Tag Archives: science
So it turns out we were wrong again. Another era of being caught up in sensationalism and “end of the world” hysteria has come upon us. But where do we stand now? Has everything that we’ve come to believe about a supposed Global Warming been complete horse shit?
The short answer is “yes,” with an extravagantly hypothetical “but…“
For the better part of this decade we’ve heard a resounding rallying cry from Global Warming enthusiasts who firmly believed that our world was hurtling ever-closer to the sun. Of course, the gradual warming of certain areas could be cause for concern.
If ecosystems are being destroyed, the trickle-up effect on humanity could potentially be severe, but the over exaggeration and fear-tactics used by those who seek to push their dubious agendas may create an even worse situation for all of us.
In the mid-to-late 1970′s, government and scientists pushed the “growing concern” or the “imminent 2nd Ice Age.” Perhaps we should have listened…I mean, how many of those shitty movies is Ray Romano going to make?
Of course, we’re talking about a global cooling–not a series of animated movies that continues to put cash in John Leguizamo’s pocket. The study showed that over the previous 30 years, the Earth’s temperature had sharply declined. If the trend continued, we would all be hunting Wooly Mammoths and pissing on each other to stay warm.
Theoretically, these claims were semi-accurate, but driven by a government agenda to keep this “faith” alive. Scientists working on the government dime will undoubtedly behave as their bosses–backstabbing and twisting facts just to provide the results that those who passes out the money request. It’s not rocket science…it’s just dishonest science.
Pope John Paul II had to issue an apology for the Church’s treatment of Galileo. Essentially, they threatened to boil him alive if he kept preaching that the Earth revolved around the Sun…so he said, “Fuck it. I’m wrong.”
There is little question that small “ice ages” and (to make up a term) “fire ages” occur throughout history. Species are displaced, weird weather anomalies occur, and polar bears have to start taking more swimming lessons. None of this is reason to celebrate, but is it an occurrence that we’re able to do anything about?
History has shown us many examples of hot and cold spells. An unusually chilly Europe gave rise to Stradivarius’ magnificent violins and switched from elegant wines to more cold-friendly booze. Oh, and Greenland used to be fucking green…you know, back when it was actually habitable.
While there have been a plethora of noble scientists who have relied solely on constantly changing and often drastically impactful data, other hugely influential scientific organizations have just been caught ignoring, hiding, and tampering with data that contradicts their pre-established view.
This is where the story begins. The University of East Anglia Climate Research Unit in England was hit by hackers who found reams of E-mails amongst trusted scientists allegedly claiming to have hidden and misrepresented data which nullified their claims. The scientific community is understandably pissed.
The research center, also known as Hadley Research Center is among the top influential bodies of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change for the United Nations. While there are perfectly logical explanations for the completely taken out of context content of these E-Mails, a full investigation is absolutely imperative.
Many are calling for President Obama to address these concerns personally. While it is reasonable to believe that all of the research done wasn’t complete bullshit, it is still imperative that the data undergoes a thorough scrutiny before the world pours billions of pointless and worthless dollars into a problem that–quite possibly–never really existed in the first place.
…if we did that, we might find ourselves in some kind of…financial…crisis…hmm…
In this age of sensationalism and rampant spending, we must begin to be (at very least) fiscally conservative. And when I say “we,” I mean “the government“…because, seriously–my Playstation 3 ain’t gonna pay for itself. As ignorant assholes, we depend on our government to make the logical decisions when it comes to our tax dollars.
Needless to say, this intentional mindfuck of the Western World isn’t anything new. For every major issue (and minor issue) there is plenty of misinformation to get wrapped up in. Second-hand smoke, Recycling, Baby Einstein, and Climate Change are just a handful of the elements of your daily life that we believe based on absolutely no concrete evidence.
…not to mention evolution (just kidding. I’m not retarded).
These recent findings will not quiet the voices of Climate Warriors; and there’s plenty of real evidence out there to support certain claims. The evidence, however, that this “global climate change catastrophe” is affecting the entire world on an unwavering scale, getting incrementally worse and worse by the second–to put simply: just doesn’t fucking exist.
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Any war, battle, or struggle fought for the forces of one’s imagination is fundamentally wrong. For the purposes of this article (and for the sake of the extremely litigious Scientologists), let’s assume that Scientology, along with all equal or greater faiths is–at best–completely fucking made up. Good. Let’s start there.
According to the Associated French Press (which sounds more like a communal coffee maker than a news source), Scientology’s Celebrity Centre and bookshop in Paris has been closed down and the two main branches were ordered to pay a sum of 600,000 euros for allegedly defrauding members in the 1990′s.
Scientology’s French leader, Alain Rosenberg was handed a two-year suspended jail sentence and fined 30,000 euros. Several other cult leaders were given fines ranging from 1,000 to 20,000 euros. This might seem a bit harsh, but for an organization promising eternal salvation for a substantial financial figure, the punishment fits the crime.
This battle came to a head when members of Scientology called the attack a political “witch-hunt” and claimed that their rights to religious freedom were being violated. Luckily, the French government regards Scientology as a cult, and not a religion–so the fuckers had to suck it.
The government stopped short of issuing an outright ban on Scientology when it was established that thousands of French Citizens are actually happy in their practice of the “religion.”
Founded by L. Ron Hubbard–possibly as a joke–the forces of Scientology are undeniably strongest in the United States. Altogether, the inane faith holds a congregation of over 12 million individuals. France is leading a major battle against a potentially harmful form of religion–now, all they need to do is start working on all the other ones.
For now, a slight victory has been won–determining that known Scientologist could no longer edit entries on Wikipedia–but we have a long way to go before we can put this science fiction bullshit behind us. With regard to all the inane bickering between the US and France, the French government seems to win out when it comes to defeating the enemies of common sense.
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Frankly, it blows my mind into what neurosurgeons would refer to as “a tizzy” when I ponder how paradoxically insignificant life can be. I hate to get all philosophical and “sciencey” when attempting to write an article because it usually results in relatively long periods of silent staring, writing pages upon pages of utter nonsense, and eventually collapsing under the weight of my own stupid fucking arrogance; but no matter. I shall continue on my editorial about the human experience (and attempt to be brief)…fuck.
In an infinitesimal period in space and time (or space-time if you like words with no and between them), we exist. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your life! We’re born, and we’re either coddled or mistreated for the first decade or so of our existence (this would determine whether we grow up to be dainty recluses or dangerous psychopaths…or…what’s the word for something in between those?).
After that, well, all bets are off. You could be a dainty recluse and move on to become a brilliant reclusive author, or, alternatively, you could be a dangerous psychopath and go on to be a surprisingly competent Governor…for a short time.
It is during this time between birth and death that we call “Life” that weird things occur. Our bodies change. We start thinking about girls (or boys if you’re a girl, or…gay…bi…transgender…fucking political correctness); we start listening to terrible music and are then deluded into adulthood that the terrible music we liked is somehow the best music in the world!
But I digress. My main point is that in this period of life, we forget certain things or refuse to acknowledge them. We spend that time considering things that don’t really exist and ignore those that do.
Life is fleeting, but exciting! Life is dull and miserable, but the greatest fucking miracle of all time. Humanity spends its time trying to find water-marks that look like Angels or The Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. We get angry and spout things like “Ain’t nobody gonna tell me there ain’t no god!” Well, perhaps someone should.
This commentary isn’t supposed to be about the existence or non-existence of a Creator, but it must be known and accepted that such belief can be extremely harmful to the believer and to society. Not all the time, of course, but I’ll move on.
The miracle of life is a wonderful and mind-tizzying thing that we should never take for granted. It is the responsibility of all of us to create. I heard an interesting observation the other day from Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw. He said: “There are only two things humans can create: tools and art.”
While that seems like such an obvious statement, it struck me as profound and meaningful.
I remain hopeful for humanity. While the outlook may be bleak at the moment, we have reason to believe that the world will right itself sooner or later. Hopefully with all of us still going about our lives, leaving to rot, or at least questioning the daily routine.
I consider myself a man of science and logic. I believe in things that are real, and generally don’t believe in things that are not. I recognize that there are, in fact, things that we don’t yet understand, and things that we can’t explain right now, but I truely believe that most of these things will, in time, be explained. They used to think know that the Earth was flat, and that the sky was filled with Ether and that various humors controlled the way things worked. This was just plain established knowledge. Obviously it turned out to be a bunch of crap, and there’s a good chance that many of the things we know today will turn out to be very wrong, but there’s no harm in trying to come up with explanations. That’s why there are so few actual scientific LAWS out there. Scientific laws define things like gravity. We know, basically, how it works and can mathematically prove and predict it, damn near all the time (with a few weird exceptions). At the same time, there are plenty of things out there that CAN’T be 100% mathematically proven, but we know are true. More on this later. As someone who…you know…thinks, its frustrating to see so many people get swept up by things that are proven and known to be fake. Can science explain away everything? No, but it’s doing a pretty good job so far…
So let’s take a look, shall we? Here’s a list of some of the things that people DO believe in, and shouldn’t, or DON’T believe in, but should
Magic- Okay, I have no real problem with the guy at your little brother’s birthday party who makes balloon animals and pretends to saw you hot cousin in half…I’m talking about the bullshit people try to claim explains the unexplainable. Ever go to that science store at the mall where they sell robot kits and weird rocks and stuff? Well a store that prides itself on SCIENCE really shouldn’t be selling Magic Rocks, and Magic Robots and Magic Swimming Sea Monkeys. If its SCIENCE, it really isn’t magic, now is it? If you want MAGIC, take yourself two stores down to the weird hippy lady who sells crystals at the Mineralistic. Oh, wait…its still magic, so its still BULLSHIT. Okay, for the three or four girls who saw The Craft and still believe in it somehow, I’ll clue you in a little. It’s fake. Books don’t give you powers. Crystals don’t give you powers. Birds, bees and pieces of metal with dead people’s likenesses around your neck…they don’t give you powers. Similarly, there’s no such thing as a lucky charm. Maybe luck exists as an abstract concept…you can call having a bunch of fortunate and unlikely things happening to you luck, but there isn’t some supernatural force behind it. Rubbing the knob with your lucky rabbit’s nut doesn’t make the slot machine pay off. The random number that its computer generated made you win. Or maybe Skinny Joey behind the terminal…but that deflated latex balloon from your grandson Jimmy’s 3rd birthday party will not.
Evolution- It’s real, people. Get with the program. Okay, I can concede that you’d want to believe in a creator God. I’m fine with that, but be reasonable about it. Why would God bury dinosaur bones to make us thing the world is older than it is? Does that really make any sense? We are not apes, we did not come from apes. We came from a common ancestor. So we can still be the superior species and be related to them. Take this into account, too. WE, HUMANS, FUCKING CAUSE EVOLUTION TO HAPPEN EVERY SINGLE DAY. If you’re feeling especially dense today, re-read that sentence. We, humans, HAVE BEEN EVOLVING other animals for as long as we’ve known what animals are. Cows, pigs, goats, birds, dogs and cats….not to mention the CROPS we’ve been doing it to for 10,000 years. We bread the best with the best, and we get something better each time. Multiply by 1000 generations, and you have a species that looks totally different that it used to. Evolution, not natural, but still evolution. The best traits survive, and the worst ones don’t. (This always makes me wonder HOW people with glutin allergies have survived…you’d think that this gene would have died out a long time ago before we knew how to diagnose allergies and stuff). Oh, while we’re on evolution, we need to STOP WORSHIPING DARWIN. Darwin was a pioneer in talking about natural selection, but he wasn’t quite right about alot of things. And other things he said still aren’t proven or solved. So Darwin shouldn’t be seen as the Scientist-Athiest’s God. (If you, the Scientist-Athiest are looking for a messiah, I personally recommend Kurzweil. Read his books. Any and all you can get your hands on. And prepair for the singularity….).
Okay, more on science….TESLA- Tesla was a weird guy. He hated fat people, and was critical of how people dressed. He was also a pompass douche. And most of his machines were either useless or TOTALLY unfeasible. All the indie-fucks out there will have you believe that he was bullied around by big-bad Thomas Edison. Edison knew nothing of math. He discovered most of his great findings by simply trying over and over again. Tesla was the mathematical brains of the sector. What the indie-fucks forget when they cry “TESLA WAS ROBBED!” is that TESLA WON THE WAR OF CURRENTS. If you have no idea what this is, please stop talking about Tesla, (and maybe stop talking about science in general). As for Tesla Coils, they are SUPER dangerous, and don’t have much practical use. So no, douche, don’t build one (and you’d sure as shit better not build one in my neighborhood…). So please learn some engineering history before going off on something like this. Also, The Prestige was TERRIBLE. An interesting side note about Tesla, Wikipedia tells us that:
In his later years Tesla became a vegetarian. In an article for Century Illustrated Magazine he wrote: “It is certainly preferable to raise vegetables, and I think, therefore, that vegetarianism is a commendable departure from the established barbarous habit.” Tesla argued that it is wrong to eat uneconomic meat when large numbers of people are starving; he also believed that plant food was “superior to it [meat] in regard to both mechanical and mental performance”. He also argued that animal slaughter was “wanton and cruel”.
Magical Magnetic Medicine- It’s fake. The only things magnets are good for are Mag-Lev trains and erasing your floppy disks after you worked on that stupid 8th grade project for like, a whole day! There’s also evidence that Acupuncture is fake too, and that it’s all in your head. You know what DOES help people feel better? MEDICINE. So next time you’re sick, rather than letting nature take its course, take some damned pills and don’t get me sick. So medicine good, Scientology method to medicine, bad. Also, we know pot can help a lot of people with their conditions. The problem is that we have no idea HOW MUCH it helps, because its damned near impossible to do any research on it. Why? Because Pot Is Evil, even though its non-smoking uses are way more practical and most alternatives. Hemp rope, paper, biofuels…the whole nine yards…..
GAS-O-HOL- Oh man, every single time I’m at the gas station, this one drives me absolutely crazy. Corn alcohol gasoline gives you lower miles per gallon, which then makes you burn MORE of it to go the same distance. Oh, and it costs more too…Also, corn is a horrible crop, its inefficient and harmful to grow. Why not switch to sawgrass or beets? Because the Corn Farmer Lobby is too strong. Google that one, there’s way too much information on this one for me to repeat here, but look into this one, you’ll be surprised. Slightly related are all of the other things we do that are “good for the environment” that are actually just as bad. Those Compact Fluroescent Bulbs? Full of mercury (PLEASE check out this picture). Your douchey Prius? Guess how much energy it too to build the thing, and how aweful it is to make the battery for it. Just look into things before you dive in head first. And use common sense…turn the damned light off, and walk to Wawa instead of driving there.
Second Hand Smoke - Okay, guys, it’s time to drop the charade. You know smoking is bad for you, it’s not just something big government made up. So what about second hand smoke? Well we’re finding out more and more that second hand smoke is WAY bad for the people who have to deal with it (and the pets!), and that even THIRD HAND SMOKE is bad. It makes sense…dirt, dust, chemicals and smoke really shouldn’t be in our lungs. But third hand smoke? Yeah, that smell that lingers on your coat because you had to go outside and smoke (aww, poor thing) actually makes us all sick too!
But ya know…I can look past believing in silly things, most of these things don’t really effect me at all. Go ahead and waste your time getting upset over dinosaur bones and corn-o-hol. My final bolded point tonight (and I could go on for days) is….and read this quick because our website might be taken down and our home burnt to the ground…..SCIENTOLOGY! A religion founded by a science fiction author. A REALLY BAD science fiction author. Seriously, his books are pretty bad. Elron made up a religion just to see if it could. Hmm..The Cult Awareness Network says they aren’t a cult…oh WAIT…The CAN is OWNED by the Cult of Scientology. They have an Attack the Attacker policy when it comes to criticism (goodbye, superdps.com), they brainwash and let people who trust them with their care die in squalor. But you’ve probably heard all of this….if you haven’t, and even if you have, check out this site and be prepaired to be disgusted. As a wiki page, I’m amazed that it hasn’t been taken down already. So I guess my point of this whole ramble is to BEG you, fair readers…Please put some thought into the things you believe in. And if you don’t want to think about them, at least wiki the thing to see if there’s any sort of complaint or controvery behind it. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Then again, I’m not a Scientologist, so if I were, I’d probably be a much happier and healthier person.
Goodbye world, goodbye interwebs. It was nice to know you.
Well…. CFLs are a *bit* less bad than you say, given they have such a teeny-tiny bit of mercury… Where is that article… ah, boo-yah.
Perhaps a re-sniffing of your second-to-last-paragraph may be in order, because…there’s a little bullshit science still left behind.
My personal favorite is the fear of “Fourth-Hand-Smoke”: someone sitting next to someone who is thinking about someone else smoking.
Well, I went off and registered myself for Drexel University’s annual Egg Glide competition. The link there has a pretty good description of the event, but basically, (and from here on in, I’m going to Bold the things that are in engineer speak), you build a dealie that keeps your egg from smashing when you drop it from a balcony 40 ft up. Keep it light, make it fall fast. I have some ideas to actually be tested (top secret stuff!), but here are some of my other, less orthodox ideas that I am willing to share. Oh, I didn’t mention, I’m partnering with ANTHONY!
Oh, who didn’t love looking into their lunch box to find a Fluffernutter once in a while? This stuff is awesome. Its marshmallow that you’re allowed to PUT IN YOUR SANDWICH! Let’s hold off for a minute…that prize money can buy MANY jars of fluff…what if I just took a jar of fluff, scooped out a little, and stuck the egg in there? No parachute, nothing…just chuck it off the balcony. I bet that would work, right? Oh, I guess I need to make sure its the PLASTIC container, not the glass one…but really, you’re basically just putting the egg inside marshmallows…why wouldn’t this work?
Not only do the new Pink Panther movies make me want to kill myself, the commercial gave me an idea. Why not just cut a whole in the all beef, never frozen patty, stick the egg in, bun it up, and rubber band the thing together? I’m pretty sure that would work…but more importantly, be tasty and hilarious!
Why not just leave (or…put it back into) it in the chicken? It’ll either fly down to the floor, or just cushion it as it falls (can chickens fly well enough to not get hurt when they fall 40 ft?)
Apparently, I have a second cousin or something who makes these things in Vegas for the casino hotels, maybe I can get them to figure out some way to get an egg inside a balloon, and put THAT inside a balloon….and maybe that into another….but not into one after that…that’d be silly.
Maybe make a structure out of ping pong balls? Like…a big…lampshade shape thing?
How about something fluffy-boots inspired? Yeah, see? That’s why I’m posting this. I’ve run out of ideas. I want your crazy, wacky, practical or weird ideas. Anything you have will help! I’ll update after the competition on the crazy things I’ve tried. Stay tuned for fun.