Tag Archives: bullshit

March 29, 2010 · 12:52 pm

A Conversation About 9/11

They say arguing on the internet is like winning the Special Olympics–even if you win, you’re still retarded. It’s typically a saying used by people who don’t use the internet to its full potential and often live in a microcosm of their own blatant self-satisfaction. I enjoy learning and educating myself. If I don’t know the answer to something, I’ll try to find out. When it comes to Conspiracy Theories, I’ve always been intrigued by the notion that people actually believe. Is it naive to have faith in something that there is no evidence for?

Usually my private debates are just kept between me and the danger-seekers, but…this one stood out to me as particularly scary and revealing.

Somehow, I was “Friended” on Facebook by someone who claimed to be a professional 9/11 Researcher. I won’t reveal his name, but the conversation that ensued should speak for itself. I’ll try to spice it up with some fun pics and videos so you don’t have to strain yourself clicking on links. Let’s begin.

hi my name is D. i am a 9/11 researcher and have published my own books on the 9/11.I am a independant researcher and willing to look at other peoples conspiracys…Hi Alex

hey

Just wondering if you no any thing about the 9/11

I do, yes

would you like to tell me.
what would you like to know?
what you no

I know that a bunch of hijackers, most from saudi arabia, came to America, trained and received payment by terrorist organizations, then got aboard 4 aircraft–flying 2 into the world trade towers, 1 into the pentagon, and 1 made a detour into a field in PA

ok that is wrong…you have been brainwashed

oh, okay. would you tell me what really happened?

ok a plain cannot hit a building and melt steal lead

it didn’t melt any steel

it melted the structure

no, it didn’t

ok there was 94 floors

that’s a misconception. The fire weakened the steel. Didn’t melt it

the tower come down in 8 seconds

no it didn’t…it took a while for the tower to collapse
ok i will not bother going any further…you can lisson to the goverment and get brainwashed it is fine…it all comes down to the american goverment
my father was working for m i5…he was the wisleblower…if you like i can send you his link and you can look it up…becasue i dont think you no what is going on
I’m not listening to the government…I recognize that the 9/11 Commission Report is flawed and incomplete…there are elements we still don’t completely know

which is fine because the goverment are making people brainwashed…we will not no

but to say that basic physics is wrong is just naive…no one ever said that the steel melted. it didn’t melt

the only way we will find out is if the US goverment got eye whitness…yes it did melt

it warped and weakened until it was structurally unable to hold up the rest of the building. no it didn’t

the goverment did not want to do a public eye whitness…why is that…the building fell in 8 seconds

because the public “eye witness” was people terrified and running the opposite direction?

but they still could have come up and given whitness…but it was not them it was the US goverment

Do you research the facts, or just your side of the conspiracy argument?

i have been doing this for 8 years…i am not brainwashed…there was no plain which hit the building

then what did we see on TV? because it was pretty fucking real when I watched it

the plain 575 what they said did was never found

and when all those people died…bullshit…go tell the families of the victims that their loved ones aren’t dead…I’m sure they’d love to hear your side of the story

i would happily

Where are they then?

its better than being brain washed

so all those people are alive?

there was no plain

no planes…okay…so all the images we saw were fake

any 1 with intelligents would no that if a plain hit the building the way they said it did the building would not have fell like that any way…no plains…missile and booms in the building

missile and booms, eh? So all the people on the planes that never existed are alive?

the goverment did not releas that on the same day the 7 building come down as well

or did all of those people never exist in the first place?

my friend

Yes they did release that. Yes the did. You’re making shit up, dude

there was only 1 flight allowed to leave that airport that day

It’s all fun and games to have a debate, but you’re just making shit up

no i am not

Yes you are! Why did I watch a plane fly into a building?

why would i make stuff up

Why did witnesses watch that? Why do photos show planes flying into buildings?

it disintergrated before hitting the building

Okay…listen–you have the burden of proof on your hands. I have evidence on mine. You need to prove your case

same

I’ll ask you a question and you answer it…k?

ok

Where are the 3000 people who were “killed” on 9/11?

dead…what else do you want me to say appart from that

How did they die if there were no planes for them to be on?

that is what i am telling you

you haven’t told me anything yet

the people in the building died

yes. that’s true…go on

the building had 5 layers of concrete if a plain hit that it would not go throw all 5…where is the plain?

here:

its brain wash…ok can i send you my fathers link

IT’S A FUCKING PICTURE…how is it brainwashing?…I have proof…you don’t

i do

prove your point and I’ll listen…just prove something…anything

i can send you it now if you like

fine

ok 1 sec

I show you a picture or a video and you say “It’s brainwashing”

If I can’t refute your “evidence” with science and facts, then you win

ok i win then wacth it

okay I am

its my father

That’s fine…Is he actually your father?

yes…it gets interesting now

Why does he claim to be the Son of God?

becuase it can not be proven to this day that he is not

Why is he a transvestite anti-semite conspiracy theorist nut-fuck?

that’s my father…he is not a tranvestite

I found evidence to the contrary:

i dont want to see it sorry

what my father is saying is correct it was a goverment set up

Hmm…do you think that his batshit insanity might discredit his completely fatuous arguments?

it is not bullshit we are just not brainwashed…and not stupidu

Listen, you seem like a cool guy, I don’t want to do this anymore. You’re a nice kid. If we talk again, maybe we can find that we have stuff in common that doesn’t relate to 9/11.

im not a kid

We’d probably get along great as long as we don’t discuss this–so let’s just drop it, cause I gotta go

ok see you

peace

dude…the picture u sent me i no the guy…the 1 on the laptop

oh yeah? awesome

yes very good guy…i dont see why they r squatters

maybe they find it difficult to function in society

or reality

that’s what I’ve been saying! at last, we agree!

agree on what?

nvm

–Alex G/via Facebook

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February 14, 2010 · 10:06 pm

A Heavy Rain’s Gonna Come

Since a very young age, I’ve looked to the medium of electronic arts/digital media for hope, inspiration, and most of all–fun. Virtually all video games, if you don’t count Minesweeper, used to unwaveringly be copious amounts of fun. The drawback, of course, was that they were all practically the same.

Either you were playing Super Mario Brothers or you weren’t. And if you weren’t, you were playing Tetris or Centipede or some other horrible excuse for a waste of time. Gradually, video game creators took into account that everyone who wasn’t “fucking retarded” was playing side-scrolling adventure games.

It really does look this good.

Sooner or later, everything became a side-scroller like Mario, but with guns, or fists, or whatever device served the theme of the game. But all of these games were inevitably the same. There were no core differences except for the subject matter that separated a Simpsons game from Streets of Rage.

They thought they had the market figured-the-fuck-out, and then suddenly it all changed. Nobody knew what they wanted anymore and the video game clusterfuck began.

Some wanted virtual reality. Some wanted old school side-scrollers. Some wanted to choose their own adventure, and some wanted Tetris.

When I look at what video games have become today, I feel like a frightened geriatric desperately searching a dark room for something familiar.

...and tits.

A younger me expected the future of gaming to be nothing but virtual reality. But an old and wiser me doesn’t even want to have to move from my ass-imprinted sofa to put the fucking game in, let alone to play it.

As the video games evolve, as does the subject matter. For a younger me, it was always about rescuing a Princess. An old and wiser me doesn’t give a shit about a Princess; I just want to see how many innocent civilians I can murder before the cops mow me down.

It’s not a healthy attitude to have–especially when you’re not playing a video game. (JK?)

I can’t get enough of these new experiences, characters, and stories that developers allow me to enjoy–and I’m never satisfied. Games can either be like crack or heroin. When it’s crack, it’s the most fun you’ve ever had and you’re pissed off when there’s no more. Your dealer gave you the best he could and didn’t even charge you a price comparable to what you’ve paid for lesser quality shit. And when you’re done–you’re angry.

When it’s heroin, you’re just passing time until the next one. Right now, video games are my heroin. I love the feeling, and it makes my dick hard, but I’m only really passing time until Heavy Rain is released next week.

The innovation, detail, and attention that went into Heavy Rain for PS3 blows my mind–and I can’t wait to play it. The demo drove me fucking nuts and now I’ve got bugs crawling under my skin.

Despite its criticisms, I remain delightfully optimistic that it will be one of the best gaming experiences I’ve ever had. And then, surely, it will become crack. I’ll play for hours and hours, go days without food, wind up pissing myself, finish the game…

…and then I’ll be angry. Circle of life.

–Alex G/

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December 7, 2009 · 12:33 pm

Climate Change Clusterfuck

So it turns out we were wrong again. Another era of being caught up in sensationalism and “end of the world” hysteria has come upon us. But where do we stand now? Has everything that we’ve come to believe about a supposed Global Warming been complete horse shit?

The short answer is “yes,” with an extravagantly hypothetical “but…“

Sensationalism at its core, but the message is there.

For the better part of this decade we’ve heard a resounding rallying cry from Global Warming enthusiasts who firmly believed that our world was hurtling ever-closer to the sun. Of course, the gradual warming of certain areas could be cause for concern.

If ecosystems are being destroyed, the trickle-up effect on humanity could potentially be severe, but the over exaggeration and fear-tactics used by those who seek to push their dubious agendas may create an even worse situation for all of us.

In the mid-to-late 1970′s, government and scientists pushed the “growing concern” or the “imminent 2nd Ice Age.” Perhaps we should have listened…I mean, how many of those shitty movies is Ray Romano going to make?

Enough, Mr. Leguizamo.

Of course, we’re talking about a global cooling–not a series of animated movies that continues to put cash in John Leguizamo’s pocket. The study showed that over the previous 30 years, the Earth’s temperature had sharply declined. If the trend continued, we would all be hunting Wooly Mammoths and pissing on each other to stay warm.

Theoretically, these claims were semi-accurate, but driven by a government agenda to keep this “faith” alive. Scientists working on the government dime will undoubtedly behave as their bosses–backstabbing and twisting facts just to provide the results that those who passes out the money request. It’s not rocket science…it’s just dishonest science.

Pope John Paul II had to issue an apology for the Church’s treatment of Galileo. Essentially, they threatened to boil him alive if he kept preaching that the Earth revolved around the Sun…so he said, “Fuck it. I’m wrong.”

Chillin'

There is little question that small “ice ages” and (to make up a term) “fire ages” occur throughout history. Species are displaced, weird weather anomalies occur, and polar bears have to start taking more swimming lessons. None of this is reason to celebrate, but is it an occurrence that we’re able to do anything about?

History has shown us many examples of hot and cold spells. An unusually chilly Europe gave rise to Stradivarius’ magnificent violins and switched from elegant wines to more cold-friendly booze. Oh, and Greenland used to be fucking green…you know, back when it was actually habitable.

While there have been a plethora of noble scientists who have relied solely on constantly changing and often drastically impactful data, other hugely influential scientific organizations have just been caught ignoring, hiding, and tampering with data that contradicts their pre-established view.

This is where the story begins. The University of East Anglia Climate Research Unit in England was hit by hackers who found reams of E-mails amongst trusted scientists allegedly claiming to have hidden and misrepresented data which nullified their claims. The scientific community is understandably pissed.

If you're going to listen to THIS cunt's advice about ANYTHING, please feel free to eat a dick.

The research center, also known as Hadley Research Center is among the top influential bodies of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change for the United Nations. While there are perfectly logical explanations for the completely taken out of context content of these E-Mails, a full investigation is absolutely imperative.

Many are calling for President Obama to address these concerns personally. While it is reasonable to believe that all of the research done wasn’t complete bullshit, it is still imperative that the data undergoes a thorough scrutiny before the world pours billions of pointless and worthless dollars into a problem that–quite possibly–never really existed in the first place.

…if we did that, we might find ourselves in some kind of…financial…crisis…hmm…

In this age of sensationalism and rampant spending, we must begin to be (at very least) fiscally conservative. And when I say “we,” I mean “the government“…because, seriously–my Playstation 3 ain’t gonna pay for itself. As ignorant assholes, we depend on our government to make the logical decisions when it comes to our tax dollars.

...no need to finger-point.

Needless to say, this intentional mindfuck of the Western World isn’t anything new. For every major issue (and minor issue) there is plenty of misinformation to get wrapped up in. Second-hand smoke, Recycling, Baby Einstein, and Climate Change are just a handful of the elements of your daily life that we believe based on absolutely no concrete evidence.

…not to mention evolution (just kidding. I’m not retarded).

These recent findings will not quiet the voices of Climate Warriors; and there’s plenty of real evidence out there to support certain claims. The evidence, however, that this “global climate change catastrophe” is affecting the entire world on an unwavering scale, getting incrementally worse and worse by the second–to put simply: just doesn’t fucking exist.

–Alex G/

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October 29, 2009 · 10:38 am

Natalie Portman’s Rant on Meat is Murder…

alexbwIf Natalie Portman’s shaved head and sharp intellect didn’t frighten your dick into recession, her latest outburst in Huffington Post surely will. Now, I like Natalie Portman. She was unquestionably the sexiest part of Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Imporium. Apathetic women aren’t particularly attractive, but neither are overly militant ones.

Portman’s article for the Huffington Post stems largely from her reading of Jonathan Safran Foer’s book, Eating Animals. She discusses her stance as a non-outspoken vegetarian and how reading Foer’s book has changed her into a fighting force for veganism. She begins her editorial with some backstory and humor about how she was always dicked around by her non-vegetarian friends.

oh no! a beautiful and intelligent woman! 'tis the end of the male species.

I’m sorry that your friends couldn’t let you be in your own non-meat world, but fuck them! Seriously.

The most interesting segment is that with which she closes. Portman identifies food as central to a sense of religion or faith. Foer’s book indicates that the symbolic nature of food pollutes our religious identities from body and blood at Holy Communion to the fictitious story of Thanksgiving. While Thanksgiving is more of a secular American holiday, it still has its Puritanical roots.

She goes on to recall her college professor’s lesson about elements of society that are looked back on as being barbaric or uncivilized–like slavery, segregation, or The Video Professor. Will Factory Farms create that same lack of civility feeling in the near future? Most likely…but will eating meat ever conjure up the feelings that PeTA and radical vegan groups want: an emotional abhorrence of carnivores and omnivores? Almost certainly fucking not.

hmm...maybe there's something to this PeTA shit after all...

Portman presents the fair point that various societies regard meat differently; for example, Americans don’t typically eat dog because we enjoy a certain affinity with them–but isn’t this attitude towards meat slightly dishonest? If you’re a meat eater, shouldn’t you be open to eating any kind of meat? I know I am.

My point is–and I’m going to sound like a total redneck pigfucker when I say this–that book learnin’ and college learnin’ ain’t necessarily “learnin’.” Okay, I could’ve said it better than that…

What I mean is, there are entire generations of students who leave college with an arrogant mentality. Somehow, because they believed every word their professor said, and their professor recommended some “books they should check out,” that they are somehow in a private club of intellectuals.

I’m not saying that Natalie Portman is one of these people. She’s a very intelligent person. I should know…I went to college.

But in her article for Huffington Post (and let’s be honest, most articles for Huffington are…) appears to be written by an arrogant college douchebag who wants people to make an informed decision based on 40% of the factual information.

Is Factory Farming contributing to environmental problems and possibly Global Warming? Yes…of course! But how much–and is it something that requires our immediate attention?

Should animals be treated humanely? Of course they should! What are we…animals? Oh…right.

it's more accurate.

I’m going to use the very argument that Portman dismisses in her article, which is: We are a species that has the opportunity to choose what we want to eat and what we don’t want to eat. Other animals don’t necessarily have that conscious decision. However, as animals, and as a product of Darwinian Natural Selection, we are inclined to be omnivorous. We have canine teeth to tear apart meat. We had an appendix to work out the bad shit in our food.

We are, in essence, a full-formed meat-eating species. If you choose to abstain from meat or animal products, that’s a lifestyle choice…like getting married, going into the priesthood, or renting Big Mama’s House II. You shouldn’t be demonized for that.

Eating meat is not a moral issue; and it absolutely should not be turned into one. If you don’t like Christians telling you that you’re going to burn in Hell for being a fag, don’t tell me I’m an evil person because I like a side of salted pig ass with my eggs.

–Alex G/

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August 9, 2009 · 9:30 pm

The SuperDPS Guide to Dirty Words and When to Use Them

alexbwThere are a seemingly countless amount of filthy terms and phrases out there. Some, we use every day. Others tend to be cringe-worthy and unmentionable in certain circles. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being offensive, politically incorrect, or verbally abrasive, but you must understand that some phrases carry more weight than others.

This is not to say that you should watch what you say (unless you have reason to). After all, what’s more important; freedom of speech, or the safety of never being offended? In this installment, I will attempt to create a somewhat comprehensive manual for offensive language; along with how and when to use your evil tongue.

Asshole vs AssClown–When you use a term like “asshole,” people tend to think you’re serious. Unless you’re laughing, you can’t really get away with calling someone an “asshole.” It’s strange that “hole” has become the dirtier word here. On TV, it’s Ass****…and simply calling someone an “ass” doesn’t have the impact. AssClown is similar, as it just refers to someone being a goofball or dumbass. If you really want to hurt someone, go for the “hole.”

Bitch–A very interesting word that really only has two connotations. In vulgar terms, a “bitch” is a woman…perhaps a particularly nagging one. You could use “bitch” as a blanket term for all women, but I wouldn’t suggest it. This is the primary usage of the word, and the other connotation just takes the same idea and flips the gender. Calling a man a “bitch” is usually what occurs right before fists start flying. There are two things a man doesn’t want to be called: a woman and a homosexual.

Bitch

Bitch

Bullshit–If you can’t sum up your confusion or anger with a certain concept, attitude, or sports play, you would be wise to simply refer to it as “bullshit” and let it go. It doesn’t solve anything, but it makes you feel like you’re above whatever it is that is upsetting you…at least temporarily.

Chink–I don’t think anyone under the age of 40 actually uses this word, but if they do, it’s funny. It’s such an antiquated word that it’s impossible to use it without sounding like a racist old man…so go for it!

Cock–Men feel the need to refer to their penises a lot. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism to create the illusion their ‘egos’ don’t have the strength, size, and durability of half a McDonald’s french fry. The only danger in constantly talking about your cock is that you’re taking a risk. When the time comes when you actually get someone to see your cock, it may not actually be something worth talking about. Also, never call someone a “cock.” Be creative. There are tons of fun Add-Ons. (i.e. Cock Jockey, Cocksmith, Cocksucker, Cockface)

Coon–Racism and racist words are two completely different things. Often, people say that you know when you shouldn’t be using a word if you wouldn’t use it in front of the people to whom it is offensive. This is simply untrue. You wouldn’t say a lot of things in front of certain people, just out of respect…sometimes. Racial terms are really no exception. If you feel like a bad person for using the word, don’t use it. But as long as you’re not using it in a hateful way, you’re not really hurting anyone. There are many theories where this word comes from; including a shortening of “Raccoon,” or the doctor who came up with a dumbfuck theory that blacks were somehow less evolved than whites.

Coon

Coon

Cunt–Women tend to shy away from this word. As much as men talk about their cocks, women are the opposite about using the word “cunt.” I’m not sure why this is…and I doubt I ever will. It has long been considered the “worst word in the English language” by many authors and scholars. That alone should undoubtedly signify that it is actually the greatest word in the English language.

Dago–If you’re an Italian and you’re offended by this word, you’re probably a real Guido. Dago is a term that most Italians just embrace. It comes from the idea that a shitload of Italians were named “Diego.” Don’t hesitate letting it fly once in awhile.

Dick/Dickhead–Like “cock,” it typically refers to someone being an unprecedented jerk…or it could simply refer to a penis, obviously. Also, like “cock,” it’s another one of those words where the add-ons are much more amusing.

Douchebag–Not sure how this term grew to be used to refer to Frat boys and overly aggressive, pompous, self-absorbed males, but…if it works, it works.

Douchebag

Douchebag

Dyke–Meant as an insult to lesbians (or “bulldyke” for masculine lesbians), it has grown to become a term of empowerment in the gay community. The most believable origin of the word I’ve found is that it comes from “dike,” a French term for “men’s clothing”…therefore, referring to a lesbian as a woman in men’s clothing. Dyke. Simple as that.

Faggot–Any term that brings about racial or sexual discrimination is inherently destructive, but, then again…words tend to lose their destructive power once people become desensitized to them. Faggot (or Fag), like “Dyke” is used as a term of hatred toward homosexuals, but it is also a term of endearment between gays. In an effort to fight discrimination, many groups adopt hateful words as their own to use at their leisure. More so than “bitch,” men become extremely offended if referred to as “fags.” Be careful with this one.

Fuck–This word is so glossed over and overused in our culture that it’s almost shocking that it’s still censored. It’s become as common as “damn.” The tricky factor with this one is its dual meaning. It can be used the same way as “damn,” or it could refer to the physical act of making fuck; where it is considered much more vulgar. Here’s a game you can play at home: try to work as many “Fucks” into your sentences as possible. It’s fun, and you’ll feel like you’re in the movie Casino.

Goddamn–I’m unsure why this has become a censored word on television. Does blasphemy really continue to hold a place in what is considered offensive by mainstream culture? I would certainly have figured that we would have outgrown this by now…but, whatever.

Gook–Unless you’re Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction, just avoid this word…not because it’s racist and offensive, but because it makes you sound out of touch with humanity. Many place the origins of the word at the Korean war. Koreans would ask soldiers if they were American, which translates as, “Mi Guk?” (Me Gook). The term stuck.

Gook

Gook

Guido–We’ve already covered this word when we talked about “Dago,” but let’s just clarify…Guido is a term that is reserved for Italians who emulate a Mafia or tough-guy persona. Jersey shore douches, too.

Jerk-off–Essentially, the same idea as calling someone an “asshole.” It’s interesting how there are so many insults that typically are applied to men only. Girls, you’re off the hook this time…fucking jerk-offs.

Kike–In the old days, Jews coming into the country would refuse to sign documents with an “X” because they thought it looked too much like a Christian Cross. They signed, instead, with an “O,” and the Jewish word for “circle” is “keikl.” Get it?

Mick–This is a word that Irish people have adopted after a long period of it being a derogatory term. It refers to the “Mc” or “Mac” at the beginnings of many Irish surnames, and many people take offense to the insult. Hardly insulting anymore, but you might not want to use it if you’re talking to a drunk Irishman. You know how they like to fight when they drink.

Mick

Mick

Motherfucker–This incest-laden insult tends to wield less and less impact the more it’s used. It’s quite a wonderful compound word, though…and useful! Actor Samuel L. Jackson is said to be a master of its usage.

Nigger–Pronounced “nigra” in the old South, it is a word that is simply translated from the Latin word for “black.” It later took on the meaning, “slave.” This is a tricky word and tends to be offensive no matter how you use it, or who you say it to. If you’re not a racist, you might be better off avoiding it, because you come off as racist. “Nigger” has enjoyed a powerful revival, not only amongst African Americas (“Nigga”), but also amongst a group who are prematurely referred to as “Hipster Racists.” Essentially, this is a group (largely made up of whites) who use the term with a sense of entitlement and irony, expressing the idea that the word shouldn’t simply be reserved for black use. In doing so, they may often come off as racists…because, you can’t really avoid it.

Poon–This is a seldom-used term is simply a synonym for vagina, much like:

Pussy–Although it is used primarily to either refer to vaginal sex or a cowardly male, it is essentially just another word for “vagina.” Any term that refers to the vagina tends to regarded as just a fun way to call someone a “chick” in the most offensive way possible.

Shit–Studies show that using foul language to express frustration or pain can ease the effects of the discomfort; so let the expletives fly! 

Shit

Shit

Spic–This is such a short and tight little word that it’s almost impossible to say it without cringing at how much you’re coming off as a hate monger. There are many explanations of how this word came to be. Some say it is short for Hispanic, which explains its current usage; however, it was once used to refer to Italian immigrants who would say “No spikka de English.” So, here’s an idea…call an Italian a “spic” and watch the confusion ensue.

Tits–Here’s a word that people use to refer to breasts when they don’t want to sound too mature; but also don’t want to sound like a fucking child and use a word like “boobs.”

Twat–This is another one of those lovely references to the vagina that is very rarely used in America. But then again, why use an ineffective word like “twat” when you have the option to break out the “Big C.”

Wop–Here’s one I haven’t heard in awhile…WOP is said to stand for “With-Out Papers” as many Italians came to America without proper paperwork. Another theory is that is comes from the Italian word “guappo” which is slang for criminal or bully. Either way, it’s probably the only derogatory term that Italians actually take offense to…

Wop

Wop

–Alex G/

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June 10, 2009 · 10:17 am

Americans Don’t Need More Exercise

alexbwLet’s face it. We Americans are out of shape; and ever since the production of the 1973 film The Exorcist, we’ve been all bent out of shape with curiosity (in some cases descending staircases backwards) over the religious mysticism of the true-to-life exorcism. We’ve been making film after film depicting the horrors of demonic possession and the warm sensual touch of the Fallen Angels.

What’s got me speaking in foul tongues are the glorification of these rare events by the media and the religious community as some kind of necessary fucking gift; along with the fact that all of the films that depict horrific events associated with exorcisms are tag-lined with “Based on a True Story” or “Inspired by True Events.” The same goes for ghost stories as well.

If anything out of the ordinary or unexplained or weird happened to you that you attribute to ghosts or spirits, I’m not calling you a liar; I’m just saying you’re wrong…but in most cases, you’re full of shit.

In The Exorcism of Emily Rose, the “true event” that it was inspired by was a court case in which a priest was accused of murder because he essentially let a girl (who was mentally ill) die. Hey kids, wanna see what a real life exorcism looks like? Check out this wacky bullshit…

There are two sides to this exorcism horseshit and each side, when elaborated on, seems just as backward and evil. On one hand, it is perfectly reasonable to argue that these people actually believe that they are casting something wholly evil and malicious out of their fellow man. As if that weren’t scary enough, imagine the alternative.

Imagine the crooked, evil motherfuckers who don’t actually believe that what they’re doing is real (and it isn’t). But consider the possibility that these priests know that there are no homosexual demons, or evil spirits that make you slutty, and they convince their congregations to hand over their livelihoods in exchange for disinformation and a lot of shouty hypocritical nonsense.

Not only does it feel unequivocally unethical, but mentally and physically damaging. The brother in this video fucking pukes his guts out for fuck’s sake.

Think of it this way…if you truly believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that your soul was tarnished…or that some evil force had invaded you and is now controlling you, any random act of evil or shittiness against others or yourself would automatically be pre-justified.

And while many of these religious nuts and prestidigitators are extremely litigious when it comes to matters that may effect their business or livelihood, I stand along with those amongst you who will unwaveringly call them liars, cheats, swindlers, and a plague that could not be evacuated too soon.

–Alex G

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April 22, 2009 · 2:14 pm

Fuck You: Confessions of an Urban Fairy

fairyYeah, I’m a fuckin’ fairy! Fuck you! I ain’t no pussy-ass pixie-throwin’ tinkerballs, motherfucker. I mean, yeah, I do throw pixie dust, but that’s only, like, eight-and-a-motherfuckin-half-percent of my fuckin’ job.

All you cunts wanna hate on me, but I don’t fuckin’ give a shit. I ain’t no tooth-stealin’ pillow pusher. I may be a fairy but I ain’t no fuckin’ fag.

You wanna judge me?! You wanna bring yo punk ass down to my hood and fuck with this? Bring it, boyz n’ girlz. I don’t give a fuck how old you are, I’ll run ya’ll through with my motherfuckin magic wand.

No, I don’t actually have a magic wand, bitch. You think I’d be caught dead wit some sparklin’ fuckin’ stick with a star at the end? That shit’s gay. Not just gay, but retarded, too!

Lemma axe you summit; you think all us fairies are the same? You take your fuckin’ suburban or forest fairy and you bring ‘em down to my area. Then we’ll see! Oh, we’ll see! Ain’t gonna do you no good to turn into a fuckin’ tree when there ain’t no trees around town, motherfucker!

Naw, I’m just like all the rest of you douchebags!

I watch my pornos.

I lubricate my guns*.

(*by which I mean my muscles.) Flex ‘em.

I water my Pom-Pom Garden. Them berries are fuckin’ sweet!

I watch my Jon & Kate Plus Eight, so fuckin’ what?

I flip off passing cars while I’m parked outside the SuperFresh.

I’d tell you more but I don’t want you bitches all up in my bizness. Plus, if you knew everything about me, there’d be no mystery…no magic in the world!

Don’t you motherfucking ruin the fuckin’ magic! I swear to Christ!

–a Fairy

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March 25, 2009 · 11:19 am

Re5: A Wonderfully Un-Racist Romp Through Scarytown, Africa

AlexThe Resident Evil series has always served to baffle, befiddle and befaddle me; certainly not as much as the Metal Gear series, but enough to cause concern for the future. I don’t think I’ve ever successfully completed a Resident Evil game in the entire series. At the risk of being “gamer’d” to death, the excuse I’ll give for this is that I didn’t give the games enough of a chance and I gave up on them easily. It’s not that I particularly found them boring…more that I just lost interest in favor of other games that more suited my tastes at the time.

Regardless, my tastes have changed and survival horror has come back into my life with flying colors (or pitch black-darkness, whichever). Violent video games seem to be the lifeblood (pun intended) of the industry. The video game audience of yesteryear has grown up and grown weary of the Sonic and Super Mario Bros. franchises. That’s not to say that we aren’t thrilled by new and interesting additions to the series. Super Mario Galaxy was awesome. Super Paper Mario, anyone? Sonic hasn’t had as much luck. But there’s only so much time we can suspend our disbelief while Sonic the Hedgehog takes us all on another pointless adventure with his growing cacophony of slapdash, meaningless friends.

Back on topic, the reason I’ve been rather distant from the Resident Evil series as a whole is because there are so many and I felt that (in my brief separation from the series) I may be lost and not able to pick up on the story. Also, I’ve only played Resident Evil 1, 2, 3: Nemesis, 4, and 5. It seems like a logical progression, but I can’t help but feel that there was a lot that I missed out on. Need I mention that Resident Evil always scared the piss out of me?

Which brings me to my next topic…Many critics of Resident Evil 5 claim that it isn’t scary. Penny Arcade argues that even though 5 doesn’t go with traditional “pop-out-and-scream” Pavlovian horror, it remains constantly thrilling…especially with periodic battles with things that won’t fucking die and when your ammo is depleted and you’re facing such a beast.

Yet another (unfounded) concern is that the game may be considered racist, or could possibly be some kind of tool for White Supremacists to act out their blood-thirsty rampage on behalf of the master race (SPOILER ALERT: The game ends on Valhalla). The racist accusation comes from the concept that the story takes place in Africa where a parasitic plague has infected most of the population, turning them into anger-driven zombies with worms. The main character is a white man named Chris Redfield (who you may remember from the series) and his African partner, Sheva.

First of all, not all of the enemies are black. Second, the main villains are white as the morning snow. And third, the object of the game is not to murder all of the African population (although it seems like it at times). The point of the game is to rescue these people and to end the horrible plague that the evil-doers have infected them with. If anything, it’s about destroying the racists who consider Africa (and Latin America in Resident Evil 4) to be worthless and the perfect place to test their deadly plan. So, suck it, you politically correct alarmists.

The only Resident Evil games I’ve completed aside from this one were Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles and Resident Evil 4 on Wii…a delightful experience if you haven’t tried it. Resident Evil 5, the first in the series on a “next-gen” console, is stunning, fun, intense, and important. Not only does it show how far graphics have come, but how much the gaming experience has evolved. I could raise issue with some of the controls, but I won’t, because (honestly) I don’t care and it didn’t effect the experience for me at all.

The numerous unlockables make the game worth playing again and again. To close, I’ll mention the part of the game that blasted with arms flailing through my expectations. We all know that forced co-op games often have their flaws…take Army of Two for example…virtually unplayable without a live partner (aka: Friend).

Resident Evil 5 sticks Player One with a partner who is rarely a hindrance. Sheva is helpful, courteous, and knows how to take out the bosses when your dumb ass can’t figure it the fuck out. The only times I’ve had a problem with my partner was when she was using a Handgun in a firefight when she had full ammo on her Shotgun, Machine Gun, and Rifle, leaving me to do the hard work. Cunt…

But seriously, I loved Sheva; and as Chris Redfield, I actually wanted to take care of her. Not only because if she died, I’d have to start over, but also because she was a genuinely likable character who is never annoying or obstructive.

If you have ever been a Resident Evil fan, you’ve probably already heard of/played the demo of the game. If you’re an intelligent fan of the games and you like amazing games, you’ll already own it.

–alex G.

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February 20, 2009 · 8:09 pm

A Warm Recession

AlexJudging by the epidemic of lay-offs, stock market plunges, and clusterfuck pissing competitions throughout the Legislative Branch, our country seems to be (for lack of a better phrase) bucked-fackwards.

While this financial game of Jenga plays out, we can do nothing but scream from the comfort of our own homes tents cardboard kingdoms for our elected officials to “Pull ANY block but THAT one!”

It’s important to remain optimisticin the grim face of pure in-discriminatory terror. America has a habit of bouncing back, even if it may be at the expense of millions of financially insecure citizens…and one poor, blood-thirsty chimpanzee.

This leads me into our next problem–one that may be larger and more significant than another “Great Depression.”

This involves a considerably serious double-standard that appears to be taking place in these first months of the Obama Administration.

Let it be said that if nothing else, George W. Bush generated a mass interest in politics that may not have existed to this extent since the days of old.

People discuss politics now. People vote and have opinions–even if, in most cases, they are the wrong ones.

It is for this reason that Obama is suffering more than the economic wrath that the gods hath inflicted upon this cursed hemisphere. He is suffering through unanticipated scrutiny. This is a good thing. Every public official should be so unlucky.

The problem is that because our new president is being so over-scrutinized, there remain blind-f0llowers on the opposite side who cry foul whenever anyone says anything slightly negative or asks a fucking question.

It’s gotten to the point when the night’s news is focused on moral outrage regarding a political cartoon of police shooting a chimpanzee.

This was an actual NEWS STORY. Police shot a chimpanzee who freaked out and tore someone’s face off. Which is really no reason to kill the animal. Tranquilize it, sure…but tearing faces off and being aggressive is what Chimpanzees DO. It’s like killing Yogi for swiping pic-a-nic-baskets…and eating faces.

There are probably plenty of reasons to shit on the writers of The New York Post, but this cartoon is not one of them. Arguably mentally ill activists are tearing the cartoonist behind this work of art a new asshole because they see the Chimpanzee as representative of Barack Obama.

Now, who is the real racist here? The one who drew the cartoon with no racial motive, or those who march with Al Sharpton to the beat of their own pretentious drums, casually calling any depiction of a Chimp a racial slur?

This is where we fail. This is where humanity fails. When we sacrifice our freedom of speech for our own paranoid comfort, we become no better than the cunts and pussies that make up the governments of Great Britain and Holland.

When our newspapers are afraid to print articles of social commentary because of the perceived outcome, we fail as a Free Country.

(There is the possibility of irresponsible journalism or works that  encourage violence against others, but that’s a different story.)

We can not allow this to continue to happen. It is our duty to know, realize and stand up for the most basic rights of the people in this country. Even if we don’t agree, find them offensive, or have a complete cranial mis-fire and blurt out some of the most epic bullshit this country has ever had the misfortune of storing in our collective long-term memory.

 

–alexG.

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February 13, 2009 · 1:27 am

Dave’s Rants, Volume I: An Engineer’s Crusade Against Junk Science

DaveI consider myself a man of science and logic. I believe in things that are real, and generally don’t believe in things that are not.  I recognize that there are, in fact, things that we don’t yet understand, and things that we can’t explain right now, but I truely believe that most of these things will, in time, be explained. They used to think know that the Earth was flat, and that the sky was filled with Ether and that various humors controlled the way things worked. This was just plain established knowledge. Obviously it turned out to be a bunch of crap, and there’s a good chance that many of the things we know today will turn out to be very wrong, but there’s no harm in trying to come up with explanations. That’s why there are so few actual scientific LAWS out there.  Scientific laws define things like gravity. We know, basically, how it works and can mathematically prove and predict it, damn near all the time (with a few weird exceptions).  At the same time, there are plenty of things out there that CAN’T be 100% mathematically proven, but we know are true.  More on this later.  As someone who…you know…thinks, its frustrating to see so many people get swept up by things that are proven and known to be fake.  Can science explain away everything? No, but it’s doing a pretty good job so far…

So let’s take a look, shall we? Here’s a list of some of the things that people DO believe in, and shouldn’t, or DON’T believe in, but should


Do you STILL believe in magic?

Do you STILL believe in magic?

Magic- Okay, I have no real problem with the guy at your little brother’s birthday party who makes balloon animals and pretends to saw you hot cousin in half…I’m talking about the bullshit people try to claim explains the unexplainable. Ever go to that science store at the mall where they sell robot kits and weird rocks and stuff? Well a store that prides itself on SCIENCE really shouldn’t be selling Magic Rocks, and Magic Robots and Magic Swimming Sea Monkeys.  If its SCIENCE, it really isn’t magic, now is it? If you want MAGIC, take yourself two stores down to the weird hippy lady who sells crystals at the Mineralistic. Oh, wait…its still magic, so its still BULLSHIT. Okay, for the three or four girls who saw The Craft and still believe in it somehow, I’ll clue  you in a little. It’s fake. Books don’t give you powers. Crystals don’t give you powers. Birds, bees and pieces of metal with dead people’s likenesses around your neck…they don’t give you powers. Similarly, there’s no such thing as a lucky charm. Maybe luck exists as an abstract concept…you can call having a bunch of fortunate and unlikely things happening to you luck, but there isn’t some supernatural force behind it. Rubbing the knob with your lucky rabbit’s nut doesn’t make the slot machine pay off. The random number that its computer generated made  you win. Or maybe Skinny Joey behind the terminal…but that deflated latex balloon from your grandson Jimmy’s 3rd birthday party will not.

Havent YOU always wanted a monkey?

Haven't YOU always wanted a monkey?

Evolution- It’s real, people. Get with the program. Okay, I can concede that you’d want to believe in a creator God. I’m fine with that, but be reasonable about it.  Why would God bury dinosaur bones to make us thing the world is older than it is? Does that really make any sense?  We are not apes, we did not come from apes. We came from a common ancestor. So we can still be the superior species and be related to them.  Take this into account, too. WE, HUMANS, FUCKING CAUSE EVOLUTION TO HAPPEN EVERY SINGLE DAY. If you’re feeling especially dense today, re-read that sentence. We, humans, HAVE BEEN EVOLVING other animals for as long as we’ve known what animals are. Cows, pigs, goats, birds, dogs and cats….not to mention the CROPS we’ve been doing it to for 10,000 years. We bread the best with the best, and we get something better each time. Multiply by 1000 generations, and you have a species that looks totally different that it used to. Evolution, not natural, but still evolution. The best traits survive, and the worst ones don’t. (This always makes me wonder HOW people with glutin allergies have survived…you’d think that this gene would have died out a long time ago before we knew how to diagnose allergies and stuff).  Oh, while we’re on evolution, we need to STOP WORSHIPING DARWIN. Darwin was a pioneer in talking about natural selection, but he wasn’t quite right about alot of things. And other things he said still aren’t proven or solved. So Darwin shouldn’t be seen as the Scientist-Athiest’s God.  (If you, the Scientist-Athiest are looking for a messiah, I personally recommend Kurzweil. Read his books. Any and all you can get your hands on. And prepair for the singularity….).

Your music may be pretty cool, but I reaaally dont want you building a Tesla coil near me, Jack...

Your music may be pretty cool, but I reaaally don't want you building a Tesla coil near me, Jack...

Okay, more on science….TESLA- Tesla was a weird guy. He hated fat people, and was critical of how people dressed. He was also a pompass douche. And most of his machines were either useless or TOTALLY unfeasible.  All the indie-fucks out there will have you believe that he was bullied around by big-bad Thomas Edison.  Edison knew nothing of math. He discovered most of his great findings by simply trying over and over again. Tesla was the mathematical brains of the sector.  What the indie-fucks forget when they cry “TESLA WAS ROBBED!” is that TESLA WON THE WAR OF CURRENTS. If you have no idea what this is, please stop talking about Tesla, (and maybe stop talking about science in general). As for Tesla Coils, they are SUPER dangerous, and don’t have much practical use. So no, douche, don’t build one (and you’d sure as shit better not build one in my neighborhood…).  So please learn some engineering history before going off on something like this. Also, The Prestige was TERRIBLE.  An interesting side note about Tesla, Wikipedia tells us that:

In his later years Tesla became a vegetarian. In an article for Century Illustrated Magazine he wrote: “It is certainly      preferable to raise vegetables, and I think, therefore, that vegetarianism is a commendable departure from the established barbarous habit.” Tesla argued that it is wrong to eat uneconomic meat when large numbers of people are starving; he also believed that plant food was “superior to it [meat] in regard to both mechanical and mental performance”. He also argued that animal slaughter was “wanton and cruel”.

I like your bracelet, whats it made of, bullshit?

I like your bracelet, what's it made of, bullshit?

Magical Magnetic Medicine- It’s fake. The only things magnets are good for are Mag-Lev trains and erasing your floppy disks after you worked on that stupid 8th grade project for like, a whole day! There’s also evidence that Acupuncture is fake too, and that it’s all in your head. You know what DOES help people feel better? MEDICINE. So next time you’re sick, rather than letting nature take its course, take some damned pills and don’t get me sick. So medicine good, Scientology method to medicine, bad. Also, we know pot can help a lot of people with their conditions. The problem is that we have no idea HOW MUCH it helps, because its damned near impossible to do any research on it. Why? Because Pot Is Evil, even though its non-smoking uses are way more practical and most alternatives. Hemp rope, paper, biofuels…the whole nine yards…..

And it still isnt

And it still isn't

GAS-O-HOL- Oh man, every single time I’m at the gas station, this one drives me absolutely crazy.  Corn alcohol gasoline gives you lower miles per gallon, which then makes you burn MORE of it to go the same distance. Oh, and it costs more too…Also, corn is a horrible crop, its inefficient and harmful to grow. Why not switch to sawgrass or beets? Because the Corn Farmer Lobby is too strong. Google that one, there’s way too much information on this one for me to repeat here, but look into this one, you’ll be surprised. Slightly related are all of the other things we do that are “good for the environment” that are actually just as bad. Those Compact Fluroescent Bulbs? Full of mercury (PLEASE check out this picture). Your douchey Prius? Guess how much energy it too to build the thing, and how aweful it is to make the battery for it. Just look into things before you dive in head first. And use common sense…turn the damned light off, and walk to Wawa instead of driving there.

Babies cant lie.

Babies can't lie.

Second Hand Smoke - Okay, guys, it’s time to drop the charade. You know smoking is bad for you, it’s not just something big government made up.  So what about second hand smoke? Well we’re finding out more and more that second hand smoke is WAY bad for the people who have to deal with it (and the pets!), and that even THIRD HAND SMOKE is bad.  It makes sense…dirt, dust, chemicals and smoke really shouldn’t be in our lungs. But third hand smoke? Yeah, that smell that lingers on your coat because you had to go outside and smoke (aww, poor thing) actually makes us all sick too!

But ya know…I can look past believing in silly things, most of these things don’t really effect me at all. Go ahead and waste your time getting upset over dinosaur bones and corn-o-hol. My final bolded point tonight (and I could go on for days) is….and read this quick because our website might be taken down and our home burnt to the ground…..SCIENTOLOGY! A religion founded by a science fiction author. A REALLY BAD science fiction author. Seriously, his books are pretty bad. Elron made up a religion just to see if it could. Hmm..The Cult Awareness Network says they aren’t a cult…oh WAIT…The CAN is OWNED by the Cult of Scientology. They have an Attack the Attacker policy when it comes to criticism (goodbye, superdps.com), they brainwash and let people who trust them with their care die in squalor. But you’ve probably heard all of this….if you haven’t, and even if you have, check out this site and be prepaired to be disgusted. As a wiki page, I’m amazed that it hasn’t been taken down already. So I guess my point of this whole ramble is to BEG you, fair readers…Please put some thought into the things you believe in. And if you don’t want to think about them, at least wiki the thing to see if there’s any sort of complaint or controvery behind it. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Then again, I’m not a Scientologist, so if I were, I’d probably be a much happier and healthier person.

Goodbye world, goodbye interwebs. It was nice to know you.

-philameneto

*********

laura Well…. CFLs are a *bit* less bad than you say, given they have such a teeny-tiny bit of mercury…  Where is that article… ah, boo-yah.

*********

Alex For a scientific being, you certainly quickly sped over the speed-bumps of your THS argument. Even the Second Hand Smoking argument is at least a little skewed.

Perhaps a re-sniffing of your second-to-last-paragraph may be in order, because…there’s a little bullshit science still left behind.

Here’s some links! :-) Junkfood Science, REASON.com, The Daily Mail.

My personal favorite is the fear of “Fourth-Hand-Smoke”: someone sitting next to someone who is thinking about someone else smoking.

–alexG.

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