Tag Archives: gamers

January 6, 2010 · 12:01 pm

GodsGirl Aglaia Venus is a CosPlaya!

Okay, so some guy from some crazy website called SuperDPS.com asked me to write some crazy things about sexy nerdy stuffs. Let’s see…..

The first thing that comes to mind when I think “sexy nerdy stuff” is Cosplaying. Nothing makes me giggle like a fan girl more than seeing a scantily clad woman representing one of my favorite comic book or anime characters. Cammy is a classic, and so is Psylocke, though I’ve seen some pretty sexy versions of Pikachu too.

The list of sexy cosplays just goes on and on. The hardest part about being a cosplayer is actually getting the costumes made or making them yourself. No one is going to be carrying a Major Motoko Kusanagi outfit in the Juniors department, that’s for sure. My local gun store doesn’t carry a spartan laser, does yours?

So while you sit and enjoy the short-shorts and the long blonde wigs, there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes. One cosplay, for me, takes months of planning. Sewing alone could take many weeks. After all that sweat, tears, moaning and groaning and touching myself… *ahem*.

After all the hard work that goes into creating a sexy cosplay, I finally get to wear it and show it off at a convention. Every cosplayer knows how it feels to finally wear your creation and be seen in public wearing it.

The feel of a giant spotlight on you from the moment you enter the con to the moment you go back to your hotel room. There’s that amazing moment where some random person chases you down, between all the other cosplayers and all the other spectators and the staff and the artists and the tables and down a flight of stairs and across a super crowded room, in front of photographers taking pictures and around a table and knocking down a little kid to say “HEY! I LOVE YOUR COSPLAY, CAN I HAVE A PICTURE WITH YOU?!!!!!1!!!ONE!”

Yup. It’s happened, and it’s sure to happen again.

Personally, I’ve cosplayed quite a few characters, some of which include Cassie Hack (Hack/Slash), X-23 (X-Men), Chii (Chobits) and last but not least, a corset wearing Zombie. Sexy to the max!

My favorite aspect of being a cosplayer is also being a model. There’s something to be said about  bringing that character to life, then being able to have awesomesauce pics of it afterward. I have photoshoots that vary from fashion to cosplay to editorial, and all of them have a flavor of their own. In fact, they mostly taste like chicken.

When it comes down to it though, cosplay is about the people. Everyone just wants to have fun, enjoy all the cool things and the incredible culture that comes with being a nerd. It’s an endless list of incredible stuff you can buy that have a geeky background ($359 Browncoat, anyone?).  It’s equally impressive the things you can cosplay and gain recognition for it.

Everything from a strip of bacon to a giant transforming robot has been cosplayed. As for me, though, I love a girl in a school girl costume and knee high socks. I love Domo-kun, Xbox360, orange juice, and long walks on the beach.

I love being naked and nerdy. Hell, I just love being naked, and I do so for a couple websites now – CosplayDeviants.com and GodsGirls.com. The only thing better than being naked and nerdy is… actually, I can’t think of a damn thing that’s better than that.

Xoxx,

Aglaia

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November 4, 2009 · 7:02 pm

‘Fat Princess’ is Tons of Fun

alexbwFor the record, I am not a huge fan of RTS (Real Time Strategy). I suppose I was never meant to be a god…or a general…or a leader in any way, shape, or form. Commanding and Conquering large imaginary armies across an exotic turrain while casually checking my Facebook just doesn’t work for me; but for some reason, Fat Princess does.

Fat Princess isn’t exactly a fully traditional RTS, but it certainly feels like one and contains the most important elements: The sprawling and often inscrutable landscapes, the two warring factions, and the gaming fags who rack up billions of experience points in the game and then taunt you over the internet for playing it casually.

Let’s start with the story. Two kingdoms had a misunderstanding and went to war over princesses eating cake…that’s about it. Fuck it, if you have a Red Kingdom less than a mile away from a Blue Kingdom, you have to expect that some shit’s going to go down.

When playing the Single Player, there is certainly a lot of fun and action, but you don’t get the satisfaction of pwning 13-year-olds via online playing.

Essentially, in the main quests of the game, your castle has captured the other castle’s princess, and vice versa. You must keep the captured princess in your castle, while working as a team to get YOUR princess back from the opponent. In order to make this task more difficult, your opponent has been feeding your princess cake to make her heavier.

Character design is a decent feature for those who want some customization. There aren’t a ton of customization options, but everyone just turns their little character green with a red mohawk anyway.

Me, on the other hand…I choose to turn my little avatar into a cross between Thor and Zach Galafianakis…

Your avatar represents you in the game, and you only control one character who respawns every time you die…and you will die…a lot–especially in the online games.

Fat Princess has gotten loads of good scores from game critics, but fuck what they think. If you like old-school style capture the flag games and have a decent sense of humor, you’ll love it. And even though online play is frustrating as fuck, it feels like you’ve actually accomplished something when you win…but you have to keep playing, or else you’ll be forced to re-enter a world where you’re a disgusting loser with a body like fucking Grover.

–Alex G/

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October 4, 2009 · 4:04 pm

An Open Letter to GameStop Employees

alexbwBefore all else, allow me to clarify that you are not solely to blame. This editorial expression of disgust is not wholly upon your shoulders, but rather the hive-like collective of gaming Nazis that you call colleagues. My insatiable frustration finds its target on the repulsively anti-social hobgoblins that don Game Crazy and EB uniforms as well–in addition to the rest of your competitors, I’m certain.

Someone needs to explain to you exactly what your responsibilities entail; and I believe that person should be me, for my scorn hides deep within my pasty-white shell.

While you will unquestionably live your melancholy, judgemental lives outside the glass doors of your place of work–for the good of the consumer–you must shed this snake-skin in exchange for your uniform, and from the hours of 10AM to 10PM, pretend to be a fucking person.

Whether I walk into one of your stores to browse the used games, or to make a purchase that I may later regret, you must leave me be. I fully understand the obligation to inquire if I may need assistance, but once I give my final reply, feel free to kindly fuck off behind the counter and continue searching your GameInformer magazine for typos.

As much as I expect someone working in a shoe store to know a good deal about shoes, I assume that you know your shit when it comes to video games–at least to a certain degree. I don’t need to hear about what games you’ve bought, or what you thought of games in the past. Chances are I don’t share your opinions on anything, nor shall I pretend to give a shit.

Some of you believe you’re being noble–sharing a secret knowledge with your costumer to which you, and you alone, have access to. I understand the urge to say, “I’ve played that game. It sucks,” but this is not your place; and in virtually every conceivable circumstance, it’s fucking annoying. Please just assume that I’ve read reviews of the product that I am choosing to haphazardly throw money into, and stay out of the fucking way.

Imagine for a moment that you and your friends all went to see a movie, and when you got there to purchase tickets, the cashier said, “You’re seeing (insert film name here)?! You must be retarded.”

If I’m buying a stupid and probably shitty game, just keep your mouth shut and assume that I’m buying it as a birthday gift for someone I really hate.

And while we’re on the subject, please don’t ask me if I want to reserve a game. The whole reason I’m in the store is that I want to spend my money, and go home with the product in my hand. If I wanted to reserve a game, I’d order it online…and not from GameStop.com.

If I wanted to plunk down half the price of the fucking game 3 months before it’s released, I’d seek medical attention to remove whatever poisonous shard was lodged in my brain.

I’ve already made the mistake of buying the game from you instead of ordering it off of Amazon for half the price, so please just assume I’m so retarded that I don’t even know what a game is.

Surely, I can identify with the nerdgasm that spurts forth when you find any conceivable opportunity to discuss your favorite and least favorite games with someone your own age–or, christ-forbid, a woman–but you have to understand that I’m not your friend. You must know I’m not your friend, because you don’t have any friends–for this reason.

The consistent presumption of inferiority that you place upon everyone who wanders aimlessly into your stores is going to backfire on you, big time. For example–the conveniently located Game Crazy store by my house closed down because no one was buying games there, simply because no one wanted to deal with the arrogant cunts who stood guard.

Do you understand what it means to be human? Can you make social interactions with other humans without applying your delusional brain filter that causes you to somehow believe you’re above other people? Perhaps you are condescending towards the casual gamers because they have other magnificent vices to fill in the gaps in life which you tend to only utilize for masturbating and crying.

I know how much you hate the outside world, but perhaps you would find them more acceptable if you actually made eye contact while you’re speaking with them.

We can’t all be experts in our fields of interest, but when you sit back in your imaginary throne casting relentless judgement on those who inspire your wrath and jealousy, you become just as bad as those Geek Squad pigfuckers at Best Buy.

Ah yes, Best Buy–the mortal enemy of any gamer-friendly chain. While the good employees of Best Buy are more-than-often lazy, arrogant, uninformed, technologically retarded, unhelpful children–it is almost impossible for them to piss you off unless you let them.

Best Buy employees will try to talk you into buying shit you can’t use, paying too much for shit, or buying shit that you already fucking own just by applying the sales advice that is drilled into their mailable brains upon inception. That advice? Fucking Lie.

If you’re susceptible to their charms, you’re a damn fool and deserve to pay $60 for a FireWire cable even though the digital camera you just bought fucking comes with one.

But lying can, at times, be noble–so what do you say guys? Put on your best grown-up expressions, keep your comments and criticisms to yourself unless you’re actually–god forbid–asked for your opinion, and remember to concentrate on the lie hidden behind that ultimate retail question: “How may I help you?”

–Alex G/

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May 22, 2009 · 8:17 pm

Trailers of the Week: Memorial Day Edition

alexbwBefore you start to fling about your rampant accusations, let me just say–in my defense–that I am inflicted with the most horribly debilitating of physical and psychological diseases. No, it’s not Swine Flu. It’s Summer Laziness. The symptoms of which are chronic procrastination, writer’s block, and an ever-increasing ass-groove in what had once been a perfectly usable sofa.

I have written (and brought forth from others) a plethora of fine material with which all you fun-junkies can shoot up, snuff up, or swallow up for quite some time. My recent activity has been lax; and by lax I mean insignificant; and by insignificant I mean I’ve done fuck all in the past few days.

I’m granting Dave (the recently missing member of the site) a bit of a grace period for article writing. Truth be told, by this I mean, I just don’t have the energy to demand much anymore.

I’ll keep up my duties to the best of my ability, while retaining some semblance of unfounded hope that there is some Biblical face-melting Ark of the Covenant full of sparklingly witty original material buried somewhere under the piles of clothes, trash, and artifacts of gobbledygook in Dave’s room; which, if a mini-shit-storm apocalypse should come tomorrow, would be looked upon by future generations of Archaeologist Mole People with puzzled solemnity.

Fuck that was a long sentence.

Now, let’s get to all those new Movie Trailers that you may or may not need to see (unless you can’t see–in which case, don’t go to the movies. You’ll creep people out).

Pontypool–The tag line is “Shut Up or Die.” Which may be good advice for the Zombie genre. We’ll see if this can make the pain of Zombie Strippers go away.

Sherlock Holmes–Guy Ritchie doing what he does best; making us all forget how fucking boring England really is.

The Brothers Bloom–Wonderful to see the writer/director of one of my favorite movies tackling such a huge film. If the movie meets the expectations presented by the trailer, I’m going to be wading balls-deep through awesomeness.

Gamer–Is there no limit to Gerard Butler’s obscenely polymorphous cinematic valiance? All kidding aside, this looks like the single greatest kick-in-the-cunt action movie ever.

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt–Michael Douglas seems to be prepping his bad-guy game for the inevitable sequel to Wall Street; but even so, this film doesn’t go far beyond being a “fun afternoon” for a bored housewife who doesn’t feel like cracking a book. She will then proceed to tell her children how wonderful and suspenseful the movie was, but when they see it, they’ll be sure to think it sucks beyond a reasonable doubt.

Precious–Oprah and Tyler Perry thought Notorious was unfair and decided to make a movie about a the rise of a morbidly obese girl instead.

9–Seems like one of those Tim Burton movies that no one will really like, but if you work at Hot Topic, you’ll kindof have to force it.

Nine–Yes, that’s right. Same title…just spelled out this time. And this one is a sexy musical starring some women you thought were dead, some you wish were dead, and that guy who drinks your milkshake.

Street Dreams–I have absolutely no interest in this gritty skateboarding flick…and that’s coming from someone who just reviewed Precious just minutes ago.

Aliens in the Attic–Unless this is sequel to Hider in the House, I’m not even going to give it the time of day. No Busey, no Movie!

Baby on Board–Two points. One, they already made this movie. It was called The Break-Up. Two, if this suckfest stays in theaters for more than 48 hours, I’m going to write an angry letter to the President.

The Girlfriend Experience–The big acting debut of porn star Sasha Grey doesn’t look nearly as compelling as it probably should. I picture her doing an artsy flick, but this looks stale and unfinished. I feel like I’m back in art school.

The Ugly Truth–Remember what I said about Gerard Butler? His rugged charm sucks you in to a trailer that should, by all Matthew McConaughean means repel the shit out of any serious film nut. Fuck you, Gerard Butler! You make me want to see a romantic comedy that anyone with half-a-fucking-gerbil-brain knows what the ending will be!

Yesterday Was a Lie–Sci-Fi Film Noir should have began and ended with Blade Runner. This unwatchable mockery of classic cinema makes Community College Film Students look like Fritz fucking Lang.

Gooby–Try to watch this trailer without laughing. I fucking dare you. This movie looks so appallingly and unfathomably ridiculous that I can’t help but watch it again just to make sure I didn’t make it all up. Warning: Who ever sees this movie has tasted death. What the flying fuck???

Children of Invention–I almost certainly won’t see this in theaters…but I’m not sure why. Must be the Asians.

Twistee Treat–I’m starting to become disillusioned with Independent Film…I applaud the effort, and I’m unmistakably jealous, but I’m still not going to see your shitty movie.

Whatever Works–Larry David as Woody Allen as Larry David.

$9.99–The onslaught of movies with “Nine” in the title is interminable. This film, however, looks beautiful, imaginative, and I almost can’t wait to see it.

District 9–I’ll end with another “Nine” movie here. Maybe Hollyweird is on to something with this whole “Nine” thing. This pseudo-documentary looks brilliant. My faith in the future of cinema has been rejuvenated. If there were some omniscient, omnipresent being living amongst the clouds, this would be the time to thank it, sincerely.

And with that, I shall take my leave of you. Don’t be a stranger, and please keep watching good movies. It’s our only defense against Hollywood feeding us another Summer crap-a-thon.

–Alex G

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January 16, 2009 · 12:33 am

An Ode to the Facebook Status

ryanbestLet me preface this by saying that I have entirely too much free time. I work three days a week and sit around monitoring what I eat and trying my damnedest to have the most achievement points out of anyone in my clan (fuck you, Mike). I am wholly enamored by Facebook, and wish I knew more people in real life so that I could know them in fake life.

I don’t even have to talk to people in real life anymore, less so than pre-Facebook when I sat on AIM all day looking at peoples away messages. It’s probably one of the best (worst) things to happen to me.

And with all this social networking, comes that “WHAT I’M DOING NOW” shit. You could be twittering, skittring, yonkly-ing, kwipping, shitting or pissing – and everyone can see it. And that brings me to the main topic at hand. Out of all the futile services we could all be using to tell each other everything all the time, most of us are using Facebook.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I wore JNCOs once because everyone else was, too.

However, the “Facebook status” feature is the most voyeuristic and hilarious part of the entire service. I can see what some poor slob from High School is going through without even having to ask or in some cases EVER HAVING TALKED TO THEM. It comforts me to know that Terry Bo Berry was feeling alienated…about an hour ago.

There are several categories of status users. I work for SUPER DAMAGE PER SECOND, (SuperDPS.com) and I’m here to help.

Okay, first off you have what I call the ‘Sylvia Plath Status User’. This user is rare in my case, as I only have two or three in my feed at any one time. They supply me with the most harrowing views of self deprecation that you might only read about in a Louie Anderson book, except I’m not lining Louie Anderson’s pockets with little boy fucker money.. ITS FREE.

Examples:
Jerry McStevens is wrong all the time, wish I never fucked up. 4 hours ago

Erica Marshtron is completely alone and devoid of any human contact, I shouldn’t have done it :( . 30 minutes ago

Tabitha Ploursheim put all of her cards on the table and they were washed away with the gale force winds of dishonesty and hatred. 4 seconds ago

Next on the list is the ever-so-cunning: “Holy fuck I can use my name in song lyrics” status updater. I am guilty. Guilty as sin. I love it. Live for it, actually. It’s great. It’s like, I can be as brilliant as these lyrics because these lyrics… are how I FEEL.

There are so many opportunities to this because, on one hand, you can either be viewed as someone who is extremely emotional and down to earth or you could be seen as someone who just really digs that song, given the reader knows the lyric. I’ve even gone so far as to Google peoples’ statuses with a “+lyrics” modifier just to see how for real they are.

Examples:
Randicus is sleeping in his shoes and dreaming of the worst; living dirty lies. 21 hours ago

Harrison Bergeron is wondering how come every time I come round my London Bridge wanna go down. 35 minutes ago

Tiger Woods knows that one day baby, it’s really gonna grow, yes it is. Yesterday

Thirdly, lest we not forget the most annoying brand of updaters: the “is’ers”.

Before the new Facebook came around, your status could only be prefixed with “is”. So instead of something like “Randicus wants,” it would be Randicus is wanting. You couldn’t get rid of the is. There are still people that leave the “is” before they continue their thought.

I’m not sure if it is a sort of ‘Facebook stigma‘ and pretty soon our generation will be speaking in the third person and we will all be is’ing everything, or if it is just a mistake, but it makes me fucking nuts.

Examples:

Gordon Freeman is SUPER BOWL YEAH BIRDS DO THAT SHIT YAE YAE. an hour ago

Leif Erickson is where is my remote? 24 minutes ago

Omar Little is take me to a movie!!! 17 hours ago

I’m sure there are plenty more, but those are the big ones that are taking up space in my brain right now. And with all the other shit bouncing around in there, I had to get it out. I need that brain power to focus on more important things, like achievement points and maintaining a healthy diet. So fuck off, I got work to do.

–Randicus.

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December 8, 2008 · 9:09 pm

Trailers of the Week III: Gamers’ Edition!

AlexUnfortunately, there aren’t any decent new movie trailers to speak of. For this reason, I’ve decided to find three future Video Games that look appealing. Again, understand that these may turn out to be the worst games ever–but if their trailers hold up, they should be fucking awesome.

1. Rise of the Argonauts

 

 

This is a Christmas pick of mine. Hopefully it comes to me wrapped in pretty bows. At my old house, we didn’t have a chimney, so we decided to leave the door unlocked for Santa.

 

That was the year Santa decided to take away a majority of my Playstation 2 games. He did, however, leave The Bible Game and some a handful of others…

 

Santa knows what he likes.

 

 

Will Santa like this game enough to bring it to me and not take it away? We’ll see.

 

Rise of the Argonauts will mark the third RPG release for the Playstation 3. I was never a huge fan of RPGs until I played Fallout 3…and now I’m addicted.

 

 

I think my main interest in this game comes from my fascination with the LucasArts game: Herc’s Adventures–or as I like to call it: The Best Game Ever Made.

 

This game brings back my nostalgia for Herc’s Adventures (even though I still own the game for PSone):

 

The oversized Hercules, the characters of Jason and Atlanta, and most importantly, what are bound to be some ass-kicking battles of mythological proportions!

 


 

 

 

The first Godfather game was epic. I have it for Wii, which may or may not be a mistake; however, the controls served the purpose. Like the Manhunt 2 controls for Wii, they made the game a unique experience and allowed me to take the unneccessary brutality into my own hands. Who wouldn’t want that?

 

 

The only thing that fucked up the game was that the map was too large and the cars too slow to navigate across the whole thing for every mission.

 

From what I’ve seen, the new Godfather game seems much larger in scale, but also much more involved. Hopefully these modifications serve to improve the game and not to take everything fun out of the first game.

 

 

 

 

Little is known about this game, and I won’t pretend to know much. I’ll treat you to a few sneak previews of it (which turn out to merely be a graphics trophy case). The only thing I know about it is that it plays out like a film and tells the story of several characters dealing with a crisis.

 

Supposedly, if you die as one character, they’re gone, and you continue play as another.

 

That’s what I read, that’s all I know…

 

…but this game looks stunning.

 

(those last two links aren’t from the game. FYI)

 

 

-Alex (SYNT!)

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