It was a long Saturday at the Wizard World Comic Con 2012. The recognizable (and unrecognizable) Cosplayers were out and about. Super Dudes Power Show’s Charlie Lightning was forced to stand next to some of the most creative costumes of the day…but he didn’t seem super into it.
Charles instructs me on how to work his camera. I’ve never used one before.
“Psylocke? Meh. This Pepsi is better.”
“Spaceballs? Naaah…”
“My feelings about ‘Sucker Punch’ have not changed…”
“Zombie Gumby, let me look at my soda for a bit.”
“Space Bounty Hunters? Does it even matter?”
“Doctor who?”
“Hey, is that Mark Ruffalo?”
“These are really high ceilings…”
“Who the fuck leaves a half-eaten pretzel on the ground?”
“Did I step in gum…?”
“This isn’t even a real axe…”
“Ooooh! T-Shirts for sale!”
“Why does Joel Schumacher continue to live?”
…And that concludes our Wizard World Comic Con adventures in Philadelphia…for this year. And for more from Charles “Charlie Lightning” Lecki, visit his TUMBLRand listen to us every week on SUPER DUDES POWER SHOW: The Podcast.
Upon arrival on Thursday, I was impressed with the preparation, expectations and overall scope of the event. Previous Cons would have presented costumed and casually dressed guests with a long and drawn out wait filled with fits of sarcasm, pessimism and an almost palpable malaise. But not this time.
Thursday (May 31st) was a “preview day”. Simply, a 4-hour window of opportunity for those with VIP passes, all access cards, Press Passes, and Weekend Tickets to get their bracelets early and explore the premises before the event exploded over the next few days. The vendors were given a chance to set up their wares before attendees began their migration, and everything looked very professional and inviting. My Thursday experience filled me with optimism for the events to come and, while the halls and rows of the Con were virtually empty (save some hardcore fans), presented me with a brief preview of the kinds of ongoing and indistinguishable body odor I could expect to be treated to.
First thing Saturday afternoon, myself along with fellow SuperDPS podcaster, Charles Lecki, moved in to the Convention Center. I already had my Press Bracelet, but he had to wait in line for his. The cash and charge lines were vacant while the “Online Purchased” line zig-zagged through half of a hall. Surprisingly, the line progressed rather quickly, even though our minds and ears were subjected to Living Colour’s Cult of Personality (the theme song of Con Guest CM Punk) at least 3 times in a fucking row. And with that, it was Welcome to Wizard World Comic Con!
Saturday was a spectacular show in the main halls of Wizard World. Lots of celebrities, costumes, and thoughtful merchandise that truly brought out the giddy nerd in all attendees. It always amazes me that these conventions have an inevitable knife & sword vendor, given the notion that I wouldn’t trust most of the guests at comic con with anything sharper than an egg. Most people were well behaved and respectful, making the show an amicable environment for all ages, though things did get a little pushy and heated the closer we came to certain major celebrities. The excitement kept coming, and I believe most of that came from the dynamics of the cosplayers, slack-jawed expressions on the faces of children (seen above), along with the lean and hungry look in the eyes of many of the lesser-visited celebrity guests.
I’ll begin with getting something off of my chest. I know (essentially) dick about wrestling. The WWE (or WWF as it was when I used to watch) holds very little significance in my life; however, seeing some of the stars of yester-year jogged my memory of when the realm of sports entertainment was filled with much more entertaining (and attractive) characters. Wrestler, CM Punk, was among the highest profile guests at the event, sparking huge crowds of WWE fanatics paying Christ-only-knows how much money for autographs and photo-ops with the “Champion”. As for my admission of deficiency when it comes to the going-on’s in Vince McMahon’s puppet show, one celebrity that amazed me by how great she looked was Amy Dumas (or “Lita” from WWE).
Of course there were several celebrities that looked a lot better than expected, and some who turned out a lot worse. Women like Kristy Swanson (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) and Shannon Elizabeth (“American Pie”) were examples of individuals who Time has been very kind with. What struck me as odd with these two was that both were not only charging for autographs and photo ops, but also trying to sell their merch. I don’t mean professional photos, either. I mean that Kristy Swanson (above) was promoting a brand of “5-hour energy”-style Vitamin drinks, and Shannon Elizabeth (perhaps more understandable) was selling her line of perfume. As strange and seemingly unconventional as this was, I would rather see these celebrities–who are obviously looking for work–attempting to sell or capitalize off of their fame than celebrities who are doing obscenely well currently, trying to sell autographs and photo ops for twice the price of admission. It just feels petty to me. Maybe I have some growing up to do.
Totally Furrealz: Melissa Joan Hart’s prices went up to $30 and $45, and then were drastically reduced to $15
My final comments before I leave you with a podcast to fill you in on the rest of our experiences are twofold. First, the base of any comic book convention is, was, and always should be the comics and artists that not only provide you with the stories, images and characters we love so much, but are also ultimately responsible for the adaptation films that do so well in our theaters. The fact that Chris Hemsworth (who I couldn’t get anywhere near, btw) gets more recognition for playing Thor than the person who effectively created the Marvel character should be a travesty. But for some reason it isn’t. While heroes of the industry like Stan Lee (who I also could get nowhere close to) are still praised and admired for their contributions, the row of dedicated, hard-working comic book artists at these conventions are virtually ignored in favor of people like CM Punk who yells into a microphone for a living. I understand why, I’m just curious if anyone feels the same way about the Artists. A counterpoint may be that most artists don’t want to be huge celebs, and that’s why they’re artists and not movie stars…but I’m sure they’d still appreciate the recognition.
And secondly, I think celebrities have the right to be slightly fucking bitter and butt-hurt after their long and successful career ends with them sitting in a vacant booth on a convention circuit with only the occasional visitor; and overhearing passersby whispering, “Who’s that?” But I don’t think that means you have the right to condescend to or be so flippant to those who are willing to pay just to shake your hand. I think that paying for an autograph or photo op is a complete waste of time. The act of trading money for a picture with someone or someone’s name casually scrawled on a photo of themselves (which you also bought) seems a bit redundant. We went photo-hunting at the Con, snapping pictures and capturing some great moments. You can share in some of these moments by visiting our entire gallery here.
The Wizard World Comic Con was a great experience and we had a lot of fun. Perhaps next year we’ll try a new approach to interacting with some of your favorite pop culture icons. Thanks for joining us!!
Okay, so some guy from some crazy website called SuperDPS.com asked me to write some crazy things about sexy nerdy stuffs. Let’s see…..
The first thing that comes to mind when I think “sexy nerdy stuff” is Cosplaying. Nothing makes me giggle like a fan girl more than seeing a scantily clad woman representing one of my favorite comic book or anime characters. Cammy is a classic, and so is Psylocke, though I’ve seen some pretty sexy versions of Pikachu too.
The list of sexy cosplays just goes on and on. The hardest part about being a cosplayer is actually getting the costumes made or making them yourself. No one is going to be carrying a Major Motoko Kusanagi outfit in the Juniors department, that’s for sure. My local gun store doesn’t carry a spartan laser, does yours?
So while you sit and enjoy the short-shorts and the long blonde wigs, there’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes. One cosplay, for me, takes months of planning. Sewing alone could take many weeks. After all that sweat, tears, moaning and groaning and touching myself… *ahem*.
After all the hard work that goes into creating a sexy cosplay, I finally get to wear it and show it off at a convention. Every cosplayer knows how it feels to finally wear your creation and be seen in public wearing it.
The feel of a giant spotlight on you from the moment you enter the con to the moment you go back to your hotel room. There’s that amazing moment where some random person chases you down, between all the other cosplayers and all the other spectators and the staff and the artists and the tables and down a flight of stairs and across a super crowded room, in front of photographers taking pictures and around a table and knocking down a little kid to say “HEY! I LOVE YOUR COSPLAY, CAN I HAVE A PICTURE WITH YOU?!!!!!1!!!ONE!”
Yup. It’s happened, and it’s sure to happen again.
Personally, I’ve cosplayed quite a few characters, some of which include Cassie Hack (Hack/Slash), X-23 (X-Men), Chii (Chobits) and last but not least, a corset wearing Zombie. Sexy to the max!
My favorite aspect of being a cosplayer is also being a model. There’s something to be said about bringing that character to life, then being able to have awesomesauce pics of it afterward. I have photoshoots that vary from fashion to cosplay to editorial, and all of them have a flavor of their own. In fact, they mostly taste like chicken.
When it comes down to it though, cosplay is about the people. Everyone just wants to have fun, enjoy all the cool things and the incredible culture that comes with being a nerd. It’s an endless list of incredible stuff you can buy that have a geeky background ($359 Browncoat, anyone?). It’s equally impressive the things you can cosplay and gain recognition for it.
Everything from a strip of bacon to a giant transforming robot has been cosplayed. As for me, though, I love a girl in a school girl costume and knee high socks. I love Domo-kun, Xbox360, orange juice, and long walks on the beach.
I love being naked and nerdy. Hell, I just love being naked, and I do so for a couple websites now – CosplayDeviants.com and GodsGirls.com. The only thing better than being naked and nerdy is… actually, I can’t think of a damn thing that’s better than that.
As an American male who has long-since been desensitized to the likes of Two Girls, One Cup, I think it’s safe to say there is very little taboo in this age. You can be a sexual deviant and be a mega-star. You can be a child predator and still wind up making it big on MSNBC.
There’s no doubt that it’s a very sexy time to be alive. Aging hippies will talk of free love, fucking in trees and bushes, in public, on the steps of Congress. The young generation boasts about the blowjob they received behind a Wawa, or Denny’s. This is the same generation that brought us sexting (underage sexual text messages and pictures) which the media will claim as child pornography…but shouldn’t it be acceptable for sharing between consenting young adults?
The truth is that in the hands of the wrong people, something with convoluted sexuality (like “sexting”) may have the potential to be dangerous. But for the harmless, law-abiding, sexual creature, whatever doesn’t fuck you can only make you harder. This is a guide to those elements of sexuality and weirdness that put one over that thin red line that divides the objectively kinky from the universally creepy.
...universally creepy.
Analloeroticism (Asexuality)–You should never trust people who voluntarily detach themselves from sex; especially because any reasoning they give is complete horse shit. Whether it be spirituality, intellect, or a complete lack of passion, human beings who consider themselves “asexual” usually end up being deviant monsters whose inevitable life-long repression finds a way to rear its ugly head.
(Runners up: Agalmatophilia, Acne,According to Jim)
Bible, The–There are countless groups attempting to promote the idea that the biblical definitions of sex and relationships are the end-all-be-all. Some consider sex to be a spiritual or religious experience, and that’s fine. But there’s nothing sexy about basing your fucking on a ridiculous ancient text…unless it’s the Kama Sutra, in which case…you probably shouldn’t try.
(Runners up: B/O, Balloon Fetish, Burn Victims, Being Raped By Mike Tyson, Bobby Jindal)
Coprophilia–Poop, scat, feces, diarrhea…these things should never be sexually gratifying in any way. Let’s say, just for the sake of argument, you decide it might be kinky to take a shit on your lover’s chest. You both agree (because you’re both fucking stupid) and you go for it. It’s all well and good until you realize you’re taking a shit on someone and that shit is going to have to be cleaned up. By you. If you have to shit during sex, you probably shouldn’t be having sex.
Douchebags–While this seems like a somewhat unfair choice (because I’m subjectively defining the term), I think it’s an accurate representation. By definition the term has a negative connotation, but it can refer to almost anyone. Unfortunately, a douchebag can be sexy…but you’ll soon find that you’ve made a terrible, terrible mistake.
(Runners up: Dendrophilia, Dominos Pizza, Dave Coulier)
Erotophonophilia–There’s nothing wrong with a little violence to get your rocks off, but when it turns into getting sexually excited by murder, you just become psychofuck serial killer. Thank christ that we have psychologists and psychoanalysts who spend their lives coming up with scientific names for these mental disorders, or we wouldn’t know it as erotophonophilia. We’d simply know it as “Daddy masturbates to the History Channel.”
Frotteurism–Sexual pleasure from strangers is fine (in fact, it is possibly the basis of all porn); however, this particular “ism” refers to the sexual excitement that comes from casually rubbing against strangers; i.e. that guy who tried to get by you on the train was, in fact, creaming his jeans as he touched your soft white shoulder.
(Runners up: Formicophilia, Facebook Creepers, Futanari, Furries, Fish Fucking)
These signs need to be around everywhere. A friendly reminder is always nice.
Guro–Possibly the most violent and bizarre form of hentai (comic pornography), Guro blows my mind. The genre has a reputation of involving the most disgustingly violent forms of sex (i.e. rape, skull-fucking, horrorporn). Am I not hip, or is that wholly un-sexy? Guro is certainly interesting to peruse. It can be quite psychological and strange…but it’s still…totally…not sexy.
(Runners up: Girls Gone Wild, Ghosts, Grover Bodies, Gary Busey, Gap Kids)
Horoscopes–If a chick asks you what your Astrological sign is, don’t get involved. If a guy asks you what your Astrological sign is, he’s probably probably retarded…or incredibly bright, depending on how you look at it…but he is taking a huge risk. People who gauge their lives based on a random blurb in the newspaper have monumentally unattractive personalities and dependence issues.
(Runners up: Hebephilia, Hairyness, Harry Potter, Hooters)
Intellectual Laziness–Is there any bigger turn-off than stupidity? Maybe Lip Hair…yes. Lip hair would be a bigger turn-off. But, look…there’s no problem with not being the brightest crayon in the box, but the desire to grow has to be there. In guys and gals, if you’re a dummy, you’re a dummy; but if you sit there and drool while someone is trying to explain something to you, you’re either medically retarded, or you’re a Creationist.
Juicy Shorts–On a nice ass, it doesn’t matter what the logo says. “Oh, Juicy ass? Okay, why not?” But most perceptions of a “juicy” ass are extremely negative. The worst thing about the whole “juicy” craze is that no one whose ass you could comfortably call “juicy” wears the fucking shorts. They’re always either worn by 12-year olds or the morbidly obese. False Advertising.
(Runners Up: Jon and Kate Plus 8, Jedi, Japanese Porn)
The pairing of "Juicy, Cherries, and Underage Girls" is enough to make even Chris Hansen go, "How the fuck did I miss this?!"
Kilts (on men)–Scotland’s exports to the United States are all things that it has become necessary to re-gift…or just throw away. Their food isn’t food. Golf is one of the most boring activities one can engage in and still claim to be having “fun” (aside from bowling). And men wearing knee-skirts seems evil and wrong. When waitresses at Scottish bars wear kilts, it’s fresh and exciting, like a schoolgirl that you wouldn’t go to prison for fucking. An attractive man wearing a kilt might as well be living in a cave. An unattractive man wearing a kilt is probably Scottish.
(Runners Up: Klismaphilia, Kohl’s, Keith Richards, Kat Von D, Karaoke, Kafka)
Learning Yoga–I’d like to think that all of those able-bodied people who can actually do yoga are just born with that talent. I can’t even touch my fucking toes and these people are turning their bodies into soft pretzels. The practice of yoga is absolutely sexy; but the jackasses who think they can move their body like that when they haven’t even stretched since High School gym class need to think twice.
(Runners Up: Lactaphilia, Lil Wayne, Love Stories, Lane Bryant)
Masking–Possibly the most unnerving and unsettling sexual fetish is “masking.” I can appreciate the concepts of role play, costumes, and even latex/rubber fetishes (but what’s the point?); however, the concept of “masking” takes this all a step further. Maskers are men who make human female “skin outfits” out of latex and wear them around as if they are in a woman’s body. It’s like…EXTREME CROSS-DRESSING. It verges way-too-close to House of 1000 Corpses for me to find sexually appealing. But then again, I’m not a cross-dresser…or a psychotic.
Nihilists–There’s something to be said about individuals who stand by the non-existence of morality and law. Nihilists believe in nothing, and while–as an atheist–I have a certain admiration for disbelievers, there is very little that can be considered attractive about these people. Sure, you’ll meet your artsy guy or gal who claims to be a nihilist; but you’ll soon find that they are an a dark abyss where personality and sexuality are fucking extinct.
Obesity–Allow me to clarify that, for the record, there is nothing wrong with fat-bottomed girls. You don’t need to be skinny to be sexy. Classical artists painted heavyset women for ages…plump chicks wearing velvet, eating apples in the Garden of Eden, chugging wine like it’s 1509. I’ll leave it at this: you never see Michelangelo’s portraits of 300+ pound women washing themselves with rags on sticks and being carried out of their homes through a truck-sized hole in the wall.
(Runners Up: Olive Garden, Octomom, Occult)
Plushophilia–Although I’ve already mentioned “Furries” as a ‘Runner Up,’ I felt obligated to give them the recognition they so richly deserve. A physical attraction to stuffed animals is only magnified when it is embodied by lovers in mascot costumes. If you’ve ever had sex with a girl who was laughing at you the whole time, imagine the feeling of looking down at a googly-eyed hippopotamus (or some shit) staring up at your with a shit-eating grin on its face. Now that’s a boner-killer.
This must be how Stormtroopers are punished for incopetence...
Quagmires (sexual)–Many stories have been told about the unpleasantness of first-time sex. It is known as being bumbling, staggering, messy, and–one way or another–it’s over far too fast. Of course this is a generalization made by a vast majority who are sexually awkward the first time they fuck. This is an excusable quagmire. After you’ve had a considerable level of experience, these sexual blunders only become acceptable if you get ‘camera-shy.’
(Runners Up: QVC, Queans, Querimonies, Quaternitarians, Questioning the legitimacy of this list)–yeah, look those up, bitches.
Reenactors–There’s nothing wrong with being a history buff. Being interested in anything that much is totally hot; but when it takes over your personality to the point that you become a character in a recurring story, you’ve drained yourself of that appeal. This goes mainly for men. Ladies, if you can pull off some sexy cosplay, go for it! Guys, isn’t that enough?
(Runners Up: Rush Limbaugh, Radio Shack, Religion, Reparations)
Symphorophilia–While I’m trying to stay away from criticizing paraphilia that others may hold dear, there are some which–if you dohold them dear–there’s something deeply and disturbingly wrong with you. Symphorophilia refers to the sexual attraction one would (but shouldn’t) receive from witnessing a horrible disaster, such as a plane crash or…holocaust. It goes beyond sadism. It’s driving past a car accident on the side of the road, checking it out, and getting a boner. Sexy enough for ya?
(Runners Up: Space Camp, Sex Offenders, Sesame Street, Sheep, Shingles)
Trichophilia–Evidently, it’s extremely rare (percentage-wise) for women to experience paraphilia. That’s not to say that women have no interest in the evils of fetishism; however, the ratio of guys to gals who get freaky is way-skewed. For this one, I think it could easily go either way. Remember the days when being “shaved” was an extreme sexual rarity? Now fucking everyone goes hairless–or mostly hairless–and the world is much better for it. Who needs those freaks who live in the past? And who wants to be picking pubes out of their teeth?
(Runners Up: Twilight, Two and a Half Men, Titty-hugs from titless strippers)
This is the result of thorough daily manscaping.
Ursusagalmatophilia–Having already mentioned the Furries, I don’t feel the need to go too far in depth with this one. Ursusa-whatthefuck-philia is the sexual attraction one might–or might not–have towards a Teddy Bear. But to be fair, who can resist their button-eyes, unassuming expressions, and the empty soulless feeling you get from sticking your dick in a hollowed out Teddy Bear?
(Runners Up: Ugg Boots, Unemployment, UK Basketball)
Vorarephilia–There are individuals who exist (yes, they exist) who don’t enjoy being eaten out. Whether it be ass or vajazz…some don’t like performing or receiving. Now, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it…but what if I tried to sell you this…(allow me to play Billy Mays for a moment) ‘Hi Billy Mays here for being eaten alive! Are you a human being who dreams of being a helpless rodent, devoured whole by a massive python?! Well with my new product, Vore-be-gone, you can experience the sensation of being eaten and digested by another living thing, without leaving your living room!’ What the fuck is wrong with you people?!
(Runners Up: Vampirism, Vulcans, Video Diaries, Vitamin Enthusiasts)
Wizard Porn–Harry Potter has suffered an onslaught of fan fiction horseshit. It’s not surprising, it’s just unnerving. Why is it that out of all the teenage angst and sexual tension in those Harry Potter books/movies, aspiring uber-nerds spend their time scribing the homosexual adventures of Potter and Malfoy–or Potter and that annoying ginger kid? There are plenty of chicks in the picture…and Hermione’s getting kinda hot, so why not? Of course, if you really think about it…even straight wizard sex is kinda gay.
(Runners Up: Words of Wisdom, Wigs, Whinging, WalMart, World of Warcraft)
Xanga-When horny old men aren’t trolling MySpace, Facebook, or Twitter for fresh meat, they use Xanga…so it’s probably safe to say that there are hardly any horny old men on Xanga. But, for the purposes of this “X,” let’s assume that there are. What better way to scope out under-age girls with low self esteem? Their parents don’t understand them and their friends are all bitches. You’re the only one who really understands her…so why not? Some guys get off on girls’ desperation…but, those guys are all still in college. We’ve moved on.
(Runners Up: Xenophobia, Xanex)
Yard Art–Also called “Lawn Ornaments” or “Lawn Decor,” Yard Art is truly a sign of the sexually repressed and artistically retarded. Discovering a pink flamingo, garden gnome, wooden windmill, or crudely painted-not-so-funny-plywood-cutout-folk-art sticking out of your neighbor’s obsessively manipulated green grass is a sure sign that they’re probably in the business of enslaving children.
(Runners Up: YMCA Creeper Swim)
And who can forget the adorable folksy nature of having a little piece of racism on your front porch?
Zoophilia–We’ve had a lot of fun here today, but there’s nothing funny about fucking a horse…okay, there’s something funny about fucking a horse–especially if you do it more than once, with the same horse…like this guy. Beastiality is possibly the most intense form of animal adoration out there. Beat that, PeTA! It takes the term “dog lover” to a whole new level…truly man’s best friend.
On the other side of this is Zoosadism, a runner-up for this entry…which is essentially the thrill of seeing animals in pain. Also, this means if you’re pissed off at Michael Vick, you should probably also be against hunting, fishing, bull fighting, horse racing, and any other “sport” that provides us with a fun and exciting way to say “fuck you” to animals…without actually fucking them.
(Runners Up: Zoosadism, Zodiac Signs, Zeitgeist)
I’d like to believe that this guide will be helpful to anyone who had to ask themselves the self-depreciating question, “Should I be masturbating to this?” It’s an important question to ask before risking feeling completely miserable with guilt for the rest of your day life. If any of you have any disagreements, Runners Up, or changes you feel could be made to this very important document, please don’t hesitate to voice your opinion. It can be changed. It’s a living document…
The first thing that comes to mind when I think “sexy nerdy stuff” is Cosplaying. Nothing makes me giggle like a fan girl more than seeing a scantily clad woman representing one of my favorite comic book or anime characters. Cammy is a classic, and so is Psylocke, though I’ve seen some pretty sexy versions of Pikachu too.
The feel of a giant spotlight on you from the moment you enter the con to the moment you go back to your hotel room. There’s that amazing moment where some random person chases you down, between all the other cosplayers and all the other spectators and the staff and the artists and the tables and down a flight of stairs and across a super crowded room, in front of photographers taking pictures and around a table and knocking down a little kid to say “HEY! I LOVE YOUR COSPLAY, CAN I HAVE A PICTURE WITH YOU?!!!!!1!!!ONE!”
When it comes down to it though, cosplay is about the people. Everyone just wants to have fun, enjoy all the cool things and the incredible culture that comes with being a nerd. It’s an endless list of incredible stuff you can buy that have a geeky background ($359 Browncoat, anyone?). It’s equally impressive the things you can cosplay and gain recognition for it.
