Tag Archives: pennsylvania

February 4, 2013 · 3:45 am

Happy Post-Super Bowl Monday everyone!

There’s not much I can say or do that will aid anyone on this post drunken Puppy Bowl ride into tedious jobs in the morning except that you should consider yourself fucking lucky you have one.

My work is ongoing and I am attempting something old, new, borrowed and blue. I’m also dreading Valentine’s Day, which, for someone who is broke and dressed to impress, is a double-edged sword.

I leave you with this. Something I can only be proud of, but something I will never live down. Good luck.

A parody of THIS man:

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November 25, 2009 · 7:36 pm

The Atheist Billboard Crusade

In Lakeland Florida, Atheists posted a billboard saying “Don’t Believe in God? You are not alone,” in an attempt to gain new members. As always Christians were pissed off (not inquisition pissed off or crusades pissed off, but pissed off nonetheless) and planned to crash the atheist’s forum in a local public library. The atheists actually invited the christians to attend the forum (Hey weren’t the christians always the ones who bragged about acceptance? Something is afoot here). Personally I wouldn’t invite them at all and just spent the time staying at home putting baking soda into bottles of vinegar for 4 hours. Same effect, less psychobable.

But hey, I applaud any civilized debate from any side. Even if in this case it’s as useless as catching a live grenade in your mouth and spitting it back at the other guy. I haven’t witnessed that metaphor happen yet but I’m sure someone reading this will be dumb enough to try it. If you do, be sure to make a video and send it to your friends at superdps@gmail.com! Well, have your buddy make it I mean, You’ll be all sorts of blowed up.

So compassionate and understanding.

So the Christians and the atheists debated and Dr. Byron George , a local pastor had this to say, ” There are people who think God does not exist, this is just unbelievable to me.” You hit the nail right on the head Pastor. Who wouldn’t believe that an angry father figure created two people, then kicked them out because they wanted a snack, made a guy bring on the deaths of newborn male children, locusts, and sickness to prove a point (you’ll never look at a bible salesman the same way that’s for sure!), put a guy through losing his family, blindness, loss of crops for the sake of a dick measuring contest ( God and Satan didn’t actually have a dick measuring contest in the bible, but I’m sure Al Pacino did in the Devil’s Advocate.. it’s gotta be a deleted scene or something), picked a guy to build a giant boat and fill it with animals and their poo because he wanted to wipe everyone out that annoyed him with a flood (he then told him he’d never do that again, he promised. It’s cool)

–Oh yeah and he sent his son who did some really cool party tricks to get nailed onto planks of wood and stabbed as a token of his appreciation for us. I must be out of my fucking mind to even question that. I’ll let Kirk Cameron date my sister.

Getting to the real issue, is it wrong if another religious (or lack thereof) group decides to put up a billboard with their message? Why should Christians be the only ones to have short witty slogan based conversations with lonely truck drivers at night? I’ve seen plenty of Christian billboards in PA, not one Atheist billboard. No Muslim billboard. No Judaism billboard (maybe there was but I was going really fast).

FACT: Democrats caused 9/11

FACT: Democrats caused 9/11

So if you see someone erecting (*snicker*) a christian billboard, chances are they’re not going to get the backlash that the atheist billboard will. They tried putting one in Cincinatti but it was taken down due to people calling in death threats. If I call in a death threat towards a christian billboard, I’ll be arrested, and that billboard will still stand. Until the Malt Liquor gods take over (colt 45 bitches!)–I think I’ve seen more colt 45 billboards than jesus boards. I’m not encouraging any religion to start taking over billboards. I just think that if that’s the way you want it play, then play fair and share with others. There’s more roadways than we even need (affordable healthcare? who needs that?!), everyone can have a slice of that asphalt pie (that sounded wrong).

In my opinion I disagree with any religious (or lack thereof) group who uses a billboard to shove their agendas down people’s throats. If you do believe in a religion or do not believe in a religion, that’s fine. You don’t need to walk around downtown wearing a light up shirt that says Catholic. You shouldn’t stick a giant sign in front of my view of the skyline to announce it either. I also don’t agree with atheists recruiting more members. In fact, I look at atheism as a lifestyle not so much as a religion. Why have meetings? I hate meetings. Work meeting, school meeting, religious meeting. They’re all the same except an atheist meeting will be the shortest.

Bob do you believe in that? No? Pete? No? OK meeting adjourned. See you next week when we’ll talk about not believing in that same thing we didn’t believe in last week!

...someone has to.

I don’t have a faith and believe in living my life how I perceive I should. I don’t go around announcing it (well this article certainly fucked that up!) unless asked because I believe talking about religion or politics is rude and brings nothing but prejudice and insults from both sides. Unless I know that person well and we’re able to have an intellectual conversation about it. I think sticking any sign in front of someone’s face to promote a belief is basically telling someone that they’re wrong for thinking a certain way.

In Conclusion, Christians: Calm the hell down. Atheists: We don’t need to recruit people, there’s common sense for that. Unfortunately it’s hard to find. AND STAY OFF THE ROAD! BOTH OF YOU!

–Joe_G

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October 25, 2009 · 6:31 pm

A Night Out with The Saints: A Review from a Crazed Fan

joegOct. 22nd was the Philadelphia Screening of Boondock Saints II : All Saints Day. I was lucky enough to get a pass to attend the screening and see a film 5 years in the making. It’s no secret that I am a huge fan of the first film, which I never heard about until my friend Charlie pulled me aside and said, ” You have to see this movie”. Needless to say the rest is history. I own two copies of the film (the regular version and the collector’s edition), It’s a personal tradition to watch Boondock every Saint Pat’s with a pint of Guinness. If someone tells me that they haven’t seen the film, I make them watch it. I don’t care if you’re on your way to your grandmother’s funeral, you will sit down and watch this from start to finish, I’m sure someone will put the burial on YouTube.

So when I heard about the sequel, I went apeshit (the highest quality of apeshit–not the store brand). Tracked down the status of the sequel which would change in the blink of an eye on Imdb.com. One day I was bored and wandered around the vast jungles of YouTube and stumbled about the boondocksaints channel to discover that they have been in production and filming scenes. Holy shit this is really getting made. They announced the trailer at Comic Con and I patiently waited until it finally appeared months after. Man, was it great to see them in action again even if it was only a glimpse.

Still there was some skepticism. Will it be as remotely as good as the original? Will it be the same film but with a 2 slapped on it? You have to question these things, especially with a cult film with such a huge underground following.

Boondock is a rare film in the sense that not too many people really know about it, yet it has such a devout fan base (which is one of the only reasons this sequel was made to begin with). The reason the fan base exists is that people like me heard about the film from a friend who heard about it from a friend and so on. This was all before Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Yourspace, Hisspace, or Herspace.

In a crazy way you really have to admire the success of a low budget film from a director who started out as a bartender who makes a film about two fraternal twin brothers who receive a calling from god to start killing evil doers. Is the fan base as massive as Star Wars? No way. Then again, who hasn’t heard of Star Wars? If you tell a friend “hey I have this awesome movie you need to see it’s called Star Wars!” Chances are they will say, “really? I have this thing awesome thing called oxygen! It allows me to live! “

So yes in the realm of fandom, Star Wars fans completely outnumber Boondock fans, but at least Boondock fans have gotten laid and our episode 1 wasn’t a let down. Put that in your Tie Fighter and smoke it pal.

The Sequel starts out with the MacManus brothers ( Played by Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus) 10 years after the 1st film now living in seclusion on the Irish country side. They’ve given up the life of vigilantism and have retired to a quiet farming life. All is well until a priest is murdered in their former stomping grounds of Boston.

The crime is staged to look like the Saints have carried it out to send the boys in crosses a message from the son of the mob boss they executed in public in the first film. The Saints decide that once again it’s time to “kill dose mudderfookers!” and start dusting off the guns and navy p coats and prepare for mass slaughter of the not so innocents. Indirectly this catches the attention of Agent Smecker’s (Willem Dafoe from the 1st film) new protege, Eunice Bloom (played by Julie Benz) and she begins her pursuit of the brothers in hopes she can bring them to justice without causing more chaos in Boston.

Not only is this difficult for the brothers, but for the detectives that helped them on their crusade in the 1st film. Along the way an admirer of theirs by the name of Romeo (Clifton Collins Jr.) is recruited as the new Saint to join them in their new mission of killing a shit load of baddies and dropping more pennies than a 75 year old woman at your local Coinstar.

The new characters in the this film take up the mantles of characters from the previous films. Such as Eunice bloom assuming the role of Agent Smecker’s character, and Romeo who assumes the role of the previous quirky side kick Rocco. The nice thing is that these new characters are not the same characters, but played by different people. They stand out enough to become something else entirely. They’re also not there for the sake of just adding new faces, they become memorable characters you can enjoy watching.

Eunice Bloom is a complex character that women who see this movie will admire. She’s not just eye candy for the guys. Yes, she does show an enormous amount of sex appeal but she knows where and when to use it to her advantage. She’s intuitive and can also get her hands dirty to kick a few asses a long the way. She has a lot of surprises up her sleeve to keep you going throughout the film. Romeo like Rocco, is the comedy relief of the film. He plays the role of the quirky side kick really well and will have you cracking up.

Unlike Rocco, Romeo does have skills that make him a dependable asset with skills that prove he can hold his own weight within the group. Those skills are unconventional with the way we see the saints carry things out, but none the less, Romeo isn’t a character specifically for laughs, he can get the job done. Instead of being another sidekick, Romeo is one of the Saints and fans will easily be able to accept him into the roster.

Lots of characters from the 1st film are back as well. Not just the bumbling detectives of the original, but a lot of the smaller roles that fans loved from the 1st film that you wouldn’t expect they would put into a sequel. I won’t give these away because they add so much to the viewing experience. It is a nice nostalgic way of showing us they cared about the people who liked the film and took the appreaciation of the little things into fruition, and to make the film not feel completely changed where you can’t remember that there was an actual movie before this one.

There’s more of a story telling aspect to this film than what was in the original.The biggest example is the history of Il Duce (Billy Connolly) and The Roman ( Peter Fonda). The sequence has a nice Godfather 2 feel to it. We discover the roots of the patriarch of the family and how he became who he is today. It does take you out of the movie for a bit but not as much if it were one long segment (it’s scattered in the middle of the film). Then it’s pretty much right back to the action.

There’s more dialougue between the Saints and other characters, which not only serves as great comic relief but a great way to push the story along. You don’t feel so overwhelmed by the action and the crime scene flashbacks so much that you lose track of where you are in the film.  The comedy in the film I believe is better than the previous film, and the previous film was pretty damn funny.

Clifton Collins Jr. is a huge contributer to this. Not only does he have great one liners but the saints have a good time breaking his balls. The circumstances the main characters get themselves into are also hysterical. They tend to fuck things up even more than the last film to the point where it becomes a comedy routine right before it turns right back into guns blazing and blood splattering.

It never comes off as tacky and the jokes don’t bomb. You will laugh your ass off during this film. The small role fan favorite characters also have hilarious scenes which I won’t ruin for you but trust me you’ll be talking about them a lot and driving your friends crazy by quoting them.

The action gets even more stylized and ridiculous this time around. There’s a lot of revolving camera shots, slow motion, and they push how they’re carrying out their plans even further as a way of telling the audience, It’s been 10 years but they still know how to take care of business. Some times the action feels a bit disconnected and I kinda wish they didn’t use slow motion for the majority of these sequences but none the less the action scenes still make you jump around in your seat like a little kid.

The overall look of the film is darker than the original. There’s more of an artistic quality to film I think in regards to the set design and locations that were probably previously unavailable.It’s nice to see that Troy Duffy has a bigger budget to work with and is able to push more of that into this sequel. The sound quality is also a hell of a lot better. It’s basically a nice overall revamp that if the characters and story had failed, it could’ve been a totally new film on it’s own based on the fact that the last one took place 10 years ago and the technological improvements it had gone under.

In conclusion, the movie was insane amounts of fun. It wasn’t like countless sequels I have seen that made me feel like 2 hours of my life were taken from me. It didn’t feel stale to me at all or overplayed, the jokes weren’t beaten to the ground, and despite feeling like a completely different film, it gave me that nice nostalgic feeling that I just finshed watching the first film right before I went to see the second ( Which I had wanted to but sleep got the best of me that night).

I even believe people who didn’t like the first film will love it and give the original another chance. It’s a sequel has a lot of nods to the 1st film, but doesn’t feel so different that you can’t recognize where it came from. The sequel isn’t a let down. Not by any sorts. Die hard fans will not be dispointed, and people who still haven’t seen the original will love it on it’s own and want to go back and see the 1st film. the fi;m comes out Oct. 30th with a limited release but you can demand it to be shown in your local area by going here: http://eventful.com/performers/the-boondock-saints-ii-all-saints-day-official-/P0-001-000215180-2

You seriously NEED to see this movie. It’s the most fun you’ll have at the theater in a long time.

After the screening they had a small Q&A for the fans featuring the director, Troy Duffy as well as the Saints themselves, Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus. Some interesting questions were answered and a lot of well…fucking retarded ones but even the retarded questions had some really entertaining answers. One guy wanted Julie Benz’s phone number so Sean Patrick Flanery put him on the spot by calling her himself.

Unfortunately it went to voicemail but not very long after she called Troy Duffy’s wife and Troy put her on with the mic up against the speaker so she could answer questions from the audience, talk about her experience on the film and make fun of the guy asking for her number. Troy talked a lot about the difficulties of getting the film made and what he had to go through from start to finish (to which he even began filling up on stage). He talked about Overnight and how a good friend betrayed him and Norm stepped in and said ” editing can even make Santa Claus look like an asshole.” After the screening the guys invited everyone onto the stage for pictures and autographs.

These guys made sure that every damn fan got an autograph or a picture even if they were being told to wrap it up. When they were being told to wrap it up they went outside to the front of the theater and took more pics. I had my camera phone which is terrible in low light and the only place the lighting looked half way decent was the theater door. I tapped Sean Patrick Flanery on the shoulder and explained my whole camera phone situation and asked him if I could get a picture with him and Norman in front of the door. Right away he said yeah, stopped signing for a minute and grabbed Norm for the picture.

I have to say I was very moved by how much these guys did for their fans. The fact that they stayed for hours to make sure every fan was acknowledged was very awesome. I even got to talk to Troy Duffy inside the theater , shook his hand, and told him about how my friend and I tortured his ex girlfriend who had a deep love for cats by replaying the exploding cat scene over and over again. He told me a story of a woman who was in the crowd watching the 1st film who was an animal rights activist and laughed her ass off at that scene only to come outside and bitch at Troy about how he could put such a thing into the movie.

Troy called her out on it and said how can you get angry at me when I was watching you laugh at it you’re just as fucked up as me! Let me say that anything you read on other sites about Troy Duffy being an arrogant asshole is complete bullshit. He’s a really down to earth guy who puts in a lot of effort in what he does and treats his fans like they’re family.I have nothing but respect for that. So to finally close this article I wanted to tell you about the film from the perspective of a fan.

Which may seem biased to you but if there’s a sequel being made of a film I loved and it sucked and felt like nothing new was being done to it, I would tell you (and this article… well it would’ve been a hell of a lot shorter) Also to share my experience watching the film at the screening and meeting the guys behind it all. Oct. 30th GO SEE THIS FILM if you’re a fan or not.

–Joe G.

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August 31, 2009 · 6:39 pm

Mr. Tony Danza? Is it too late to drop out?

janinebwA new reality show on A&E will be filmed in a Philadelphia high school starring Tony Danza.  That’s right kids! Danza will be co-teaching English to Northeast high school, which is interesting considering that he is barely qualified to speak English, himself. Danza has stated that he always wanted to get into teaching, before acting. To my surprise, the buzz around the city has become quite a frenzy surrounding this idea of a show. For many reasons, I for one, cannot see this thing lasting.

I mean, who wants to see Tony Danza teaching English—of all things? When he starred in television’s “Taxi”, he was the butt of many jokes.  This may have been because he always resembles and portrays the stereotype of a dumb Italian hottie.  Remember his quirky lines in Taxi?

Alex: I don’t understand, why can’t you do it?

Tony: I can’t be alone with him! I’m the one he spends tortured nights dreaming about!

Alex: He said that?

Tony [shrugging]: No, I’m just assuming.

Oh yeah Tony Banta, your sooooo attractive.  Every girl wants to date a taxi driver, or better yet a male maid.

At least having this guy as a teacher will create future patients for child psychiatrists.

At least having this guy as a teacher will create future patients for child psychiatrists.

Which brings me to “Who’s the Boss?”  Tony played basically the same character above (and in his real life), who moves into a divorced business woman’s house to be her family’s maid.  To further tarnish his life, Danza was arrested just before the show aired in NYC for fighting at a bar, and received numerous charges for assault and battery.  Do you want this guy teaching your kids?

I guess we should just be glad he’s not teaching Go Cart racing.

So basically, the city of Philadelphia is gaining a douche for a teacher (nothing too new).  But Danza seems like he does actually care – releasing this statement (philly.com):

“I’m so scared. You have no idea,” Danza said in a phone interview Thursday, “I can tap-dance, but I don’t know if I can make kids learn yet.”

What?!?! What do you mean scared?  You’re finally getting your big break!  Don’t worry. Mayor Nutter’s got your back,

“There are too many negative images of our city’s young people and schools on television,” Nutter wrote, “I believe that ‘Teach’ represents a unique opportunity to highlight many of our city’s dedicated teachers and administrators, and the talented students they serve.”

Well said, Mr. Nutter. Even though Philadelphia is a struggling, low-income school district with an insane amount of high school drop outs, with about half of the city’s students are considered proficient in reading and math, the important thing is that we’re giving Tony Danza a chance to dick around for the sake of reality TV ratings.

It’s called, “Teach” and should start production soon. Courage.

–Janine

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August 7, 2009 · 1:47 pm

Sometimes Suicide IS the Solution (George Sodini and his Blog)

joegIf you turned on the news recently, you have probably seen the story about the L.A. Fitness that some psycho shot up, killing 3 innocent women in Pittsburgh, PA. That psycho was a 48 year old man name George Sodini. Why did he do such a horrible and terrible thing? I’ll let him say it in his own words; the words he whined on his own blog:

“I guess some of us were simply meant to walk a lonely path. I have slept alone for over 20 years. Last time I slept all night with a girlfriend it was 1982. Proof I am a total malfunction. Girls and women don’t even give me a second look ANYWHERE. “

…and that’s it. That’s why he walked into a gym, turned the lights out, pulled guns out of his duffel bag, and shot 36 rounds in the place, killing 3 women. Because he hasn’t gotten laid in awhile. That’s it. That’s the grand motive behind taking innocent lives. If this were the case, then World War fucking 3 would be everyday. Join the club asshole! This is not coming from an emotionally distressed teenager who guns down his class mates or the kid who always got picked on, the guy who’s girlfriend broke up with him and that was the last straw (not that I condone these reasons, or any reason for murder), this is coming from a 48 year old man.

Looks like a perfectly normal psychopath.

Looks like a perfectly normal psychopath.

I’ve read his blog about his plans, what he was doing, and how lonely he was; how women never looked at him, his dad who never talked to him, his brother who bullied him…All of it sounded like he was trying to justify this like there was some important message he was trying to tell everyone other than that he was a loser and a coward and a guy who hated his life and did nothing to improve the quality of it. He had a job as an IT guy for a law office , he was lucky enough to survive layoffs going on in his job and that he liked his new boss. These of course were all distractions from his “exit plan.”

His blog can only be accessed by typing in his DOD (creepy). It’s almost laughable to read. Most people would find it disturbing, but I find it pathetic. He can’t spell worth a shit. In the blog he repeats himself saying how he hasn’t had a woman since 1984. Over and over again. The blog is titled Live or Die. I don’t think he really gave anyone a choice on that matter.

Dont be fooled by that charming smile.

Dont be fooled by that charming smile.

Maybe he wanted it to look like a cry for help? Who knows? Apparently he just worked out at this gym and didn’t talk to anyone. His neighbors tried to be civil with him and talk to him but he just ignored them, yet he complains about how he’s all alone. Bottom line is the guy never made an effort and instead took other people’s lives instead of helping himself. Maybe I can’t get my head wrapped around the fact that a guy who’s only a couple of years younger than my dad would carry out something like this for such a childish reason. Why go after people at a fitness club? Makes no sense…

This is not something he planned recently either. If you read the blog he planned this shoot out since NOVEMBER! To quote him again :

“January 6, 2009:
I can do this. Leaving work today, I felt like a zombie – just going thru the motions. Get on the bus, get the car, drive home…..My mind is screwed up anymore, I can’t concentrate at work or think at all.
This log is not detailed. It is only for confidence to do this. The future holds even less than what I have today.
It is 6:40pm, about hour and a half to go. God have mercy. I wish life could be better for all and the crazy world can somehow run smoother. I wish I had answers. Bye.

It is 8:45PM: I chickened out! Shit! I brought the loaded guns, everything. Hell!”

Doesn’t chickened out mean you’ve had some sort feeling of guilt?! Wouldn’t that tell you something? Maybe you’re about to do something horrible and should seek help? You haven’t had sex in awhile?! GET A HOOKER!!! Sure it’s not the most legal way of doing things, but fuck man, it’s better than senseless mass murder!

Heres a bunch, and I wasnt even fucking TRYING!

Here's a bunch, and I wasn't even fucking TRYING!

He even had a date:
May 18, 2009:
“I actually had a date today. It was with a woman I met on the bus in March. We got together at Two PPG Place for lunch. The last date for me was May 1, 2008. Women just don’t like me. There are 30 million desirable women in the US (my estimate) and I cannot find one. Not one of them finds me attractive. I am looking at The List I made from my May 4th idea. I forgot about that for several days. That tells me where I stand. These problems have gotten worse over a 30 year period. I need to expect nothing from me or other people.”

Way to give up! You complain and complain about how women don’t want to date you , you finally have a date and then what do you do? You gave up because it interfered with your revenge scheme on how you haven’t had a date in a long time. That’s a bit hypocritical don’t you think?

I also love what he puts on the bottom:

“**Copy this to usenet/newsgroups where my voice will speak forever!**”

Your voice won’t speak forever, dick head. You’re no martyr. You had no grand message. You’re not a revolutionary ( maybe in stupidity), Nor are you remotely any form of inspiration. People will forget you. Ultimately you will go down as the senseless murderer who did nothing in your life but complain about how life never threw you a bone (no pun intended), yet you never waited for one in the first place.

That’s what I don’t get about these mass shooting perpetrators. You hate your life, you’re constantly depressed about feeling inadequate. So what do you do? Kill the people who never caused the problem for you, let alone knew you had a problem to begin with. Does life suck? Sure it does! Guess what! You’re not the only one life takes a crap on! A lot of people go through hard times. The rewarding part is overcoming those hard times and having a laugh about it later. Otherwise what’s the point?

Nothing is permanent and there’s always a way around what’s bothering you. If you don’t believe me Mr. “Guns in a duffel bag,” KILL YOURSELF! Do mankind a favor. Thank you.

–Joe_G

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August 2, 2009 · 5:54 pm

ORLY?!: Taitz, Liddy and the Abortion of Birthers

alexbwA while back, in April, I covered an archaic and objectively retarded Conservative movement idiotically dubbed “Teabagging.” Of course, this term was despised by the actual “Teabaggers” who wished to their non-existent gods that the fine people of FOX NEWS hadn’t permanently cemented their spot in history with a title associated with dunking one’s scrotum in another’s gaping mouth.

As we know, from experience and participation, we are not a very persistent people. We’re pig-headed, stubborn, ignorant (at times)…but if something isn’t working, we often just say “fuck it” and walk away. Essentially, this was the path of the Teabaggers, who (I imagine) stumbled into a moment of clarity in which they realized they were wasting more money  buying tea to toss around than they would be spending on whatever taxes they were protesting.

So they said “fuck it.” And now, they’ve (I say ”they” because it’s undoubtedly the same group of town drunks and socially bewildered) moved on to something new! How wonderful for them!

The ”new” asinine hot button issue is the Birther Movement; made up of the same xenophobic rednecks who still believe that Barack Hussein Obama is some sort of foreign terrorist Muslim Moleperson, or something.

His knowing smile says it all. W-H-Y is this Asshole allowed to leave his house? Could you at least phrase your hatred for Obama in a way that makes educated people say: Well, he does have a point???

His knowing smile says it all. W-H-Y is this Asshole allowed to leave his house? Could you at least phrase your hatred for Obama in a way that makes educated people say, "That's a reasonable point" instead of just mockingly posting your goofy ass on the internet, punch-drunk on your own idiocy?

They are called “Birthers” because they’re still demanding to see a birth certificate that Obama has shown the world on countless occasions. If only they could group all of these batshit insane fringe groups together and just classify the whole lot as an “Organization for the Blissfully Ignorant, Developmentally Disabled, and Semi-functionally Retarded.”

But, no…we have to be politically correct and simply refer to them as “The Republican Party.”

The list of “Birther” proponents reads as a list of America’s Most Pig Ignorant; and perhaps either people who are afraid of the Internet…or trust it too much.

A leading proponent is Philip J. Berg, an attorney from PA who also just happens to be a 9/11 Conspiracy Theorist (imagine that!) and…there are some rumors circulating that he just might be a Horse Fucker as well. But there’s absolutely no reason we should believe that…none.

Mr. Berg, please do the honorable thing and tell the good people of Pennsylvania that you are not, in fact, a Horse Fucker. Set the record straight.

...speechless?

...speechless?

Individuals such as Richard Shelby and Roy Blunt seem to question the legitimacy of Obama’s presidency so much, that it almost seems as though they’re not sure he even exists.

G. Gordon Liddy, actor, writer, and notable criminal, is adopting the unsurprising path of publicly ignoring reality. If we’re going to judge Liddy purely on looks, one would assume that he’s some kind of psychotic James Bond villain with a Stalin-stache. Of course, I would neverjudge him purely on his creepy-factor. But luckily, when he produces words from his puppet-like maw…like a bumbling, dimwitted clone of Walter Matthau, he quietly avoids the facts even when they are shoved mockingly in his face by the likes of Chris Matthews.

Needless to say, another loud voice in the movement is Right Wing Nutjob Alan Keyes…the man who believes that Gay Marriage will encourage Incest also believes that (I assume) that the only way that Obama can prove he was born in this country is if he returns to him the past 5 years. Obama defeated Keyes in the 2004 bid for a Senate seat; a savage beating which served to reiterate the idea that Alan Keyes is not only a National Joke, but a political and intellectual failure.

A major mouthpiece of the movement has been Conspiracy Theorist, Real Estate Agent, and Dentist Orly Taitz (heh…taintz). She is also a practicing lawyer, however, I considered that on behalf of responsible and intelligent lawyers, I’d leave that title out.

Taitz, it seems, is one of the main reasons this assault on common sense and reason has gained so much national coverage. Orly is a ‘lawyer’ who represents Stefan Frederic Cook, an enlisted soldier who is fighting his deployment to Afghanistan. His argument?

Cook feels that because Obama “wasn’t born in this country,” he is not legally president. Obama’s orders are therefore invalid, and following such orders into a war would be a violation of international law. This would undoubtedly mean that we are living during a time in history in which America has no leader.

Of course, even if this juvenile cunt were right; even if he were acting out of pure patriotism and not simply being a fucking pussy, Joe Biden would be his President and he would still have to go to war! In which case, Stefan would simply have to admit to his cowardice (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing…I don’t want to go to fucking war either!) and ditch his lawyer who seems to unfailingly suck at everything…like Lou Dobbs.

…but she is kinda attractive in a classical way, and her accent is cute. Why must all the hot Conservatives be so mind-bendingly fucktarded?

Sorry, Meghan McCain.

Fucking common sense...

Fucking common sense...

What we really have here isn’t an issue of patriotism or pride. It’s a clear cut issue of fear. Xenophobia and racism in America aren’t going away, no matter how many times your dumbass friend says “if we all marry someone of a different race, in another generation, there will be no hate.”

Trust me, I’m from Pennsylvania…the largest (if not, one of the largest) centers for White Supremacist Rednecks in the nation. Yeah, that’s right! Fuck you, Alabama! We’re on top!

It’s a shame, really…but as long as no one takes these assholes seriously, I think we’ll all be alright. We can easily change the topic.

Like…how gay is this shit?:

–Alex G/

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March 10, 2009 · 10:00 am

Murphy’s Tavern: A Place to Go

AlexThe last thing I want to do on this site is to start openly promoting anything aside from this site. Well, that’s not entirely true. The last thing I want to do would probably be Judah Friedlander with a live bear trap lodged halfway up his rectum. Hmm…now that that’s the alternative, open promotion doesn’t really seem that bad.

Most people is a term that indiscriminately refers to a larger-than-half amount of the ordinary crowd to which something said to describe them would apply.

Therefore, I will stake claim that all people who are wishy-washy on their familiarity with the various areas of Philadelphia will consider Roxborough (the place where I reside) to either be a melting pot of Pseudo-Rednecks and Teenage Mothers or not really part of the “city” at all.

On both counts I would have to strongly disagree. While Roxborough is a melting pot of Pseudo-Rednecks and Teenage Mothers, it is so much more than that. It has to be.

Roxborough is full of places where you can pick up exceptionally good food and meet fairly decent people.

Even those who move to Manayunk (which is literally separated from Roxborough by a fucking STREET) feel some unfounded sense of superiority to Roxborough’s mostly blue collar, loud mouth, non-elitism.

The point of this article is by no means to suggest that Roxborough doesn’t have a load of shitty bars…

(The 19th Hole, Peck Miller’s, and DeLeo’s to name a few…)

…but some bars that seem dark and mysterious may be the right place for you!

I won’t bore you with all of the bars I frequent, but I would like to take the opportunity to stand up for a little place called MURPHY’S TAVERN located at Henry and Roxborough Avenue.

Murphy’s is going through a bit of a lull and needs your help. Without your support, this “Little Bar That Could” may be no more.

The Staff is friendly and the typical bar flies are some of the greatest, most wonderful people you could ever meet (myself included).

Murphy’s is like a Blue Collar Disney Ride…with constant swearing and sexual innuendo. Think: It’s a Small World After All in a Bar. You have your set of Odd-balls and Bar Flies, but they’re all virtually automated and fixed to the floor.

Mike Przychowicz owns and runs that place and he is one of the best guys in the world and a good friend of the Super Dudes Power Squad. I’ve discussed with him many times about the process of improving the atmosphere of the bar and what the bar offers. The time is nigh and Change is afoot.

With your help, we can make Murphy’s an amazing place for reasonable and fun-loving Roxborough kids (not kids) to hang out. Now, Mike has a strict “No Douchebag” policy, so don’t invite your Manayunk Friends*, but bring everyone you know and love. We’ll trust your judgement.

I promise to keep you posted on Murphy’s Tavern‘s transition in the upcoming weeks, so for now I will cease the literary tug job and just end with a plea and a word of encouragement. Hang out with us at Murphy’s Tavern!

We’re there (pretty much guaranteed) every Tuesday (for QUIZZO) and Thursday (for Karaoke) and hopefully more will come in the future.

Hooray Beer!

-alexG.

*Just Kidding, Manayunk Friends!

*************************************************************************************************

Dave Comments from Dave!

In the interest of full disclosure, a few of the SuperDudes are currently seeking employment at the above mentioned tavern. That being said, we really DO hang out there all the time, and its tons-o-fun.  And supposedly, the best is really yet to come.  But come on, a bar that has let the SuperDudes run Quizzo on occasion? Does it get any better than that?  Most of the regulars there are sad-sacks at the worst, and…well…US at the best!

Also, I’ve learned that Alex can be chatted with via Aim Screen Name SuperDPSAlex. I can be reached the same way at SuperDPSDave.  Or, even more fun, give us a shout with Skype at dgrow1986 or call 215-717-7378. Leave a message, or if I’m actually at my computer at home, I/we might actually answer.  Drunk Dials are appreciated/encouraged.

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February 1, 2009 · 4:16 pm

11 Reasons Why John Adams Kicks Ass

Portrait of an elderly John Adams by Gilbert S...Image via Wikipedia

laura11 Reasons why John Adams kicks ass.

I’ve finally gotten my hands on the DVD of HBO’s John Adams (Thanks, Chris). Now, I’m only through the first half, so this is not about why the miniseries kicks ass — although, to be fair, it does so far.

John Adams has always been one of my favorite Revolutionary figures, even before the miniseries. Yes, I’m obligated by birthright to maintain a fascination with Benjamin Franklin, seeing as how you can’t spit in Philadelphia without defacing a statue of Franklin. But there’s something about Adams I just find awesome. Actually, 11 somethings.

  1. John Adams was played by KITT from Knight Rider
    I shit you not. You probably think of Adams as Paul Giamatti, and rightfully so because Giamatti did a phenomenal job. But in 1776, Adams was played by William Daniels, the voice of KITT. Fun Fact: Daniels also played Feeny on Boy Meets World, which explains why the kids went to John Adams High School — why else would a Philadelphia school be named for a son of Boston? 

    2.  

  2. John Adams was a good lawyer
    I’m referring to both morals and skill. Who else would be able to defend the British soldiers involved in the Boston Massacre — and win? Everyone hated the British, including both the other lawyers and pretty much any jury ever. So no other lawyers would represent the soldiers due to their hatred, and due to the fact that they didn’t think they could win. Adams won.

    3.  

  3. John Adams was vain and full of himself — but was fine with the fact that his wife was smarter than he
    Do you remember when the Clintons referred to themselves as a two-for-one deal? Well, the Adamses did it first. If they were alive in the 21st century, I bet Abigail, not John, would have been the one elected President. She was smarter, more charming, better-looking… and was pretty much the only person would could tell Adams he was wrong without him getting really grouchy. And she could handle his grouchiness.

    4.  

  4. John Adams had the world’s coolest frenemy
    I mean, do you think SuperDudes Dave and Alex will completely change the world, part ways due to massive political differences, run against each other for President, get pissy over said differences, die within hours of each other by pure coincidence, and have one immortalized in Washington DC, while the other’s life is honored in an HBO miniseries? (Well… they might at that. Except it is the 21st Century, so if Michelle turns out to be Abigail 2.0, she’d better get more prominence than 1.0). Anyway. The frenemy in question? Thomas Motherfucking Jefferson.1 Beat that.

    5.  

  5. John Adams was into correspondence
    Do you want an idea of what life was like in the late 18th century? Read any collection of the letters of John and Abigail Adams. The two of them spent a huge portion of their marriage separated, so they wrote letters to one another constantly. They also kept their letters. That brings their lives — and their romance — out of myth and into reality. Maybe that’s why…

    6.  

  6. John Adams, though a nationally recognized figure and a cruicial part of the journey to independence, is not revered as a demigod
    Washington, DC, is full of de facto temples and altars. And that’s cool. I like a nice pilgrimage as much as anyone, and pilgrimages don’t have to be strictly religious. But do you see a giant phallic object dedicated to Adams? Or a Greek temple? Or, shit, a larger-than-life walk-through diorama? Of course not. And it kind of sucks for him, and you kind of like him all the more for it. Which is nice, because…

    7.  

  7. John Adams was not cheerful
    He was outspoken and pessimistic and grumpy and, as a result, not especially popular. But he was also very good at what he did, not to mention usually right (largely because he listened to his wife…). He was who he was, and screw the rest of you.

    8.  

  8. John Adams was all about family values
    Yeah, OK, he traveled so much that he missed much of his children’s lives, and that sucks, no question. But he only did it because he wanted the best for his children, and his wife. Life hiding from British soldiers and bringing water to pox-ridden Bostonian freedom fighters? So not the best. His daughter was educated, and his sons… well, one of his sons went on to be President. The other two… OK, they were less remarkable; one drank himself to death. But still. Also? The fact that John and Abigail had four children live to adulthood, and two who died in infancy or childhood for a total of six (the timing of whose births suggest they really were Adams’s, before you ask) suggests that the correspondence between John and Abigail managed to keep the fires burning.

    9.  

  9. John Adams also had a cousin who was pretty cool
    Perhaps you’ve heard of him? Sam Adams? Brewer? Patriot? No?

    10.  

  10. Though not a humble man by nature, John Adams knew when he had to be — even if it killed him a little inside
    Seems quite a few cases of this had to do with Thomas M. Jefferson. He insisted Jefferson write the Declaration of Independence, because Jefferson was the better writer. The Inauguration of Jefferson was the first time power had peacefully been transferred between opposing political parties pretty much ever, and Adams paid for his own way home after Jefferson’s inauguration.

    11.  

  11. John Adams effectively created one of American history’s most revered figures
    George Washington was a respected member of the Continental Congress, and maybe someone else would have nominated him as Commander-in-Chief. But Adams was the one who did. And the rest is quite literally history.

There are other reasons, of course; I never said this list was exhaustive.  But in giving you 11, I’ve already gone beyond the standard 10.  Looking for more?  Go watch the miniseries2

1. Yes, that was his actual middle name. Look it up.
2.  Spoiler alert: America wins.

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January 20, 2009 · 10:00 am

From My Cold, Dead Hands

Dave“For the next six months, Al Gore is going to smear you as the enemy. He will slander you as gun-toting, knuckle-dragging, bloodthirsty maniacs who stand in the way of a safer America. Will you remain silent? I will not remain silent. If we are going to stop this, then it is vital to every law-abiding gun owner in America to register to vote and show up at the polls on election day…”

Heston paused, picked up a replica of a Revolutionary War musket, and continued:

“…As we set out this year to defeat the divisive forces that would take freedom away, I want to say those words again for everyone within the sound of my voice to hear and to heed; and especially for you, Mr. Gore: ‘From my cold, dead hands!‘ “

–Charlton Heston (2000)

Well, Charlton Heston is dead in the ground. Those bumper stickers will last forever, however. I’ll try to keep this as un-political as possible, and instead try to focus on something that both sides of the “Gun Debate” fail to mention.

Guns are cool. And they’re fun. These two facts statements emotions facts are the main reasons for my purchase of a gun.

For the rest of this article, I think I’ll just have a bunch of neat pictures and type underneath. They were taken with my cell phone (and I forgot that it was on Sepia, so they look even more bad-ass). Nevertheless, I present to you…

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The Ruger GP-100. 6″ barrel, 46 ounces of stainless steel, manufactured in the GOOD OLD U.S. of A (SIMIAN GRUNT). This bad boy is a double action revolver, which means that you can pull back the hammer into place before firing, or just pull the trigger and let it go BOOM (and I assure you, it DOES go BOOM)!

It’s a nice feature, even if in normal use you’d never just pull the trigger to shoot it, you could, in fact, still do it in an emergency.

(Fun Fact: I’m getting the hang of using the strikeout feature like everyone else on blogger…)

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So the thing shoots .357 magnum rounds, which Wikipedia says is fine for deer, but inferior for shooting ungulates and bears.

That’s enough power for me. I’m not going big game hunting anytime soon, nor will I be hunting ANY dangerous game, for that matter…

But I digress. back to my gun. Why did I buy it? What was it like? So on? So forth? Etc?? Well, I bought this particular model after shooting the Smith and Wesson 686 6“, which is almost the exact same gun.

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I was at Targetmasters, somewhere near Delaware, and told the guy I wanted to try a revolver, and asked what he recommended, and he pulled that out of the cabinet for me to try. I shot it in their range and fell in love. Well sir, when I found out how much those things cost, my little heart was broken.

I didn’t have $600-$800 to drop on something like that. So I looked around, did some research, and arrived at my decision. So, I took a trip up to Cabella’s to check out their used gun library, and Eureka! Found what I was looking for, asked a few questions, and started the fun process of buying a gun. Having bought the gun in the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, the process was fairly painless.

I had to fill out a form or two, and have my ID checked to make sure I wasn’t in the system anywhere, and about 30 minutes later, it was waiting for me at the check out counter.

(Fun Follow-up: I asked where the trigger locks were kept and they looked at me confused-like, and dug around in the Lost-N-Found box and handed me one with a key for it)

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So I got a free trigger lock, a few boxes of ammo, and headed on home. Actually, I went to dinner with ANTHONY(!!!) first.

Now that my computer’s battery is running low, I’ll wrap up by talking about shooting the thing. As a .357 magnum, it can, of course, shoot 357 ammo, but it can also fire the similar .38 Special round, which is significantly less powerful (and significantly easier to hit the target with).

So overall, I’m very happy with it, and I think it’d be a great piece for anyone looking to get into the sport. Also, if you’ve never been shooting, don’t be afraid of it. That’s really the most important thing.

Give it a try, grab a friend and head down to the range. The people there will be super nice and helpful, and if nothing else, you might leave with a better understanding of a hobby enjoyed by millions of Americans.

I’ll talk politics the next time I talk guns.


-phila maneto

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