Following my viewing of the newly-released festive family film “Arthur Christmas,” I’ve been furiously racking my brains (and my google machine) for other genuinely decent Christmas movies that have been released in the last ten years. I discovered that, off the top of my head, I could name only two: Jon Favreau’s “Elf” and Terry Zwigoff’s “Bad Santa,” both of which were released in 2003. Google, handy as ever, reminded me of one more: Jalmari Helander’s “Rare Exports” of last year.
Many other recent Christmas movies also sprang to mind without the handy aid of my google machine; there were, among many others, David Dobkin’s “Fred Claus,” Joe Roth’s “Christmas with the Kranks,” John Whitesell’s “Deck the Halls” and Seth Gordon’s “Four Christmases,” none of which, suffice to say, are “It’s a Wonderful Life.” All of a sudden, something quite saddening dawned on me: we don’t get nearly enough good Christmas movies anymore.
Every year, typically in the days leading up to December 25th, we are handed a wide and diverse array of attempts at Christmas flicks, whether they be conventional (such as “Elf”) or unconventional (such as “Rare Exports” and “Bad Santa”). On occasion, we are given the option of festive film releases that are jolly, cheery, heart-warming and rib-tickling. Unfortunately, the majority of today’s Xmas flicks are lazy, worthless studio cash-guzzlers that, rather than turning us merry and gay, turn us into right old Scrooges. However, I am both happy and relieved to report that “Arthur Christmas” does not trip and stumble into the second category; it is in fact a Christmas movie done right, and may even in time prove itself to be a bona fide Christmas classic. (Continue Reading…)
Well folks, it looks like Christmastime is upon us once again, and the weather outside certainly is frightful. It’s hard to believe it’s been twelve months since last year’s gleeful celebrations, but it’s here; and December 25th is approaching pretty darn fast. As per usual, fluorescent lights will be decorating the houses on the streets you pass, trees will be being put up in the corners of living rooms, kids will be building crude snowmen in their front gardens, and dads everywhere will be squeezing their way into now-undersized Santa suits. And what better way to celebrate Christmas than sitting down in front of the fireplace and watching a movie while the snow descends from the skies above? Opening presents is overrated.
There are always the regular festive flicks that pop up during the TV stations’ December schedules, all snow-covered and candy-cane-flavoured. These Christmas films have become a common ritual of family time during the wintry season, and in amongst them is quite a collection of all-time classics — some more holiday-like than others. Everyone has their favourites, whether it be from the films’ holly-jolly attitude or from pure childhood nostalgia. So, let’s leave the cookie out for Santa, turn the heating up, and countdown my personal top ten seasonal features.
10. “Scrooged” (1988) — First on the nice list is Richard Donner’s “Scrooged,” a fantasy comedy starring everyone’s favourite funnyman, Bill Murray. A modern (well, modern in the ’80s) retelling of Charles Dickens‘ classic novella “A Christmas Carol,” it tells the story of self-centred TV executive Frank Cross, played by the perfectly cast, scenery-munching “Ghostbusters” actor. Due to his arrogance and extreme selfishness during the holiday season, he is visited by three ghosts who show him how much of a heartless git he’s become, trying to turn him into a nice man once again. Both lighthearted and darkly comic at the same time, “Scrooged” proves itself as not just another lazy retelling of “A Christmas Carol,” showing off Murray at his very best. Yule love it.
9. “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” (1989) — The third of the misadventures of the infamous Griswold family, “Christmas Vacation” follows the dysfunctional household as they celebrate the jovial month and excitedly prepare for the big day itself. Chevy Chase leads once again as accident-prone Clark in this hysterical everything-goes-wrong comedy, in which, well, everything goes wrong — except the movie itself, of course. Written by John Hughes, it’s a hilarious film worthy of cracking up over and giggling some more — and if you don’t, I’ll strangle you with a goddamned wreath.
8. “Elf” (2003) — Before Jon Favreau was directing Robert Downey Jr. in superhero flick “Iron Man,” he did a side-splitting and sweet little Christmas film called “Elf.” Will Ferrell plays Buddy, one of Santa’s not-so-little helpers who’s much taller than his fellow workshop workers. Discovering that he’s actually a human, he leaves his home in the North Pole and sets out to bond with his dad, James Caan, in New York. Ferrell is unforgettable as the naive, chuckling chatterbox who has a staggering obsession with Christmas — he’s a well-meaning grown man walking around in an elf costume. Fluffy fun that even cotton-headed ninny-muggins will enjoy.
7. “The Santa Clause” (1994) — A bit of a nostalgia piece for me, John Pasquin’s family comedy stars Tim Allen as a man who accidentally kills Santa Claus. Through some contractual rules, the cranky father-of-one is forced to don the famous red suit and floppy hat, having to take on the obligations of the chubby present-giver whether he likes it or not. A definite high-point of Allen’s so-so film career, “The Santa Clause” is a fabulous source of much kid-friendly merriment. It’s better than “Christmas with the Kranks” anyway.
6. “Die Hard” (1988) — “Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker” may not sound like the joyous catchphrase to a hee-haw Yuletide family film, but action-flick “Die Hard” has Christmas traditions exploding out the yin-yang. Revolving around a vest-wearing Bruce Willis (with hair) as he skilfully thwarts a bunch of hostage-taking terrorists/thieves in a skyscraper, John McTiernan’s high-octane actioner has a big Christmas party, festive songs, a massive Christmas tree, and a recently-deceased henchman wearing a Santa hat on his head with “Now I Have A Machine Gun. Ho-ho-ho!” written in blood on his jumper. ‘Tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la, la la la die.
5. “Gremlins” (1984) — Another non-traditional Xmas picture, Joe Dante’s “Gremlins” is a tongue-in-cheek horror that’s mostly suitable for turkey-hungry littluns. Zach Galligan is given an early gift of a cute and cuddly little creature called Gizmo by his father for the holidays, bought from an antique store in Chinatown. Things go horribly wrong when water is spilled on the adorable fur-ball, causing Gizmo to spawn a whole gang of malicious monsters that attack the snowy town through hilariously grisly methods. Don’t get them wet, don’t feed them after midnight, don’t expose them to bright lights, but most certainly don’t let them not watch “Gremlins” every December. If you can drag them away from the local “Snow White” screening, that is.
4. “Home Alone” (1990) — John Hughes will always be known for his seminal ’80s chick-flicks, but what I will always remember him for is for scribing the wickedly funny slapstick “Home Alone,” a childhood favourite of mine. The film that shot Macaulay Culkin to fame (before he disappeared into some unknown parallel dimension), “Home Alone” showed the mayhem kids can get up to when left on their own. Eight-year-old Kevin McCallister ends up being accidentally left behind when his parents go off on holiday to Paris for the season, the situation made even worse when two scheming robbers target the family home. It’s also even more entertaining when Kevin decides to take on the couple of clumsy bandits all by himself, setting up intricate traps around the whole house. Darn pesky kids.
3. “Miracle on 34th Street” (1947) — Whether or not you believe in Santa Claus (how could you not?), you’ll adore this black-and-white classic from writer/director George Seaton. Kris Kringle is an elderly man who claims to be the bearded holiday icon himself, and ends up in the loony-bin because of these seemingly delusional declarations. A faithful lawyer, who Kringle has recently befriended, bravely tries to defend him in court, attempting to convince a judge that Kringle is indeed the real thing, reindeer and all. Crafted with much humour, “Miracle on 34th Street” is a charming vintage Christmas film starring Santa Claus himself. Edmund Gwenn really was Santa Claus, wasn’t he? Wasn’t he?
2. “A Christmas Story” (1983) — Never has a film created such a childish sense of wonder and fascination than Bob Clark’s “A Christmas Story.” The story in question is of a nine-year-old boy from Indiana who wants an official Red Ryder carbine-action two-hundred-shot range model air rifle for Christmas. It’s jaw-dropping how involving such a simple story can be, as we yearn for little Ralphie to receive what he so wishes for. Jean Shepherd’s awe-inspiring narration is one of the many fuels behind this film’s warm, burning fire, making one feel like a toddler again. And Ralphie’s such a cutie!
1. “It’s a Wonderful Life” (1946) — Heartwarming, funny, tender and emotional, Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life” truly is the quintessential Christmas movie that should be watched every year by all in range of a television set. Part fantasy, part sentimental drama, it has James Stewart receiving a visit from his guardian angel, Clarence, when the former considers suicide. For most of the film we’re watching the life of the generous, selfless businessman as his personality goes from highs to lows, Stewart beginning to realise that his dreams may never come true. The poignant ending will leave even the hardest man welling up and quivering in tearful delight. It’s a wonderful film.
Whether it be in cinema, video games, or World History, there rarely comes a moment as wholly emotionally gratifying as watching a Nazi drown in a pool of his own blood. And it is with this scenario in mind that we take this time to review two new releases: Inglourious Basterdsand The Saboteur.
Inglourious Basterds is a work of historical fiction written and directed by Quentin Tarantino, released earlier this year. The World War II revenge flick was just released on DVD and Blu-Ray in time for Christmas, so now is as good a time as any to review it.
Tarantino is the master of taking a tired concept and making it fresh–and this is just what he did with Basterds. While it bears the same name as an older exploitation WWII flick, it is not a remake. This is a fresh piece of cinema that packs in enough edge-of-your-seat intensity that it becomes difficult to watch.
But what am I telling you for? You’ve almost certainly already seen it, and if not, you’re a damn fool. The film focuses on two sets of protagonists who never come into contact, but who are fighting similar battles against German Nationalists.
The first group are the Basterds–a squad of Jewish-American soldiers led by Brad Pitt. Their sole mission seems to be killing as many Nazis as possible before they bite the bullet–until a British soldier joins their team and focuses their mission on blowing up a theater full of German soldiers.
The second story is that of the Jewish owner of the theater, a young woman who barely escaped a raid on the Paris house where her family had been hiding. She swore revenge on the Nazis who killed her family, and naturally, in true Tarantino fashion–she’ll fucking get it.
It’s a very beautiful, brutal, and comical portrayal of vengeance in Nazi-occupied France. Buy this film!
If you enjoyed Inglourious Basterds, and you’re a gamer, you will adore the final release by Pandemic Studios, The Saboteur. Some of Pandemic’s releases in the past have been give-and-take, but The Saboteur has achieved a full-on grip around my attention.
The game follows the standard sandbox, character in the middle of the screen, circular map/life-bar/wanted level model as every other open world game, but it’s nice to see the new innovation.
You play as Sean Devlin, a drinking, smoking, Irish racer, mechanic, and stereotype. He’s a man’s man with a penchant for snapping Nazi spines. The only problems I can find with this game are its lackluster controls (namely for sneaking and climbing) and the excessive amount of driving necessary for an open-world Paris…
Sean’s “brother” is murdered by a particularly evil Nazi (which just seems redundant), and this sets him off on a murderous rampage of killing and destruction.
The climbing and assassinating causes me to compare this game to Assassin’s Creed, but in almost every other way, it’s Grand Theft Auto: Nazi Occupied France. The game is very good and lots of fun to play; but I’m not above honesty–and to tell you the truth–if the setting were any different, it would be a generic sandbox shooter.
Supremacists always look better like this...
Killing Nazis doesn’t necessarily make a bad game better, but it certainly doesn’t make it worse. Luckily for The Saboteur, the gameplay, story, graphics, and acting is actually very captivating–and when you pair that with killing Nazis, your weekend is full.
At a time when we adult moviegoers have a fairly decent and varying menu of cinema to choose from, why is it that the best films I’ve seen have been meant for children? Though it sounds stubborn and pretentious, I have a difficult time bringing myself to frequent films that are rated anything less than ‘R.’
After seeing Where the Wild Things Are, I had to rethink my whole philosophy–and being a total Wes Anderson fanboy, I couldn’t pass up his latest opus–Fantastic Mr. Fox–despite its light ‘PG’ rating.
Most of the books from my childhood have already been made into shitty movies, and I was just starting to learn how to be OK with that. Then, Wes Anderson comes along and fucks up my whole system.
George Clooney is so foxy!
Fantastic Mr. Fox is based on the quite-short children’s novel by Roald Dahl, a crotchety old British man with a penchant for writing some of the most memorable and entertaining stories of all time. I grew up with all of his books (including this one, Matilda, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach, and The Witches–to name a few).
Although Mr. Fox was nowhere near one of his best works–it did work as his best movie. Mr. Dahl died nearly 20 years ago, but that won’t stop his wonderful works to continually produce mediocre films.
Anderson's style translates alarmingly well to stop-animation.
What Wes Anderson did with this film was phenomenal –in that it was both surprising and touching. See Fantastic Mr. Fox with your girlfriend or significant other, because this movie is so adorable and emotional that you’ll feel like a total fag sitting and sobbing in the theater when a female Fox puppet says, “I should have never married you.”
The story follows Mr. Fox (obviously), a family man with an addiction to stealing chickens and a second child on the way. He unwittingly fucks with the wrong trio of nasty farmers and hurls the whole land of anthropomorphosis into peril.
If you’ve ever seen a Wes Anderson film before (Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, Royal Tenenbaums, The Life Aquatic, or The Darjeeling Ltd), then you’ve already seen the style and you probably know the whole cast. The voice actors–almost everyone in Anderson’s predictable entourage–make this movie the masterpiece it is.
I would say “for a kids’ flick…blah blah blah…” but this film worked on every level possible. The only thing that kept this movie from having a PG-13 or R rating was that every “cuss” in the movie was replaced with the word: cuss.
As in: If you miss this movie, you’re going to want to cuss yourself in your cussing cuss.
2nd most hardworking man in entertainment?
Long story short–if you have anything left from your childhood that somehow wasn’t brought to tears by Where the Wild Things Are, surely Fantastic Mr. Fox will remedy that ten-fold. I’m not claiming that this film is a tear-jerker by any means, but you will find it amazing how much emotion that these cloth figurines can draw out of you at once.
WARNING: You will have to sit through some painfully inane previews for this one, but it’s worth it. Video about that, coming soon…
My point is this…if you feel like a douche going to see this movie without a child with you, just bring your retarded girlfriend–because you’ll both surely get just as much pleasure from the experience. You’ll get an amazing visual and touching experience, and your retarded girlfriend will get talking animals and pretty pictures.
For those of you asking yourselves, “Does It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphiareally deserve a Christmas Special?” the answer–unquestionably–is YES! After a run of lackluster episodes in the previous season, Sunny is back on top.
One of my favorite elements of the show–for better, or worse–is that the cast seems to truly and fully appreciate what they’ve acquired. They put a load of effort into making the show what it is, and it shows.
If you don’t find It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia instantly appealing, you’re probably not someone I’d prefer to know. The show isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, of course, but most people don’t know good tea from hot piss.
Obviously the show is going strong and holding a pretty decent viewership for a comedy cable show…but let’s get back on track here.
I was fortunate enough to get a sneak peek at the new Always Sunny Christmas spectacular, and I was impressed as all get-out. FOX has stated that the DVD will run 60 minutes plus special features, but it really didn’t seem that long…This slightly-longer episode features two stories:
Mac and Charlie find out that their previous Christmas traditions were illegitimate, illegal, or mentally damaging and decide to rejuvenate their spirit.
Dennis and Dee recall that Frank (their father) has never given them a proper Christmas and seek out his old business partner–who he thinks is dead–to help them teach Frank a lesson.
I don’t want to spoil and of the sweet action for you, but I will say that (if the show did air on FX–which it isn’t) it would have to be heavily censored. This ‘sode should have been titled “The Gang Drops About 30 F-Bombs in 30 Seconds.” Charlie viciously attacks a mall Santa, and the whole journey wraps up with an old-school Christmas clay-mation featuring Frank’s Christmas Spirit.
Though it seems a waste for FOX to release this gem as a solo straight-to-DVD movie, it is absolutely worth buying, stealing, burning, or downloading. The DVD/BluRay is set to be released on November 17th, so my Christmas shopping will be fucking finished on that date.
So, if you know me–don’t read this, or the surprise will be forfeit.
Let me start off by saying that DC Comics is a pretty redundant title. That being said, they’re responsible for some of the greatest Superheroes (and Villains) to ever moisten the pants of nerds everywhere.
Mortal Kombat, on the other hand, has served to produce some of the funniest and most outstanding fighting games (imo) across the multi-platform board.
In Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe, these two elements come together to form (possibly) one of the greatest fighting games I’ve ever played. For someone who isn’t a huge fan of such games, I realized the other day that I sure have a lot of them–from the originalMortal Kombat Trilogy for Playstation One to this latest opus…with the odd Street Fighter, Def Jam, Dragonball Z, Tekken, Smackdown and Facebreaker game thrown in for good measure…I’d imagine it would be impossible to claim that I don’t like fighting games at all.
The only problem with them (in general) that I have is that there’s no other reason to play most of them other than sheer boredom; or that once-or-twice-in-a-lifetime event when a visiting friend boasts that he/she can kick your ass at Street Fighter and I have to hang my head in shame.
Don’t get me wrong…Street Fighter IV looks like a FUNtastic game, and I’ll probably own it in several months; however, I am looking forward to an interesting single player mode as well.
The problem with my delusional opinion is that fighting games were probably never meant to have a decent single player mode. They’re specifically designed to be games to play with friends; but how many rounds can you go without getting bored retarded?
Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universeis, in theory, a wonderful exception to the rule. I’ve never been a huge comic-reader (aside from Spawn, The Tick, and anything weird, independent, or Adults-Only), but I was excited to play as these characters. The Heroes are so diverse and fun to fight with that it completely makes up for the fact that we’ve all been playing as the same Mortal Kombat dudes for most of our young lives.
But let’s get technical.
The graphics are beautiful, but that’s coming from someone who played Mortal Kombat: Armageddon on the Wii for about an hour before chucking it away to collect dust. The characters are all very detailed and vary greatly in terms of appearance and moves.
The replay value is fairly high for several reasons.
First, you can play through a STORY MODE taking either Mortal Kombat‘s or DC Universe‘s point of view of the same story line–and both are equally entertaining.
Second, the ARCADE MODE takes the classic Mortal Kombat approach of fighting through a pillar of opponents. At the top of the pillar are the two top baddies of the game, and then you are treated to an ENDING cut scene featuring the character that you chose to play as. Typical, but still fun.
Third, the new super-moves are fun to learn, and the old familiar moves are easy to perform. The old school Kombat team have their classic FATALITIES, the Heroes have HEROIC BRUTALITIES, and the Villians have new FATALITIES. There are some complaints about the Mature rating of Kombat dropping to Teen, but…come on…for fuck’s sake…there’s still blood, death and destruction. Quit your bitching.
Fourth, it’s a fighting game with 2-player battles that don’t get too boring too quickly.
The voice acting may or may not be that great…I don’t know. From my point of view, it seemed decent. I can’t complain about the script because it’s a Superhero and Mortal Kombat game. I didn’t expect it to be fucking poetry.
Quick Wrap-Up: I got this game for Christmas, so I didn’t spend $60 on it…Therefore, I can’t encourage anyone else to. I would, however, recommend the game. Rent it, or buy it Used and see what you think. It never takes long before fighting games are on the USED shelf…which seems to give my opinion slightly more validity.
As I’m sure you’re all aware, Christmas has come and gone. Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas…there was a Thursday that you should have been conspicuously off from work…and all the stores were closed…and everyone was having fun, accept for you.
I’m kidding, of course…but Christmas did treat me well, as I hope it did all of you. I feel bad though, as I had forgotten to buy a present for the baby Jesus on his birthday. My only consolation is that a present from me would not be worth more than the gift of two-thousand-eight more years of people believing in that nonsense.
On Christmas, Dave, Janine, and I stayed up pretty late playing Guitar Hero World Tour. I love it.
My Christmas presents consisted of a few games and various odds and ends (including a new printer/scanner/copier that I desperately needed). I’m thankful for all of it, of course.
I bought a new desk yesterday, which you should be seeing soon. Spent many back-breaking hours trying to figure out the IKEA instructions until I realized that I was missing about five fucking pieces, and the desk actually came in twofucking boxes. Our return-trip to IKEA only took another fucking hour out of our day.
…sigh…
But anyway; today I hope to enjoy some nice relaxing hours of doing fuck-all as I enjoy the aftermath of my lovely Christmas.