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December 1, 2009 · 2:22 pm

It’s high time….

So, fair readers, it’s been a while since you’ve heard from ole Davey. Let’s fill you in on what you’ve missed in the last few weeks or so….

Still unemployed, however, I’m now doing some part time stuff for our very good friends at Derisory Designs, based out of Good Ole Port Richmond.  Cool-ass t-shirts and such, awesome people, and great quality. If you ever need shirts or anything else printed, give em a ring. Tell em Dave sent ya.

Oh, how could I put this second? Super Dudette Michelle and I finally got married after dating for like four years. Actually, our four year anniversary was 2 weeks before the wedding, and we both totally forgot about it. That’s gotta be a good sign, right? The wedding turned out to be a pretty rad event, I think everyone had a good time (us Super Dudes and Dudettes had a blast!), great food, free booze, and a bedroom full of presents. Much thanks to the well-wishers out there.

But you, readers, don’t care as much about my personal life. You should, but you don’t. That would be INSANE.

I come to you, dear readers, today, to talk about something very important to me.  Pennsylvania House Bill 1393 (HB 1393, for short), the Compassionate Use Medical Marijuana Act.

May I start out raising a loud, passionate WTF before I get into my true tirade. Pennsylvania, the state that said the gay’s are not just icky, but constitutionally icky, is actually considering legalizing marijuana for medical uses. Yes, PA. The Great Southern Oasis in the North. Pennsyltucky. Pennsylbama. The great Keystone of Conservatism is actually considering something not only logical, but downright progressive. I am proud, this week, to be a Pennsylvanian.

But Dave! Think of the children! Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the CHILDREN!?!  Well, sir, or ma’am, I am, quite earnestly. I want children have their parents.

The CDC reports that from 1999 to 2004, unintentional poisoning death from prescription drugs sleeping pills, antidepressants and tranquilizers grew 84 percent  to 20,950 deaths, overtaking cocaine and heroin combined as the leading cause of lethal overdose.Read more:http://www.injuryboard.com/national-news/prescription-drug-deaths-soar.aspx?googleid=29488#ixzz0YSpXHXPN

(courtesy injuryboard.com)
The first argument many make for the legalization of medical marijuana is that there are no deaths associated with smoking it. Well, we know that’s not REALLY true, people smoke and drive, or smoke and do other stupid shit ALL the time. Inexcusable. How many people do you interact with on a day to day basis, including bus drivers, other cars on the road, doctors, bosses, etc., and how many of them do you think are taking an opiate painkiller? I would bet good money that it’s a WHOLE lot more than you think. It’s illegal and stupid. Smoking and driving should be too, just like taking Oxycontin and driving technically is. Ok, so now we’re starting to think of the children.  Let’s throw it out there that I believe driving under ANY (chemical) influence  should be illegal and punished the way drunk driving is. If it’s clouding your judgement, you shouldn’t drive. There, happy? But what about that fact up there…Ambian, Lunesta, Roserem, Lexapro, Valium, Oxycontin and all of their friends are now more deadly than fucking COCAINE AND HEROIN. Let that mull around in your head for a few minutes. Legal, “safe,” prescribed drugs are more deadly than the big H. Wow. Just fucking WOW.

Deadly

Now believe me, as much as I think marijuana should be totally legalized and taxed, that’s a different topic for a different day. And I certainly don’t think heroin should be freely sold in stores or anything (bad libertarian!). (While we’re at it, I’m listening to my iTunes on shuffle, and I don’t care what anyone says about the Smiths. Morrissey is a pussy.). Today we’re just focusing on the MEDICAL aspect of it. Let’s look back a few years. Up until 1941, marijuana was still in the US Pharmacopoeia, which Wiki describes as “an official public standards–setting authority for all prescription and over–the–counter medicines and other health care products manufactured or sold in the United States.” So until 1941, the US officially recognized marijuana’s legitimate use as a pharmaceutical. Wow.

New York, The Nanny State

There are many reasons, and speculative reasons, why marijuana was made illegal in the US. Nanny State-ism, control of the youth, desire to kill the economy of South American immigrants…even an honest desire to keep kids out of trouble. But we should have learned a simple fact from Alcohol Prohibition….making something RELATIVELY harmless illegal, after it has been legal for so long, and while it’s still readily available, not only doesn’t work, but is dangerous to users and bystanders alike. Sure gangs will still sell heroin and crack, but how much of their profit will be taken out when we legalize marijuana?  Okay, getting to be off topic again, we’re talking medical today, not total usage….

So we know prescriptions CAN be very dangerous. I’ve taken some of these “FDA APPROVED” “SAFE AND SOUND” medicines. Pain killers for various injuries and surgeries, and countless sleep medicines for various sleep disorders. Pain killers suck. They really do. They shred your stomach like glass, and they make you crap funny (if you’re lucky and CAN crap) for days. They disorient you, and leave you wanting more of them. You can died if you drink a beer and take them. Sounds really fucking safe, huh. Sleeping pills might actually be more dangerous, in my opinion. They actually leave you WANTING to go to bed so you can take your next one. They can make you SERIOUSLY depressed (ask Super Dudette Michelle about this, she told the doc that I would die if I kept taking Ambian, because SHE would kill me…).  They are bad news bears.  Perhaps the even greater danger with them is that people THINK they’re safe. Just an Ambian. Just a Lunesta. But no (and if you have sleeping problems, PLEASE see a Sleep PSYCHOLOGIST instead of asking for pills from your doctor. They really help you, far more than any pill EVER can).  Also, Ambian, for example, has a tendency to make you…well…retarded before you fall asleep, leading you to do stupid shit and FORGET THAT YOU ALREADY TOOK ONE. A double Ambian hangover is no fun, hear you me. Not to mention all of the people who DRIVE, GAMBLE, and WANDER OFF after taking the shit. In my personal experience, Ambian and most, if not all, of its little sleeping pill friends should be ILLEGAL.

Sleeping pills can make you a zombie.

Okay, so we think that marijuana is probably more safe than narcotics and sleeping pills. Isn’t that enough of a reason? If your DOCTOR says something is better than something else (last I checked, MOST government employees, let alone congress aren’t medical professionals, let alone doctors), shouldn’t you be able to access SAFELY and WITHOUT fear of the government? (and fear of terrifying side effects like sleepwalking to the casino…).

Wait, what?

So we KNOW that marijuana helps people with glaucoma. It’s a FACT. It lowers pressure in the eye, and helps people from going FUCKING BLIND. I’d say that ALONE is worth it, but WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL! Marijuana is also the perfect thing to help people with HIV/AIDS and cancer regain their appetites so they don’t die of starvation or get vitamin deficiencies. You don’t want cancer patients to die of something else before cancer gets them, and we certainly want AIDS sufferers to last as long as they can in hopes we might actually be able to cure the damned thing.

Hey, Dave, I don’t have cancer or AIDS, why should I give a fuck? Well, friend, have you ever had chronic sleeping problems? I have. Have you ever been depressed, in physical pain or had surgery?  Okay then, you should care.

The conspiracy theorist in me has a damned good reason why the Feds have this drug illegal. Is it true? Who knows, but based on some other stupid policies Uncle Sam has (Agricultural Lobby, anyone?), it wouldn’t be hard to imagine that Big Pharma doesn’t want a drug that you can grow in you closet or backyard legal when Lunesta sells for four bucks A FUCKING PILL.
There are so many reasons why this NEEDS to happen for us Pennsylvanians. Just google “Medicinal Marijuana” and you’ll be amazed. I’m not some pothead going out there trying to legitimize use. I simply think this is something we have to do for our elderly and suffering that has been stigmatized for FAR too long.

So, dear friends, I have a simple thing to ask you….no BEG of you….
PLEASE visit THIS SITE, fill in your information to contact your PA State Representative and urge them to support this very important and progressive piece of legislation. I’ve done it, and encouraged everyone I know to do it. Post it to your facebook, twitter, crackberry, whatever you have. Let em know we want it, and want need it now.

-philamaneto
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May 26, 2009 · 4:13 pm

California Uber Alles

davebwLast call for alcohol.
Last call for your freedom of speech.
Drink up. Happy hour is now enforced by law.
Don’t forget our house special, it’s called a Trickie Dickie Screwdriver.
It’s got one part Jack Daniels, two parts purple Kool-Aid,
and a jigger of formaldehyde
from the jar with Hitler’s brain in it we got in the back storeroom.
Happy trails to you. Happy trails to you…

Well, it’s official.  California, the Bear Flag State, is more ass-backwards than the northernmost state still fighting the Civil War, the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.  California’s Supreme Court upheld the legality of Proposition 8 today. Okay, the people voted on it. It’s banned here, too. Here’s the rub…the law here in Pennsyl-hick-ia was approved by representatives in the state legislature.  We have a shit ton of state reps who end up over-representing the rural areas and under-representing the places where people actually live, but that’s another story. We, the people of the state, didn’t vote for it directly, and it’s only done by law.

The people of California voted on it themselves. “Can Dudes Marry Each Other? Yes/No.” They said no themselves. And worse yet, they said no in such a way, a constitutional change, that makes it incredibly hard to change it back. They said “Fuck you,” locked the door, and threw away the key. Us inbreds in Pennsylbama still haven’t done that. Go figure…

I want to sit back and say, “I’m not specifically Pro-Gay Rights, I’m Pro-Everyone Rights,” and as true as that is, ya know what? Its time to say “fuck it,” and admit that I am pro-gay marriage.  I have a few good reasons, too, it’s not just liberal college kid bull.  First off, I, personally, have zero problem with people of the same sex getting married. So there’s that…

Also, even if I had a problem with dudes or chicks getting married, I’m mature enough to step back and say, “Ya know what? It’s not doing me any harm.” Now I know a lot of people out there are sort of intolerant over tolerance (the whole, everyone HAS to accept everything, except not accepting things…).  I recognize that in this great country of ours, you are SO free to sit back and hate anyone you damned well please. Thank god we have that right, too.

Okay, back to the point at hand…ya know, even if I really thought that those darn gays were going to rot in hell for being….gay…that’s their decision. You know who is making a mockery of marriage right now? About 90% of the people I’m related to. Straight, all American types who cheat on their spouses, leave their significant others and abandon their children in one way or another. Not a homosexual among them. So much for the family values of the straight, traditional household. Insanity.

Here’s the thing that kills me. It’s a little more emotional and more opinion than anything else, but hey, I’m the one writing here….The marriage age in New Hampshire with parental consent is 13 for girls and 14 for boys. THIRTEEN! Pennsylvania is under 14 with the approval of a Judge of the Orphans Court. Jesus H. Christmas (at least New Hampshire lets same-sex couple marry…). Think about this. A 13 year old can get married, but NOT two PhD’s who are in their 40s.  Something to chew on, isn’t it?

So what do we do about all of this? I sure don’t know. Maybe we can just let people know how pissed we are (if you are. If you aren’t, I guess that’s okay too, just make sure you have a good reason for it and I’ll respect your opinion). Write the letters, VOTE for the people who know what freedom means, and don’t be afraid to speak up. Also, make sure you don’t become more hateful and mean than the other side is. Take care of yourself, and each other. California Uber Alles, indeed….

*Yes, I know…I wanted to keep all this SuperDude a-political…I just had to rant. This is a Dave rant, not a SuperDPS rant. The other SuperDudes don’t necessarily agree with a word of this. Some probably do, though. Some might not. Take it for what it is.
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March 25, 2009 · 11:19 am

Re5: A Wonderfully Un-Racist Romp Through Scarytown, Africa

AlexThe Resident Evil series has always served to baffle, befiddle and befaddle me; certainly not as much as the Metal Gear series, but enough to cause concern for the future. I don’t think I’ve ever successfully completed a Resident Evil game in the entire series. At the risk of being “gamer’d” to death, the excuse I’ll give for this is that I didn’t give the games enough of a chance and I gave up on them easily. It’s not that I particularly found them boring…more that I just lost interest in favor of other games that more suited my tastes at the time.

Regardless, my tastes have changed and survival horror has come back into my life with flying colors (or pitch black-darkness, whichever). Violent video games seem to be the lifeblood (pun intended) of the industry. The video game audience of yesteryear has grown up and grown weary of the Sonic and Super Mario Bros. franchises. That’s not to say that we aren’t thrilled by new and interesting additions to the series. Super Mario Galaxy was awesome. Super Paper Mario, anyone? Sonic hasn’t had as much luck. But there’s only so much time we can suspend our disbelief while Sonic the Hedgehog takes us all on another pointless adventure with his growing cacophony of slapdash, meaningless friends.

Back on topic, the reason I’ve been rather distant from the Resident Evil series as a whole is because there are so many and I felt that (in my brief separation from the series) I may be lost and not able to pick up on the story. Also, I’ve only played Resident Evil 1, 2, 3: Nemesis, 4, and 5. It seems like a logical progression, but I can’t help but feel that there was a lot that I missed out on. Need I mention that Resident Evil always scared the piss out of me?

Which brings me to my next topic…Many critics of Resident Evil 5 claim that it isn’t scary. Penny Arcade argues that even though 5 doesn’t go with traditional “pop-out-and-scream” Pavlovian horror, it remains constantly thrilling…especially with periodic battles with things that won’t fucking die and when your ammo is depleted and you’re facing such a beast.

Yet another (unfounded) concern is that the game may be considered racist, or could possibly be some kind of tool for White Supremacists to act out their blood-thirsty rampage on behalf of the master race (SPOILER ALERT: The game ends on Valhalla). The racist accusation comes from the concept that the story takes place in Africa where a parasitic plague has infected most of the population, turning them into anger-driven zombies with worms. The main character is a white man named Chris Redfield (who you may remember from the series) and his African partner, Sheva.

First of all, not all of the enemies are black. Second, the main villains are white as the morning snow. And third, the object of the game is not to murder all of the African population (although it seems like it at times). The point of the game is to rescue these people and to end the horrible plague that the evil-doers have infected them with. If anything, it’s about destroying the racists who consider Africa (and Latin America in Resident Evil 4) to be worthless and the perfect place to test their deadly plan. So, suck it, you politically correct alarmists.

The only Resident Evil games I’ve completed aside from this one were Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles and Resident Evil 4 on Wii…a delightful experience if you haven’t tried it. Resident Evil 5, the first in the series on a “next-gen” console, is stunning, fun, intense, and important. Not only does it show how far graphics have come, but how much the gaming experience has evolved. I could raise issue with some of the controls, but I won’t, because (honestly) I don’t care and it didn’t effect the experience for me at all.

The numerous unlockables make the game worth playing again and again. To close, I’ll mention the part of the game that blasted with arms flailing through my expectations. We all know that forced co-op games often have their flaws…take Army of Two for example…virtually unplayable without a live partner (aka: Friend).

Resident Evil 5 sticks Player One with a partner who is rarely a hindrance. Sheva is helpful, courteous, and knows how to take out the bosses when your dumb ass can’t figure it the fuck out. The only times I’ve had a problem with my partner was when she was using a Handgun in a firefight when she had full ammo on her Shotgun, Machine Gun, and Rifle, leaving me to do the hard work. Cunt…

But seriously, I loved Sheva; and as Chris Redfield, I actually wanted to take care of her. Not only because if she died, I’d have to start over, but also because she was a genuinely likable character who is never annoying or obstructive.

If you have ever been a Resident Evil fan, you’ve probably already heard of/played the demo of the game. If you’re an intelligent fan of the games and you like amazing games, you’ll already own it.

–alex G.

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March 12, 2009 · 10:00 am

My Heart’s a’Twitter

AlexIn this marvelous time of social networking, social news, and…ample alternatives to being “real life” social, one of the most underestimated and useful is Twitter. I say “underestimated” because, while it is ridiculously populated, it is mostly used by advertisers, companies, promoters, individuals who want an outlet to share their experiences and, well, promote themselves.

The average internet user, it seems, is not part of the Twitter Community. I could be wrong, of course. It is not unlikely that I have a fairly limited perspective on how immersed the general public is with modern internet phenomena. But, from what I’ve seen and experienced, Twitter is more of an Adult (not specifically) oriented site for Networking and Just-For-Fun Blogging.

At the moment, I am only able to follow up to 2,000 individuals on Twitter…and that’s more than enough. Out of those 2,000, here’s a list of some of the most interesting and constantly up-to-date people to check out on Twitter. Hopefully they’ll return the favor. :-)

In no particular order:

Super Dudes Power Squad! –Hey, it’s us! I have to include it…probably not first…but I’m awfully full of myself.

Rainn Wilson –Yes, that  Rainn Wilson.

James Gunn –Film Maker and all around Awesome Guy.

Tay Zonday –Oh, Chocolate Rain…is there anything you haven’t taught us?

Taylor Swift –I wonder how people can watch TMZ and Access Hollywood and all that bullshit when your favorite celebrities have their actual media outlets so close to your fingertips that you might actually be able to talk right fucking to them!

Casey McKinnon –Producer, actress and Media Geek.

Tina Fey –No, not that Tina Fey…YES, that Tina Fey.

Baby Sinead – A pretentious bitch that you may have seen naked. I owe her.

Jessie Lee – Another wonderful girl who I owe the exposure to. Not that she’s not getting enough exposure on her own…and on her site.

Bella Vendetta – It’s not a coincidence that these people are in order. I owe Bella as well.

Tech Babe – Fun to talk to and always extremely informative.

Angelique Leclair –Wonderful personality and if we ever conclude our interview, you’ll see that as well.

Think Geek –Lots of news and always has interesting articles.

Joanna Angel –Being on the Burning Angel street team, I figured it’s only fair to give her a mention.

Georgette –Gcrush is always friendly and willing to make new friends. Her exhaustingly interesting life is always refreshing and fun to hear about, whether you care or not.

Dr. Tobias Funke–Obviously not the real doctor, but hilarious nonetheless.

R5 Productions –If you like music and you live in Philadelphia, R5 is essential. For instance, if I weren’t following R5, I would never know that I’m missing Kimya Dawson tonight.

Game Trailers –It is what it sounds like.

Travel Addict –A blogger who, as his name would suggest, likes to write about his travels…and he’s always seeking to improve.

Greg Grunberg –Officer Matt Parkman from Heroes. Yup.

Anderson Cooper –He’s from the news! And he gets input from you! That can’t be safe.

Kieran Manzi –Total Gaming Network’s Twitter Personality.

Fork You! –Philadelphia Culinary Webshow

Rachel Maddow –Known Twitterer and technology nerd with her own MSNBC show.

Steve Jobs –See what it’s like inside the mind…er…iPhone of a Billionaire.

Chris Bartlett –a Gay Community Organizer from Philly with a lot to say.

Brea Grant –I thought I’d end this list with another actor from Heroes. She’s not quite as fast on Twitter, but always fun to read.

With that, I’m going to pull the plug and admit that I’m bored with looking through my list of the 2000 people that I follow. Not everyone is interesting. You know that.

But Twitter is fun and intriguing (at times) and it’s worth checking out if you haven’t already. There are many many people who didn’t make this list either because I didn’t get to you and ran out of energy, or because you’re just not as interesting as you think you are. :-)

LATERZ!

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March 10, 2009 · 10:00 am

Murphy’s Tavern: A Place to Go

AlexThe last thing I want to do on this site is to start openly promoting anything aside from this site. Well, that’s not entirely true. The last thing I want to do would probably be Judah Friedlander with a live bear trap lodged halfway up his rectum. Hmm…now that that’s the alternative, open promotion doesn’t really seem that bad.

Most people is a term that indiscriminately refers to a larger-than-half amount of the ordinary crowd to which something said to describe them would apply.

Therefore, I will stake claim that all people who are wishy-washy on their familiarity with the various areas of Philadelphia will consider Roxborough (the place where I reside) to either be a melting pot of Pseudo-Rednecks and Teenage Mothers or not really part of the “city” at all.

On both counts I would have to strongly disagree. While Roxborough is a melting pot of Pseudo-Rednecks and Teenage Mothers, it is so much more than that. It has to be.

Roxborough is full of places where you can pick up exceptionally good food and meet fairly decent people.

Even those who move to Manayunk (which is literally separated from Roxborough by a fucking STREET) feel some unfounded sense of superiority to Roxborough’s mostly blue collar, loud mouth, non-elitism.

The point of this article is by no means to suggest that Roxborough doesn’t have a load of shitty bars…

(The 19th Hole, Peck Miller’s, and DeLeo’s to name a few…)

…but some bars that seem dark and mysterious may be the right place for you!

I won’t bore you with all of the bars I frequent, but I would like to take the opportunity to stand up for a little place called MURPHY’S TAVERN located at Henry and Roxborough Avenue.

Murphy’s is going through a bit of a lull and needs your help. Without your support, this “Little Bar That Could” may be no more.

The Staff is friendly and the typical bar flies are some of the greatest, most wonderful people you could ever meet (myself included).

Murphy’s is like a Blue Collar Disney Ride…with constant swearing and sexual innuendo. Think: It’s a Small World After All in a Bar. You have your set of Odd-balls and Bar Flies, but they’re all virtually automated and fixed to the floor.

Mike Przychowicz owns and runs that place and he is one of the best guys in the world and a good friend of the Super Dudes Power Squad. I’ve discussed with him many times about the process of improving the atmosphere of the bar and what the bar offers. The time is nigh and Change is afoot.

With your help, we can make Murphy’s an amazing place for reasonable and fun-loving Roxborough kids (not kids) to hang out. Now, Mike has a strict “No Douchebag” policy, so don’t invite your Manayunk Friends*, but bring everyone you know and love. We’ll trust your judgement.

I promise to keep you posted on Murphy’s Tavern‘s transition in the upcoming weeks, so for now I will cease the literary tug job and just end with a plea and a word of encouragement. Hang out with us at Murphy’s Tavern!

We’re there (pretty much guaranteed) every Tuesday (for QUIZZO) and Thursday (for Karaoke) and hopefully more will come in the future.

Hooray Beer!

-alexG.

*Just Kidding, Manayunk Friends!

*************************************************************************************************

Dave Comments from Dave!

In the interest of full disclosure, a few of the SuperDudes are currently seeking employment at the above mentioned tavern. That being said, we really DO hang out there all the time, and its tons-o-fun.  And supposedly, the best is really yet to come.  But come on, a bar that has let the SuperDudes run Quizzo on occasion? Does it get any better than that?  Most of the regulars there are sad-sacks at the worst, and…well…US at the best!

Also, I’ve learned that Alex can be chatted with via Aim Screen Name SuperDPSAlex. I can be reached the same way at SuperDPSDave.  Or, even more fun, give us a shout with Skype at dgrow1986 or call 215-717-7378. Leave a message, or if I’m actually at my computer at home, I/we might actually answer.  Drunk Dials are appreciated/encouraged.

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March 9, 2009 · 4:44 pm

What’s A Rob’et?

DaveAnd so we learn this week that we, as humans, are totally and completely fucked. Now, I’m sure this story is probably twisted a little, and it probably lost something when it was translated, but seriously! Robots that get insanely posessive and attached to people.  Weird.

Now we could talk for days about how one should ethically treat robots and machines; they’ve been talking about it for decades. But this, somehow, just seems a little…stranger…a little more close to home than what we’ve seen so far.  Well, maybe we’re expecting too much from the thing. It’s only doing what they told it to…sort of…or maybe we really just shouldn’t give robots emotions until we start to understand our OWN emotions. 

Look at Data. He wasn’t doing too bad before he got his little emotion chip.  Then again, sci-fi characters like Data and C3P0 tell us to be ready for robots that are essentially metal people. 

Who wants to cuddle with the big metal arm that assembles Toyotas? Hmm…what would happen if we gave THAT thing emotions? Would it take pride in a good job, and strive to do better (learning to be neurotic along the way?) Would “he” get lazy and demand cigarette and lube breaks? I suppose we could just give him emotions and program him not to have human desires, but now wouldn’t that be like raising a child to be afraid to ask for candy? I have absolutely no idea.

I’m just waiting for Kurzweil’s Singularity to take place so I don’t have to worry about things like this anymore.

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March 8, 2009 · 9:02 pm

Gryffindor FTW!!

AlexOnce in awhile, I’ll happen upon something that I will–for a short time–consider the “Greatest Thing Ever.” While this practice is often more spasmodic and arguably useless than Keith Olbermann’s lists of Best and Worst Persons in the World, it often serves to satiate my otherwise excruciating somnambulism during the average work-day.

Just about every other Sunday, I’ll find that there is nothing else of interest on the tiny TV at my desk at work aside from a constant marathon of each of the five current Harry Potter films. When the first of these films came out, I was a Freshman in High School, and I was severely underwhelmed. In all fairness, I would modestly count myself as a fan of Children’s Cinema only a bit less than Adult* Cinema.

I tried to read the first Harry Potter book in that year, and was told by my psychotic dwarf English teacher that I needed to read a “Big Boy Book.” Even though the “Little Boy Book” had been spotted on his own bookshelf days later. Little cunt.

That being said, I must also admit that I had very little interest in the series; however, another cinematic “marvel” broke that same year…the ever-so-magical and ever-so-interminable Lord of the Rings. Most of my friends at the time were huge Hobbit-Heads**. I tried to get into the series. Really, I did…but they’re all just so fucking boring***.

Being willfully subjected to almost every Harry Potter film on a semi-bi-weekly basis has actually been quite a joy, and revitalized my interest in the series. I’m not a huge fan of magic, fairies, wizards, and witchcraft, but I can and do find myself oddly drawn to it from time to time. It breaks monotony and (strangely enough) holds my interest much more tenaciously than…say…the new episodes of The Simpsons, King of the Hill, Family Guy, and American Dad that happen to be airing right now.

And while I’m not certain exactly what compelled me to write this (not really a) review of the Harry Potter franchise, after being so drawn to this consistently engaging series, I find myself getter a huge nerd-boner in anticipation of the next installment****.

–alexG

*That, of course, would include Hardcore Pornography.

**Not a sexual reference.

***You’re Welcome.

****…and not just over Emma Watson, thank you very much!!

(EDIT: I just realized that I was duped by abc Family and I was not indeed shown all of the Harry Potter movies. They stopped at Goblet of Fire and I am quite…quite pissy about it. I have seen “Order of the Phoenix” though…if it helps.)

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March 5, 2009 · 2:16 pm

URL Hell

DaveSo, as many of us know…pretty much anything you type into the address bar when you’re trying to get to Google takes you there. gewgle.com, gooogle.com, googel.com and so on…although every once in a while you get one that doesn’t take you there. ANYWAYS, I discovered that apparently, Facebook takes no such protection against such “typosquatting.” I found this out the hard way. And so, to help you, fair readers, from making the same mistakes in the future…a list of totally awesomely inappropriate typo websites.

**MID POST UPDATE**

Okay, so I’m probably going to get blocked from photobucket if I do what I was originally going to do…post screen shots of each of these sites….so I’ll just throw the link up, and you can do with it what you please. If you value your computer, you probably don’t want to click on any of these, I’m sure they’re all filled with spyware and stuff. Just hover your mouse over for a taste, and fulfill your pornographic needs elsewhere.

1) The Facenook – Looks like Mark Zuckerburg got into the wrong business. facenook.com takes you to what looks like a Redtube style site (basically, a YouTube for prOnz). Pretty clever, though…I did it all for the (face)nookie.

2) BJ – This one’s pretty obvious, and I’m surprised that BJ’s Wholesale club was actually able to get bjs.com and not this one. Well its not directly porn, it does have a snappy welcome banner, “BJ.com, What you need, when you need it.”

3) Dicks.com- Shockingly, yet another big box store fails to get the most obvious free redirect ever. Who knows how many free opportunities to get hits from men looking for gay porn were lost by the sporting goods giant…

4) whitehouse.com – Okay, I know that pretty much EVERYONE knows about this one these days, but I just found out that it isn’t porn anymore! It’s now this sort of…political blogging site. I think the porn was a more legitimate business. At least you know what you’re paying for, and you know how much it’s going to cost to get screwed…

5) wiipedia.com – I’ve done this one plenty of times. Sadly, it doesn’t take you to an encyclopedia about Nintendo. Luckily, it also does not take you to an encyclopedia about the penis. It’s just one of those ad portal pages. Totally weak, imo.

6) myspac.com – I was also hoping for something good with this one, but myspac.com (I’m deciding it’s pronounced My-Spack) takes you to a silver jewelry seller.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t really find any more that take you to the super offensive, hard core, cock-in-your-face websites, most just take you to things like wiipedia.com and bj.com, which sort of really disappoints me. Come on, people, be more creative about this! I want to be shocked and offended next time I drunkenly try to settle a bet on wikipedia, or want to buy something from amazonians. (Actually, I just checked this one, and amazonians really IS a site full of naked, tall girls. Who’d have thunk it?)

So please, if you’re looking for a good laugh, grab some variation on superdps.com and let ‘er rip (http://superpsd.com/ is already taken. It’s some sort of Asian online store. Your guess on that one is as good as mine.

Let me know if there are any other great typosquats out there.

-philamaneto!

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February 22, 2009 · 4:03 pm

For Your Consideration…

AlexWell it’s once again time for Oscar (not the Grouch) to make an appearance and there are some interesting films up for consideration. As I did with the Golden Globes, I will attempt to accurately predict all of these outcomes. I think I scored about a 70% on my Golden Globe predictions. Let’s see I can keep this ship afloat any better.

(EDIT: Jerry Lewis wins the Humanitarian Award. Couldn’t have gone to a better person. Glad to see some geniuses of classic cinema still remain amongst us.)

1. Actor in a Leading Role–Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)

(EDIT: And the Oscar goes to…Sean Penn. I’m no enemy of Sean Penn. His talent supercedes his character. I didn’t see MILK, but I probably will eventually. I enjoyed The Wrestler so much that I think I give it more credit than it apparently deserves. Rourke won a Golden Globe though, so that’s fine.

In addition: I would have much rather seen Mickey Rourke spit psychotic babble at the podium than Sean Penn make a monotonous political speech. Sean Penn did give Rourke a shout out, so my heart is now warmed.)

2. Actor in a Supporting Role–Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)

(EDIT: Alan Arkin proves he is out of touch by referring to Philip Seymour Hoffman as “Seymour Philip Hoffman.” Well, this one was pretty fucking easy to call. Why should the academy deny a decent actor a full-fledged standing ovation? I think the award went to the right person in this case…however, I would probably go as far to say that if Heath Ledger were alive, he probably wouldn’t have won.)

3. Actress in a Leading Role–Kate Winslet (The Reader)

(EDIT: She forgot to thank Ricky Gervais. He told her that she could win Awards for doing a Holocaust Movie. There are some actresses who lose something through the “magic” of HD TV. Kate Winslet is one of them. Still, no complaints. She beats the cunt off of Julia Roberts.)

4. Actress in a Supporting Role–Penelope Cruz (Vicky Christina…)

(EDIT: First Oscar of the night is a RIGHT answer for me! Should’ve been Marisa Tomei though…This award show is going to be drawn out ad nausem.)

5. Animated Feature Film–Wall-E

(EDIT: RIGHT AGAIN!! This is starting to become less and less interesting…I still haven’t seen Wall-Ebut maybe some day. Actually, I think a Blu-Ray copy of it is sitting somewhere on my shelf.)

6. Art Direction–The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

(EDIT: And now we’re back on track. At least it gives me a reason to give two shits about the less interestingawards. That being said, the less interesting awards are arguably the most important. Good job, guys. There’d be no movie without you!)

7. Cinematography–Slumdog Millionaire

(EDIT: Right again btw…but let me get off topic for a moment…As awesome and intense a movie as The Dark Knight was…I honestly believe that the onlyreason it exists at the Academy Awards is because they want to give as many post-humous awards to Heath Ledger as possible. If he wins Best Supporting Actor, my case will be made.)

8. Costume Design–The Dutchess

(EDIT: Could this award be any more obvious? I was a bit worried about Benjamin Button, but all the other nominees had suits and dresses as costumes…If MILKwon best costume design, I’m sure there’d be a massive wrist-slitting from the Fashion Design community.)

9. Directing–Slumdog Millionaire

(EDIT: OMG! Waaay out of left field!! Who would have thought that it would be…oh…Slumdog Millionaire.)

10. Documentary Feature–Trouble the Water

(EDIT: Man on a Wire was the winner. Can’t be right all the time, I guess…although I think I have earned my stripes thus far. Hard to call, this one. Personally, I would’ve loved to see Religulous win. Wasn’t nominated.)

11. Documentary Short–The Final Inch

(EDIT: Wrong answer…but…then again, there was no justification for my random stumbling guess. Oh, the winning short film was Smile Pinki. Yeah. That’s what I thought.)

12. Film Editing–Frost/Nixon

(EDIT: Slumdog Millionaire again?! How fucking good is this movie??! I need to see this. I think my pick of Frost/Nixon was probably the worst call I could’ve possibly made, but I really didn’t think Slumdog Millionaire would take practically every minor category. *sigh* Oh well.)

13. Foreign Language Film–Waltz with Bashir

(EDIT: Hmm…The Golden Globes were not consistant this time. I was Wrong with Bashir.)

14. Makeup–The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

(EDIT: There’s another RIGHT answer. I was concerned about Hellboy II, but you can’t really give an award to a film that had absolutely zero significance to any one or any thing.)

15. Music (Score)–Slumdog Millionaire

(EDIT: Well that was pretty clear. Golden Globes II: The Revenge of Slumdog Millionaire.)

16. Music (Song)–“O Saya” (Slumdog Millionaire)

(EDIT: Well, I guess M.I.A. didn’t have the clout to win this award. So, Slumdog Millionaire was actually BEATEN by…wait for it…Slumdog Millionaire. Yeah. That’s right. The other Slumdog Millionaire song won. Amazing…)

17. Best Picture–Slumdog Millionaire

(EDIT: Though this list is not in order, this was obviously the last award given. And…there it is. Weird how none of the actualy ACTORS were nominated for anything. I guess the movie could stand up to the “big boys” but the actors weren’t good enough? Who knows…? Still, now I really need to see this fucking film.)

18. Short Film (Animated)–This Way Up

(EDIT: La Maison en Petitis Cubes is the winner. First WRONGanswer of the night. I wonder if there’ll be any more…Oh well, Short Films are impossible to call, especially if you’ve seen none of them.)

19. Short Film (Live Action)–Spielzeugland (Toyland)

(EDIT: This was a hard one to call, but I managed to guess RIGHT…The segment that opened up this segment and highlighted COMEDY movies was pretty great…along with James Franco’s butchering of the pronunciation of this title.)

20. Sound Editing–Wall-E

(EDIT: NOPE! This was a surprise. The Dark Knight won this one…maybe this makes my statements about The Dark Knight‘s place in the Oscars flawed. Hmmm…)

21. Sound Mixing–Wall-E

(EDIT: Slumdog Millionaire???!!! Really?! Fuck! I mean, I knew it would be a sweep, but not for cunting SOUND MIXING…You’d think the sound mixing and editing for an Animated Movie would be much much more work because you have zero frame of reference for what certain things should sound like. Oh well. I can’t say I agree with this choice…but then again, who the fuck am I?)

22. Visual Effects–The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

(EDIT: I was torn here. I wound up getting this one RIGHT, however, there was a systematic approach here. The effects in The Dark Knight and Iron Man were fucking amazing…but, they were comic action movies and didn’t need to have a super-realistic and true-to-life nature to them. Benjamin Button had to keep the audience in a REAL atmosphere. I still haven’t seen it, but I think I’m probably right.)

23. Writing (Adapted Screenplay)–Slumdog Millionaire

(EDIT: Third Announcement and THIRD right answer in a row. I might just sweep this mother…as Slumdog Millionaire is sure to as well.)

24. Writing (Original Screenplay)–Milk

(EDIT: Second Award Announcement of the night and SECONDright answer! Should’ve been In Bruges IMO, but…I’m still smug.)

I don’t think there will be many surprises this year. I’m expecting an essential replay of the Golden Globes. We shall see! Hopefully Ricky Gervais makes another “Oscar Worthy” performance!

(EDIT: The Red Carpet interviews were a fucking train wreck. The creepy Interviewer Personalities made for severly awkward moments and snappy answers to stupid questions worthy of the pages of MAD magazine.)

–alexG

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January 28, 2009 · 5:00 am

The Top 5 Things People Need to Stop Pretending are True

AlexWe would all love to feel intelligent. It’s natural to long for that orgasmic brain baby that makes sweet love to our consciousness on a daily basis. But when we aren’t having premarital underage sex with our own sense of luscious self-awareness, while wrapped around an ever-buzzing Tesla Coil deep within the chasms our brain cases, we tend to come off as, what trained neuroscientists would call “Pants-on-Head-Retarded.”

In such cases, we become prone to blind acceptance of the babbling nonsense spewed by people we might otherwise call our peers. For your sake and mine, let’s go over some of the most ludicrous bits of nonsense that jackasses claim are gospel (…I won’t include the Gospel…).

5. We only use 10% of our Brain!

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The Oxford English Dictionary defines "Douchebag" as...

The Claim: There’s really no way to explain this claim without considering all of the Art Teachers, Religious Nuts, and Generic Psychotics who have tried to drill this into the unsuspecting and gullible public over the years; however, the claim is that humans only use 10-20% of their brain power or ability.

The rest of the brain holds potential that scientists are yet to discover. There are, however, individuals who posses the power to access these “locked” areas of the brain: Telekinetics, Ghost-Talkers, and, arguably…Bob Ross.

The Reality: You use all of your brain…unless you were in the Third Track classes at Roman Catholic High School…kidding (…maybe). Yes, everyone uses their whole brain. They may not use it to its full potential, but, well…that’s why they’re in Third Track at Roman Catholic High School.

I was going to include Psychics and Predicting the Future in this list, but I’ll just mention it now. No one has ever accurately predicted the future on purpose, not Nostradamas, not a Bear or Ungulate (since that’s Dave’s new favorite word), NO ONE! It’s not real. Grow up. Frauds and assholes tend to use this argument ad nauseam…much like:

4. Eating Rice is Dangerous to Birds.

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Also, what happens to you when you masturbate to Anime Porn.

The Claim: You shouldn’t throw rice at a Bride and Groom after the Wedding because pigeons and other birds could eat the scattered grains and “explode.”

The Reality: This claim is about as ridiculous as the story about the Chihuahua that turned out to be a Giant Sewer Rat. It doesn’t even really seem believable at all, if you actually think about it; but I suppose the notion of animal digestive system oddities makes it seem somewhat likely if you have absolutely no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.

3. Larry Wachowski had a Sex Change.

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At least his brother could pass for his Girlfriend.

The Claim: ‘Nuff said, right? The claim seems to date back to the early Twenty First Century, around the release of The Matrix: Reloaded. Larry Wachowski of the famous Wachowski Brothers film making duo is now living his life as Lana, Laura, Lisa, or some shit.

The Reality: There may be something to the rumor that Larry Wachowski has some weird turn-ons and taboo sexual desires, but there is nothing…none…zilch…fuck-all…zero evidence that he is now a woman. He may be a little girly…I can see that. Apparently the rumors were started when the Wachowski Brothers would decline interviews, so Matrix Trolls decided to make shit up.

If you look at a picture of him and his brother, Andrew…you get a weird Bert and Ernie vibe (if Bert were a post-op Drag Queen)…but that’s neither here nor there. Although, now that it’s come up…all the characters in The Matrix are androgynous hermaphrodites…

…which reminds me!!!…


2. There was a Pregnant Man

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Wait...umm...oh, okay...Pregnant Man: LEFT, Oprah: RIGHT

The Claim: A man, Thomas Beatie, became pregnant and…Jesus Fucking Christ on a Daisy Chain Cross…this is too ridiculous. I’m jumping straight to the fucking REALITY.

The Reality: Ladies and Gentlemen, and ladies who have become gentlemen…just because you feel that you’re one person (or thing) trapped in the body of another person (or thing), that doesn’t mean that you can effectively CHANGE yourself into that person (or thing). Barbara Walters interviewed this person as one of the Most Fascinating People of 2008. Why?

I’d say John Wayne Bobbitt is more fascinating for losing his penis and then having a porn career. There should be nothing fascinating about a woman with a beard having a baby. The big story now is that the Breaking News Butch wants to have another baby. Well, that’s just lovely isn’t it? But it’s not news. She’s a woman.

Look, “Thomas,” when you’re genetically altered to become a male Seahorse and you give birth to a series of Merpeople, then and only then may you alert the media. Until then, stay off my television, you greedy, self-righteous, Media-Hogging cunt.

1. The Disney Movie Bullshit

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Is Goofy trying to get Free SKINaMAX?

The Claim: Disgruntled Disney animators constantly include passive sexually explicit elements in their films. Their reasoning (I can only imagine) is to give Grade School Boys and the Adult Mentally Disabled something to mentally masturbate to and/or snicker at while they and their friends/their children/their friend’s children/a stranger’s children watch Disney cartoons together.

The Reality: Alright, Disney has had a weird past (and future, we can hope) but including sexual images and semi-porn in their cartoons has never been part of it (with the possible exceptions of The Rescuers and Who Framed Roger Rabbit?).

No, the Seven Dwarfs don’t represent drug use, Donald Duck doesn’t call Daffy Duck a “nigger,” Aladdin doesn’t tell children or Rajah to take off their clothes, nobody in The Little Mermaid had a boner except for the castle on the video box…no, not that either, the word SEX never appears in The Lion King and Rafiki was just an innocent retarded monkey who lived in the desert. Any questions?

I hope this article meant as much to you as it did to me. Have a pleasant day and a lovely tomorrow! ^_^

–alexG.

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