You know those days that are always referred to as “The Good Old Days?” Those where the days when people would listen to what we now call “Golden Oldies.” Racism was essentially a life choice and treating women like they ranked somewhere behind canines in the chain of society was the norm.
Well, those times are gone, but thankfully not forgotten. It’s always important to look back on how far we’ve come and still yearn for a repeat of the days when this was considered appropriate advertising…
Remember when women weren’t really people, but simply tiny-brained dartboards to which Mad Men could aim their wares? Oh, to be old again…
Now I know where my Grandfather’s coming from.
10.
…so I won’t hit you THIS time.
A good message is presented here. We all make mistakes. Some are little mistakes; like burning dinner. Some are slightly larger, like marrying an alcoholic.
9.
This one stands the test of time.
Basically, our grandparents’ way of saying “No Fat Chicks.”
8.
Good Advice.
It’s like every husband is a mini-Santa Claus who just wants to bitching to stop. Fair enough.
7.
–not if you’re OJ Simpson…
I’m really not sure what this advertisement is trying to say…Postal employees deserve to die? Gingers aren’t really people? Both?
6.
What’d she HIT?
The Mini Automatic. For simple driving. So easy, a woman could do it! Oh, wait…
5.
…so why can’t I open it?
I knew there had to be one that actually SAID it…If she’s strong enough to open that Ketchup bottle, she should have the tolerance to pluck those eyebrows.
4.
He almost looks like he’s made a good decision.
I’d rather just have the Kenwood. The soul-sucking harpy that’s fused to his body doesn’t seem worth the laziness.
3.
Kellogg’s Early Death!
It’s a nice thought to keep the family active around the house, but judging by the over-excessive animated corroboration, it seems more like domestic abuse.
2.
...she doesn't seem to mind.
Now, I’m not a huge advocate of people-hunting, but I think this ad seals the deal. I guess this is what happened after the guy in the Post Office killed that red-head.
1.
“…well now that SHE’S out of the picture…”
Does anything say “Men are better than women” like two burly men in gay sweaters and knee socks trekking up to the tallest local precipice to dispose of their wives? I doubt it.
While I must admit that a majority of my knowledge about Gay Issues comes from movies (no, not those kind of movies) and various friends, associates, and those I’ve met throughout my scholastic and professional career. I’m not gay, nor have I ever had a homosexual experience…not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I must also further clarify that I am fully aware of the various niches within this culture which I don’t intend to elaborate on…suffice it to say that whenever I use the word “Gay,” I am referring to all gays, lesbians, bisexuals, trans-genders, queens, mermaids, unicorns, and any other sub-genre you may consider.
While I am aware that it may seem ignorant of me to lump them all into one group, but I must assure you I am aware of all/most of the classifications of your exclusive club, I simply don’t feel it necessary to be all-inclusive when discussing a matter that specifically effects homosexual discrimination.
Whew…sorry about that tangent. I’ll try to stay on track now.
Ladies and Gentlemen, you are in the midst of a culture war that is not simply going to fade away. While your rights (specifically to marriage) are slowly making their way to the forefront, there is a world of discrimination that is not simply going to go gently into the night.
It is your responsibility, your absolute prerogative, to make your presence known.
Like the Gay Movement, the Atheist Movement has adopted the initiative of “Coming Out” of the proverbial closet. In order to achieve the respect and social recognition that pseudo-”fringe” groups deserve, there is no other option but to lose the fear of being “found out.”
While it may seem like a small step, change your Facebook information to reflect that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or that you’re interested in the same sex. This may seem like a meaningless detail, but it serves to create a familiarity.
“Oh, I didn’t know this friend/co-worker/person I never met was gay!”
It’s arguable that these so-called “friends” don’t deserve the sense of self-satisfaction that comes with being the equivalent of a white Suburban kid saying “I can’t be racist, I know a black guy,” but let them have this one.
It will help you in the long-run.
Because even if it may be a backward way of gaining hypothetical respect, it will work in your favor when the time comes to rally those you know to stand up for your rights.
Maybe you’d do well to help your more flamboyant friends take it down a notch. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being secure and happy and screaming it to the world, but in polite society, when we’re all just trying to go about our day, when it comes down to it: a douchebag is still a douchebag. Gay or Straight.
Shut out discussion and debate. You don’t need to have it.
Your issue is not on the same level as drugs, abortion, and prostitution. There are only two sides: Rational and Fucktarded.
There should be no distinction between Gay Marriage and Traditional Marriage. It’s Marriage. Plain and simple.
You would be better off, and certainly justified to simply frolic away from your bigoted associates…preferably while shouting some sort of sexually derisive insult.
You should not pretend that the debate doesn’t exist. And you should never take for granted that there are intolerantly evil-minded people in the world who seek to destroy you. But don’t let that hold you back.
Your time will come again, and next time, you need to fight to keep it. Don’t assume that the next time you’re given equal rights, your friendly neighborhood Government won’t strip them away again.
Do yourselves a major favor and lose your religion. When you fight on the side of a “God that Loves You for Who You Are,” you’re not proving your case any better than those who say “God Hates Fags.”
But you are better.
You just need to realize that your “Holy Book” is not on your side. Ditch it, and ignore arguments that stem from religion.
Who am I to issue suggestions and demands of the Gay Community? No one.
I’m just a guy who gives a shit and wants to see you succeed (bad choice of words).
Feel free to send me your comments and tell me why I’m wrong, but I claim no expertise on these matters.
Just…please accept that Chris Crocker is annoying.
Oh, and stop watching A&E and TLC for fuck’s sake. Christ…
Yeah, I’m a fuckin’ fairy! Fuck you! I ain’t no pussy-ass pixie-throwin’ tinkerballs, motherfucker. I mean, yeah, I do throw pixie dust, but that’s only, like, eight-and-a-motherfuckin-half-percent of my fuckin’ job.
All you cunts wanna hate on me, but I don’t fuckin’ give a shit. I ain’t no tooth-stealin’ pillow pusher. I may be a fairy but I ain’t no fuckin’ fag.
You wanna judge me?! You wanna bring yo punk ass down to my hood and fuck with this? Bring it, boyz n’ girlz. I don’t give a fuck how old you are, I’ll run ya’ll through with my motherfuckin magic wand.
No, I don’t actually have a magic wand, bitch. You think I’d be caught dead wit some sparklin’ fuckin’ stick with a star at the end? That shit’s gay. Not just gay, but retarded, too!
Lemma axe you summit; you think all us fairies are the same? You take your fuckin’ suburban or forest fairy and you bring ‘em down to my area. Then we’ll see! Oh, we’ll see! Ain’t gonna do you no good to turn into a fuckin’ tree when there ain’t no trees around town, motherfucker!
Naw, I’m just like all the rest of you douchebags!
I flip off passing cars while I’m parked outside the SuperFresh.
I’d tell you more but I don’t want you bitches all up in my bizness. Plus, if you knew everything about me, there’d be no mystery…no magic in the world!
Don’t you motherfucking ruin the fuckin’ magic! I swear to Christ!
Well, I went off and registered myself for Drexel University’s annual Egg Glide competition. The link there has a pretty good description of the event, but basically, (and from here on in, I’m going to Bold the things that are in engineer speak), you build a dealie that keeps your egg from smashing when you drop it from a balcony 40 ft up. Keep it light, make it fall fast. I have some ideas to actually be tested (top secret stuff!), but here are some of my other, less orthodox ideas that I am willing to share. Oh, I didn’t mention, I’m partnering with ANTHONY!
Puff'n'Stuff
Oh, who didn’t love looking into their lunch box to find a Fluffernutter once in a while? This stuff is awesome. Its marshmallow that you’re allowed to PUT IN YOUR SANDWICH! Let’s hold off for a minute…that prize money can buy MANY jars of fluff…what if I just took a jar of fluff, scooped out a little, and stuck the egg in there? No parachute, nothing…just chuck it off the balcony. I bet that would work, right? Oh, I guess I need to make sure its the PLASTIC container, not the glass one…but really, you’re basically just putting the egg inside marshmallows…why wouldn’t this work?
DER BURGER!
Not only do the new Pink Panther movies make me want to kill myself, the commercial gave me an idea. Why not just cut a whole in the all beef, never frozen patty, stick the egg in, bun it up, and rubber band the thing together? I’m pretty sure that would work…but more importantly, be tasty and hilarious!
CHICK-N-FRIES!
Why not just leave (or…put it back into) it in the chicken? It’ll either fly down to the floor, or just cushion it as it falls (can chickens fly well enough to not get hurt when they fall 40 ft?)
Baboon?
Apparently, I have a second cousin or something who makes these things in Vegas for the casino hotels, maybe I can get them to figure out some way to get an egg inside a balloon, and put THAT inside a balloon….and maybe that into another….but not into one after that…that’d be silly.
I thought you said KING KONG balls....
Maybe make a structure out of ping pong balls? Like…a big…lampshade shape thing?
This may smell bad, kid, but it'll keep you warm until I get the shelter up...
How about something fluffy-boots inspired? Yeah, see? That’s why I’m posting this. I’ve run out of ideas. I want your crazy, wacky, practical or weird ideas. Anything you have will help! I’ll update after the competition on the crazy things I’ve tried. Stay tuned for fun.
You know those days that are always referred to as “The Good Old Days?” Those where the days when people would listen to what we now call “Golden Oldies.” Racism was essentially a life choice and treating women like they ranked somewhere behind canines in the chain of society was the norm.
