Tag Archives: jersey shore

All Good Things Must Come to an End

All good things must come to an end, right? When something good ends prematurely, it is often missed the most. When it is out of your control, it is that much more frustrating. This goes for jobs, experiences, friendships, and really anything that is finite. Especially good TV shows.

As a kid, my tastes were simple. I liked PB&J’s, The Power Rangers, and a nice coloring book. I was a bit behind on my career path to be Batman because my parents hadn’t been murdered at an opera yet, but was still pretty sure it would work out. The older I got, the more diverse my tastes became. I started enjoying more exotic foods and left behind the silly pipe dream of becoming Batman. Spiderman was much cooler.

I moved from Power Rangers to Spongebob (although Spongebob still holds up to this day) and from Spongebob to Arrested Development. If you haven’t watched this show, stop reading this right now, punch yourself in the mouth, and go watch all three seasons.

Now, I know the show is very popular and that the majority of those who have seen it like it. This post is for those people, the few and aggressively proud, who hate the show like it stole their bike during their childhood. I’m not sure if these people are just anti-critically acclaimed things or if they just cannot understand the humor that is presented to them in an original, fun way.

I think what annoys me the most about the people who don’t like the show, is their dismissiveness of it. One of my favorite reviews of it was on a message board from when the program was still on TV. Someone named “Pirates of Piss Ants” says “I’ll give it a week more of my attention.” Thank God he told us! I’m sure creator of the show Mitchell Hurwitz was scouring the internet in 2003 looking for someone with a username that is a pun based off of an opera from the 1800s. If I don’t like a show, I just don’t watch it. I’m not so arrogant that I give my jackass opinion, while seemingly threatening those involved with the show with the idea that I might stop watching.

There is also a facebook group called “Arrested Development SUCKS!” It has 36 members, about half of whom are fans of the show and joined so they could argue with the group’s creators. The office address given for the group (like it needs one?) is so hilariously described as, “your moms house”. Clearly these men cannot be bothered with watching an Emmy award winning comedy when they’re still making mom jokes and probably aging their own beef jerky.

I haven’t given up on television altogether, though. There are still some amazing shows on, some just as good as Arrested Development. Louie, Delocated, Children’s Hospital, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock, Community, and Modern Family are all truly hilarious and deserve to be watched. I assure you none of these shows SUCK, and you will give them more than one week of your attention if you are not a jerk.

I’m not the first person to point this out, but Jersey Shore has filmed 4 seasons. That is one more than Arrested Development. I understand that Jersey Shore is probably cheaper to produce, but this makes me sad. I weep for the viewing audience, because they will be watching yet another season of garbage sealed into human skin suits making fools of themselves. I also weep because I just stubbed my toe, and I am a pussy. These are dark times my friends, dark times indeed.

Nick Schug

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Jersey Shore: Miami…that makes sense.

I’m certain if you’re reading this, you’re most likely already a die-hard fan of the epic television masterpiece, Jersey Shore–the reality TV phenomenon that introduced the world to remarkable human beings like Snooki, The Situation, and DJ Paulie D. Because you’re such a fan of the show, you’ve no doubt heard that MTV has picked up the series for a second season (thank god) to be set at Miami Beach in Florida.

After the first season finale, and several episodes marred with controversy, cat fights, douchebaggery, and punching a chick in the face, rumors had already popped up for a second season with an entirely new cast.

But, alas–the astounding and unfounded popularity of several “characters” in the original cast led MTV to let this band of irritating fucks continue on documenting their rampaging immaturity for another season.

They’ve already caused enough mayhem and debauchery in New Jersey (as if that’s even possible), so why not let them ruin the reputation of another beach town? This time, in Miami.

Before the decision was made to move the show down South, rumors were floating around that the new set for Jersey Shore would be Sea Isle City in New Jersey–a totally chill place when it’s not a buzzing hive of pricks and cunts.

As of yet, there is no set date for when the show will air (as it just started shooting in late March 2010), but sources have informed us that the cast may have been moved already! A reliable source has informed us that the cast and crew of Jersey Shore have been removed from Miami and set up shop in good ol’ Jersey for the remainder of their shooting schedule. According to rumor, the shores of Jersey were happy to have them back–for tourism purposes.

And you know what that means! I’m going to fucking Sea Isle this weekend.

If you think you’re up for it, check out the trailer here…but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Watch out for such great lines as, “You’re the Kryptonite to my fucking tan.”…”It hurts my vagina!”…and…”Miami, bitches!”

If you haven’t seen Jersey Shore yet–or would never admit to it–don’t start watching now. The show exists merely to stir up water-cooler chats (or whatever the equivalent would be to unemployed 20-somethings) and to reel in the same audience it achieved last season.

It’s your call now–because if the show does horribly (and it should), MTV would never consider bringing it back…and we can go back to the good old days; the happy-go-lucky time when we didn’t know that these people existed. We can do it, my friends. We can go back.

I promise.

Alex G/

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‘Jersey Shore’–Now You’re Fucking Stuck with it

The MTV masterpiece Jersey Shore premiered this past week and the media is already foutraged (fake-outraged). Have we not seen this shit before? How many times have the socially bewildered and functionally retarded been wheeled out for our amusement via Reality Television?

From obviously staged and/or encouraged cat-fights, to douches being douches, MTV has never disappointed its Mongoloid audience (and, of course, I use the term ‘mongoloid’ with as little respect as humanly possible).

Luigi is no longer the most annoying wop on the planet...

Jersey Shore is barely in its infancy and public officials are already throwing it under the bus. Italian-American community leaders (i.e. The Mafia) have expressed their extreme distaste with the repeat use of the term “Guido” on the show…and the newly invented term–which I can’t wait to use: “Guidette.” Now that’s class.

Critics of Jersey Shore, especially the Italian-Americans need to ‘fugget-aboudit,’ or in other words, shut the fuck up! Stop pretending to be offended and stick to what you’re good at: cooking, organ grinding, and domestic violence.

On the subject of domestic violence, this little gem hit the Internets recently–just about as randomly and aggressively as this bitch gets hit in the face:

 

Sweet chin music. A symphony of raditude. That bundle of irritating tits is Snookie, one of the seemingly endless number of reasons to completely avoid watching Jersey Shore.

Complaints about this scene have caused MTV to pull the clip from their show, much to the disappointment of sadistically optimistic individuals such as myself.

The largest dissent on Jersey Shore has been the portrayal of Italian-Americans in a negative light. If only there were some prominent Italian leader to dispell the rumors that all Italians want to do is hit people in the face…hmmm…

Listen up, greaseballs: this isn’t an ethnic sitcom. It’s a reality show. These people are portraying themselves in a negative light. That’s how people get famous. Them’s the rules.

And who made these rules? You did. We all did. This is our fault. You and I are just as socially responsible for Jersey Shore as its producers and advertisers.

On the subject of advertisers, Domino’s Pizza has pulled its ads from the show, saying:

“We just have chosen not to be on that particular show. The content of the show wasn’t right for Domino’s.”

‘Wasn’t right for Domino’s?!?!’ Jesus Christ on a Panini! You’re a fucking pizza company! What better way to promote your company than overpaid half-homo dagos pissing on the history of their ancestors and kicking defenseless sluts in the cunt?

So don’t pretend you “didn’t know” that this show would be an offensive clusterfuck of twenty-something male idiocy and the sleazy hijinks of crusty, over-sexed borderline retarded “guidettes.” You knew and you did nothing to stop it. You embraced Jersey Shore…and now you’re fucking stuck with it.

Alex G/

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