Tag Archives: premiere

Christopher Nolan and his INCEPTION

Could we just be honest with ourselves and admit that Inception was a cinematic masterpiece that far-exceeded anything he has done in the past?–and, yes, that does include The Dark Knight. Typically, when a film maker with Nolan’s talent and ability creates a picture of this quality, he has shit the proverbial bed.

Not so, I feel, with Christopher Nolan. From Insomnia to The Dark Knight, Nolan has never really been “disappointing” to me. But he is also a director with a vision we do not know much about yet. We haven’t really gotten “used” to Nolan outside of our Batman expectations and his obvious admiration for fine actors and Film Noir.

But let’s return to the point I made earlier–the heretical statement that Inception was somehow a superior film than The Dark Knight. Bloggers and columnists have actually managed to scribe a thought so profane and mind-numbing that I’m hesitant to believe that they even take themselves seriously. The idea was: “Now that Nolan got this dream-movie out of his system, he can get back on track with the next Batman sequel.”

Really? Fuck you. Really?!

Don’t get me wrong–The Dark Knight was phenomenal, as was Batman Begins–but they are (for all technical purposes) Comic Book Superhero movies. Of course they can be done well in the right hands. The source material is virtually infinite–you know all of the stories and how they turn out–and for fuck’s sake, after Batman and Robin, as long as the Batman isn’t wearing ice skates, I’m impressed.

But Inception takes film to a whole other level (like Avatar, except not totally gay) and it shows. Chris Nolan showcased some of the greatest actors in Hollywood today–and I’m not just saying that because I’m a total homer for Joseph Gordon Levitt, either…(wasn’t Brick fucking amazing?)

Hopefully this film puts Levitt on such a cinematic plateau that he will never even have to think about being in a G.I.Joe movie ever again.

There’s one more thing I’d like to say about this movie–and I’ll leave the rest of the review to Watson (coming soon)…

Without spoiling anything–at least nothing that hasn’t been spoiled already–let’s talk about the ending.

And the only thing about the ending that can be said is that you’re either going to laugh, groan, or let loose a string of profanity toward the big screen and everyone you care about. But before you do, know this: it doesn’t matter.

Inception‘s conclusion is insignificant, but not without meaning. The lifeblood of the film is in the journey and the mental labyrinth involved in the psychology and philosophy of dreams–exhibited in a kind-of Matrix and Minority Report level of sci-fi with a Dark Knight level of Noir modern-ish realism.

Essentially, it’s enough of a literary mixing pot to make an English Professor jizz his pants.

Think of the film’s ending as an inside joke with the audience–a tongue-in-cheek jab-in-the-ribs that all of you are a part of after sitting through the movie. Of course it will have you talking. It will have you talking for fucking hours.

…but when you walk out of the theater and hear someone’s cunty girlfriend asking, “Wait, so what happened? I don’t get it.” Try to ignore it, and be safe in the knowledge that–not unlike the finale of LOST–you’re amongst a demographic of people who “get it,” and that’s what makes this film so much more special than many will inevitably realize.

And if that makes you an asshole, so be it. Be an asshole in IMAX.

Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream? Poe. Edgar Allan.

Alex G/

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Dear Target Audience for SPARTACUS: Blood and Sand…

Sorry to barge in uninvited like this. You don’t know me but I am very curious about you. I have two very important questions that may or may not confuse or disorient you, and for that I apologize in advance–but do you actually exist?–and if so–who the fuck are you?

Through the mixed blessing of Netflix, I was able to watch the première episode of Spartacus: Blood and Sand, a show on the STARZ network, of which–people keep telling me–you are a fan!

Forgive me, please, but the fact that this series was created, released, and subsequently picked up for a second season turns my skull into a jar of unappetizing brain-jam.

This may be an exercise in futility; however, I desperately wish to attempt a case study on those who find this alarmingly retarded television show appealing.

As a horrifyingly weak rip-off of Frank Miller’s 300, I expected to at least be entertained by the adventure that would possibly be an effective prequel to the story of Sparta’s 300-man army. But–on the contrary. Watching this show caused me to feel that the only proper way to view it (by anyone) should be while wearing a diaper, and perhaps jamming shards of plastic into your dead, sunken eyes.

The show is so inane, poorly written, poorly acted, and poorly designed that it could literally be considered a form of punishment to watch it…and that’s a criticism I would typically reserve for According to Jim.

...a simpler time when men wore diapers.

It is as if someone over at STARZ grabbed an unsuspecting dimwit off the street,  sat him down with a fellow in a mental institution, smearing shit on the padded walls, and said, “You totally have to listen to this guy. He’s a freakin’ genius! ‘Member that movie 300? Yeah? Remember how it wasn’t quite gay enough? Yeah? Well wait ’til you hear this idea…”

Then, instead of running away and calling the police, the unsuspecting dimwit listened to the mind-numbingly retarded idea, and said: LET’S DO IT!

Each episode runs about an hour–and after about 20 minutes into the premiere, there had already been 3 sex scenes, countless instances of characters using modern expletives in ancient Rome (like “suck my cock” and “fucking motherfucker” and “you fucking cunt”), and about 20 slow-motion fight scenes that will make you absolutely hate movie violence forever.

When you pair wonderful lines like, “My boot will meet your ass in the afterlife,” with the gruff cartoon bear voices coming from the over-actors, you’re left with nothing left to consider other than, “What?! Everyone’s naked!”

...wait a fucking second...wasn't that black guy actually IN "300?!"

As I sat, slack-jawed, watching the mess unfold on the TV, I couldn’t help but wonder, “Who is this show supposed to be for?”

And this is where you come in! The show is certainly not meant for me–so it must be for you. And since it’s obviously targeted towards you, could you please explain why and how?

Is Spartacus: Blood and Sand a soft-core porn show? There was certainly more tits and cooter than plot, so I could accept that. Maybe it’s quite a good soft-core porn, and I simply misinterpreted it.

Is Spartacus: Blood and Sand a period drama? There was certainly a shitload of terrible dramatic acting (when there was no sex happening)…so it could have been that.

Is Spartacus: Blood and Sand simply a Lucy Lawless vehicle? After being typecast for mythological roles, Xena has lowered herself to doing green-screen cable action on a show that sounds like it should be a video game starring 50 Cent?

Is Spartacus: Blood and Sand some sort of gay social experiment? Maybe–for some reason–the creators wanted to see how much half-naked beefcake-on-beefcake action men will sit through if they are rewarded afterward with a glimpse of some perky Roman tits…

When did Lucy Lawless get almost...kinda...sorta...hot?

…or is Spartacus: Blood and Sand a reflection of a network’s opinion of its viewers? Perhaps STARZ has simply thrown in the “fuck it” towel and dumbed down a series so far that it is essentially just nudity and CGI blood. Is there anyone out there who isn’t totally sick of slow motion-to-fast speed movie violence?

Don’t get me wrong, I love limb-flying movie magic as much as the next guy (…as long as that next guy isn’t Quentin Tarantino), but it’s ridiculously over-used.

What frightens me most is that I can wrap my head around movies like Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel and The Spy Next Door. 20th Century Fox and Lionsgate Films thinks children are all in the mental Special Olympics, knocking over every hurdle along the way. That’s not difficult to understand.

What is difficult to grasp is how a cable station like STARZ, after the success that HBO and Showtime have had with original programming, has the fucking nerve to try to pass off this mindless dirge as entertainment.

Needless to say, I’ll be watching every episode on Netflix. I mean–seriously–what else is there to watch now that Jersey Shore is over?

Alex G/

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A Night Out with The Saints: A Review from a Crazed Fan

joegOct. 22nd was the Philadelphia Screening of Boondock Saints II : All Saints Day. I was lucky enough to get a pass to attend the screening and see a film 5 years in the making. It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of the first film, which I never heard about until my friend Charlie pulled me aside and said, ” You have to see this movie”. Needless to say the rest is history. I own two copies of the film (the regular version and the collector’s edition), It’s a personal tradition to watch Boondock every Saint Pat’s with a pint of Guinness. If someone tells me that they haven’t seen the film, I make them watch it. I don’t care if you’re on your way to your grandmother’s funeral, you will sit down and watch this from start to finish, I’m sure someone will put the burial on YouTube.

So when I heard about the sequel, I went apeshit (the highest quality of apeshit–not the store brand). Tracked down the status of the sequel which would change in the blink of an eye on Imdb.com. One day I was bored and wandered around the vast jungles of YouTube and stumbled about the boondocksaints channel to discover that they have been in production and filming scenes. Holy shit this is really getting made. They announced the trailer at Comic Con and I patiently waited until it finally appeared months after. Man, was it great to see them in action again even if it was only a glimpse.

Still there was some skepticism. Will it be as remotely as good as the original? Will it be the same film but with a 2 slapped on it? You have to question these things, especially with a cult film with such a huge underground following.

Boondock is a rare film in the sense that not too many people really know about it, yet it has such a devout fan base (which is one of the only reasons this sequel was made to begin with). The reason the fan base exists is that people like me heard about the film from a friend who heard about it from a friend and so on. This was all before Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Yourspace, Hisspace, or Herspace.

In a crazy way you really have to admire the success of a low budget film from a director who started out as a bartender who makes a film about two fraternal twin brothers who receive a calling from god to start killing evil doers. Is the fan base as massive as Star Wars? No way. Then again, who hasn’t heard of Star Wars? If you tell a friend “hey I have this awesome movie you need to see it’s called Star Wars!” Chances are they will say, “really? I have this thing awesome thing called oxygen! It allows me to live! “

So yes in the realm of fandom, Star Wars fans completely outnumber Boondock fans, but at least Boondock fans have gotten laid and our episode 1 wasn’t a let down. Put that in your Tie Fighter and smoke it pal.

The Sequel starts out with the MacManus brothers ( Played by Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus) 10 years after the 1st film now living in seclusion on the Irish country side. They’ve given up the life of vigilantism and have retired to a quiet farming life. All is well until a priest is murdered in their former stomping grounds of Boston.

The crime is staged to look like the Saints have carried it out to send the boys in crosses a message from the son of the mob boss they executed in public in the first film. The Saints decide that once again it’s time to “kill dose mudderfookers!” and start dusting off the guns and navy p coats and prepare for mass slaughter of the not so innocents. Indirectly this catches the attention of Agent Smecker’s (Willem Dafoe from the 1st film) new protege, Eunice Bloom (played by Julie Benz) and she begins her pursuit of the brothers in hopes she can bring them to justice without causing more chaos in Boston.

Not only is this difficult for the brothers, but for the detectives that helped them on their crusade in the 1st film. Along the way an admirer of theirs by the name of Romeo (Clifton Collins Jr.) is recruited as the new Saint to join them in their new mission of killing a shit load of baddies and dropping more pennies than a 75 year old woman at your local Coinstar.

The new characters in the this film take up the mantles of characters from the previous films. Such as Eunice bloom assuming the role of Agent Smecker’s character, and Romeo who assumes the role of the previous quirky side kick Rocco. The nice thing is that these new characters are not the same characters, but played by different people. They stand out enough to become something else entirely. They’re also not there for the sake of just adding new faces, they become memorable characters you can enjoy watching.

Eunice Bloom is a complex character that women who see this movie will admire. She’s not just eye candy for the guys. Yes, she does show an enormous amount of sex appeal but she knows where and when to use it to her advantage. She’s intuitive and can also get her hands dirty to kick a few asses a long the way. She has a lot of surprises up her sleeve to keep you going throughout the film. Romeo like Rocco, is the comedy relief of the film. He plays the role of the quirky side kick really well and will have you cracking up.

Unlike Rocco, Romeo does have skills that make him a dependable asset with skills that prove he can hold his own weight within the group. Those skills are unconventional with the way we see the saints carry things out, but none the less, Romeo isn’t a character specifically for laughs, he can get the job done. Instead of being another sidekick, Romeo is one of the Saints and fans will easily be able to accept him into the roster.

Lots of characters from the 1st film are back as well. Not just the bumbling detectives of the original, but a lot of the smaller roles that fans loved from the 1st film that you wouldn’t expect they would put into a sequel. I won’t give these away because they add so much to the viewing experience. It is a nice nostalgic way of showing us they cared about the people who liked the film and took the appreaciation of the little things into fruition, and to make the film not feel completely changed where you can’t remember that there was an actual movie before this one.

There’s more of a story telling aspect to this film than what was in the original.The biggest example is the history of Il Duce (Billy Connolly) and The Roman ( Peter Fonda). The sequence has a nice Godfather 2 feel to it. We discover the roots of the patriarch of the family and how he became who he is today. It does take you out of the movie for a bit but not as much if it were one long segment (it’s scattered in the middle of the film). Then it’s pretty much right back to the action.

There’s more dialougue between the Saints and other characters, which not only serves as great comic relief but a great way to push the story along. You don’t feel so overwhelmed by the action and the crime scene flashbacks so much that you lose track of where you are in the film.  The comedy in the film I believe is better than the previous film, and the previous film was pretty damn funny.

Clifton Collins Jr. is a huge contributer to this. Not only does he have great one liners but the saints have a good time breaking his balls. The circumstances the main characters get themselves into are also hysterical. They tend to fuck things up even more than the last film to the point where it becomes a comedy routine right before it turns right back into guns blazing and blood splattering.

It never comes off as tacky and the jokes don’t bomb. You will laugh your ass off during this film. The small role fan favorite characters also have hilarious scenes which I won’t ruin for you but trust me you’ll be talking about them a lot and driving your friends crazy by quoting them.

The action gets even more stylized and ridiculous this time around. There’s a lot of revolving camera shots, slow motion, and they push how they’re carrying out their plans even further as a way of telling the audience, It’s been 10 years but they still know how to take care of business. Some times the action feels a bit disconnected and I kinda wish they didn’t use slow motion for the majority of these sequences but none the less the action scenes still make you jump around in your seat like a little kid.

The overall look of the film is darker than the original. There’s more of an artistic quality to film I think in regards to the set design and locations that were probably previously unavailable.It’s nice to see that Troy Duffy has a bigger budget to work with and is able to push more of that into this sequel. The sound quality is also a hell of a lot better. It’s basically a nice overall revamp that if the characters and story had failed, it could’ve been a totally new film on it’s own based on the fact that the last one took place 10 years ago and the technological improvements it had gone under.

In conclusion, the movie was insane amounts of fun. It wasn’t like countless sequels I have seen that made me feel like 2 hours of my life were taken from me. It didn’t feel stale to me at all or overplayed, the jokes weren’t beaten to the ground, and despite feeling like a completely different film, it gave me that nice nostalgic feeling that I just finshed watching the first film right before I went to see the second ( Which I had wanted to but sleep got the best of me that night).

I even believe people who didn’t like the first film will love it and give the original another chance. It’s a sequel has a lot of nods to the 1st film, but doesn’t feel so different that you can’t recognize where it came from. The sequel isn’t a let down. Not by any sorts. Die hard fans will not be dispointed, and people who still haven’t seen the original will love it on it’s own and want to go back and see the 1st film. the fi;m comes out Oct. 30th with a limited release but you can demand it to be shown in your local area by going here: http://eventful.com/performers/the-boondock-saints-ii-all-saints-day-official-/P0-001-000215180-2

You seriously NEED to see this movie. It’s the most fun you’ll have at the theater in a long time.

After the screening they had a small Q&A for the fans featuring the director, Troy Duffy as well as the Saints themselves, Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus. Some interesting questions were answered and a lot of well…fucking retarded ones but even the retarded questions had some really entertaining answers. One guy wanted Julie Benz’s phone number so Sean Patrick Flanery put him on the spot by calling her himself.

Unfortunately it went to voicemail but not very long after she called Troy Duffy’s wife and Troy put her on with the mic up against the speaker so she could answer questions from the audience, talk about her experience on the film and make fun of the guy asking for her number. Troy talked a lot about the difficulties of getting the film made and what he had to go through from start to finish (to which he even began filling up on stage). He talked about Overnight and how a good friend betrayed him and Norm stepped in and said ” editing can even make Santa Claus look like an asshole.” After the screening the guys invited everyone onto the stage for pictures and autographs.

These guys made sure that every damn fan got an autograph or a picture even if they were being told to wrap it up. When they were being told to wrap it up they went outside to the front of the theater and took more pics. I had my camera phone which is terrible in low light and the only place the lighting looked half way decent was the theater door. I tapped Sean Patrick Flanery on the shoulder and explained my whole camera phone situation and asked him if I could get a picture with him and Norman in front of the door. Right away he said yeah, stopped signing for a minute and grabbed Norm for the picture.

I have to say I was very moved by how much these guys did for their fans. The fact that they stayed for hours to make sure every fan was acknowledged was very awesome. I even got to talk to Troy Duffy inside the theater , shook his hand, and told him about how my friend and I tortured his ex girlfriend who had a deep love for cats by replaying the exploding cat scene over and over again. He told me a story of a woman who was in the crowd watching the 1st film who was an animal rights activist and laughed her ass off at that scene only to come outside and bitch at Troy about how he could put such a thing into the movie.

Troy called her out on it and said how can you get angry at me when I was watching you laugh at it you’re just as fucked up as me! Let me say that anything you read on other sites about Troy Duffy being an arrogant asshole is complete bullshit. He’s a really down to earth guy who puts in a lot of effort in what he does and treats his fans like they’re family.I have nothing but respect for that. So to finally close this article I wanted to tell you about the film from the perspective of a fan.

Which may seem biased to you but if there’s a sequel being made of a film I loved and it sucked and felt like nothing new was being done to it, I would tell you (and this article… well it would’ve been a hell of a lot shorter) Also to share my experience watching the film at the screening and meeting the guys behind it all. Oct. 30th GO SEE THIS FILM if you’re a fan or not.

Joe G.

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