May Starts with a Bang! A Week in Review

Rarely am I ever compelled to write a synopsis of the casual goings-on across the pop culture spectrum, but this, the first week of May, created a Wocket in my cerebral Pocket.

Let’s start off with Swine Flu; as good a place to start as any, I’d imagine…

Well, it seems the panic has worn off. Yes, we’re still hearing about it and discussing the effects of the massive memetic brain-queef which we were all temporarily subjected to.

Evidently, “pandemic” status is much less serious than we‘ve come to expect from watching zombie movies. Swine Flu will probably be around forever, but as of now, it’s no where near as fucking serious as the plain old boring influenza.

What an interesting and terrifying several weeks of obsessive hand-washing.

Let’s move on to the strange story of Hoppus Day.

A Brazilian Blink-182 fan site declared May the Third a day in honor of Mark Hoppus, the band’s bassist.

Aside from having a notorious Peter Pan complex and having habitual tour-sex with Tom DeLonge, what has Mark Hoppus done to achieve such notoriety?

Twitter has enabled me to celebrate two wonderful things this week.

1. Star Wars Day–May 4th (May the Fourth Be With You)

2. #AnnoyaTrekkie–Since the release of the new STAR TREK film, many good-humored Trekkers have been posting their Star Trek/Star Wars misconceptions, jokes, japes, and mockeries. It has been quite an afternoon.

Last, but definitely not least, the nude pictures of Rihanna that leaked onto the internets within the last couple of hours.

I’m not sure who found the pics first, who published them the fastest, or what the paranormal impenetrable soulless force-field that surrounds Perez Hilton is that makes him so un-fucking-likable…but regardless, they’re here, and now we can all share a communal boner just like we did when Vanessa Hudgens’ perky tits sprung into the blogosphere.

In case you haven’t seen these pics, here’s a few:

Perez Hilton lives for moments like this...and to make sure celebrities know he's better than them.

I knew "..under my umbrella" was a metaphor.

Psh...who watches TMZ anyway?

Beat THAT, Chris Brown! ...oh...wait.