I don’t think I filled out one of these lousy brackets last year, so I figured I’d use some of this anus-clenching suspenseful time before the big Academy Awards celebration to offer my two cents. Let’s get to it.
Writing-Adapted Screenplay– ARGO–I really think Argo‘s going to take home most of the key awards tonight, but we’ll see how that goes. They may want to show respect to every one of those 9 nominees…christ.
Writing-Original Screenplay– DJANGO UNCHAINED–Would’ve liked to see Moonrise Kingdom take this, but it won’t.
Directing– LINCOLN–Not sure why Tarantino isn’t listed here, but but I don’t think anyone else stands a chance.
Animated Feature Film– BRAVE–Because Wreck It Ralph didn’t have a lesbian ginger in it…just Sarah Silverman.
Actress-Supporting– Anne Hathaway (Les Miserables)
Actor-Supporting– Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained)–I was going to pick Tommy Lee Jones for this one, but I don’t think he really did anything different than his normal grumpy man act.
Actress-Leading– Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty)–I didn’t see this film, but she’ll win for the same reason BRAVE will.
Actor-Leading– Hugh Jackman (Les Miserables)–Honestly, I think Daniel Day-Lewis is going to win. I just really want to see his mind snap when he doesn’t.
Best Picture– ARGO
Well that’s it. Now we get to see what happens. Having said that, there will be an hour of the ceremony that AMC will be on…from 9-10pm.
“How are you, Sheriff?” Arnold Schwarzenegger’s grizzled lawman Ray Owens is asked in the central firefight of “The Last Stand” after hurling himself through the front doors of a bakery. “Old,” is his deadpan reply as he staggers to his feet and brushes the debris off his dusty leather jacket. It’s one of several self-deprecating remarks made by the 65-year-old Austrian macho man turned America’s greatest hero in a film much touted to be his big, shining comeback. Like all of them, it’s a sly quip at his advancing age, and, after nine years out of the Hollywood limelight and eight years engaged in Californian politics, aged Arnie certainly has: the skin around his skull is wrapped tight as a drum while his joints move with the un-oiled stiffness of the Tin Man.
And yet, in his first time anchoring a movie since 2003’s “Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines,” the Governator’s long-underused action chops remain firmly, stubbornly intact. We got a whiff of them last August in “The Expendables 2,” in which he chomped on cigars and pulled car doors from their hinges, but here we’re given the full-blown package: as the action hero of “The Last Stand,” he fires .44 magnums, dives off rooftops, races supercars and bludgeons badguys to a bloody pulp, and not for one second do we doubt he could do it all — not even when he complains about his dodgy hip. Arnie’s back, and it’s with open arms that we welcome his return. (Continue Reading…)
“The spaghetti western is one of the greatest genres, as far as I know, in the history of the world cinema and definitely in the history of the Italian cinema. The fact is that they’ve never been truly appreciated.” So says Quentin Tarantino, the exploitation maestro whose encyclopedic knowledge of cinema is legendary and whose appreciation of the spaghetti westerns that arose from Europe in the mid-60′s is undeniable: so enamored with the genre is he that has twice picked Sergio Leone’s spaghetti western masterpiece “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly” — said by Tarantino to be “the greatest achievement in the history of cinema” — as his number one choice in Sight & Sound Magazine’s Greatest Movies of All Time poll, once in 2002 and then again in 2012. (Continue Reading…)
Look out at the Toulon dock on the right day in 1815 and you shall see a magnificent sight: a monster sailing ship being dragged to dry land by ropes exhaustively heaved by a raggedy chain gang who are thrashed by waves as they sing a song of slavery. This is the big opening to Tom Hooper’s epic musical “Les Misérables,” and it’s as perfect an introduction as one could possibly concoct: staggering in its weight and colossal in scale, the vast war vessel is like the film itself, if a little less melodious, while the prisoners’ grumbled rendition of “Look Down” is, like most of the upcoming numbers, less merry than it is appropriately miserable.
And in a curiously rhythmic discussion between pitiless prison guard Javert (Russell Crowe, “The Man with the Iron Fists”) and prisoner 24601, aka Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman, “Real Steel”), we are given a succulent sampling of the uniquely authentic musical stylings that are in store: as Javert explains the terms of Valjean’s release after 19 years of hard labour (for the minor offense of stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving niece) and Valjean pleads in vain to be treated like a fellow human being, the two sing their conversation, belting out each syllable with operatic, vein-popping force, a trait carried on for the entirety of this sprawling musical juggernaut. (Continue Reading…)
We didn’t bother to cover the 2013 70th Annual Golden Globes in our traditional method of hits and misses this year. Rather, I took to Twitter in order to communicate with all of you who were watching the same event and arbitrarily comment about what we were all watching unfold. Here are the highlights that I saw fit to mention, enjoy!
Find us on Twitter at @SuperDPS
Al Roker seems to be doing well at the Golden Globes. #noaccidents
The question on all the red carpet interviewers minds seems to be “Are you happy to be here?” #goldenglobes
“Speaking of a new release, you’ve got a brand new baby.” Al Roker (human) #shithispants
It’s nice to see Kate Hudson doing something. #goldenglobes
Hayden Panettiere robbed again by someone who can act. Congrats to Christoph Waltz #goldenglobes
Julianne Moore walking back out paired with a weird cut away to Amy Poehler broke the #GoldenGlobes
Thank god for the #GoldenGlobes. Where else would I be able to see people like Martin Scorsese along side people like Leonardo DiCaprio?!
What the hell just happened? Paul Rudd gets on stage and the #GoldenGlobes shit the bed? #notAlRoker
I missed Bill Clinton?! I waited 20 years for this! #goldenglobes
Will Ferrell and Kristen Wiig have certainly been on stage for too long. #goldenglobes
“That’s awesome.”–Taylor Swift when Jennifer Laurence won #GoldenGlobes #wellsaid
Bill Murray is a crazy person. #goldenglobes
Toby Jones seems to only get nominated for things when he’s in sub-par versions of other movies. #goldenglobes
Nicole Kidman looks happily secure in the fact that she’ll never win anything ever again. #goldenglobes
The little kid in the front row is getting antsy. Time to wrap it up, Hathaway! #goldenglobes
The puzzled looks during Quentin Tarantino’s speech make this whole business worth watching. #goldenglobes
How many times did the director of “Brave” say the word “brave” when he won for his movie, “Brave”? #goldenglobes
Didn’t Jodie Foster already come out of the closet in 2007?? #goldenglobes
Glad Chris Tucker approves of Les Miserables’ victory. #goldenglobes #ischristuckerstillanactor
In a breathtaking, action-drenched prologue that boosts the heart rate and then brings it to a sudden, chilling halt, James Bond adventure “Skyfall” triumphantly vanquishes the bitter aftertaste left behind by the enduring M16 agent’s previous escapade, the chronically arse-numbing “Quantum of Solace,” and boldly promises that great things are to come. It’s an audaciously extravagant opening, rivalling the Madagascar-set parkour chase from “Casino Royale” for thrills and energy, as Daniel Craig’s 007 pursues a mercenary who has stolen a precious computer hard drive from a field agent in Istanbul.
It’s a complex pursuit: it begins on foot, moves onto a motorbike, onto a speeding train and then finally inside a digger on top of that train. As the chase nears its conclusion, Bond’s accompanying, deliberately unnamed agent (Naomi Harris, “28 Days Later”), who watches from afar through a rifle lens, finds herself faced with a dilemma: either she risk losing the hard drive or risk losing Bond. I shan’t say what she chooses, but her decision packs a hard-hitting punch and provides a sumptuous set-up for a riveting tale of vengeance and betrayal. This is Bond at his brilliant best, and indeed, “Skyfall” is arguably the best of all the Bond films. (Continue Reading…)
Detective Alex Cross must be some kind of superhuman. He waltzes into a homicide scene, informed only of the basic details of the situation, and instantly knows all that has occurred. He knows how many were involved in the killing. He knows if the victim was drugged and whether or not they screamed. He knows who shot who and the order in which they died. He knows the killer’s personality, mindset and work history: “He’s ex-military, a stimulus-seeking, sociopathic narcissist,” he correctly calculates after just one brief glance at the villain of his latest investigation. Heck, he probably knows what the killer had for breakfast last Tuesday morning.
His skills aren’t limited to crime scenes. As he stands at the centre of a city block placed on lockdown to prevent a predicted assassination, Cross suddenly, inexplicably figures out that the killer’s master plan is to fire a bazooka from a passing elevated subway train. Sure enough, seconds later a rocket comes blasting out from the open door of a speeding carriage (and quite remarkably hits its target). Which leads to one important question: just how exactly does Cross know these things? Perhaps he has a Sherlockian eye for detail. Perhaps he has psychic abilities. Perhaps he read the script. But then here’s another question: if he can figure all of this out in an instant, and do so with stunningly little effort, how has he not found out that his dear, beloved wife is three months pregnant? (Continue Reading…)
I honestly asked myself this question. It’s Friday afternoon, I’m sitting around doing nothing–wondering how the remainder of my day will play out, and then suddenly “magic” happens. A friend forwards me a blog called StaphMeal. More specifically, an article regarding a recent video shot and edited by myself, written by my friends at Center City Comedy and It’s Always Funny in Philadelphia, and starring some of the funniest people in the Philly comedy scene.
Before I go any further, I would like to state for the record that I’m nobody. My website gets a fair amount of hits, as do my videos, but I’m nowhere near as “significant” or written about as StaphMeal (aka Joshua Scott Albert). If you’re following me on Twitter (@SuperDPS) or you’re friends with me on Facebook, you’ll know where I stand on most issues, and we may disagree on some things, and I’ve (on occasion) stirred the proverbial pot, whether accidentally or knowingly, but I am–comparatively speaking–No one. Whew–now that that’s out of the way–who the fuck is StaphMeal and why am I reading his cretinous blog?!
It all started with this video, released on Thursday morning by myself, Center City Comedy, and It’s Always Funny in Philadelphia.
The only credit I can claim on this sketch would be as a videographer and editor, but I feel that it came together well. Others may disagree. The joke here (if you “get it”) is not that a woman is being raped. It’s that it should be shocking and disgusting. It’s the iconic music and the levity of the parody–the wholesome nature of the Mentos commercials–that creates the humor, not the drugging of a woman’s drink.
Of course, this video falls on the heels of remarks made by Comedian Daniel Tosh towards a heckling audience member at the Laugh Factory. If I need to explain my feelings to you on this matter, then you haven’t been paying close enough attention to what I’ve been saying. “Rape is never funny” is like saying “Suicide is never funny” or “Racism is never funny.” All three of these things are harmful and destructive, yet important topics that should be discussed regarding their use in media; but “Never Funny?”
Saying something is “Never Funny” is just as bad as saying something is “Always Funny” (no disrespect to my colleagues at It’s Always Funny in Philly). Some jokes will make people laugh and some will either be unfunny, poorly received, or outright mean. It’s the audience’s place to either be offended or be jovial. That responsibility shouldn’t fall on the comedian’s shoulders. If you thought the video was too much, or offensive, fine. You have a right as a human to be offended. That doesn’t mean, however, that we don’t reserve the right to offend you.
Enough about that, let’s get back into StaphMeal‘s poorly executed attack on us. While myself and It’s Always Funny weren’t specifically mentioned (EDIT: While writing this blog post, StaphMeal sent me a threat via Twitter. Egg and my face are in alignment), Center City Comedy (one of–if not, the best–free comedy open mic in the city) took the brunt of the merciless rant.
As a fellow blogger who has written some pretty needlessly scathing articles in his past, I can’t help but feel some vague sense of kinship with the young man and his desire to have his negative voice heard by the huddled masses. I can not, however, as a fan of both the English language and Comedy, allow this idiocy to go unpunished.
I don’t know Joshua Albert, nor do I care to. I don’t wish him any specific harm or trouble in life. I think he’s harmless, if only a little fucking catty about shit he doesn’t like, and ultimately forgettable.
His “blog”–however–is a mere year old, and written in a manner consistent with its age. I think it would be in my best interest to share the content with you here, rather than link to it.
Local Fucktards Of A Comedy Group Want’s To Date Rape You,
A tipster who was highly offended alerted me to this absurd youtube video. The name of the comedy group is “center city comedy”. Which to me is a pretty shitty name and sounds like they just want to improve their google search results. These guys are pathetic, really fucking pathetic….and they should die.
This video is classless, tasteless, and I hope these guys get the shit beat out of them and anal raped. They play a show every Thursday night at ravens lounge. Go yell at them, throw shit at them, shit in their face, but please please please watch your drinks!
On a different note: Hey Asian American girl in the video, HOLLLAAAAAAA
I understand that typing is hard. It’s a man’s game. I get it. But calling for the rape and death of fellow writers and performers just so you can mount your high horse is more than a little extreme. Mr. Albert (who recently went public with his actual identity for legal reasons) is a tactless and intellectually dishonest writer devoid of any artistic or personal credibility. This vicious and malicious attack, while ultimately shrug-worthy and forgettable is–at its heart–tasteless, mean, and contradictory. And to end with a shameless pick-up line to the “Asian American girl” (Comedian Lisa Yost) who has been supportive of this work since the beginning? Who the fuck are you, dude?
Again, I say that I am nobody. A blogger, a writer, a film maker, a host, an artist, a producer and director; but ultimately, nobody of note, fame, or consequence. But that said, I would rather be a nobody–with my few fans, friends and supporters–dignity and self respect in tact, than a bitter hack shouting into a megaphone to anyone dumb enough to listen.