from eonrogue. As outstanding and in-fucking-credible as this is, you have to wonder how long it took him to master all of these stunts and what he could have been doing instead. Somewhere out there are a neglected family, friends, and…wait…who am I kidding?
Tag Archives: magic
Is there no peak to the Insane Clown Posse mountain of triumph? It seems that whenever they reach a plateau of great magnitude, they only decide to look up and climb higher. It’s no secret that ICP is universally considered one of the greatest modern rap/rock groups in existence, but I didn’t think they could ever outdo themselves like this, their most recent release!
The term “miracle” is rarely used as haphazardly as it had once been. Medical breakthroughs or ridiculous occurrences that fall outside the realm of known explanation are often given the title of “miracle” while researchers get to the bottom of it.
For example, a Croatian girl has recently awoken from a coma speaking fluent German. That’s fucking weird!
But nevermind shit like that. Why aren’t we asking the real questions? The important questions need to be considered–and thank christ we have talented and philosophic musicians like the Insane Clown Posse to really put the magnitude of our Universe into perspective.
I don’t want to place myself on a pedestal anywhere near as high as ICP. I mean, I’m down with the clown as much as the next guy, but I their music can be so mind-alteringly genius that I must only humble myself and look up to them not only as my heroes, but heroes for the entire country.
Purely for the sake of education, I would like to set this time aside to dissect and consider all of the difficult, dark, and enlightening questions posed by Mr. Joseph Bruce and Mr. Joseph Utsler under the guise of the “wicked clowns” Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope. And to think–our brightest philosophers used to have silly names like Plato and Aristotle. JUGGALO 4 LYFE!!11!
To put this into perspective, let’s just list a few of the things that ICP thinks are “magic” or otherwise immensely perplexing:
Oceans, stars, the sky, mountains, trees, the seven seas, everything chillin’ underwater, hot lava, snow, rain, fog, long-neck giraffes, pet cats and dogs, childbirth, the Sun, Moon, and even Mars…the Milky Way and fucking shooting stars.
UFOs, a river, gardening, waterfalls and pyramids, things kids believe, fucking rainbows after it rains.
Feeding pelicans, the idea that you can’t see sound, music, the idea that you can’t hold music…and that it’s just there in the air.
Pure motherfucking magic.
Water, fire, air, dirt, and fucking magnets!
The idea that scientists are all liars and don’t know about magic. Solar eclipse and vicious weather. Fifteen-thousand Juggalos together.
A caterpillar turning into a butterfly, the idea that your children resemble you, crows, ghosts, a midnight coast?
The truth is, I really wish I had an answer to give them. When I think about the weight of the universe and the implications that they’re making through this song, I have to say, “Magic is everywhere in this bitch.”
Perhaps the purpose of this video–and for the Insane Clown Posse in general is to keep up the notion that they’re playing music for the downtrodden youth, the kids who get picked on, and the boys and girls who want to rise up and say: “Fuck the world!”
But who is their audience, really? 12-toed inbred redneck hicks and pieces of shit from Jersey.
The reason they can get away with writing a song like this–and making a video for a song like this–is simple: Magic.
There exists a certain level of inexplicable magic in this country that somehow, some way, causes individuals to be so supernaturally retarded that they:
a) Don’t know how fucking magnets work.
b) Think that this bullshit is legitimate music that should be taken seriously.
I’ve had my disagreements with Insane Clown Posse fans in the past, and they tend to make some attempt at the English language, so I can’t fault them completely. I do realize that I am building up what will inevitably be another wrath of angry ICP fans as well.
But ICP fans fucking should be angry–not just at the world for asking them how they manage to dress themselves in the morning–but at ICP for keeping them unified in a subculture of obvious and arrogant stupidity.
Whether you write, sing, or listen to a pride-ridden rap song about the “magic” of long-neck giraffes, you’re fucked…and if this song gets anywhere near the top of any iTunes or Amazon list, so is our society.
–Alex G/ I will read your hate mail and laugh at you.
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As we are all no doubt aware, society–more specifically, modern western progressive society–has become more concerned with freedom from religion than freedom of religion. Every religious group believes in essentially the same bullshit, but where they differ from the sects of their neighbors, they define themselves as wholly separate entities.
Throughout history, the frightened and bewildered have distanced themselves from religious “crazies” by establishing their own backwards faiths, and that’s why we have so goddamn many.
More and more people identify themselves as “Spiritual, but not Religious,” a frustrating notion that begs the question: Why not just do away with religion altogether?
Surely if you disregard the religious notions that have existed for thousands of years, a spirituality that you just pull out of your ass would have even less validity; not more, simply because you feel it inside you (ew).
There is only one way to clearly differentiate between the significant and insignificant–and that’s by taking a closer look at those nutty little nightmares we call “Religions.” We won’t do them all, but we’ll do a hell-of-a-lot…
Adventism–William Miller was a miserable old cunt who got off on discussing non-issues. Are we really awake when we sleep? When is Jesus coming back? Is the punishment for sins eternal torment or simple annihilation? *Raises hand* Ummm…who gives a shit?
Alternative Judaism–This is what Jews practice when they’re feeling angsty and start listening to a load of Good Charlotte. It’s not really Judaism in the same way that believing in “some of the shit in the Bible” isn’t really a religion at all. It’s either the timeless words of an Almighty God or it’s not, people. Fucking choose.
Anabaptists–You little fuckers talk about the religious right and the radical Muslims and how they’re fuckin out-there, but there’s nobody more radical than Anabaptists (Amish & Mennonites). At least suicide bombers watch fuckin TV.
Anglicanism–While The Church of England tries desperately to play with the big boys, it’s clear that everyone stopped giving a shit a long time ago. I guess England never forgave Henry VIII. Now we’re stuck with Protestants.
Animism–This could either be a polytheistic, spirits-in-everything-we-see sort of religion, or it has something to do with those freaks who do it with mascot-costumes on.
Babism–Once upon a time, back in the 1800′s, a guy claimed to be the chosen one and he was executed. Sound familiar? Yeah…don’t step on people’s toes–especially within Islam.
Baha’i–This is about the closest you’ll get to religious harmony. This one’s all about unification of religious people, as long as you buy into their practices, don’t ask questions, and surrender yourself to God’s will.
Baptists–Modern Baptists consider their religion to date back to Jesus Christ and John the Baptist; however, in reality, it only dates back about 400 years and is now linked more closely to old black women singing and fanning themselves.
Buddhism–There are so many schools of Buddhism and I can’t be bothered to talk about them all, so let’s just do an overview and get it over with. Buddhism is an ancient spiritual discovery of the self. Its long intricate and divided history has given us such modern day luxuries like: Eastern War and Slavery, Stoners, Lazy People, rubbing fat people’s tummies for good luck, and the Swastika. Hooray!
Cargo Cults–This merry band of ignorant bastards succeeds as more of a tribal culture. They’re so convinced that the wealth of the outside world was “really meant for them,” that they attempt to acquire wealth and goods through all kinds of batshit magical ways.
Christadelphians–Not a very significant sect, but they do exist–I assure you. John Thomas went batshit crazy and started writing about how he’d tapped into some first century belief system. Then, he came to America–and that’s why there are 6,500 Christadelphians in the US today. Success.
Christian Science–It’s never a good sign when you set up a faith-based Science and Health program with the delusion that truth and good are material things and evil and error are fantasy.
Confucianism–Not so much a religion as a philosophic approach to living your life, but it’s close enough. They believe that coercive laws can be damaging–when people feel they’re being forced to adhere–so they try to provide a moral codes of virtue that you can repeat when you’re out with a chick to sound enlightened.
Deism–Those who technically have “no religion” but still choose to believe in a magical sky-king are called Deists. Creationists tend to use arguments about some of the most brilliant people in history being “Deists.” But they’re wrong. And when they’re not wrong, they’re still wrong.
Evangelicalism–We hear a lot about Evangelicals these days, and that’s due to the fact that they are the loudest voice. When your religion is based on personal conversion; being “re-born,” you tend to have a lot of cocky fuckers on your hands, just aching to heal a world that was never sick to begin with.
Gnosticism–While not quite a sect of Christianity, Gnostics believe in a set of Holy Books not included in the traditional Bible. They feel that they’re gaining some ancient super-knowledge from these books, but are, in reality, simply wasting their time just as much as everyone else.
Hellenistic–I don’t think anyone actually still practices these Greek/Roman god religions, but wouldn’t it be fun if they did?
Hinduism–There’s probably a lot to know about Hinduism and their multi-colored gods…but if you’ve encountered those Hare Krishna people, you probably got all the information you need.
Hoodoo–Witchcraft with dark chocolate.
Jainism–An Indian religion whose symbol has become a symbol of hate thanks to the Western world. The Jain Dharma path is supposed to be one of non-violence toward all living things…Many jealous Hindus now consider it a “sect of Hinduism,” but they just want the street cred.
Jediism–That’s right. Star Wars. I can only imagine the development of this religion going like this: “You know how all those ancient texts are just bullshit written by some dude thousands of years ago? Well, what would you say if I told you that the real answers lie in the immortal work of Mr. George Lucas?”
Jehovah’s Witness–They might seem like a relatively harmless group of people, but these nutty restorationists are fucking dangerous. They teach their students that we’re living in the “End Times,” adhere to a weird, masochistically conservative interpretation of the Bible, and bother you at home.
Jews for Jesus–When Jews get sick of being Jewish (because it’s a huge fucking drag) and they want to celebrate Christmas and Easter and the fun holidays, they don’t waste any time. “Eh, maybe Jesus wasn’t so bad after all.”
Kalam–This branch of Islam focuses mainly on the understanding of the “word of Allah.” This, combined with a natural human reasoning and intelligence will offer you salvation. Unless, of course, you reason that you don’t need Kalam to be happy.
Karaite Judaism–These followers are essentially the Jewish equivalent of the phrase, “Who gives a shit?” They believe in all that Jewie mumbo-jumbo but reject the sacred “Oral Law” or Rabbinic Jews. They’re all about their own personal interpretations of scripture and as long as you’re down with the Old Testament, you’re good to go.
Kharijites–There are many more Muslim sects than just Shiites and Sunnis, and–yes–they do get crazier. These people have traded the mortal life for a life with God, but you’ve never heard of them, so who gives a Shiite?
Louisiana Voodoo–Make no mistake, this is not Haitian Vodou. It’s a tourist attraction religion that provides a pin-cushion doll for your “cool” Uncle to bring back from his vacation. If I weren’t an Atheist, I’d probably say God clearly has a serious problem with Voodoo after what he did to both New Orleans and Haiti.
Lutheranism–Considered the father of modern protestantism, Martin Luther gave the Catholic Church the big “fuck you,” posting 95 grievances for all to see (pre-Facebook). It was all fun and games until protestants started to put religious bans on…fun and games.
Magick–The evil occultist band Lovin’ Spoonful once asked, “Do you believe in magic?” The answer is, of course, no…BUT those who practice it think differently. Officially, “Magick” can only be used to change or interfere with something that (in the natural world) is capable of changing…such as: who shows affection towards you, or having a good day. People who buy into all this magick crap are relatively harmless–unless you get into a conversation with one.
Methodism–It seems that the only prerequisite for starting your own religion is to be loud about it. Methodists were notorious for “open-air” preaching and pissing everyone off. Luckily for us, they came to America, gathered a loud following, and got Prohibition laws put in place so everyone could have a little less fun.
Mormonism–Joseph Smith’s Mormonism isn’t necessarily the same Mormonism that exists today. The Latter-day Saints movement splits into various sects, but let’s pretend that it’s all Joe Smith Mormonism for the sake of argument. A notorious liar and racist, Smith developed a faith out of fear, hate, and complete badger-fucking-craziness.
Nation of Islam–If you thought real Muslims were scary, wait ’til you holla at the N.O.I. This is the Farrakhan, Malcolm X, take-no-bullshit, fake-Islam Islam and if you thought that thugged-out gangsta motherfuckers were scary, wait til you see a horde of black guys in black bow ties outside your door.
Native American Mythology–Usually, we reserve the term “mythology” until most of the world has come to accept the belief as silly and antiquated, like Greek and Roman gods. But since there are hardly any real Native Americans left, it’s probably okay to just refer to all of their strongly held convictions as “retarded.”
Orthodox Church–Essentially, this is the big league for Catholicism. This was “officially” the church that Jesus established through his Apostles and passed it down from generation to generation. Roman Catholicism is for pussies.
Rabbinic Judaism–Jews are easy (thought I was going to say “cheap?” Racist). If you don’t understand their traditions, rules, and rituals, then you probably haven’t read the Bible. It’s essentially all there, black and white, in any language you choose–even the weird stuff. Yeah, you think you’re following the word of god, Christians? How’s that bacon taste, heathens?!
Raelism–This is an organized group of individuals who live in a childish fantasy world where an alien race called Elohim (God) created all life. So it’s like Creationism, but with no friends. Once tried to bring about world peace with an orgy, creating the world’s largest orgasm, but they were stopped. Terrible shame.
Roman Catholicism–The world’s largest Christian organization…they even have their own tiny country (Vatican City) and–currently–a leader who used to be a Nazi! Fun!
Satanists–There are two kinds of Satanists, those who believe in Satan as the Judeo-Christian bringer of Evil, and those who are just misguided humanists who want to piss off their parents and draw stars on their notebooks.
Scientology–A follow-up to L. Ron Hubbard’s previous self-help system, Dianetics, Scientology seems sort-of-kind-of almost helpful in theory, but in practice it’s most likely just as twisted and evil as anything else. There have been tons of complaints about the “business” of Scientology; however, the insanity of their claims should be considered average. I mean, is it crazier to believe in volcanic aliens or a talking snake? Take your pick…
Shia, Shiite, Shi’ite–Despite the name’s likeness to “shit,” these Muslims aren’t the “terrorist” ones…probably. What sets them apart is their belief that holy Imams, such as Muhammad, have spiritual and political power over today’s world…waitaminute…don’t all of our presidents believe the same thing about Jesus?
Shinto–The Japanese “Way of the Gods,” is a system in which actions speak louder than words. They worship just about everything with a strong concentration on ancestry. While there’s really no evidence of it ever being its own unified religion, the practice makes perfect.
Sikhism–These people believe that the highest attainable point in life is to achieve a truthful existence. They attempt a positive, happy, and equal relationship with everyone–no matter the race, gender, or creed. That sounds great in theory, but sometimes when they’re driving the cab you’re in, you start wishing they would cut someone off once in a while…
Smartism–Sounds pretty douchey and pretentious right? Wrong. Smartism is a Hindu sect that refers to a deep study of the Veda and Shastra scriptures and memorizing a bunch of laws and shit. I guess it is pretty douchey, isn’t it?
Sufism–This one sounds like fun–but it’s not. Interestingly enough, Sufism attempts to define itself as the science of being closer to God. Isn’t it fun when religion attempts to disguise itself as science, and yet rejects all existing science at the same time?
Sunni Islam–This is the one true faith. Blessings and peace be on the names of Allah and Muhammad. (translation: Please don’t murder me or my family)
Tantra–Surely, the only time you’ve heard this religion referred to is in regard to “Tantric Sex,” but there’s more (boo…)! They study the Tantra Scriptures, worship Shakti (who sounds like an old school rapper), channel energy through the divine “Godhead,” and…fuck it…Tantric Sex.
Taoism–Its focus on vitality, inner peace, “non-action”, and such have turned Taoism into the single largest exporter of bullshit ever (probably). Yins and Yangs, herbal remedies…you know, all that annoying dirge that your crazy neighbor and ex-girlfriend were into.
Unitarianism–These wacky folks are notoriously made fun of for being “liberal” and “understanding.” They don’t accept the “trinity” of God, but they accept damn near everything and everyone else. Don’t they know how to run a successful religion?
Wicca-Witchcraft for sad girls.
Witchcraft–Hoodoo for white people.
Yoga–Sometimes, religious people figure out that they have a pretty shitty religion. They see other people in different faiths having loads of fun and they get jealous. Then they make up their own wacky combination of all those Eastern faiths and use it as an excuse to sell “stretching classes” to tourists and Westerners.
Yoruba–Before Islam and Christianity came to African nations, they had something completely different: stories, songs, traditions, and practices that all served to bring their “mortal selves” closer to “a divine creator of all things.” It’s a good thing Islam and Christianity came into the picture to set them straight.
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(offended? suck it–I’m right)
Mark Sanford, the fun-loving, sex-hating, hypocritical governor of South Carolina seems to have a Blagojevichian adoration for negative publicity. They say there is no such thing as “negative publicity,” but when you’re a cunt, it’s difficult to avoid. Obviously when you submit to your repressed male sexual urges after years of letting them lie dormant, it’s going to explode in a shameful affair with a South American Milf.
Sanford’s stance on the sanctity of marriage and his membership in the Promise Keepers create a much more satisfying bubble of brazen hypocrisy that is only made more epic by his insistence that the affair was some kind of magical fucking love story.
He should resign because he is using this pseudo Fairy Tale Story as a means to get his face out there and be a topic of national conversation. He has brought insurmountable shame to the fine people of South Carolina while attempting to keep some positive energy flowing for a hypothetical bid for president in 2012…and for that he should side-step out of the spotlight and fade into obscurity.
I never thought I would say this, but perhaps he could actually learn something from Sarah Palin. When you succeed in making a national mockery of a place and/or mentality that was never taken seriously to begin with; when you succeed in becoming the ass-end of a public joke that you don’t seem to be in on; when you so royally screw the pooch that you are forever branded as being so full of shit that you can’t even manage to choke out words with any shred of credibility, it’s time for you to go.
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So yes, we have this posted on the Contact Us page (or at least we used to…) but I’d like to OFFICIALLY announce to the world our Super Dudes Power Squad Drunk Dial Line. We’ve all done it, its okay. But instead of calling your Ex, or that long lost friend, call us instead! We’ll share the best messages with the world in future blogs, and maybe even put up a new page for it if we get enough messages. Come on, give it a try. It’ll be fun, I promise!
1) Save 215–253-8337 (it spells out 215-25-Dudes…or…215-BJ-Dudes….hmmm) in your contacts, maybe as DRUNK or Super Dudes or something that’ll catch your attention while drunk
2) Get drunk.
3) Call us and leave a message!
4) Feel satisfied.
5) Forget about it tomorrow morning
6) Be horrified when you hear yourself on our site a week later.
It’s like magic. It’s somewhat magical!
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Yeah, I’m a fuckin’ fairy! Fuck you! I ain’t no pussy-ass pixie-throwin’ tinkerballs, motherfucker. I mean, yeah, I do throw pixie dust, but that’s only, like, eight-and-a-motherfuckin-half-percent of my fuckin’ job.
You wanna judge me?! You wanna bring yo punk ass down to my hood and fuck with this? Bring it, boyz n’ girlz. I don’t give a fuck how old you are, I’ll run ya’ll through with my motherfuckin magic wand.
No, I don’t actually have a magic wand, bitch. You think I’d be caught dead wit some sparklin’ fuckin’ stick with a star at the end? That shit’s gay. Not just gay, but retarded, too!
Lemma axe you summit; you think all us fairies are the same? You take your fuckin’ suburban or forest fairy and you bring ‘em down to my area. Then we’ll see! Oh, we’ll see! Ain’t gonna do you no good to turn into a fuckin’ tree when there ain’t no trees around town, motherfucker!
Naw, I’m just like all the rest of you douchebags!
I watch my pornos.
I lubricate my guns*.
(*by which I mean my muscles.) Flex ‘em.
I water my Pom-Pom Garden. Them berries are fuckin’ sweet!
I watch my Jon & Kate Plus Eight, so fuckin’ what?
I flip off passing cars while I’m parked outside the SuperFresh.
I’d tell you more but I don’t want you bitches all up in my bizness. Plus, if you knew everything about me, there’d be no mystery…no magic in the world!
Don’t you motherfucking ruin the fuckin’ magic! I swear to Christ!
You know the saying, “you know the type” when it comes to THAT GUY or THAT GIRL you saw…well I’m here today to talk about THAT TYPE. This will likely be a bit different from your school, since we have such a weird ensemble of kids here, and have such an odd way of doing things. But you, Soon To Be College Freshman, when you have your little ID and dorm key worn around your neck, you’ll see that you, too, fit into one of these groups. So let’s dive in, shall we?
Since I started with it, The Freshman- The absolute easiest way to ID the Freshman is, like I said, by the all-purpose lanyard. Usually worn around the neck, it keeps your dorm key and ID card safely out of harms way (until you lose BOTH things at the same time, or lock it in your room, in which case you have to call your creepy roommate and hope he’s around and you don’t have to owe him a favor later on…). This lanyard was probably provided free of charge, and sports the Campus Activities Board (or equivalent) logo in some God awful font and color. The Freshman is usually slow walking, and takes the most indirect way to his class, and may even be sporting a trendy CAMPUS MAP! Oh, also, the Freshman often wears LOTS of school pride gear. Now, I have a few Drexel shirts and all, but they’re in the rotation, not everyday wear. AND, to my credit, I think I’ve paid, at most, 6 bucks for something with the school’s logo on it. Not that 70 bucks they’re charging at the bookstore for a hoodie. I was being sarcastic as I wrote 70 bucks, but looking up that image…that shirt is actually SIXTY FIVE GOD DAMNED DOLLARS! That’s half a third of a textbook! (Which reminds me of how only Freshman actually buy textbooks from the bookstore).
Wow, that’s a lot of rambling on the Freshman…let’s look at his polar opposite, The Senior (not to be confused with The Graduate). The Senior, at least around these parts, is actually a bit of a rare site. Drexel has an exceptionally high drop out rate for a major university. Combine that with the fact that in the few years since I was a freshman, they’ve increased the admission of freshman like threefold, Seniors are quite the minority. You’ll probably only find them in the 400 level classes you share with them (if you are also a Senior, or ambitious/over ambitious/snot nosed/professor’s dick sucking Sophomore/etc), or in 100 level into classes to boost their GPAs and keep them as full time students (how the hell did I only get an A- in Com 150-Principles of Public Speaking?!) The Senior is usually not dressed as extremely as the Freshman, mostly due to growing the fuck up. Many Seniors actually work part time in professional jobs, or are attending class part-time while going back to school. Seniors often dress in Drexel Casual style (which is pretty much the same as business casual). Not me, I’m a t-shirt and jeans kinda guy.
The Douche- What can I say about this one? Too easy. You know em. They wear their high school varsity football jacket and pound Natty Ice. They love their boyfriends so much except when one of the brothers of Sigma Nu happens to be nearby, in which case, all bets are off. SIGMA NU! NU’s RULE! YEA! Often business majors.
The Engineer- I once tried to convince someone that Drexel was a school for railroading, due to our proximity to 30th Street Station and the Northeast Corridor. (Little did I know I would ACTUALLY be working for a firm whose clients included SEPTA, Amtrak, NJ Transit and the Long Island Railroad….).
The engineer will likely be one or more of the following:
-Asian (inc. Indian)
I managed to escape this, sort of, by switching to Engineering Technology. People actually talk to you, and you can actually make friends. It’s weird.
The Art College Kid- pretty much the same as any other art school kid. It’s tough, though…our indiefuck douches think they’re better than everyone else, but Drexel is certainly NOT known for its liberal arts programs. Nor for its political scene. Nor its music scene….
I was going to really go on and rail on a few kids specifically, but then I came across this…
Click it, scroll down. Creepy. And I don’t want them hunting me down, since now they REALLY know what I look like. I look forward to the angry letter I’m undoubtedly going to get from the university’s legal department. Maybe I’ll luck out and they’ll just sick one of their law students on me. Which reminds me of the joke about how convenient it was the Drexel, who opened their School of Law shortly after aquiring their own College of Medicine, now has BOTH ends of the ambulance chaser crowd covered.
Hopefully, I’ll be graduated before it gets to that. And COME ON, Drexel, a FRIDAY class? My SENIOR year? How weak is that?
Let me start off by saying that, in general, I think drugs are bad. Not the kind you get from your doctor, I’m not getting all Elron on you here….but recreational drugs. But let’s face it. Lots of us do drugs. We drink at night, and have our coffee in the morning. Some of us smoke tobacco. Okay, fine. Now, the libertarian in me says that people should be able to do whatever the balls they want to their own bodies, provided they are old enough to make an informed decision. The logical and rational part of me (something that, unfortunately, keeps me from really being able to call myself a true Libertarian) says this is truly not the case. So I won’t sit here and rail about how I think all drugs should be legal. They shouldn’t be. Heroin, in my opinion, should not be legal. Neither should crack, and probably not alot of the speed that’s out there. You can debate that elsewhere. I want to question some things about marijuana.
Now, I bring this up because we learn that President Obama wants to focus the drug policy in America more towards TREATMENT of users, and away from PUNISHMENT of users. A really interesting concept. Novel, too. Especially since last month, we heard that the DEA has ordered the end of raids on medical marijuana dispensaries in California.
Very interesting stuff here. Now comes some opinion on my part. If someone is sitting in their bed, dying of AIDs, cancer, or some other crippling disease, there is no harm in letting them some some pot if it makes them feel better. Grandma isn’t going to rob a liquor store to score some dope, she has glaucoma! She can hardly see! So we can conclude that my opinion on medical marijuana is fairly positive.
I back this up with some more information. As we know, I have a horrible time falling asleep. Terrible. Like…see a doctor and get referred to specialists bad. But the first thing they do is get you to try some magic pills.
*This is where I break right in and tell you, I simply cannot believe that ANY amount of marijuana at ANY potency is as dangerous as some of the sleeping pills out there today*
Ambien is an nasty little pill. And you can get high off it. It’s easy. Take an Ambien, and don’t try to sleep. It’s like being really drunk without the heavy, sloshy feeling. Probably a good enough high for dumb kids to steal the pills and take.
*Okay, another break in here…I don’t necessarily think that a drug should be illegal just because kids can get their grubby hands on it.*
So Ambien can get you high. ’nuff said. That’s not really a problem, though. The problem is some of its side effects.
Side effects may (will) include
* Anterograde amnesia
* Hallucinations, through all physical senses, of varying intensity
* Altered thought patterns
* Ataxia or poor motor coordination, difficulty maintaining balance
* Euphoria and/or dysphoria
* Increased appetite
* Decreased libido
* Impaired judgment and reasoning
* Uninhibited extroversion in social or interpersonal settings
* Increased impulsivity
* When stopped, rebound insomnia may occur
* Headaches, in some people
But they forgot to list the possibility of crippling depression that can happen if you take it for more than a few days. Which….as it turns out….you really AREN’T supposed to take it for more than a few nights in a row. You will look forward to going to bed, just so you can take it and go to sleep. You will feel like shit in the morning. You will get depressed eventually. Bad News Bears go to Japan.
Well, as it turns out, I can’t find a list for effects of marijuana like this one, because you aren’t allowed to study it. So we know what happens when you smoke pot….(and I’m just listing what I can think of)
*Feeling of Euphoria
*Memory Loss (definitely short term, probably some long term?)
*Feeling of Dysphoria
Okay, that’s a good enough list, I think. And from what it looks like, these are alot of the same side effects that BEER carries. But when the frat boy drinks a whole case a beer by himself, he suffers the same fate as Heath Ledger when he too took many sleeping pills. He dies. Most agree (and I’m sure you can find evidence otherwise somewhere) that it is INCREDIBLY hard, if not impossible (nothing is impossible) to OVERDOSE on pot. My understanding is that if you smoke WAY too much pot, you’ll probably order a disgusting pizza from Poopa John’s and fall asleep on the couch playing Mario Kart Wii.
That’s not to say that people don’t do stupid things when they smoke the doob…but plenty of people have done plenty of stupid things while drunk. I’m not here to talk alcohol v pot, though….I’m still more into the Ambien v Pot thing. Something is legal which is very dangerous, and very easy to abuse. Something that is sorta dangerous and very easy to abuse is not. I feel Ambien should not be given out. I also feel that (at least for starters here) if you doctor thinks that marijuana will make you suffer less from terminal cancer, sleep better at night, or overcome your AIDs related eating disorder, than you should have every single right and opportunity to do so.
Now as far as legalizing it…I guess I’m more mixed on it. The government sure could make a killing selling it at liquor stores/beer stores and taxing it. Say, sell enough pot for five joints in a little packet with some rolling papers for 10 bucks. (DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH POT THIS IS, OR IF THIS WOULD BE A GOOD DEAL) We now have something that Uncle Sam could tax the shit out of, and maybe pay off some of this stimulus and debt we have going. Or pay for the treatment of heroin addicts. While we’re at it, the money we aren’t spending on arresting and holding college kids and old hippies can be used for this too. Or to fight real crime, like gangs and stuff…which….will probably slightly decrease, because there’s no market for pot anymore. See, by letting stores sell it, you’re letting Phillip Morris (or whatever the fuck they’re calling themselves these days) produce it in bulk, driving prices below what dealers could ever sell it for. And you can regulate it like alcohol and tobacco.
Is this really a good idea? I don’t know. It might not be, but it’s AN idea. At least some of the heat is coming off the users, who are probably the least guilty of the drug-trade. I do have to say this, though….no matter what the end result of pot’s legality, I am totally against kids being able to get their hands on it. Kids have too much other stuff to do, and too many other things bending their developing minds. Punish the people who sell to kids, rather than the kids.
So where is all of this headed? I don’t really know. But I think that if a drug like Ambien is so dangerous, at least to me, I should be able to access a safer drug with a longer history of usefulness without fearing the long arm of the law.
(I realized that I totally forgot to mention how dangerous painkillers are, too….oh well, you get my drift…)
-philamaneto p.s.- i'm not into the drug scene. so this isn't a rant from some hippie stoner douche who just wants to party on...
The Drug Discussion is a very good one and yes, if we (the government) were to create Marijuana laws as they have created liquor laws, we would have another source of tax dollars and we would empty out our prison population a bit. I agree that drugs are bad. All drugs are bad. Terrible. From heroin to caffeine.
Obviously heroin is a much worse and more harmful drug than caffeine, but they all have their adverse effects on the body.
The Libertarian point, and the point of Drug Advocates everywhere is that we have the freedom to fuck up our body with caffeine and nicotine. We can get over-the-counter or perscription drugs that can do weird and terrible things to our bodies (but just may help us).
If we have the freedom to decide we want to do those things, we should also have the freedom to choose whether we want to do pot, meth, cocaine, or heroin. I wouldn’t fuck up my body with most of that stuff, and neither would you…but that doesn’t mean that I can arrest someone for doing something that I wouldn’t do.
Ron Paul (as fucking insane as he can be is) said that he’s not even thinking about making pot available or taxing it…or anything like that. He just wants to end the War on Drugs for the sake of a free country. At the same time, while people would be free to put anything into their bodies that they can get their hands on, they can not turn to the government for help when they get sick or fucked up from these drugs…and if they harm someone else, they’ll be put away.
I agree with a lot of what you say, but I don’t think anything will necessarily sway me from my stance on Drug Prohibition.
Also, to quote Bill Maher: “A bacon egg and cheese between two waffles isn’t a breakfast, it’s a suicide attempt.”
And so we learn this week that we, as humans, are totally and completely fucked. Now, I’m sure this story is probably twisted a little, and it probably lost something when it was translated, but seriously! Robots that get insanely posessive and attached to people. Weird.
Now we could talk for days about how one should ethically treat robots and machines; they’ve been talking about it for decades. But this, somehow, just seems a little…stranger…a little more close to home than what we’ve seen so far. Well, maybe we’re expecting too much from the thing. It’s only doing what they told it to…sort of…or maybe we really just shouldn’t give robots emotions until we start to understand our OWN emotions.
Look at Data. He wasn’t doing too bad before he got his little emotion chip. Then again, sci-fi characters like Data and C3P0 tell us to be ready for robots that are essentially metal people.
Who wants to cuddle with the big metal arm that assembles Toyotas? Hmm…what would happen if we gave THAT thing emotions? Would it take pride in a good job, and strive to do better (learning to be neurotic along the way?) Would “he” get lazy and demand cigarette and lube breaks? I suppose we could just give him emotions and program him not to have human desires, but now wouldn’t that be like raising a child to be afraid to ask for candy? I have absolutely no idea.
I’m just waiting for Kurzweil’s Singularity to take place so I don’t have to worry about things like this anymore.
Once in awhile, I’ll happen upon something that I will–for a short time–consider the “Greatest Thing Ever.” While this practice is often more spasmodic and arguably useless than Keith Olbermann’s lists of Best and Worst Persons in the World, it often serves to satiate my otherwise excruciating somnambulism during the average work-day.
Just about every other Sunday, I’ll find that there is nothing else of interest on the tiny TV at my desk at work aside from a constant marathon of each of the five current Harry Potter films. When the first of these films came out, I was a Freshman in High School, and I was severely underwhelmed. In all fairness, I would modestly count myself as a fan of Children’s Cinema only a bit less than Adult* Cinema.
I tried to read the first Harry Potter book in that year, and was told by my psychotic dwarf English teacher that I needed to read a “Big Boy Book.” Even though the “Little Boy Book” had been spotted on his own bookshelf days later. Little cunt.
That being said, I must also admit that I had very little interest in the series; however, another cinematic “marvel” broke that same year…the ever-so-magical and ever-so-interminable Lord of the Rings. Most of my friends at the time were huge Hobbit-Heads**. I tried to get into the series. Really, I did…but they’re all just so fucking boring***.
Being willfully subjected to almost every Harry Potter film on a semi-bi-weekly basis has actually been quite a joy, and revitalized my interest in the series. I’m not a huge fan of magic, fairies, wizards, and witchcraft, but I can and do find myself oddly drawn to it from time to time. It breaks monotony and (strangely enough) holds my interest much more tenaciously than…say…the new episodes of The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, and American Dad that happen to be airing right now.
And while I’m not certain exactly what compelled me to write this (not really a) review of the Harry Potter franchise, after being so drawn to this consistently engaging series, I find myself getter a huge nerd-boner in anticipation of the next installment****.
*That, of course, would include Hardcore Pornography.
**Not a sexual reference.
****…and not just over Emma Watson, thank you very much!!
(EDIT: I just realized that I was duped by abc Family and I was not indeed shown all of the Harry Potter movies. They stopped at Goblet of Fire and I am quite…quite pissy about it. I have seen “Order of the Phoenix” though…if it helps.)