from TheHollywoodReporter. The MTV VMA awards saw Odd Future frontman Tyler the Creator walk away with an award for best new artist. Of course, this new found fame and time in the spotlight has caused many to dig into his musical content and accuse him of being a bad person. The gay and lesbian community have officially denounced him, as well as a wealth of journalists and bloggers. At the end of this post-VMA clip, you can hear a journalist’s reaction to Tyler calling them all “assholes.” If you miss it, she exclaims, “Wow, you’re not cool.” I can only imagine how many other 7th graders make up the journalists and correspondents associated with the music scene.
Jackass has always been a guilty pleasure of mine. Viewing people hurting themselves over and over again may not seem like quality entertainment to some, but Jackass I have a special soft spot for. From the successful TV show – which sadly only aired for two years – to the feature-length movies – which were essentially just 90-minute long extensions of the madcap episodes – I’ve always loved watching the controversial antics of the death-defying daredevils.
After making two fun-filled theatrical releases, the gang of stunt-loving misfits decided it was time to take advantage of the new technology available — namely, three-dimensional cameras. Hence, their new flick is entitled Jackass 3D, as introduced in a regrettably weak opening by the famous, sniggering cartoon characters Beavis and Butt-Head of MTV fame.
What follows is the far better, brightly coloured opening titles sequence, featuring the regular team of mega-dauntless nutters dressed up in silly outfits and being beaten up by various props – from giant fishies to a friggin’ cannonball – all filmed in super-awesome slow-mo. As usual, Johnny Knoxville is running the show, with the rest of the crew equally taking part; Bam Margera, Steve-O, Chris Pontius, Ryan Dunn, Jason “Wee-Man” Acuña, Preston Lacy, Dave England and Ehren McGhehey.
Just like its two preceding movies, Jackass 3D has no discernible plot. Instead, it is filled with mischievous practical jokes played on bewildered members of the public – as well as the Jackass crew themselves -, crazily inventive stunts, and some grotesque, overall unsettling, vomit-inspiring moments. I swear I’ll never step foot near a porta-potty ever again.
We have set-ups with creative uses for household items – a wheelbarrow and bottle of super glue come in handy -, several stunts involving dangerous animals – donkeys, rams, bulls and the such -, and the never-growing-tired running gag of uber-slow-motion shots of members of the gang unexpectedly getting splashed with water and then bashed in the face by a boxing glove. And it’s all absolutely side-splitting.
What should be monotonous at a length of over an hour and a half is surprisingly not so; the film is edited in such a way that the repetitiveness of segment after segment never becomes tedious. Short, briefer stunts are mixed in with much longer and more elaborate pranks, each as hilariously preposterous as the last and next.
Johnny Knoxville’s infamously naughty-behaved grandpa character is back, this time taking part in some public French kissing with the pensioner’s own granddaughter. Steve-O does some truly sickening stuff with bodily fluids that your stomach will hate you forever for if you watch without turning your head from the screen. Bam Margera’s phobia of snakes is toyed with once again, reducing him to screaming like a little girl once encountering the slithering serpents. And small dude Wee-Man has a bit of a brawl with some equally sized ruffians and public servicemen in an out-of-hand bar fight.
Director Jeff Tremaine returns from the previous outings to film the gang’s third adventure into extreme vulgarity, his filming techniques only adding to the comical aspect of the 3D flick. He has a knack for brilliantly capturing the uproarious clowning around of the hyperactive thrill-seekers, this time using slow-motion to show every tiny movement of their crude frivolities. A personal favourite of mine is a moment when a dildo is fired through the air, through two miniature landscapes to smash through a glass of milk and smack Rick Kosick in the cheek. As the icing on the cake of this fabulously random segment, Rick has an apple placed upon his head. Genius.
Our troupe of adrenaline junkies are every bit as mad as they were before, bravely risking life and limb for the sake of our amusement. You really have to admire this group of men for what they do; they are a very likable bunch of guys who are fully aware of the stupidity of their actions. They may taunt and torture each other on a constant basis, but one can tell that they are great friends, aiding in the natural charm the Jackass franchise holds. I love ‘em.
From drinking sweat, pulling a tooth out with a Lamborghini to getting the crap beaten out of them by rams and bulls while playing musical instruments, the Jackass team never seem to run out of ludicrous ideas. Jackass 3D is an absurdly riotous and self-indulgent piece of no-holds-barred entertainment that will have you both howling and puking in the theatre. Not even the cameraman could control his nausea.
The MTV masterpiece Jersey Shore premiered this past week and the media is already foutraged (fake-outraged). Have we not seen this shit before? How many times have the socially bewildered and functionally retarded been wheeled out for our amusement via Reality Television?
From obviously staged and/or encouraged cat-fights, to douches being douches, MTV has never disappointed its Mongoloid audience (and, of course, I use the term ‘mongoloid’ with as little respect as humanly possible).
Luigi is no longer the most annoying wop on the planet...
Jersey Shore is barely in its infancy and public officials are already throwing it under the bus. Italian-American community leaders (i.e. The Mafia) have expressed their extreme distaste with the repeat use of the term “Guido” on the show…and the newly invented term–which I can’t wait to use: “Guidette.” Now that’s class.
Critics of Jersey Shore, especially the Italian-Americans need to ‘fugget-aboudit,’ or in other words, shut the fuck up! Stop pretending to be offended and stick to what you’re good at: cooking, organ grinding, and domestic violence.
On the subject of domestic violence, this little gem hit the Internets recently–just about as randomly and aggressively as this bitch gets hit in the face:
Sweet chin music. A symphony of raditude. That bundle of irritating tits is Snookie, one of the seemingly endless number of reasons to completely avoid watching Jersey Shore.
Complaints about this scene have caused MTV to pull the clip from their show, much to the disappointment of sadistically optimistic individuals such as myself.
The largest dissent on Jersey Shore has been the portrayal of Italian-Americans in a negative light. If only there were some prominent Italian leader to dispell the rumors that all Italians want to do is hit people in the face…hmmm…
Listen up, greaseballs: this isn’t an ethnic sitcom. It’s a reality show. These people are portraying themselves in a negative light. That’s how people get famous. Them’s the rules.
And who made these rules? You did. We all did. This is our fault. You and I are just as socially responsible for Jersey Shore as its producers and advertisers.
On the subject of advertisers, Domino’s Pizza has pulled its ads from the show, saying:
“We just have chosen not to be on that particular show. The content of the show wasn’t right for Domino’s.”
‘Wasn’t right for Domino’s?!?!’ Jesus Christ on a Panini! You’re a fucking pizza company! What better way to promote your company than overpaid half-homo dagos pissing on the history of their ancestors and kicking defenseless sluts in the cunt?
So don’t pretend you “didn’t know” that this show would be an offensive clusterfuck of twenty-something male idiocy and the sleazy hijinks of crusty, over-sexed borderline retarded “guidettes.” You knew and you did nothing to stop it. You embraced Jersey Shore…and now you’re fucking stuck with it.
As long as it’s a hot topic, let’s discuss the actions of Kanye West during the MTV VMA’s, shall we? First of all–the actions took place at an award ceremony so ridiculous and unimportant–a locale so prone to spectacle–that its entire title is an acronym. Even in its name, it is screaming, “This is an entertainment show…it is not–we repeat NOT–a legitimate award ceremony.” It’s like the motherfucking Teen Choice Awards, people…grow the fuck up.
Another person who needs to grow the fuck up is Kanye West (see, I’m on your side, too).
There is a serious disconnect between his talent and his ego, and that needs to find its way into Check Mate as soon as humanly possible. Jay-Z describes West as a “genius.” Fact. I would disagree with Mr. Z, respectfully. Kanye West is not a genius. He’s an artist and a talented musician, no doubt. However, genius describes a certain knowingness and a level of unprecedented brilliance that comes along every once in a blue moon.
Say Say Say what you want!
Let’s take The Beatles for example. As musicians, would you consider them to be “genius?” That’s a real question. Feel free to comment…because I don’t know. I would consider them the best band in musical history…but are they more “genius” than Beethoven? Mozart?
If Kanye West is “genius,” where does that leave Jay-Z? He would never say that West is better than he is…so what does that make Hova? Is Jay-Z some kind of god-man?
I’m getting off topic…excuse me. Let’s look at a random Facebook comment:
“kaynes a racist mother fucker who deserves to get shot”
Really? At what point between, “George Bush doesn’t care about Black People,” and, “I’m really happy for you…but Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time,” do we say: That’s it Kanye…someone should shoot you down.…???!?!?!
Hey, remember how you thought 2Pac was still alive?
First off, nobody should get shot; no matter if you’re a merely loud-mouth rapper or a Neo-Nazi fuckhead…nobody should be gunned down. Ever.
I’m sure that this individual on Facebook wasn’t thinking with a clear head, but anyone who actually thinks this should probably stay indoors for their entire life.
(Rewind) Taylor Swift is a talented young artist and she deserved her moment in the sun…and Kanye West “ruined” that. Beyonce (wife of Kanye West’s BFF Jay-Z) had the decency to give Taylor Swift her moment back. But did Kanye’s actions really hurt Taylor Swift? Undoubtedly, she’s received more recognition NOW than EVER!
OK, but can she ACT?
My fucking MOM probably never heard of Taylor Swift…and now her news channels are buzzing her name all day. Are you happy now, America? Now EVERYONE knows who Taylor Swift is!
Does Taylor Swift have more talent and potential than Beyonce? Of course not…but that doesn’t mean she should be denied her spotlight.
It wasn’t even for fucking BEST SONG…it was for BEST VIDEO! Should fucking any fucking artist be recognized for their music video?! FUCK NO!
The music video is solely the vision of the people who MADE that video.
America…MTV…it’s time to chillax (white people are the only people who use that term anymore anyways). Kanye, you’re never going to gain anything by pulling this shit. And the next time your publicist tells you to apologize, say “no.” That way, only the people who actually like you will continue to pay attention.
FACT: Paul McCartney has actually SEEN a black man.
In conclusion, America, we have so much shit on our plate right now. This is a distraction–to say the least–from real issues and real problems. I’m not going to tell you what to think. I want YOU to tell ME how you feel. But to sum it up, for me, I’d be fine laughing at Kanye’s antics while appreciating his music.
Music is one of the strongest things humanity has going for it. It’s bigger than politics; bigger than religion. Music will always be around; and if you throw out Kanye West, there’s a fucking billion other up-and-coming young artists to take his place…your college room-mate is just too fucking lazy to be famous. Isn’t writing easier when you just polished off a bottle of Brandy?
The problem with having On Demand with your cable provider is that you wind up watching shit that you would never think to watch normally. After you’ve seen all of the movies you care to watch, and all the latest and greatest HBO series, you’ve shit the bed when it comes to quality TV.
So, finding myself in such a predicament, I began to watch Season 2 of Paris Hilton’s My New BFF which is essentially the mental equivalent to sticking your genitals into the steel blades of a fan.
What baffled the hell out of me was that I couldn’t stop watching. It’s fucking fascinating; and arguably the most entertaining retarded show on television. You know how your parents always tell you not to stare at people with mental disabilities? Well, this show reaches out, pulls you in and screams, “Fuck yo’ Parents!“
The scariest thing is that I’m not sure why I found it so compelling. It is an emotionally draining passtime that packs about as much intellectual stimulation as farting in the bathtub. It was shot by a three-year-old with a HandyCam, edited by a narcoleptic ape, and it features some of the most irritating insults to civilization I have ever had the misfortune of absolutely falling in love with.
Paris Hilton’s My New BFF perpetuates the most annoying quality that all of MTV and VH1‘s ‘celebreality’ shows tend to share…
…this is the idea that using the word “DRAMA” somehow makes the show more dramatic.
When these vacant-minded cunts prance around a mansion shouting about how much DRAMA they have to endure, I feel like whatever part of me that would be poetically referred to as a “soul” has turned into a vacuous black hole.
So, why then do I continue to watch? Why is this so fucking fascinating? My first thought is that it is in our malicious human nature to find incomparable joy when those who would look down us crumble and wither in the presence of unparalleled cruelty.
My second thought is that our bloodlust drives us to cringe with excitement when observing lambs being led to the slaughter. These poor oblivious girls (and one homosexual who is still, for some reason, referred to as a girl) bend over backwards and humiliate themselves with no limits or boundaries in a no-holds-barred attempt to break into the world of the Hollywood Non-Celebrity.
They remain unfazed by the fact that this world has no place for them and will inevitably chew them up and spit them out viciously, repeatedly, and without remorse until they wind up empty shells of their former selves…
Much like this…
Paris Hilton's Pet Creeper
Onch (pictured above) was the androgynous losing contestant on Season One of My New BFF who Paris Hilton decided to adopt as, essentially, her personal fairy. Onch prances about like a ten-year-old Asian girl whose only success in life seems to be making every other man in the world feel better about the size of their dick.