link and am quickly reminded that I am not 12 years old anymore. What happened to the saying “Once you ride a bike you’ll always know how?” Shouldn’t that go for fences too?
So climbing a fence is a little harder than I remember. I’m pretty tough so I took my shoes off and used my little monkey feet to hop over that fence like I was in the Olympics. It took me 4 tries and 15 minutes, but who’s counting?
Okay I was now in the local high school’s campus. My partner in crime, Annette, started filming me in front of a school building which actually ended up being someone’s house… My 1st music video was born. I was shaking it like I was on Star Search. That was until our little peeping Tom in the house called 911…
It is now 1:15 in the morning and I am back at the one I can’t wait to get out of every morning, but the only place I can’t wait to be when I’m exhausted….my home.
I look at myself in the mirror one more time expecting to see the work of global warming, but I was lucky today. My bed, my pillows, my sheets are all calling for me. Saying, “Julia! Drop that dress on the floor and come to me.” I must listen.
Before I say goodnight I Twitter “Sweet Dreams” to my fans. You all make my day every day and make me that much crazier. Love me or hate me; I am simply me.
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