Imagine art without religion.
Tag Archives: religion
The SuperDPS Guide to Life
GUIDE TO CONSPIRACY THEORIES
From the beginning of time, the mentally unstable have turned healthy skepticism and questioning authority into a madhouse of unpredictable, unprovable, and unimaginably nonsensical theories.
The eternal unanswerable question is “Why?” Why would the government fake a moon landing, house alien life forms, cover up the paranormal, or orchestrate a terrorist attack? The reason we don’t know “why,” is simple: because it’s not true. (READ MORE)
~*~*~
GUIDE TO SEXY (ft. Tara Lynn Foxx)
I was sitting on the Southwest Airplane, going to San Francisco to shoot some awesome porn, when I decided to write this list on a barf bag! I didn’t have anything else to write on so I said fuck it; at least it makes a great picture! 
A few months back, Alex wrote a Guide to Un-Sexy… I thought it was pretty good…. So I am going to be a copy cat and make my own Guide! Now that you know what to steer clear of… I want you to know what is really sexy! No whale-tails are not sexy… but a cute set of matching bra and panties are! For the girls who need some advice to the guys that need help in the sack… I am here to help! (READ MORE)
~*~*~
GUIDE TO THE RIGHT
There’s a political schism in this country that has been exported throughout the Western Worldthrough religion and an imaginary system of values which should never be part of global or national policy to begin with.
It seems only right that someone attempt to explain the points of view commonly associated with the Republican Party in a manner as backward and convoluted as humanly possible. (READ MORE)
~*~*~
GUIDE TO PROHIBITION
Hopefully, we’ve all had a decent-enough education to know that at one point in American History, the consumption and sale of alcohol was strictly prohibited by the United States government. Fortunately, this occurred at a time in History when our government could learn from their mistakes and push “we fucked up” initiatives after stupid decisions had cost the lives of many citizens and made the bad guys more powerful. (READ MORE)
~*~*~
As we are all no doubt aware, society–more specifically, modern western progressive society–has become more concerned with freedom from religion than freedom of religion. Every religious group believes in essentially the same bullshit, but where they differ from the sects of their neighbors, they define themselves as wholly separate entities.
Throughout history, the frightened and bewildered have distanced themselves from religious “crazies” by establishing their own backwards faiths, and that’s why we have so goddamn many. (READ MORE)
~*~*~
GUIDE TO SLAVERY
Race has certainly become a hot-button issue once again. Along with stereotypes and common prejudices, there are many ways by which people of various races and creeds can be misunderstood and misconstrued. It is important to learn the facts about a background in order to better understand a people; however, history–like individuals–can often be severely misinterpreted. And this is why I bring you: Shit you didn’t know about the Slavery! (READ MORE)
~*~*~
GUIDE TO KARAOKE
Allow me to begin with a bit of unconventional news. It was a typical Friday night at a Karaoke Bar in Stamford, Connecticut when shit went south. When a 25-year old girl started singing a Juanes song, 6 bitches got hostile. First, the shouting and booing escalated…which is understandable. Then, these 6 women viciously attacked the singer–punching, kicking, chipping teeth and pulling hair. The woman wasn’t significantly injured, but judging by the mugshots, the 6 attackers were hit by a fucking bus. (READ MORE)
~*~*~
GUIDE TO DIRTY WORDS (And When To Use Them)
There are a seemingly countless amount of filthy terms and phrases out there. Some, we use every day. Others tend to be cringe-worthy and unmentionable in certain circles. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being offensive, politically incorrect, or verbally abrasive, but you must understand that some phrases carry more weight than others. (READ MORE)
~*~*~
GUIDE TO UN-SEXY
The truth is that in the hands of the wrong people, something with convoluted sexuality (like “sexting”) may have the potential to be dangerous. But for the harmless, law-abiding, sexual creature, whatever doesn’t fuck you can only make you harder. This is a guide to those elements of sexuality and weirdness that put one over that thin red line that divides the objectively kinky from the universally creepy. (READ MORE)
~*~*~
Filed under Educational, Fun Stuff
The SuperDPS Guide to Conspiracy Theories
From the beginning of time, the mentally unstable have turned healthy skepticism and questioning authority into a madhouse of unpredictable, unprovable, and unimaginably nonsensical theories.
The eternal unanswerable question is “Why?” Why would the government fake a moon landing, house alien life forms, cover up the paranormal, or orchestrate a terrorist attack? The reason we don’t know “why,” is simple: because it’s not true.
Reality is a harsh mistress, and the pains and revelations that come with it are even harsher. But let’s suspend reality for a moment and ‘spelunk’ into the deepest caverns of psychotic Conspiracy Theories (after all, if Jesse Ventura believes it, it must be true).
Area 51–Let’s just dive balls-first into this, shall we? It seems that whenever an individual of limited intellectual capacity can’t fathom an easy answer to a question, the result is one of two not-so-different options. Either religion, or conspiracy. Because the government barely acknowledges the existence of this military base/possible testing facility, and the public is allowed no where near it, obviously it must be a cover-up. The film Independence Day mocked this theory with subtle glee, while playing up the wacky fantasy that perhaps the government is hiding information about alien life on Earth…or time traveling robots, or whatever your imagination can dream up.
Bilderberg Group–This is actually a real organization. Unlike the Illuminati or the Stone Cutters, this fraternal order of the rich and influential is legitimate in that its existence is based in the real world. Its purpose and practices, however, are the makings of the conspiracy theorist’s wet dream. The group was created to address concerns about individuals being “Anti-Western World” and to increase trust in an effort towards “unity and peace.” Essentially, it’s a boys’ club–but the “boys” in question are amongst the most powerful and influential people in the world. They don’t control the world, they’re not a secret world government, they’re a bunch of old men having a discussion–like when your Grandpop goes to his American Legion meetings–except, add a couple trillion dollars. It’s easy to develop these “what are they really up to?” feelings towards the unreasonably rich. But no one ever questions the wealthiest Conspiracy pushers about what their real motives are.
ChemTrails–This theory may be one of the more insane and delusional claims made by conspiracy theorists. Simply put, this is the idea that the streaks of condensed water vapor left behind by planes or jets in the sky are actually a secret government “crop dusting” effort to control the population. These “chemical trails,” must be a frightening phenomenon to most people because, well, anything that can be easily explained by grade school science can’t be the true reality.
DTV Transition–There are several raving hypotheses regarding the semi-recent switch to Digital Television boxes becoming a must-have for those of us who don’t subscribe to Cable. The most prominent of which is that the government has installed tracking and/or camera surveillance systems in the DTV boxes to keep a Big Brother eye on us as we lazily watch television all day. This makes almost perfect sense; but wait, what if the DTV boxes emitted some kind of mythical mind-control waves to force us to buy things we see on commercials…or even…gasp…vote for a particular presidential candidate?!
Everlasting Light Bulb and the ELF–On very rare occasions, Conspiracy Theories can be beneficial to the future of humanity. In the 1980′s, it was postulated that a lightbulb was invented which would never run out of power. It was bought by a corporation and hidden so that we would keep buying temporary bulbs. Now, researchers are actually working on extremely long-lasting bulbs for consumer use, so this reality isn’t too far off.
Briefly, ELF (extra-low frequency) or infrasound is a theory that the government/aliens/the Jews are producing messages or mind-controlling elements that can’t be picked up by traditional devices. Some believe that they can actually hear these messages, but in all fairness, these same people also are notorious for rolling around in their own batshit.
Federal Reserve–The Federal Reserve is obviously a real institution, but the theory is that they are an anti-American world power built on the destruction of the currency in order to create and establish their own infinite power over the Western world. It’s been fairly well established in the past few years that leaders of the big banks (the Fed being the biggest) are not necessarily looking out for the best interests of the people. Are they manipulative? Dishonest? Unfair? Probably; but are they an evil organization bent on world domination? Well, what are they waiting for? Another collapse?
Global Warming–When we can’t get a total grasp on new scientific data, we tend to get dismissive and angry. Are we approaching an Ice Age or a nightmare hellscape of Earth’s core bursting from within? There is a lot of dispute, mostly amongst the religious sects and the paranoid about the End of Days and the coming apocalypse with no regard to the possibility that we may be able to prevent it. “Global Warming” is a scare tactic, like “Obama Care” or “Katy Perry’s tits.” Our planet’s climate is changing and whether we’re causing it directly, or it is a natural result of elements is still up for debate. What isn’t up for debate is whether or not Climate Change is a conspiracy to throw the Traditional American Life off balance. Especially because the typical American citizen is already off balance.
HAARP–The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program is a massive defense project with the purpose of developing radio communications and surveillance. When it comes down to creating high frequency radio waves in order to further define military strategies is, HAARP will inevitably become a White Whale for Conspiracy Theorists. HAARP is blamed for causing weather anomalies (which is, of course, much more believable than Global Warming), and this goes so far that it is actually blamed for the 2010 Haitian earthquake. Not fault lines, not the movement of plates, but a high frequency radio wave. This is what happens when you base your logic and reason off of X-Men and The X-Files.
Illuminati–Contrary to popular belief, the Illuminati was a real organization established in Bavaria in 1776. It was an enlightenment-era organization for self-proclaimed “free-thinkers,” modeled after the societal structure of the Freemasons. Where the Freemasons were based mostly around the “working man,” the Illuminati attracted the literary crowd; writers, poets, and philosophers. If we’ve learned anything from The Little Rascals, it’s whenever a private institution is established (even if it is temporary), outsiders will create radical and imaginative concepts about what goes on behind those closed doors. If there is an Illuminati today, it exists in much the same way as it has historically, and not working towards controlling the world.
Kennedy Assassination–No matter how many times the trajectory, timing, aiming, and planning behind this nationally heartbreaking event are laid out, proven and established, the conspiracy theory will still continue. On a large scale, the conspiracy has switched from “Who Shot JFK?” to “What elements led up to his murder?” This is a fair argument to make, but, ultimately, it’s an argument that will go nowhere. It may be no coincidence that both John and Bobby Kennedy were assassinated, but the facts and evidence for both remain soundly in favor of one lone psychopath. And making up fables of interconnected agencies plotting the demise of the Kennedy family simply isn’t the reality.
Landing on the Moon–Surprisingly, I’ve met people who insist that the Apollo 11 Moon landing in 1969 was an elaborate hoax. What baffles me is the idea that the government couldn’t cover up a break in at a Hotel, or a Presidential blowjob, so how would they ever keep something as gigantic as a mission to the Moon under wraps? And for over 50 years! There are many reasons why the Moon landing was as real and significant as any other major historical event, but I won’t be bothered to go into it. Man has been to the moon. Several times.
Manchurian Candidate–A 1959 novel by Richard Condon, later spawning a Frank Sinatra film and a Denzel Washington remake, The Manchurian Candidate has become a terrifying reality for many paranoid and mentally unstable Americans. The concept is that the government plucks individuals off the streets, programs them to become a super soldier or government-controlled drone, then wipes their memory. Sooner or later they will be called upon to perform a particular task, whether it be assassination, domestic terrorism, or whatever the powers that be need accomplished that day. The individuals have no memory or recollection of these acts or having been programmed to complete them. Essentially, this batch of sci-fi nonsense is a catch-all back up for any other conspiracy theory.
New World Order–Popularized by lunatics in the media and controversial documentaries, the New World Order is the crown jewel of conspiracy theories. The real scare tactic put into play here is that everyone, no matter who you are, is fucked. The government, the aliens, the sleeper cells, the Federal Reserve, the media, the Jews, the black president; they’re all coming to get you, to turn you into a drone for their own capitalist order. The end result is that the powers in charge will create unified continents, much like the European Union. A North American Union is their biggest fear: Canada, USA, and Mexico under one unified law and currency. Once these unions occur all over the globe, the next logical step would be a one world Union, and that rolls out the carpet for the Big One: The One World Government.
Obama Care–I’m not particularly ashamed of living in America, with access that all of the wonderful things my country has to offer, but I’d be lying if I said I weren’t ashamed of my fellow Americans. Conspiracy Theories are insane because they’re delusional and ultimately unprovable. There really is no conspiracy because every corporate or media propaganda for the purposes of keeping people ignorant, sick, and frightened is blatantly and brazenly out in the open. We just don’t give a shit and we’re too occupied watching The Celebrity Apprentice to take notice. The fact that we don’t have Universal Health Care in this country is absolutely shameful. The marketing machine behind spreading Obama Care fear isn’t complex or brilliant. The people who fought against National Health are the same people who have been voting down every luxury, convenience, and progressive idea since the beginning of civilization.
Personal ID Implant–The rise of technology scares a lot of people. From the time that people didn’t want electricity switched on in their home because they thought it would blow up or burn down, to the ongoing and bewildering theory that cell phones create brain tumors–people are panicky, stupid, and ready to leap before they take the time to look. Conspiracy Theorists are taking the possibility that microtechnology will eventually reach the point that devices for health or communication could be contained under our own flesh as a sign that we will all be tracked and branded for an uncertain future. Perhaps to keep us contained or in order. The question here, dismissing all of this “Control the Population” bullshit, is ‘Does more technology and easier communication all over the world make us more free, or less?’
Reptillians–The sheer balls behind this kind of impossible claim is mind boggling. When you hear a story about someone being abducted by aliens, you immediately think, “well, that’s crazy.” Now, imagine taking that a step further and claiming that not only have aliens visited Earth to study human life, but they are actually Lizard-people who walk amongst us, covered up by certain government agencies, while actually running other agencies; namely: the Presidency of the United States. If only the people who claim Obama wasn’t born in this country realized how right they were!
September 11th–The biggest tragedy to fall upon New York City, topping both CATS and Spiderman:Turn off the Dark, 9/11 will go down in the big book of Conspiracy Theories like the Kennedy Assassination and the Moon Landing. I could go on and on about why 9/11 was a terrorist attack and not an inside job; but the conspiracy theorists don’t listen to facts or evidence. The only testimony they take is from the frightened and traumatized. They shape their own reality; and in the process, they wind up on par with the fanatics who protest at soldiers’ funerals.
UFO Crash at Roswell–Many very intelligent scientists will tell you that the possibility of life on other planets (even intelligent life) is extremely likely. In a vast and perhaps even infinite universe, the likelihood that humans are alone just seems silly. But have aliens ever traveled to our planet? Almost certainly not. Did the accidentally crash in Roswell, New Mexico? No. But you can get a ton of crazy alien crap at a local gift shop.
Vaccines–Having a child with autism or any kind of mental disability is an extremely difficult hardship to endure. It is understandable to one to pass blame or look for a simple answer; a finger to point. Developing scare tactics, especially when done by celebrities who have easy access to the public ear, is irresponsible and destructive to the future of humanity. Vaccines save lives, don’t cause autism, and any pseudo-religious cult that supports this anti-medicine rhetoric is inherently harmful to society.
Zydokomuna–This is a little-known term to describe the widely held belief that Jewish people are somehow forming a Communist plot to rise up take over, well, everything. It was this mentality that drove German forces to a mass genocide of the Jews during World War II, but this antisemitism goes back much farther than that. The most frightening reality is that this feeling is still going on today all over the world.
Filed under Arts, Educational, Irrationality, Rant
LOST: About Last Night
Let’s start off with a bit of honesty: the finale wasn’t what anyone was expecting. Loyal viewers were left confused about what they had just experienced, spiteful towards the show’s creators who promised fuckloads of answers and produced practically none; but what we all received was a conclusion…an ending to a six-year journey…and whether you approve or not, whatever happened happened.
Seldom has any long-running television show provided a wholly satisfying conclusion that everyone accepts entirely without question or concern. Unlike a film, where the viewer only invests 90-120 minutes of their oh-so-precious time, a television show of considerable length and depth leaves the audience expecting unrealistic and improbable levels of satiation that will ultimately leave them feeling (at best) short-changed.
LOST was no exception, but it was bittersweet–leaving my stomach temporarily satisfied, but after lying down in bed, I was already hungry for more.
The news highlighted the outrage and confusion–talking heads singing a choir of “WTF?”
As expressed by Co-Creator Damon Lindelof, at its core, LOST is a “character study.” The at-times overwhelmingly paradoxical themes of psychology, theoretical physics, religion, and philosophy served to create these “unanswerable questions” that both the viewers, cast, and characters they portrayed simply have to accept as truth. And after several moments of being utterly perplexed, I came to a rational conclusion that seemed to work, and I was filled to the brim with acceptance.
So here’s what we “know”–or at least what we can reach a relatively reasonable conclusion about:
The plane crash and the life (and death) on the island and off the island was the living world for the characters we all grew to love over the past 6 seasons.
The 6th season provided us with a “Flash Sideways” series of events which we were all lead to believe was an alternate life for the characters had they never crash landed on the time-traveling, disappearing island.
The conclusion showed us that the alternate time-line was actually an afterlife for all of these characters which they had intentionally created (in their respective subconscious) postmortem as a way of being together again, remembering their existence, and “moving on” to whatever else awaited them in (let’s say) heaven.
Some of them died earlier in the time-line (Shannon and Boone, Juliette, Christian Shepherd). Some died later on (Jin and Sun, John Locke, Sayid, Jack). And some will eventually have died–later in life (Hurley, Sawyer, Kate, Ben Linus, etc).
As the afterlife has no “time,” they all exist in a moment of subconscious–a dream–no matter when they actually passed away.
Aside from the several insights we attained into what exactly was going on with the Island, Jacob, and the Smoke Monster, we were not given too many definitive “answers.”
The show put forth a series of twisted psychological and sci-fi elements that we, as the audience, are meant to simply accept as part of the show.
The characters never got any closure on what was actually going on–so neither did the audience.
Most of this is only left up to our interpretation; however, it is implied that if the promise of “saving humanity by pressing a button” or “guarding a light/plugging a hole to keep the evil from escaping” was enough to the castaways to stick their necks out, we should just accept it.
We were offered several characters with paranormal abilities (Desmond, Miles, Hurley) which we accepted as part of the show. After all, in a world where a pillar of black smoke can end all of humanity, who are we to question the little things?
Desmond’s story was perhaps the strangest–as it is never truly explained why he becomes such an important force on the island.
By the end, we are meant to see Desmond as a man who can travel between times and dimensions–and because he has seen the other side, he knows that nothing that happens on the island actually “matters” as these characters will all be together in eternal happiness.
Essentially, his character in the 6th Season represents the philosophy that: “If you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is an afterlife where you and everyone you love will share eternity, why would anything that happens in on Earth actually matter?”
This is why Desmond says that it makes no difference who wins, who lives, and who dies.
The series was breathtaking. Only once in a lifetime does a long-running television show have such an impact on the lives of so many. The acting, the humor, the drama, and the emotion was surreal–and this is why the ending, while certainly up for interpretation, fit so well with the overarching themes of the entire series.
It made us laugh, cry, and never disappointed. If you’re glad the show is over because now people will stop talking about it, guess again.
If you’ve gone out of your way to stay away from the show because of all the hype, you’re most likely that cunt everyone knows who only listens to music that no one else ever heard of.
The show isn’t for everyone, but it certainly doesn’t attempt to be…and if you’re too broad to appreciate everything that LOST has accomplished, there’s always Two and a Half Men.
Amen.
(return to MAIN PAGE)
God Exists and He’s American
At long last, this country has won a battle in its war for God. We’ve been heading down the path of evil for so long, it’s about time we got back on Jesus’s good side (for those of you who don’t know, Jesus and God are the same person, except when they’re having a conversation).
America’s been so crippled by its Liberal policies, and public school teachers training our children to be Atheist fags, that we’ve lost sight of the wishes of the true founder of this great nation: God.
I want my God locked and loaded!
Someone in the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals in San Francisco (of all places!) must have been touched by Jesus. They have ruled that the phrase “Under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance is not “prayer in school”…it’s PATRIOTISM in school.
If you're a woman, it's even more patriotic to cup your tit as you say the Pledge.
That’s fucking right! God isn’t “religion,” it’s “being patriotic.” In a separate–but equal–ruling, the phrase “In God We Trust” was also declared a patriotic motto and not in violation of the separation of church and state.
Now, I love my country–and I’d personally perform fellatio on every single founding father–but I think they made a huge mistake in their “separation of church and state” policy. How can you run a government without Jesus Christ? It’s impossible–and that’s why those ‘A-Rabs’ are struggling with the democracy that we tried to give them. You’re welcome, btw!
Judge Carlos Bea of the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals (Spanish…probably took that job away from a qualified white judge, but at least he was appointed by the great George W. Bush) ruled that the Pledge is reflective of the beliefs of the founding fathers and their belief that our rights were given to us by God, not man.
Pray the gay away.
True, the founding fathers had nothing to do with the Pledge of Allegiance and were all long dead before it was even written (written by a Baptist minister as: “I pledge allegiance to my flag and the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all.”)…but who gives a shit? This is America! We make up our own history!
The Pledge was modified several times to get to the point it’s at today. The phrase “under god” wasn’t even added until the 1950′s as a weapon against Communism and Godlessness.
I mean, c’mon! Even the Declaration of Indepedence says that we are “…endowed by (our) Creator…” And I, for one, was very well endowed by my Creator…no homo.
Face it, liberal atheists–this is God’s Country–the greatest country ever put upon Earth. Love it or leave it. One nation, Under God.
–AlexG/Soldier in Christ’s Army
(P.S.–Don’t send me angry e-mails or comments. If you actually think that I believe any of this bullshit, you probably shouldn’t have access to a computer)
(return to MAIN PAGE)
Filed under Charity, Educational, Irrationality, News, Rant, Special Guest Blogger, Top Story
Ron Paul: Nazi Creationist?
When I first learned of the existence of Ron Paul, I was legitimately excited–and rightly so! Along comes a political figure into the mainstream who reflects a decent Libertarian ideology of Constitutionalism and Freedom…but like graduating from college, my unparalleled optimism was soon crushed into a fine paste.
The first element that killed my boner for Ron Paul was his denial of Evolution as scientific fact. It’s difficult to take anyone seriously when they refuse to except certain elements of reality. The dismissal of Evolution as purely “theory” or “just a fucking guess” is so painfully and willfully ignorant that it almost generates a default respect for religious people who choose to accept Natural Selection as a process kick-started by a creator god. Almost.
It’s important to note that he hasn’t made any indication that this belief would effect his policies at all (such as banning the teaching of Evolution); however, the simple fact that he would be stupid enough to say something like this makes me honestly fearful of anyone who would blindly support him.
The idea that there's enough "crazy" in the world to fuel both Charlie Sheen and Alex Jones is fucking terrifying.
Second, I found out that he has massive support for Conspiracy Theorists because he, himself, is a Conspiracy Theorist. Not only is he tangled up in all of the batshit 9/11 Truth Conspiracies, but he also believes that there is a conscious effort by multiple administrative bodies in this country to create a “New World Order”–in other words: a unified world government to destroy our freedom.
When politicians and policy-makers talk about a “New World Order,” they’re discussing a shift in the way the Western World is viewed by the rest of the world. As in, “We need to develop a new world order wherein Americans are considered empathetic, logical, and rational-minded people, and not psychotic fuckwits who believe that NYC buildings can’t possibly burn to the fucking ground.”
Then, I found out that there may be a deeper explanation to why Ron Paul believes this nonsense: because he could potentially be a White Supremacist Conspiracy ‘Tard.
My dream is to live in a nation as white as the morning snow.
In a recent article for News One, Casey Gane-McCalla argues that Ron Paul’s association with a group called The John Birch Society directly suggests that he is a (for lack of a better term) fucking nutcase.
I’ll let Casey explain it, and you can read the article here.
My only comment, or concern, is that Conspiracy Theorists–whether racist, creationist, or just plain delusional–have a different definition of “crazy” than the rest of us “normals.”
The Conspiracy Theorist’s definition of a crazy person is “one who is not a Conspiracy Theorists and lets the overwhelming evidence to support reality speak for itself–one who is herded like a lamb to the slaughter by scientific fact and observed reason over speculation–one who foolishly accepts that the world is run by fallible and petulant men and not malicious Mole People and Secret Societies.”
Of course, I’m being slightly facetious, but the point is that Conspiracy Theorists do not operate on the same plane of reality on which the rest of the natural world operates. Nothing can convince them that their beliefs may be far-fetched or illogical–they are a cult–a religion.
...kinda just threw that last curveball in there, didn't ya?
They will use phrases such as “There’s a movie you need to watch” or “There’s a book you need to read” as if to suggest that the information they’re giving you is somehow of value.
They will claim that “when someone wants to make a good man seem evil, they will try to portray him as a Nazi, just to scare people away.” Just like Ron Paul supporters do with Obama…
There once was a time when people had opinions on issues, but now our willingness to create our own idealistic realities has turned our society into a work of speculative fiction. There is a nobility to skepticism and an unique fucking idiocy to not accepting the truth once you’ve discovered it.
Would you still support Ron Paul if you really knew his positions? Probably (hopefully) not. Yes, he wants to end the war on terror and the war on drugs–those are good things.
But he wants to eliminate all of the progress the country has made as well. Overturn Roe V. Wade.
Stop talking about Climate Change, it’s a hoax.
He accuses income tax of being a communist practice that needs to end. I guess all government programs are shut down. Let’s not even discuss having universal Health Care.
Close our borders. America is a white nation under god.
Elimination of the Department of Education so parents can choose how to educate their kids…so that every child can be as educated as, say, Sarah Palin.
How can you support this man for President? Just because we like some of his ideas, don’t mean we have to adopt his entire psycho-fuck ideology. Maybe a new Independent will come around…someone who shares Ron Paul’s good points who isn’t isn’t leaking bullshit out of every pore…like…HOLY SHIT! MIKE GRAVEL?
Mike Gravel is like Ron Paul 4.0--all the bugs removed.
I don’t know if Ron Paul is a Nazi. Honestly, I wasn’t bothered to actually look into the claims being made in the editorial. But I freely admit that to you…that I don’t know. And while Conspiracy Theorists will call me a shill for the truth-suppressing fascist media, I possess something that they will never know: a grounded sense of reality.
(return to MAIN PAGE)
Filed under Educational, Hot News, Irrationality, News
The SuperDPS Guide to Religion
As we are all no doubt aware, society–more specifically, modern western progressive society–has become more concerned with freedom from religion than freedom of religion. Every religious group believes in essentially the same bullshit, but where they differ from the sects of their neighbors, they define themselves as wholly separate entities.
Throughout history, the frightened and bewildered have distanced themselves from religious “crazies” by establishing their own backwards faiths, and that’s why we have so goddamn many.
Let's be honest, if you're religious, they're just as RIGHT as you are.
More and more people identify themselves as “Spiritual, but not Religious,” a frustrating notion that begs the question: Why not just do away with religion altogether?
Surely if you disregard the religious notions that have existed for thousands of years, a spirituality that you just pull out of your ass would have even less validity; not more, simply because you feel it inside you (ew).
There is only one way to clearly differentiate between the significant and insignificant–and that’s by taking a closer look at those nutty little nightmares we call “Religions.” We won’t do them all, but we’ll do a hell-of-a-lot…
Anabaptists
Adventism–William Miller was a miserable old cunt who got off on discussing non-issues. Are we really awake when we sleep? When is Jesus coming back? Is the punishment for sins eternal torment or simple annihilation? *Raises hand* Ummm…who gives a shit?
Alternative Judaism–This is what Jews practice when they’re feeling angsty and start listening to a load of Good Charlotte. It’s not really Judaism in the same way that believing in “some of the shit in the Bible” isn’t really a religion at all. It’s either the timeless words of an Almighty God or it’s not, people. Fucking choose.
Anabaptists–You little fuckers talk about the religious right and the radical Muslims and how they’re fuckin out-there, but there’s nobody more radical than Anabaptists (Amish & Mennonites). At least suicide bombers watch fuckin TV.
Anglicanism–While The Church of England tries desperately to play with the big boys, it’s clear that everyone stopped giving a shit a long time ago. I guess England never forgave Henry VIII. Now we’re stuck with Protestants.
Animism–This could either be a polytheistic, spirits-in-everything-we-see sort of religion, or it has something to do with those freaks who do it with mascot-costumes on.
Wesboro Baptist Church
Babism–Once upon a time, back in the 1800′s, a guy claimed to be the chosen one and he was executed. Sound familiar? Yeah…don’t step on people’s toes–especially within Islam.
Baha’i–This is about the closest you’ll get to religious harmony. This one’s all about unification of religious people, as long as you buy into their practices, don’t ask questions, and surrender yourself to God’s will.
Baptists–Modern Baptists consider their religion to date back to Jesus Christ and John the Baptist; however, in reality, it only dates back about 400 years and is now linked more closely to old black women singing and fanning themselves.
Buddhism–There are so many schools of Buddhism and I can’t be bothered to talk about them all, so let’s just do an overview and get it over with. Buddhism is an ancient spiritual discovery of the self. Its long intricate and divided history has given us such modern day luxuries like: Eastern War and Slavery, Stoners, Lazy People, rubbing fat people’s tummies for good luck, and the Swastika. Hooray!
Cargo Cults–This merry band of ignorant bastards succeeds as more of a tribal culture. They’re so convinced that the wealth of the outside world was “really meant for them,” that they attempt to acquire wealth and goods through all kinds of batshit magical ways.
Christadelphians–Not a very significant sect, but they do exist–I assure you. John Thomas went batshit crazy and started writing about how he’d tapped into some first century belief system. Then, he came to America–and that’s why there are 6,500 Christadelphians in the US today. Success.
Christian Science–It’s never a good sign when you set up a faith-based Science and Health program with the delusion that truth and good are material things and evil and error are fantasy.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints–(see Mormonism…it’s just easier that way)
Confucianism–Not so much a religion as a philosophic approach to living your life, but it’s close enough. They believe that coercive laws can be damaging–when people feel they’re being forced to adhere–so they try to provide a moral codes of virtue that you can repeat when you’re out with a chick to sound enlightened.
Deism–Those who technically have “no religion” but still choose to believe in a magical sky-king are called Deists. Creationists tend to use arguments about some of the most brilliant people in history being “Deists.” But they’re wrong. And when they’re not wrong, they’re still wrong.
Evangelicalism–We hear a lot about Evangelicals these days, and that’s due to the fact that they are the loudest voice. When your religion is based on personal conversion; being “re-born,” you tend to have a lot of cocky fuckers on your hands, just aching to heal a world that was never sick to begin with.
Gnosticism–While not quite a sect of Christianity, Gnostics believe in a set of Holy Books not included in the traditional Bible. They feel that they’re gaining some ancient super-knowledge from these books, but are, in reality, simply wasting their time just as much as everyone else.
Hellenistic
Hellenistic–I don’t think anyone actually still practices these Greek/Roman god religions, but wouldn’t it be fun if they did?
Hinduism–There’s probably a lot to know about Hinduism and their multi-colored gods…but if you’ve encountered those Hare Krishna people, you probably got all the information you need.
Hoodoo–Witchcraft with dark chocolate.
Jediism
Jainism–An Indian religion whose symbol has become a symbol of hate thanks to the Western world. The Jain Dharma path is supposed to be one of non-violence toward all living things…Many jealous Hindus now consider it a “sect of Hinduism,” but they just want the street cred.
Jediism–That’s right. Star Wars. I can only imagine the development of this religion going like this: “You know how all those ancient texts are just bullshit written by some dude thousands of years ago? Well, what would you say if I told you that the real answers lie in the immortal work of Mr. George Lucas?”
Jehovah’s Witness–They might seem like a relatively harmless group of people, but these nutty restorationists are fucking dangerous. They teach their students that we’re living in the “End Times,” adhere to a weird, masochistically conservative interpretation of the Bible, and bother you at home.
Jews for Jesus–When Jews get sick of being Jewish (because it’s a huge fucking drag) and they want to celebrate Christmas and Easter and the fun holidays, they don’t waste any time. “Eh, maybe Jesus wasn’t so bad after all.”
Kalam–This branch of Islam focuses mainly on the understanding of the “word of Allah.” This, combined with a natural human reasoning and intelligence will offer you salvation. Unless, of course, you reason that you don’t need Kalam to be happy.
Karaite Judaism–These followers are essentially the Jewish equivalent of the phrase, “Who gives a shit?” They believe in all that Jewie mumbo-jumbo but reject the sacred “Oral Law” or Rabbinic Jews. They’re all about their own personal interpretations of scripture and as long as you’re down with the Old Testament, you’re good to go.
Kharijites–There are many more Muslim sects than just Shiites and Sunnis, and–yes–they do get crazier. These people have traded the mortal life for a life with God, but you’ve never heard of them, so who gives a Shiite?
Magick
Louisiana Voodoo–Make no mistake, this is not Haitian Vodou. It’s a tourist attraction religion that provides a pin-cushion doll for your “cool” Uncle to bring back from his vacation. If I weren’t an Atheist, I’d probably say God clearly has a serious problem with Voodoo after what he did to both New Orleans and Haiti.
Lutheranism–Considered the father of modern protestantism, Martin Luther gave the Catholic Church the big “fuck you,” posting 95 grievances for all to see (pre-Facebook). It was all fun and games until protestants started to put religious bans on…fun and games.
Magick–The evil occultist band Lovin’ Spoonful once asked, “Do you believe in magic?” The answer is, of course, no…BUT those who practice it think differently. Officially, “Magick” can only be used to change or interfere with something that (in the natural world) is capable of changing…such as: who shows affection towards you, or having a good day. People who buy into all this magick crap are relatively harmless–unless you get into a conversation with one.
Methodism–It seems that the only prerequisite for starting your own religion is to be loud about it. Methodists were notorious for “open-air” preaching and pissing everyone off. Luckily for us, they came to America, gathered a loud following, and got Prohibition laws put in place so everyone could have a little less fun.
Mormonism–Joseph Smith’s Mormonism isn’t necessarily the same Mormonism that exists today. The Latter-day Saints movement splits into various sects, but let’s pretend that it’s all Joe Smith Mormonism for the sake of argument. A notorious liar and racist, Smith developed a faith out of fear, hate, and complete badger-fucking-craziness.
Nation of Islam
Nation of Islam–If you thought real Muslims were scary, wait ’til you holla at the N.O.I. This is the Farrakhan, Malcolm X, take-no-bullshit, fake-Islam Islam and if you thought that thugged-out gangsta motherfuckers were scary, wait til you see a horde of black guys in black bow ties outside your door.
Native American Mythology–Usually, we reserve the term “mythology” until most of the world has come to accept the belief as silly and antiquated, like Greek and Roman gods. But since there are hardly any real Native Americans left, it’s probably okay to just refer to all of their strongly held convictions as “retarded.”
Orthodox Church–Essentially, this is the big league for Catholicism. This was “officially” the church that Jesus established through his Apostles and passed it down from generation to generation. Roman Catholicism is for pussies.
Rabbinic Judaism–Jews are easy (thought I was going to say “cheap?” Racist). If you don’t understand their traditions, rules, and rituals, then you probably haven’t read the Bible. It’s essentially all there, black and white, in any language you choose–even the weird stuff. Yeah, you think you’re following the word of god, Christians? How’s that bacon taste, heathens?!
Raelism–This is an organized group of individuals who live in a childish fantasy world where an alien race called Elohim (God) created all life. So it’s like Creationism, but with no friends. Once tried to bring about world peace with an orgy, creating the world’s largest orgasm, but they were stopped. Terrible shame.
Roman Catholicism–The world’s largest Christian organization…they even have their own tiny country (Vatican City) and–currently–a leader who used to be a Nazi! Fun!
Satanist
Satanists–There are two kinds of Satanists, those who believe in Satan as the Judeo-Christian bringer of Evil, and those who are just misguided humanists who want to piss off their parents and draw stars on their notebooks.
Scientology–A follow-up to L. Ron Hubbard’s previous self-help system, Dianetics, Scientology seems sort-of-kind-of almost helpful in theory, but in practice it’s most likely just as twisted and evil as anything else. There have been tons of complaints about the “business” of Scientology; however, the insanity of their claims should be considered average. I mean, is it crazier to believe in volcanic aliens or a talking snake? Take your pick…
Shia, Shiite, Shi’ite–Despite the name’s likeness to “shit,” these Muslims aren’t the “terrorist” ones…probably. What sets them apart is their belief that holy Imams, such as Muhammad, have spiritual and political power over today’s world…waitaminute…don’t all of our presidents believe the same thing about Jesus?
Shinto–The Japanese “Way of the Gods,” is a system in which actions speak louder than words. They worship just about everything with a strong concentration on ancestry. While there’s really no evidence of it ever being its own unified religion, the practice makes perfect.
Sikhism–These people believe that the highest attainable point in life is to achieve a truthful existence. They attempt a positive, happy, and equal relationship with everyone–no matter the race, gender, or creed. That sounds great in theory, but sometimes when they’re driving the cab you’re in, you start wishing they would cut someone off once in a while…
Smartism–Sounds pretty douchey and pretentious right? Wrong. Smartism is a Hindu sect that refers to a deep study of the Veda and Shastra scriptures and memorizing a bunch of laws and shit. I guess it is pretty douchey, isn’t it?
Sufism–This one sounds like fun–but it’s not. Interestingly enough, Sufism attempts to define itself as the science of being closer to God. Isn’t it fun when religion attempts to disguise itself as science, and yet rejects all existing science at the same time?
Witchcraft
Sunni Islam–This is the one true faith. Blessings and peace be on the names of Allah and Muhammad. (translation: Please don’t murder me or my family)
Tantra–Surely, the only time you’ve heard this religion referred to is in regard to “Tantric Sex,” but there’s more (boo…)! They study the Tantra Scriptures, worship Shakti (who sounds like an old school rapper), channel energy through the divine “Godhead,” and…fuck it…Tantric Sex.
Taoism–Its focus on vitality, inner peace, “non-action”, and such have turned Taoism into the single largest exporter of bullshit ever (probably). Yins and Yangs, herbal remedies…you know, all that annoying dirge that your crazy neighbor and ex-girlfriend were into.
Unitarianism–These wacky folks are notoriously made fun of for being “liberal” and “understanding.” They don’t accept the “trinity” of God, but they accept damn near everything and everyone else. Don’t they know how to run a successful religion?
Wicca-Witchcraft for sad girls.
Witchcraft–Hoodoo for white people.
Yoga–Sometimes, religious people figure out that they have a pretty shitty religion. They see other people in different faiths having loads of fun and they get jealous. Then they make up their own wacky combination of all those Eastern faiths and use it as an excuse to sell “stretching classes” to tourists and Westerners.
Yoruba–Before Islam and Christianity came to African nations, they had something completely different: stories, songs, traditions, and practices that all served to bring their “mortal selves” closer to “a divine creator of all things.” It’s a good thing Islam and Christianity came into the picture to set them straight.
(return to MAIN PAGE)
(offended? suck it–I’m right)
DVD Reviews: Funny People, Year One, Drag Me to Hell
FUNNY PEOPLE–We can always count on Judd Apatow and company to make a “Special Edition” DVD worth buying, and Funny People is no exception. I picked up the Blu-Ray **coughcoughdouchecoughcough* copy and I was amazed at the extra content. The disc contains a Theatrical and Extended version of the movie, which ends up being about 3 hours long, along with hours upon hours of cut scenes and extra footage that didn’t make it to the final version.
With the amount of shit cut out of this movie, Apatow could have made a film of Peter Jackson proportions..but I’m glad he didn’t. I loved Funny People and the hilarious clips that didn’t make it into the final film just make it that much more enjoyable.
The disc also contains clips from Adam Sandler’s ridiculously fake movies within the movie, heartfelt scenes from the mock-sitcom Yo Teach…! featuring Jason Schwartzman, and laughably outdated stand-up material from Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, and Judd Apatow.
The “Collector’s Edition” of Funny People is absolutely worth buying. It’ll take you about a day to watch everything.
YEAR ONE–I wasn’t sure enough about this movie to even pay to see it in theaters, so I’m certainly glad I didn’t pay to own it on DVD. I’m not even sure it was worth renting. Let’s be clear, the movie wasn’t a total piece of shit/waste of time, but it certainly isn’t memorable or “good.”
I’ve had fun watching every actor in this film in the past, but Harold Ramis fucked this one to death. The gross-out jokes weren’t even ridiculous enough to be the least bit humorous, and the story essentially went nowhere.
A more believable depiction of Prehistoric life...
I wanted to like this movie…really…I wanted to like it. I just couldn’t. The irreverent biblical stories weren’t enough to save this film. You will laugh watching it, but then you’ll instantly forget what you found so humorous when you remember there’s still an hour left.
Maybe it’s my fault. I watched the extended version. Perhaps that was my folly. The only way to describe my experience with this film is to say: Imagine you were sinking in the ocean, as you helplessly begin to drown and slowly reach the ocean floor, a clown fish swims right by your face and farts.
DRAG ME TO HELL–I almost regret not seeing this film in theaters, as it almost certainly would have been a better experience than watching it at home. I try to create a theater atmosphere in my house, but this movie deserves to be viewed at night, in the dark, not in the middle of the day.
The movie itself isn’t “great,” but very few horror films are. Sam Raimi has a style of horrific and grotesque that leaves a lot to be desired when he’s pushing for a PG-13 rating. Perhaps my hard-on for Alison Lohman allowed me to give this movie an easy pass…but I’m a PC owner, so Justin Long can suck it.
There were several “jump” scenes here, but the film doesn’t rely on them completely. Having said that, this film can’t be taken seriously because it doesn’t take itself seriously. If you’ve seen Evil Dead 2, you’ve basically seen Drag Me To Hell.
It wasn’t bad–I suppose. The blood gags, old lady mucus, fists in mouths, and pussy stabbing made this movie fairly enjoyable. Maybe the next time Raimi comes out with a movie, I’ll pay to see it in a dark theater…as long as it’s better than Spider-man 3.
(return to MAIN PAGE)
The Atheist Billboard Crusade
In Lakeland Florida, Atheists posted a billboard saying “Don’t Believe in God? You are not alone,” in an attempt to gain new members. As always Christians were pissed off (not inquisition pissed off or crusades pissed off, but pissed off nonetheless) and planned to crash the atheist’s forum in a local public library. The atheists actually invited the christians to attend the forum (Hey weren’t the christians always the ones who bragged about acceptance? Something is afoot here). Personally I wouldn’t invite them at all and just spent the time staying at home putting baking soda into bottles of vinegar for 4 hours. Same effect, less psychobable.
But hey, I applaud any civilized debate from any side. Even if in this case it’s as useless as catching a live grenade in your mouth and spitting it back at the other guy. I haven’t witnessed that metaphor happen yet but I’m sure someone reading this will be dumb enough to try it. If you do, be sure to make a video and send it to your friends at superdps@gmail.com! Well, have your buddy make it I mean, You’ll be all sorts of blowed up.
So compassionate and understanding.
So the Christians and the atheists debated and Dr. Byron George , a local pastor had this to say, ” There are people who think God does not exist, this is just unbelievable to me.” You hit the nail right on the head Pastor. Who wouldn’t believe that an angry father figure created two people, then kicked them out because they wanted a snack, made a guy bring on the deaths of newborn male children, locusts, and sickness to prove a point (you’ll never look at a bible salesman the same way that’s for sure!), put a guy through losing his family, blindness, loss of crops for the sake of a dick measuring contest ( God and Satan didn’t actually have a dick measuring contest in the bible, but I’m sure Al Pacino did in the Devil’s Advocate.. it’s gotta be a deleted scene or something), picked a guy to build a giant boat and fill it with animals and their poo because he wanted to wipe everyone out that annoyed him with a flood (he then told him he’d never do that again, he promised. It’s cool)
–Oh yeah and he sent his son who did some really cool party tricks to get nailed onto planks of wood and stabbed as a token of his appreciation for us. I must be out of my fucking mind to even question that. I’ll let Kirk Cameron date my sister.
Getting to the real issue, is it wrong if another religious (or lack thereof) group decides to put up a billboard with their message? Why should Christians be the only ones to have short witty slogan based conversations with lonely truck drivers at night? I’ve seen plenty of Christian billboards in PA, not one Atheist billboard. No Muslim billboard. No Judaism billboard (maybe there was but I was going really fast).
FACT: Democrats caused 9/11
So if you see someone erecting (*snicker*) a christian billboard, chances are they’re not going to get the backlash that the atheist billboard will. They tried putting one in Cincinatti but it was taken down due to people calling in death threats. If I call in a death threat towards a christian billboard, I’ll be arrested, and that billboard will still stand. Until the Malt Liquor gods take over (colt 45 bitches!)–I think I’ve seen more colt 45 billboards than jesus boards. I’m not encouraging any religion to start taking over billboards. I just think that if that’s the way you want it play, then play fair and share with others. There’s more roadways than we even need (affordable healthcare? who needs that?!), everyone can have a slice of that asphalt pie (that sounded wrong).
In my opinion I disagree with any religious (or lack thereof) group who uses a billboard to shove their agendas down people’s throats. If you do believe in a religion or do not believe in a religion, that’s fine. You don’t need to walk around downtown wearing a light up shirt that says Catholic. You shouldn’t stick a giant sign in front of my view of the skyline to announce it either. I also don’t agree with atheists recruiting more members. In fact, I look at atheism as a lifestyle not so much as a religion. Why have meetings? I hate meetings. Work meeting, school meeting, religious meeting. They’re all the same except an atheist meeting will be the shortest.
Bob do you believe in that? No? Pete? No? OK meeting adjourned. See you next week when we’ll talk about not believing in that same thing we didn’t believe in last week!
...someone has to.
I don’t have a faith and believe in living my life how I perceive I should. I don’t go around announcing it (well this article certainly fucked that up!) unless asked because I believe talking about religion or politics is rude and brings nothing but prejudice and insults from both sides. Unless I know that person well and we’re able to have an intellectual conversation about it. I think sticking any sign in front of someone’s face to promote a belief is basically telling someone that they’re wrong for thinking a certain way.
In Conclusion, Christians: Calm the hell down. Atheists: We don’t need to recruit people, there’s common sense for that. Unfortunately it’s hard to find. AND STAY OFF THE ROAD! BOTH OF YOU!
(return to MAIN PAGE)
Filed under Rant, Charity, Irrationality, News, Top Story
France Wins First Major Victory Over Scientology
Any war, battle, or struggle fought for the forces of one’s imagination is fundamentally wrong. For the purposes of this article (and for the sake of the extremely litigious Scientologists), let’s assume that Scientology, along with all equal or greater faiths is–at best–completely fucking made up. Good. Let’s start there.
According to the Associated French Press (which sounds more like a communal coffee maker than a news source), Scientology’s Celebrity Centre and bookshop in Paris has been closed down and the two main branches were ordered to pay a sum of 600,000 euros for allegedly defrauding members in the 1990′s.
Scientology’s French leader, Alain Rosenberg was handed a two-year suspended jail sentence and fined 30,000 euros. Several other cult leaders were given fines ranging from 1,000 to 20,000 euros. This might seem a bit harsh, but for an organization promising eternal salvation for a substantial financial figure, the punishment fits the crime.
This battle came to a head when members of Scientology called the attack a political “witch-hunt” and claimed that their rights to religious freedom were being violated. Luckily, the French government regards Scientology as a cult, and not a religion–so the fuckers had to suck it.
The government stopped short of issuing an outright ban on Scientology when it was established that thousands of French Citizens are actually happy in their practice of the “religion.”
Founded by L. Ron Hubbard–possibly as a joke–the forces of Scientology are undeniably strongest in the United States. Altogether, the inane faith holds a congregation of over 12 million individuals. France is leading a major battle against a potentially harmful form of religion–now, all they need to do is start working on all the other ones.
At least he'll be remembered for what he was: a dildo.
For now, a slight victory has been won–determining that known Scientologist could no longer edit entries on Wikipedia–but we have a long way to go before we can put this science fiction bullshit behind us. With regard to all the inane bickering between the US and France, the French government seems to win out when it comes to defeating the enemies of common sense.
(return to MAIN PAGE)
