Recently (and by which I mean Monday), I came across a website that listed 99 Memes that you NEED to see on the internet.
In this article I will pluck 50(that’s right) from things on this list and describle them The first 30 will be the WORST, hopefully saving you the trouble of wasting as much of your life as I did, re-watching most of them, today. FML. The next group of 20 will be the videos that I think are some of the BEST things on the internet.
Maybe if you look through the list you’ll fine things worse than what I chose to include on this list…well, let me know. But for now, this is it…so suck it.
1. Tranquilized Bear Hits Trampoline–This is one of those America’s Funniest Video moments that no one thinks is funny. You’ve probably seen this on the news. It happens all the time…and you wind up feeling bad for the bear.
2. Scary Maze Prank–This is another one of those videos that would be on America’s Funniest…mostly due to the fact that the show chooses to highlight the mundane and often painful parts of life and just call them “funny.” This kid should’ve kicked whoever did this to him in the sack.
3. Cuppy Cakes Song–Fat kids are always funny, but this is just annoying and shitty to listen to. Also, this fat ass got to do a talk show circuit…just for being fat and disgusting. Try this when you’re older, kid. No one’s gonna think you’re cute-as-a-button when you’re struggling to breathe.
4. Zero G Dog–A dog struggles with a zero gravity situation. Interesting, but you can watch it for 10 seconds and get the point.
5. Angry German Kid Wants to Play Unreal Tournament–Someone needs to keep this kid away from technology and human beings (anything living) for the rest of his life. Unless this is an act, this kid has some serious fucking problems. It leads me to think: who the shit puts this type of video on the internet? Cruel parents?
6. La Pequena Prohibida–Seriously…what the fuck? Why am I watching this? This can’t be a meme…I don’t want to know anyone who knows what the fuck this is.
7. Kitten Surprise–Kittens playing is always adorable…and then you end it with a surprise. Granted, it was unexpected…but even the kittens are going: “yeah…and?”
8. Best Wedding Toast Ever (Amy’s Song)–This video is waaaay too long. The Best Man (or Maid of Honor) is talented, funny, and clever, but my interest wanes about 10 seconds in.
9. Best Man Trips and Ruins Wedding–Another America’s Funniest Home Video-worthy …thing. I’m still trying to figure out if this is real or not. By real, I mean un-staged. It seems very crisp and very rehearsed. That being said, if it is staged…it’s genius.
10. Techno Viking–There’s nothing to say. It’s a buff guy with a braided beard dancing down the street with other techno-kids. Done.
11. Sneezing Panda–I know, I know…he’s so kyoooooot! I’ve seen this video too many times and it’s really not that great. It takes several views to actually figure out what the fuck just happened. Baby sneezes, mother yelps. Video ends.
12. Monkey Sniffs Finger–If I included the Sneezing Panda, I have to include this as well, regardless of my love of Monkey Humor. A chimp sniffing his finger and falling backwards is only laugh-out-loud funny if you’re Larry the Cable Guy.
13. Dancing Baby–I understand its history…and worth to internet memetics…and Ally McBeal…but…that’s about it.
14. Leeroy Jenkins (Don’t Even Bother Watching)–After reading up on this video, I understand the concept a bit more. However, if you don’t know/like World of Warcraft, you’ll be lost with this video and probably not understand why it exists.
15. Corey Worthington’s Party–Entertaining. It may be a mistake putting it on this list…but, I dunno. You be the judge. A kid’s party gets so out of hand that all of Australia knows about it.
16. Jake E. Lee Guitar Solo–The video is what it sounds like…a guitar solo. Is there anyone who thinks this is good guitar playing? It’s fast and Lee flails around a lot…but…it’s not…GOOD.
17. Tom Cruise Scientology Video–Tom Cruise cements his feet into the Nutty bucket and throws himself into the river of insignificance…but you tend to sound just as crazy when you preach the Gospel, Torah, Qu’ran (sp?) and the like.
18. Don’t Tase Me, Bro!–Everyone’s seen this. Everyone gets it…but maybe you don’t know the full story behind this kid. But, at the same time…does anyone really give a shit?
19. Laughing Baby–One of the worst “baby” videos I’ve ever seen. I don’t understand why this was even on the site. There’s absolutely nothing special about it. There are plenty of cute baby laughing videos…but…it’s as if someone threw a dart at YouTube and put whatever they hit on this list.
20. Leave Britney Alone–Chris Crocker deserves just about every piece of “hate mail” he gets…aside from those regarding his homosexuality. I don’t care if he’s gay, straight, or asexual…he’s fucking annoying and should blip out of existence.
21. Tron Guy–This one may be of some value. Tron Guytalks about Net Neutrality in this video. He uses his own fame to argue for Net Neutrality. I’m torn. I don’t know whether to agree whole-heartily or opt to never have to see this creeper ever again.
22. Drunk Jeff Goldblum–It’s a commercial that’s slowed down half-a-step to make Goldblum appear drunk. It appeared on Attack of the Show. That information itself should prove that it’s probably not even worth watching.
23. Boom Goes the Dynamite–Nothing about this video can’t be gained from watching your local college’s news channel. It is, however, the start of using the phrase “Boom Goes the Dynamite” in a monotonous voice.
24. Lady Punch–…that video where a lady gets socked in the face. Eh.
25. Hampster Dance–This was a big thing when internet garbage was just becoming popular. Annoying as hell. It’s like listening to a ringtone.
26. We Like the Moon–Same as above. If you hate that frog that goes “brrrr-rum-bumbumbumbumbumbumbum”…you’re a rational human being and will likely be annoyed to tears by this video.
27. Pork Chop Sandwiches–I value the G.I. Joe edited clips online. Some of them are hilarious. This video may be the least of them, and I still don’t get what it’s doing on the original list of 99 things…
28. Star Wars Kid–Classic internet meme…but its entertainment value is completely gone.
29. You’re the Man Now, Dog!–This clip itself is irritating beyond the humanly possible, but the site it comes from is one of the best things on the internets.
30. Peanut Butter Jelly Time–Fuck. This. Shit.
1. Flirting With Magic–Now we get on to the things that I think are hilarious. Old commercials and clips with the bare minimum of production value are always funny. This is no exception.
2. Who Needs a Movie?–Still trying to figure out what the deal with this is. I followed the video to the actual site that these people have and it just seems…odd. I have a feeling that (as with most YouTube gems) this was a serious video at first. When they realized that they can market themselves by being weird and terrible, they took advantage. Just my thoughts…
3. Chad Vader–First off, I love Star Wars, so Star Wars humor wins automatically. Chad Vader is classic internet geek Star Wars humor. But this is for anyone who has any idea who Darth Vader is. The actor who voices/plays Chad Vader was fortunate enough to gain the attention of George Lucas and was cast in the latest Star Wars game: The Force Unleashed.
4. The Pet Penguin–Not only is this one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen, but it’s also one of the most intriguing and awesome animal videos ever. This probably rivals Koko the Monkey and whatever else you can think of. Watch this video and then tell me you have a “special” dog or cat.
5. The Landlord–Funny or Die usually features some pretty great stuff. They manage to gather independent videos done by some of our favorite actors, directors, etc. that they put together in their spare time. This is one of the better ones.
6. Bill O’Reilly Flips Out–We’ve all seen it…we all quote it. Simple as that. Hilarious.
7. Leprechaun in Alabama–I’d actually never seen this video until now, but I had seen the caracature featured in this segment in various places around the interwebs. Probably the best and funniest news story ever. It proves that all local news sucks ass.
8. Where the Hell is Matt?–Not particularly funny or crazy, it’s just really cool and interesting. It shows extreme dedication. Everyone should wish they could be this dude.
9. Bert and Ernie Rap–I remember my first bored-project at school. It was Brokeback Muppet, featuring (you guessed it!) Bert and Ernie!
10. Winnebago Man–Is it constantly funny to see behind-the-scenes footage of people in advertising or media cursing their asses off in the most trivial situations? Yes. Yes it is.
11. BUT…he’s Gay!–Local news fuck-ups are wonderful. Especially this one.
12. Afro Ninja–This is one of those Star Wars Kid classic internet memes…except this one is actually funny. Here’s a question, if you know (and I don’t feel like Googling it)….is there any connection between THIS and Afro Samurai?
13. Fail Blog–One of the greatest sites on the inter–fuck! I just got Rick Roll’d looking for something on YouTube…(not kidding)
14. Homestar Runner–Probably the greatest and most consistant animated site online. I really haven’t been paying as much attention to it as I used to years ago, but it’s always fun to go back to.
15. Bubb Rubb–This is another one of those terrible local news stories that turned out to be YouTube gold. Woo Woo!
16. Yatta–An old old favorite for me. It doesn’t get much more obscure and strange than this.
17. Charlie Bit Me–And this would be one of those mentioned “baby” videos that actually works and has spread through the web and television community like herpes in New Jersey. Oh, did I say herpes? I meant explosive diarrhea.
18. The Flying Spaghetti Monster–One small step for man, one giant leap for Creativity and Atheism. Let’s hope this kind of individual awesomeness doesn’t fade away. A challenge to the Creationist Movement couldn’t be more well-done.
19. All Your Base Are Belong to Us–Kinda dumb, but I love it. Engrish always brings warmth to my cold cold heart.
20. Christian the Lion–I’m sorry I ended the list with this, but I needed one more to fill this spot. I’ve never seen this video before today, and now I know why. I can’t honestly say that it’s worth watching, but I thought it was pretty funny and well done. At first glance, it seems like the Penguin video, but I’m fairly certain this lion is trying to tear someone’s throat out.