Tag Archives: love

February 16, 2010 · 7:24 pm

Life Lessons from Brandi Love

The First Time I ever kissed a man and felt light headed and slightly confused, I married him! I always wondered when I was younger how I would know who the “one” was. I had heard “you just know”, and things of that nature. But when I kissed Michael on our 3rd date ( yeah right, it was the first!) I knew he was the one because of how he made me feel, both physically and emotionally when we locked lips. That passion still makes me dizzy and weak kneed today.

With the power of a god, I would liberate peoples minds to be able to see through the thick foggy glasses society has put on people’s faces. What a world it would be if people could and would think and choose for themselves and not be so ridiculously concerned with what the masses would think. Less judgment more involvement in ones own life.

I’ve always considered myself someone who is to make new paths for others to hike on. I have always preferred, not only the road less traveled…but the road not yet traveled.

I can’t stand when Motherfuckers talk meaningless banter about others in public forums especially when they do not know the individual. Take it out back and deal with your shit in private. I mean for crying out loud get out of high school already.

When I was a kid, I really wanted to be a veterinarian. This stayed a desire of mine until I was 15 and realized that as a vet there would be times I had to put animals down, and that sometimes they died no matter what I did for them. This changed my path. I still love animals, however I simply have them as pets now and leave the medical up to the pros. :)

If my life were a crappy romantic comedy, it would not have the crappy part! Romantic comedy perhaps but mine would so not suck. I am pretty sure, ok positive it would be xxx rated. Being Swingers and truly living the hotwife lifestyle, there has not been a week without hot sex and or nudity in over 18 years! We definitely have had some wild and funny experiences that I am sure would make anyone belly laugh but it has been a hotass sexy ride. Hmmmm, maybe we should document all this activity…oh yeah we have! (Smirk) www.brandilove.com IS my romantic comedy.

The worst advice I ever got was that I could trust the judicial system to work for the innocent.

God dammit, I wish I would have fucked that rockstar when I had the chance.

I think one of the shittiest things I’ve ever done was getting caught hiding Easter eggs when that was supposed to be the Easter Bunnies job. Needless to say the Easter Bunny ceased to exist that day… :(

One thing you should know about me is that I absolutely love what I do. I am asked all the time how I balance my adult life with my professional life with family life and to me it is simple. When you love what you do and know who you are there is time for the things you choose to pursue. Priorities are always in order and then of course time management is essential. I have definitely need a hand now and again with that last one but when I follow my schedule, shit gets done and everyone is happy! It brings me a massive amount of joy to see people liberated from that which binds them. If I help just one person get to know themselves better, and start living as that person…..I have accomplished my goal.

Thanks Super DPS crew for allowing me this opportunity to hang with you guys! Cum visit me anytime (wink)

Xxx

–Brandi Love

(for more from Brandi Love, visit www.BrandiLove.com)

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September 14, 2009 · 6:32 pm

10 Hardcore Sex Tips From the Hot Woman Next Door

LaniBrookePICIs your sex life getting boring with your partner? Here are 10 ways to spice up your sex life and I have to admit I have tried almost all of them! I guess that is why they call me “Wacky Lani!”

1. While walking in the mall parking lot pull down your pants and moon your partner…but make sure there isn’t an elderly person behind you so they don’t have a heart attack. Or maybe you could have a threesome with them! That’s if you like being gummed.

2. Surprise your partner with a threesome when he is home alone playing XBOX and you are out dancing and getting wild. Come home with a girl and tell him you have a surprise for him…but be sure he stops playing XBOX!

3. Does your house need some painting done; especially in your bedroom? Nothing like the two of you painting and getting paint all over you. Get sweaty when your partner is on all fours, pull down their pants and start pleasuring them. Focus especially on the asshole! hehe

4. Like to play music instruments? How about playing the skin flute? Give your partner the best Humming session of his life. Be sure he wears just a bow tie so you can act like you are part of a symphony.

5. Have your partner wear your panties while you fuck him. Then of course you have to let him shoot his hot load of cum in your panties…then he has to wear your panties on his head!

6. Cell phone texts are fun,  too. Use a video camera on your cell phone and do a naughty strip tease for your partner–especially if you really want this person–because they will then be your partner for life! One more thing: make sure you send it to the right person and not your pastor or your parents!

7. If your partner works from home, spice up their day by flashing them–or even better, if they are on a conference, call be sure to pleasure them orally!

8. When you are in bed, tell your partner you want a threesome…and from under the covers pop out a sock puppet you made!

9. Role Playing is fun, too! You can act like Kanye West and totally take over your partner and dominate them!

10. My favorite: shoot amateur porn with your partner and send it too Homegrown Video.

I have to admit to you all I have done all ten. Guess you can say my sex life is never boring!

xoxo,

Lani Brooke

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July 5, 2009 · 10:35 pm

Just Fucking Resign Already!

alexbwMark Sanford, the fun-loving, sex-hating, hypocritical governor of South Carolina seems  to have a Blagojevichian adoration for negative publicity. They say there is no such thing as “negative publicity,” but when you’re a cunt, it’s difficult to avoid. Obviously when you submit to your repressed male sexual urges after years of letting them lie dormant, it’s going to explode in a shameful affair with a South American Milf.

Sanford’s stance on the sanctity of marriage and his membership in the Promise Keepers create a much more satisfying bubble of brazen hypocrisy that is only made more epic by his insistence that the affair was some kind of magical fucking love story.

Not crying...just literally leaking horseshit.

Not crying...just literally leaking horseshit.

He shouldn’t resign for having an affair. That’s between him, his wife, his mistress, and his dick (which is not unquestionably infected with some kind of ‘Spanish Flu-esque’ Antisocial disease).

He should resign because he is using this pseudo Fairy Tale Story as a means to get his face out there and be a topic of national conversation. He has brought insurmountable shame to the fine people of South Carolina while attempting to keep some positive energy flowing for a hypothetical bid for president in 2012…and for that he should side-step out of the spotlight and fade into obscurity.

I never thought I would say this, but perhaps he could actually learn something from Sarah Palin. When you succeed in making a national mockery of a place and/or mentality that was never taken seriously to begin with; when you succeed in becoming the ass-end of a public joke that you don’t seem to be in on; when you so royally screw the pooch that you are forever branded as being so full of shit that you can’t even manage to choke out words with any shred of credibility, it’s time for you to go.

–Alex G/

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July 1, 2009 · 2:36 pm

Porn Star Adrianna Nicole’s Ten Reasons Why I Probably Don’t Want to Hang Out With You

1) You are a heterosexual male/female using the word ‘Fag’ in a pejorative manner.

2) You are a woman with a child who told the child’s father ‘of course I’m on the pill’ in order to make the selfish decision to have a child just that, all your decision.

What ever ‘smart’ reasons you might have, (saving an already broken relationship, having someone to love you unconditionally, etc.) your plan will backfire and create resentment.

3) You are underemployed and able bodied and sit around complaining about how bored you are and how you can’t pay your bills.

But you are not actively looking for work! Instead you lay around the house all day watching TV and looking at anything other than employment opportunities online.

4) You are over 25 (not in school) and have roommates.

5) You are a male friend who thinks that because…

a) I work in the adult industry.

b) I’ve had sex with a wide variety of ages and body types and, you know, I’m so cool to hang out with.

c) We have a really good time hanging out and shooting the shit.

…we should just take the next step and fuck each other or that we’d ‘make a really good couple’.

Um, no. The answer to this is:

a) I’m NOT interested.

b) I’m not shy, if I were interested in you sexually YOU would be the first to know. I’m not shy. I wouldn’t keep it a secret.

c) I don’t want to date you.

6) I’ve traveled with you and seen the worst side of you…Guess what? I really didn’t like it.

7) You are a psychic vampire.

Your life is a series of complaints and misery which you seem to endlessly be whining about to other people, (anyone who will read about it online or listen to you) but you don’t do anything to help yourself out.

If you don’t want to help yourself out, don’t think that I want to help you out either. I’m not a licensed therapist and you are not paying me.

8) You are someone who randomly emails me on MySpace or Twitter asking to chat, leaving your number, asking for my MSN, Yahoo, or AOL IM account (double this sentiment if you have never heard of spell check.)

I don’t ‘chat’ and I don’t want to trade pictures with you.

9) You are the last one in the group to take your wallet out when out for drinks or food.

Not carrying cash, sneaking off to the toilet, or wandering away to look for an ATM. You are not being sneaky or clever, you’re just being a douchebag.

10) Your attention span is so short that you can’t remember what you said or did a week ago, or even ten minutes ago and now you want to debate it.
-Adrianna

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March 8, 2009 · 9:02 pm

Gryffindor FTW!!

AlexOnce in awhile, I’ll happen upon something that I will–for a short time–consider the “Greatest Thing Ever.” While this practice is often more spasmodic and arguably useless than Keith Olbermann’s lists of Best and Worst Persons in the World, it often serves to satiate my otherwise excruciating somnambulism during the average work-day.

Just about every other Sunday, I’ll find that there is nothing else of interest on the tiny TV at my desk at work aside from a constant marathon of each of the five current Harry Potter films. When the first of these films came out, I was a Freshman in High School, and I was severely underwhelmed. In all fairness, I would modestly count myself as a fan of Children’s Cinema only a bit less than Adult* Cinema.

I tried to read the first Harry Potter book in that year, and was told by my psychotic dwarf English teacher that I needed to read a “Big Boy Book.” Even though the “Little Boy Book” had been spotted on his own bookshelf days later. Little cunt.

That being said, I must also admit that I had very little interest in the series; however, another cinematic “marvel” broke that same year…the ever-so-magical and ever-so-interminable Lord of the Rings. Most of my friends at the time were huge Hobbit-Heads**. I tried to get into the series. Really, I did…but they’re all just so fucking boring***.

Being willfully subjected to almost every Harry Potter film on a semi-bi-weekly basis has actually been quite a joy, and revitalized my interest in the series. I’m not a huge fan of magic, fairies, wizards, and witchcraft, but I can and do find myself oddly drawn to it from time to time. It breaks monotony and (strangely enough) holds my interest much more tenaciously than…say…the new episodes of The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, and American Dad that happen to be airing right now.

And while I’m not certain exactly what compelled me to write this (not really a) review of the Harry Potter franchise, after being so drawn to this consistently engaging series, I find myself getter a huge nerd-boner in anticipation of the next installment****.

–alexG

*That, of course, would include Hardcore Pornography.

**Not a sexual reference.

***You’re Welcome.

****…and not just over Emma Watson, thank you very much!!

(EDIT: I just realized that I was duped by abc Family and I was not indeed shown all of the Harry Potter movies. They stopped at Goblet of Fire and I am quite…quite pissy about it. I have seen “Order of the Phoenix” though…if it helps.)

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February 18, 2009 · 1:08 pm

The Dull Life Outside of the Q Continuum

Alex Frankly, it blows my mind into what neurosurgeons would refer to as “a tizzy” when I ponder how paradoxically insignificant life can be. I hate to get all philosophical and “sciencey” when attempting to write an article because it usually results in relatively long periods of silent staring, writing pages upon pages of utter nonsense, and eventually collapsing under the weight of my own stupid fucking arrogance; but no matter. I shall continue on my editorial about the human experience (and attempt to be brief)…fuck.

In an infinitesimal period in space and time (or space-time if you like words with no and between them), we exist. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your life! We’re born, and we’re either coddled or mistreated for the first decade or so of our existence (this would determine whether we grow up to be dainty recluses or dangerous psychopaths…or…what’s the word for something in between those?).

After that, well, all bets are off. You could be a dainty recluse and move on to become a brilliant reclusive author, or, alternatively, you could be a dangerous psychopath and go on to be a surprisingly competent Governor…for a short time.

It is during this time between birth and death that we call “Life” that weird things occur. Our bodies change. We start thinking about girls (or boys if you’re a girl, or…gay…bi…transgender…fucking political correctness); we start listening to terrible music and are then deluded into adulthood that the terrible music we liked is somehow the best music in the world!

But I digress. My main point is that in this period of life, we forget certain things or refuse to acknowledge them. We spend that time considering things that don’t really exist and ignore those that do.

Life is fleeting, but exciting! Life is dull and miserable, but the greatest fucking miracle of all time. Humanity spends its time trying to find water-marks that look like Angels or The Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. We get angry and spout things like “Ain’t nobody gonna tell me there ain’t no god!” Well, perhaps someone should.

This commentary isn’t supposed to be about the existence or non-existence of a Creator, but it must be known and accepted that such belief can be extremely harmful to the believer and to society. Not all the time, of course, but I’ll move on.

The miracle of life is a wonderful and mind-tizzying thing that we should never take for granted. It is the responsibility of all of us to create. I heard an interesting observation the other day from Ben “Yahtzee” Croshaw. He said: “There are only two things humans can create: tools and art.”

While that seems like such an obvious statement, it struck me as profound and meaningful.

I remain hopeful for humanity. While the outlook may be bleak at the moment, we have reason to believe that the world will right itself sooner or later. Hopefully with all of us still going about our lives, leaving to rot, or at least questioning the daily routine.

–alex(mynextarticlewillbebetter)G.

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