Tag Archives: boys

Alana Evans asks: So You Wanna Be a Pornstar?

AlanaEvansWe all have dreams. Every person has something they aspire to be–or become–at points in their lives. When I was young, I wanted to be an actress. Other children wanted to be doctors, firemen, police officers, and teachers. At some point, we either follow the path carved for that desire or we change directions. But sometimes, there are rare occasions where we find ourselves doing something that comes pretty damn close. I work in porn. It’s definitely acting but not your typical theater production.

Let’s face it… If I’m having sex with Ron Jeremy, there’s some serious acting involved, right?

So even though I’m not a big mainstream actress, I still feel like I’ve fulfilled most of my goal. I’ve been the best that I can be and that’s all a girl can ask. I’ve partied with rock stars, traveled the world, been chased by fans, been stalked, and I’ve had sex with some of the most beautiful people in the world. I’d definitely say I’ve lived a great life so far.

Almost everyday I am asked by one guy or another how to get into the business. I usually laugh because most guys don’t really understand what it takes to be here in porn. So I figured I’d make a list, for you, of the best reasons not to get into porn. Then you can make your own decision.

1. You get Ron Jeremy’s sloppy seconds…me included…lol

2. Unless you’re hung 13 or 14 inches, chances are the girl you’ll be working with has been nicely carved out
for you by a guy named Mandingo.

3. Squirting… supposedly female ejaculate, but most girls will admit it’s pee… awesome :)

4. Gang Bangs…. standing around watching other dudes jack off while you wait for your turn in line.

5. Having your female talent of the day actually ask you if your dick works… it happens.

Besides some of these lame things, Porn is rad. It’s every guys fantasy. I totally get it.
A different girl every day of the week. For me, it’s just a different guy. Don’t get me wrong. I love porn. I’m the
female version of every male pervert out there. The same way men love newbie girls in porn… for their
uncorrupted minds and innocent, almost untouched bodies, I love finding boys that fit those same qualities.
Like I said: I GET IT.

Because I’m always asked how guys can get in and I have a weakness for the young inexperienced man,
I decided to just start my own porn series. Breaking in newbie boys is what I’ve come to do best. So now,
when I guy asks me how to get into porn, I have a real answer.

Always Nasty,

Alana Evans

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Fuck You: Confessions of an Urban Fairy

fairyYeah, I’m a fuckin’ fairy! Fuck you! I ain’t no pussy-ass pixie-throwin’ tinkerballs, motherfucker. I mean, yeah, I do throw pixie dust, but that’s only, like, eight-and-a-motherfuckin-half-percent of my fuckin’ job.

All you cunts wanna hate on me, but I don’t fuckin’ give a shit. I ain’t no tooth-stealin’ pillow pusher. I may be a fairy but I ain’t no fuckin’ fag.

You wanna judge me?! You wanna bring yo punk ass down to my hood and fuck with this? Bring it, boyz n’ girlz. I don’t give a fuck how old you are, I’ll run ya’ll through with my motherfuckin magic wand.

No, I don’t actually have a magic wand, bitch. You think I’d be caught dead wit some sparklin’ fuckin’ stick with a star at the end? That shit’s gay. Not just gay, but retarded, too!

Lemma axe you summit; you think all us fairies are the same? You take your fuckin’ suburban or forest fairy and you bring ‘em down to my area. Then we’ll see! Oh, we’ll see! Ain’t gonna do you no good to turn into a fuckin’ tree when there ain’t no trees around town, motherfucker!

Naw, I’m just like all the rest of you douchebags!

I watch my pornos.

I lubricate my guns*.

(*by which I mean my muscles.) Flex ‘em.

I water my Pom-Pom Garden. Them berries are fuckin’ sweet!

I watch my Jon & Kate Plus Eight, so fuckin’ what?

I flip off passing cars while I’m parked outside the SuperFresh.

I’d tell you more but I don’t want you bitches all up in my bizness. Plus, if you knew everything about me, there’d be no mystery…no magic in the world!

Don’t you motherfucking ruin the fuckin’ magic! I swear to Christ!

–a Fairy

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