Tag Archives: disney

February 4, 2013 · 7:09 pm

What the Fug is Going on with Marvel?!

For a company, now paired with Disney, Marvel seems to be “accidentally” letting a lot slip about the future (“Phase II” & “Phase III”) of their multi-million dollar franchise. Oh, right, I should say this now: SPOILER ALERT! As in, what follows may contain SPOILERS, or maybe not. Maybe everyone is wrong and Marvel is in on the joke; but just be warned. PLAUSIBLE SPOILER ALERT!

First, let’s talk turkey–and by “turkey”, I mean Iron Man 3. Just about a week before the new Super Bowl Teaser trailer dropped, Marvel had been picking up the pieces of a major “Phase II” leak regarding the series. And the leak was this:

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Probably doesn’t look like much, but what it is (allegedly) is a tell-all regarding the film’s end. As Marvel had announced, director James Gunn will be at the helm for the upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy film (which I know almost nothing about other than it involves Thanos and a Rocket Raccoon). The catch here is that the finale of the Iron Man 3 film will involve Tony Stark heading to (fucking) Space to team up with the Guardians, pushing forward his story in Phase II. Surprising? True? Who knows! But sources say: YES! And Marvel is genuinely peeved.

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But that’s not all. As Marvel is a company that likes to plan entire future franchises way ahead of time (not unlike Pixar), they have many many secrets on the table and aren’t so great at keeping them there. The next giant SPOILER news regards “Phase III” and the Universe post Avengers 2. According to an info leak, actor Mark Ruffalo will be getting his own HULK movie which will follow the story line of Planet Hulk (if you’re not already in the know, look it up. Click the link, or check out the animated movie on Netflix).

While the news may not seem like a huge cataclysmic bombshell of information, it seems to be getting on Marvel’s tits quite a bit. They’re looking to get litigious and whatnot, so we can only assume there is some truth to these rumors.

Sources to check out: Aint It Cool News, Latino Review, & MTV UK

Oh, also…before I go, Kevin Smith is making a CLERKS 3. Let that sink in for a while…

L8

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July 11, 2011 · 12:37 pm

I Love Movies, but I Hate Yours: Cars 2, Transformers 3, and Bad Teacher

“CARS 2″

The problem with “Cars 2″ is that it’s produced by Pixar, a film studio that is automatically preceded by a reputation for producing groundbreaking masterpiece after groundbreaking masterpiece. Ever since it made its first full-length feature in 1995, the animation company has been responsible for some of the most highly regarded movies of recent years, with films such as “Toy Story” and “Wall-E” capturing the imaginations of audiences young and old, wide and far. Pixar is universally renowned as one of the most reliable movie studios running today, the mere mention of its name instantly inspiring a promise of stunning and breathtaking quality. And as soon as that sparky little animated lamp bounces up and down on the second letter of the company’s name before the movie’s opening titles, John Lasseter’s “Cars 2″ is doomed to crash and burn. (READ MORE)

*******

“TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON”

I’m rewarding “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” with a passing grade for this single simple fact: I had fun. You see, “Transformers 3″ presented me with what I shall hesitantly label “a good time,” which I shall attribute to the fact that I was sitting in a cinema watching two-and-a-half-hours of giant robots repeatedly hurling their mits at the glimmering metallic bodies of one another. Now, you may ask me, “But Stephen, you sexy beast, you were presented with the exact same thing in the second movie, “Revenge of the Fallen,” and you very much disliked that movie, so why does this one get a passing grade?” Well, I’ll tell you why (and thanks for the compliment); I’ve given this a passing grade because there’s something about “Dark of the Moon” that renders it not quite as tedious or frustrating as the chaotic clutter that was 2009′s “Revenge of the Fallen.” And if that’s not high praise, I don’t know what is. (READ MORE)

*******

“BAD TEACHER”

It is the job of a teacher to introduce you to the whole wide world and all its wonders. You’re young, you’re naive, you’re impressionable, and your teacher is most likely the only adult authority figure outside of mummy and daddy. You see them five days a week, six hours a day, are under their control and are taught everyday skills by them. Amongst your absorption of grammatical correctness and mathematical equations, you are being trained by someone who is essentially a role model. And thinking of Elizabeth Halsey as a role model is an unnerving thought indeed. (READ MORE)

*******

–Watson

(for more, visit I LOVE MOVES, BUT I HATE YOURS)

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April 25, 2011 · 4:08 pm

Remembering William and Kate

With the combining forces of the internet, television, and countless paparazzi throwing fuel on the media fire that leads up to–and will surely include–the wedding of Prince William Arthur Philip Louis of Wales and Kate Middleton, only time will tell before it all blows up in their faces.

It’s an inspirational story to many who pump up this Disney Princess story of a young woman raised in poverty who finally, after years of struggle, becomes a real live “Somebody!” Truth is, Middleton had a more comfortable, privileged upbringing than most–and pairing that with her objective good looks, she’s almost certainly better than you in almost every way.

We keep the delusion because it gives us a warm fuzzy feeling inside, and that’s fine. We’re in a shit pit and we need some redemption, or at least a pleasant distraction.

The danger we face now is pushing our fantasies and our desire to know every insignificant detail about their lives. This is what we did to Princess Diana (make no mistake about it, paparazzi killed Princess Diana); and if there’s anything we can say about our civilization is that we never learn from our mistakes, and never act in our own best interest.

When Prince William and Kate Middleton finally tie the knot, people will gradually lose interest. The magic will die down, and people will become spiteful. They’ll want to see the worst in people and not the beauty, glitz and glamor. Every media outlet will be looking for any kind of marital spark or squabble to “prove” that your fantasy love story was a huge lie.

The press will become urchins of the sewer, watching and waiting for that perfect moment when Kate gets drunk, throws up, and stumbles into a limo. Headlines will read “Royal Family: UNHINGED/EXPOSED/CLUSTERFUCK” or any combination of brazen demolition of anything that people hold dear. And it’s only going to get more bizarre from there.

(Don’t believe me? One of CNN‘s top stories today is that most people name their cats “William” and their dogs “Kate”)

It doesn’t have to be this way, of course. But it inevitably will. How soon we forget the media frenzy at this time in 2007 when William and Kate broke up for a couple months. This degradation will be slow and assuredly heartbreaking. The most important thing is the safety of Middleton, and that relies solely on our ability to separate reality from our desire to witness the degradation of human life.

The answer is simple. Take a step back, sacrifice your own savage blood lust, make the future for these people pleasant and without tragedy. Save Kate.


–Alex G/

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April 21, 2011 · 6:55 pm

Winnie the Pooh

To not love Winnie the Pooh is to not have a soul, a heart or a conventional upbringing. The snuggable, huggable, yellow teddy bear, created by English author A.A. Milne in 1926, is beloved by anyone who, at some point, has had a childhood. Whether this affection has stemmed from the original books or the Disney films and TV shows, everyone adores Pooh Bear and his woodland friends. Their latest big-screen outing, again released by Walt Disney Studios, is simply titled “Winnie the Pooh,” and it is an absolute delight from start to finish.

To jog your memory of the heart-warming critters of the Hundred Acre Wood, we’ve got spring-tailed tiger Tigger (voiced by Jim Cummings), grumpy old Rabbit (Tom Kenny), ever-depressed donkey Eeyore (Bud Luckey), intellectual Owl (Craig Ferguson), nervous nellie Piglet (Travis Oates), caring kangaroo mother Kanga (Kristen Anderson-Lopez), Kanga’s cute kid Roo (Wyatt Hall), and of course the eponymous, red-shirted bear, Pooh (also voiced by Cummings). And they’re all friends of local English boy Christopher Robin (Jack Boulter), whose parents don’t seem to be very concerned that he’s running about in the forest with wild animals.

Pooh Bear wakes one morning to find that his tummy is making a weird sound. Upon further inspection, he comes to the conclusion that it is rumbling due to a craving for a certain food, which is, of course, honey (misspelled “hunny” in the film). This is in spite of the fact that his stomach consists of fluffy stuffing, but let’s not overanalyse anything here.

As he searches for the deliciously sweet tummy-filler, he discovers that the down-in-the-dumps Eeyore is missing his tail, which is usually held on by a pin on his backside. Seeking help from the other familiar animals of the Hundred Acre Wood, Pooh and Eeyore go to try and find the latter’s absent tail while trying on some temporary substitutes, including a balloon and a cuckoo clock.

As well as the tail-searching and the grumbling of Pooh’s honey-starved belly, Owl misreads a written message from Christopher Robin, misinterpreting the words “back soon” as “backson,” a monstrous creature which Owl believes has kidnapped dear Christopher. And so, the gang goes off in pursuit of the hideous ogre, shivering their way along the wooded forest, Pooh getting hungrier and hungrier with each step he takes.

As you can probably tell, “Winnie the Pooh” caters to an especially loose and episodic narrative, one that is narrated fluently by “Monty Python” veteran John Cleese. However, with the film running at around 60 minutes, it doesn’t overstay its welcome, the small snippets of a plot more than satisfying for the brief runtime. No need to worry, your kids won’t be getting bored and restless and running up and down the aisles of the cinema screen.

The film is animated in a traditional hand-drawn style instead of the computer-generated approach that seems to have overtaken animated movies nowadays. This only enhances the film’s natural charm, unspoilt by the dulled-down visuals that come hand in hand with the current 3D phase. In fabulous 2D, it really is a treat for the eyes on the big screen, showing that pesky 3D glasses are not necessary for an animation to look spectacular.

Amongst the many joys that “Winnie the Pooh” delivers are the singing talents of actress Zooey Deschanel, who you may know from “Elf“ and “(500) Days of Summer.“ Here, she supplies much of the film’s soundtrack, from the well-known theme song to the tantalising “So Long,” which plays over the end credits — I’d stick around for it if I were you.

The movie’s sense of humour is refreshingly clever, from Owl’s obliviousness to the fact that he can simply fly out of a pit in which he’s trapped, to Pooh’s desperate attempts to get a lick of scrumptious honey — which comes with a perilous threat of bee stings. The film’s comedy is very wry and sharp, dealing with slapstick and character-based humour, the kind that should prove uplifting for both youngsters and adults — I could certainly hear many chuckles from the parents in my screening.

Director Stephen J. Anderson’s “Winnie the Pooh” is an absolute must-see for kids, and is the kind of family film that remembers grown-ups will be in the theatre too. It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s uplifting and it is charming, animated wonderfully and is as sweet as the sticky food the titular bear so craves. A load of Pooh this is not.

Nine outta Ten

–Watson

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August 31, 2009 · 1:50 pm

MARVEL & the Mouse: Disney’s Grasp on Comic Cinema

alexbwThe Twitterverse is alive and buzzing with the swine-like squeal of outrage over The Walt Disney Company’s upcoming purchase of MARVEL Entertainment Incorporated for upwards of $4 Billion in cash and stock. According to the Associated Press, this monumental purchase will include the film rights to about 5,000 Marvel Comics characters ranging from Iron Man to Ant Man. Comic book fans are outraged, but is this anger placed in a reasonable manner? Not likely.

To briefly set the stage, both parties have only just announced that this deal is being discussed. Nothing has been cemented as of this moment. The boards of both companies have approved the transaction, but it still requires shareholder and anti-trust reviews.

Mickey would make such a kick-ass Venom. Sorry, Topher.

Mickey would make such a kick-ass Venom. Sorry, Topher.

Let’s imagine–and it’s almost certainly going to be reality very soon–that this deal were already passed. The Walt Disney Company is the largest entertainment media conglomerate the world has ever seen; but it is primarily associated with media for children. This narrow minded approach to viewing Disney’s resume can only be met with derision. Disney is not singularly Hannah Montana or The Jonas Brothers. They are not singularly PIXAR or Animation Studios. And they are not singularly MIRAMAX or TOUCHSTONE, either.

MARVEL’s resume of films is meager, and–speaking critically–as shitty as it is impressive. Should we examine the 1986 disasterpiece Howard the Duck? Or shall we move straight up to the present and delve into the Incredible Hulk–the movie so shitty, they made it twice.

To be fair, both MARVEL and DISNEY have their cinematic shit-fests; however, I believe that trusting MARVEL’s future with an organization that tends to only hire the best and brightest in their fields could hardly be a mistake.

That’s not to say that Disney isn’t a greedy behemoth with dollar-signs for pupils, but who isn’t nowadays?

Let’s think about this critically. Many individuals look at this as if Disney is going to have The Jonas Brothers playing X-Men, while–in reality–we’ll get better quality 3D animation for the cartoonier Marvel Comics and ridonkulous budgets for the action flicks; so let’s give credit where credit is due.

The argument I’ve heard against this is that traditional-style animation has a special place in comic book films and Pirates of the Caribbean sucked. This is a fair assessment; however, I am optimistic that if most of the comic book audience feels this way, they will not be disappointed.

I’m not saying that Disney deserves to be defended to the death. They’ve squashed and stolen many times, but to say that Disney is somehow not worthy or incapable of doing a Superhero movie is just mindlessly fucking insulting. How many corners did they tell Quentin Tarantino to cut when he did Pulp Fiction or Kill Bill? For the anime scenes in Kill Bill, did Miramax say, “No, we need to make it 3D Computer animation?” Of course not.

The long and short of it is that there is almost no way that Disney can ruin Marvel Comics any more than Marvel Comics already has. Feel free to disagree, but feel free to be wrong as well.

–Alex G/

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June 19, 2009 · 5:58 pm

Busting Makes Me Feel Good

alexbwAttempting to be extremely selective about what games I’m going to purchase is starting to become almost even with selecting which movies I’m going to bother seeing. While I could obviously pay to see about 5.5 shitty movies at the same expense as paying for one shitty game, I would consider it about even.

Like anything else, if you wait long enough, your interest will wane, and you’ll inevitably begin to coax yourself into waiting for the movie to come out on DVD, or the game to wind up in a Used section or Bargain bin. The tragedy, of course, is that ultimately, if it is actually a GOOD movie or game, you’ll hear about it every moment of your life until you actually suck it up and pay for the fucking thing.

Demos have always been a decent way to go about picking and choosing my battles when it comes to games, but Playstation never releases quite enough of them. This leaves me in the same situation I am with movies. I’ll see a preview and either say “that looks awesome,” or “I’ll wait to see that,” or “Well, it is Pixar.“

That being said, I’m extremely satisfied with my recent purchases of GHOSTBUSTERS and [PROTOTYPE]. I haven’t finished either, but I finally found what I’m looking for in a game. I hadn’t been sure before, but I think I know now: exceptional graphics and addictive fun.

GHOSTBUSTERS is a sequel in the purest sense of the world. It takes into account that anyone playing the game has seen the movies and runs with it. The game pairs the frustrating fun of Luigi’s Mansion with the blast-away nonsense of the Ghostbusters game for Sega Genesis. Perfect for the unrepentant fanboy.

And, say what you will…there is fun to be had with Luigi’s Mansion, even if the overall game was repetitive garbage.

PROTOTYPE is a different beast entirely. While I’m almost finished with GHOSTBUSTERS, I have no idea how far I am in this game. I assume I’m close to the end, but who knows?

Puzzlingly, I think the things that I like about it are also the things I don’t like…to an extent. I like that it’s an open-world sandbox game (redundant). Exploring a perfectly illustrated New York City in peril is a joy; however, the “side missions” that you would get in any other sandbox game are all just ridiculous challenges. Kill 500 people in 10 seconds.

The plot is very straightforward, and I like that. I wish there were more to it, but it is what it is. Think of it as Grand Theft Auto, but instead of hijacking cars, you can fucking pick one up, fly through the air, and throw it into a helicopter. Does that alone make up for anything that this game might be lacking?

Yes. Yes it does.

–Alex G

(…oh, and I also saw UP in 3D. If you don’t see it, you’re fucking crazy.)

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January 28, 2009 · 5:00 am

The Top 5 Things People Need to Stop Pretending are True

AlexWe would all love to feel intelligent. It’s natural to long for that orgasmic brain baby that makes sweet love to our consciousness on a daily basis. But when we aren’t having premarital underage sex with our own sense of luscious self-awareness, while wrapped around an ever-buzzing Tesla Coil deep within the chasms our brain cases, we tend to come off as, what trained neuroscientists would call “Pants-on-Head-Retarded.”

In such cases, we become prone to blind acceptance of the babbling nonsense spewed by people we might otherwise call our peers. For your sake and mine, let’s go over some of the most ludicrous bits of nonsense that jackasses claim are gospel (…I won’t include the Gospel…).

5. We only use 10% of our Brain!

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The Oxford English Dictionary defines "Douchebag" as...

The Claim: There’s really no way to explain this claim without considering all of the Art Teachers, Religious Nuts, and Generic Psychotics who have tried to drill this into the unsuspecting and gullible public over the years; however, the claim is that humans only use 10-20% of their brain power or ability.

The rest of the brain holds potential that scientists are yet to discover. There are, however, individuals who posses the power to access these “locked” areas of the brain: Telekinetics, Ghost-Talkers, and, arguably…Bob Ross.

The Reality: You use all of your brain…unless you were in the Third Track classes at Roman Catholic High School…kidding (…maybe). Yes, everyone uses their whole brain. They may not use it to its full potential, but, well…that’s why they’re in Third Track at Roman Catholic High School.

I was going to include Psychics and Predicting the Future in this list, but I’ll just mention it now. No one has ever accurately predicted the future on purpose, not Nostradamas, not a Bear or Ungulate (since that’s Dave’s new favorite word), NO ONE! It’s not real. Grow up. Frauds and assholes tend to use this argument ad nauseam…much like:

4. Eating Rice is Dangerous to Birds.

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Also, what happens to you when you masturbate to Anime Porn.

The Claim: You shouldn’t throw rice at a Bride and Groom after the Wedding because pigeons and other birds could eat the scattered grains and “explode.”

The Reality: This claim is about as ridiculous as the story about the Chihuahua that turned out to be a Giant Sewer Rat. It doesn’t even really seem believable at all, if you actually think about it; but I suppose the notion of animal digestive system oddities makes it seem somewhat likely if you have absolutely no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.

3. Larry Wachowski had a Sex Change.

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At least his brother could pass for his Girlfriend.

The Claim: ‘Nuff said, right? The claim seems to date back to the early Twenty First Century, around the release of The Matrix: Reloaded. Larry Wachowski of the famous Wachowski Brothers film making duo is now living his life as Lana, Laura, Lisa, or some shit.

The Reality: There may be something to the rumor that Larry Wachowski has some weird turn-ons and taboo sexual desires, but there is nothing…none…zilch…fuck-all…zero evidence that he is now a woman. He may be a little girly…I can see that. Apparently the rumors were started when the Wachowski Brothers would decline interviews, so Matrix Trolls decided to make shit up.

If you look at a picture of him and his brother, Andrew…you get a weird Bert and Ernie vibe (if Bert were a post-op Drag Queen)…but that’s neither here nor there. Although, now that it’s come up…all the characters in The Matrix are androgynous hermaphrodites…

…which reminds me!!!…


2. There was a Pregnant Man

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Wait...umm...oh, okay...Pregnant Man: LEFT, Oprah: RIGHT

The Claim: A man, Thomas Beatie, became pregnant and…Jesus Fucking Christ on a Daisy Chain Cross…this is too ridiculous. I’m jumping straight to the fucking REALITY.

The Reality: Ladies and Gentlemen, and ladies who have become gentlemen…just because you feel that you’re one person (or thing) trapped in the body of another person (or thing), that doesn’t mean that you can effectively CHANGE yourself into that person (or thing). Barbara Walters interviewed this person as one of the Most Fascinating People of 2008. Why?

I’d say John Wayne Bobbitt is more fascinating for losing his penis and then having a porn career. There should be nothing fascinating about a woman with a beard having a baby. The big story now is that the Breaking News Butch wants to have another baby. Well, that’s just lovely isn’t it? But it’s not news. She’s a woman.

Look, “Thomas,” when you’re genetically altered to become a male Seahorse and you give birth to a series of Merpeople, then and only then may you alert the media. Until then, stay off my television, you greedy, self-righteous, Media-Hogging cunt.

1. The Disney Movie Bullshit

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Is Goofy trying to get Free SKINaMAX?

The Claim: Disgruntled Disney animators constantly include passive sexually explicit elements in their films. Their reasoning (I can only imagine) is to give Grade School Boys and the Adult Mentally Disabled something to mentally masturbate to and/or snicker at while they and their friends/their children/their friend’s children/a stranger’s children watch Disney cartoons together.

The Reality: Alright, Disney has had a weird past (and future, we can hope) but including sexual images and semi-porn in their cartoons has never been part of it (with the possible exceptions of The Rescuers and Who Framed Roger Rabbit?).

No, the Seven Dwarfs don’t represent drug use, Donald Duck doesn’t call Daffy Duck a “nigger,” Aladdin doesn’t tell children or Rajah to take off their clothes, nobody in The Little Mermaid had a boner except for the castle on the video box…no, not that either, the word SEX never appears in The Lion King and Rafiki was just an innocent retarded monkey who lived in the desert. Any questions?

I hope this article meant as much to you as it did to me. Have a pleasant day and a lovely tomorrow! ^_^

–alexG.

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