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A Heavy Rain’s Gonna Come

Since a very young age, I’ve looked to the medium of electronic arts/digital media for hope, inspiration, and most of all–fun. Virtually all video games, if you don’t count Minesweeper, used to unwaveringly be copious amounts of fun. The drawback, of course, was that they were all practically the same.

Either you were playing Super Mario Brothers or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, you were playing Tetris or Centipede or some other horrible excuse for a waste of time. Gradually, video game creators took into account that everyone who wasn’t “fucking retarded” was playing side-scrolling adventure games.

It really does look this good.

Sooner or later, everything became a side-scroller like Mario, but with guns, or fists, or whatever device served the theme of the game. But all of these games were inevitably the same. There were no core differences except for the subject matter that separated a Simpsons game from Streets of Rage.

They thought they had the market figured-the-fuck-out, and then suddenly it all changed. Nobody knew what they wanted anymore and the video game clusterfuck began.

Some wanted virtual reality. Some wanted old school side-scrollers. Some wanted to choose their own adventure, and some wanted Tetris.

When I look at what video games have become today, I feel like a frightened geriatric desperately searching a dark room for something familiar.

...and tits.

A younger me expected the future of gaming to be nothing but virtual reality. But an old and wiser me doesn’t even want to have to move from my ass-imprinted sofa to put the fucking game in, let alone to play it.

As the video games evolve, as does the subject matter. For a younger me, it was always about rescuing a Princess. An old and wiser me doesn’t give a shit about a Princess; I just want to see how many innocent civilians I can murder before the cops mow me down.

It’s not a healthy attitude to have–especially when you’re not playing a video game. (JK?)

I can’t get enough of these new experiences, characters, and stories that developers allow me to enjoy–and I’m never satisfied. Games can either be like crack or heroin. When it’s crack, it’s the most fun you’ve ever had and you’re pissed off when there’s no more. Your dealer gave you the best he could and didn’t even charge you a price comparable to what you’ve paid for lesser quality shit. And when you’re done–you’re angry.

When it’s heroin, you’re just passing time until the next one. Right now, video games are my heroin. I love the feeling, and it makes my dick hard, but I’m only really passing time until Heavy Rain is released next week.

The innovation, detail, and attention that went into Heavy Rain for PS3 blows my mind–and I can’t wait to play it. The demo drove me fucking nuts and now I’ve got bugs crawling under my skin.

Despite its criticisms, I remain delightfully optimistic that it will be one of the best gaming experiences I’ve ever had. And then, surely, it will become crack. I’ll play for hours and hours, go days without food, wind up pissing myself, finish the game…

…and then I’ll be angry. Circle of life.

Alex G/

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Re5: A Wonderfully Un-Racist Romp Through Scarytown, Africa

AlexThe Resident Evil series has always served to baffle, befiddle and befaddle me; certainly not as much as the Metal Gear series, but enough to cause concern for the future. I don’t think I’ve ever successfully completed a Resident Evil game in the entire series. At the risk of being “gamer’d” to death, the excuse I’ll give for this is that I didn’t give the games enough of a chance and I gave up on them easily. It’s not that I particularly found them boring…more that I just lost interest in favor of other games that more suited my tastes at the time.

Regardless, my tastes have changed and survival horror has come back into my life with flying colors (or pitch black-darkness, whichever). Violent video games seem to be the lifeblood (pun intended) of the industry. The video game audience of yesteryear has grown up and grown weary of the Sonic and Super Mario Bros. franchises. That’s not to say that we aren’t thrilled by new and interesting additions to the series. Super Mario Galaxy was awesome. Super Paper Mario, anyone? Sonic hasn’t had as much luck. But there’s only so much time we can suspend our disbelief while Sonic the Hedgehog takes us all on another pointless adventure with his growing cacophony of slapdash, meaningless friends.

Back on topic, the reason I’ve been rather distant from the Resident Evil series as a whole is because there are so many and I felt that (in my brief separation from the series) I may be lost and not able to pick up on the story. Also, I’ve only played Resident Evil 1, 2, 3: Nemesis, 4, and 5. It seems like a logical progression, but I can’t help but feel that there was a lot that I missed out on. Need I mention that Resident Evil always scared the piss out of me?

Which brings me to my next topic…Many critics of Resident Evil 5 claim that it isn’t scary. Penny Arcade argues that even though 5 doesn’t go with traditional “pop-out-and-scream” Pavlovian horror, it remains constantly thrilling…especially with periodic battles with things that won’t fucking die and when your ammo is depleted and you’re facing such a beast.

Yet another (unfounded) concern is that the game may be considered racist, or could possibly be some kind of tool for White Supremacists to act out their blood-thirsty rampage on behalf of the master race (SPOILER ALERT: The game ends on Valhalla). The racist accusation comes from the concept that the story takes place in Africa where a parasitic plague has infected most of the population, turning them into anger-driven zombies with worms. The main character is a white man named Chris Redfield (who you may remember from the series) and his African partner, Sheva.

First of all, not all of the enemies are black. Second, the main villains are white as the morning snow. And third, the object of the game is not to murder all of the African population (although it seems like it at times). The point of the game is to rescue these people and to end the horrible plague that the evil-doers have infected them with. If anything, it’s about destroying the racists who consider Africa (and Latin America in Resident Evil 4) to be worthless and the perfect place to test their deadly plan. So, suck it, you politically correct alarmists.

The only Resident Evil games I’ve completed aside from this one were Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles and Resident Evil 4 on Wii…a delightful experience if you haven’t tried it. Resident Evil 5, the first in the series on a “next-gen” console, is stunning, fun, intense, and important. Not only does it show how far graphics have come, but how much the gaming experience has evolved. I could raise issue with some of the controls, but I won’t, because (honestly) I don’t care and it didn’t effect the experience for me at all.

The numerous unlockables make the game worth playing again and again. To close, I’ll mention the part of the game that blasted with arms flailing through my expectations. We all know that forced co-op games often have their flaws…take Army of Two for example…virtually unplayable without a live partner (aka: Friend).

Resident Evil 5 sticks Player One with a partner who is rarely a hindrance. Sheva is helpful, courteous, and knows how to take out the bosses when your dumb ass can’t figure it the fuck out. The only times I’ve had a problem with my partner was when she was using a Handgun in a firefight when she had full ammo on her Shotgun, Machine Gun, and Rifle, leaving me to do the hard work. Cunt…

But seriously, I loved Sheva; and as Chris Redfield, I actually wanted to take care of her. Not only because if she died, I’d have to start over, but also because she was a genuinely likable character who is never annoying or obstructive.

If you have ever been a Resident Evil fan, you’ve probably already heard of/played the demo of the game. If you’re an intelligent fan of the games and you like amazing games, you’ll already own it.

alex G.

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