Wonderfully Bad Movies

Every once in a while, a movie comes along that looks SO bad, you just HAVE to see it (think Snakes on a Plane bad).  Now, I wasn’t really crazy about Snakes on a Plane, so here are three movies that, regardless of how bad you thought they were, you should go see today.

UHF- Yes, that’s right. Weird Al really did make a movie. And it’s really weird. It’s strangely watchable, though, with some big names (Fran Drescher, Michael Richards, Emo Phelps and Kevin McCarthy).  There’s a strange combination of low-brow kid jokes and semi-sharp dialogue.  The story is pretty simple; a loser and his friend are given his rich uncle’s low powered TV station, and have to compete with the local network station.  When U62 becomes too popular, the big-budget owner of the network tries to buy them out, with hilarious results.  My favorite moment is when Stanly Spudowski (played by Michael Richards) gives this monologue:

This is my new mop. George, my friend, he gave me this mop. This is a pretty good mop. It’s not as good as my first mop. I miss my first mop, but this is still a good mop. Sometimes you just hafta take what life gives ya, ’cause life is like a mop and sometimes life gets full of dirt and crud and bugs and hairballs and stuff… you, you, you gotta clean it out. You, you, you gotta put it in here and rinse it off and start all over again and, and sometimes, sometimes life sticks to the floor so bad you know a mop, a mop, it’s not good enough, it’s not good enough. You, you gotta get down there, like, with a toothbrush, you know, and you gotta, you gotta really scrub ’cause you gotta get it off. You gotta really try to get it off. But if that doesn’t work, that doesn’t work, you can’t give up. You gotta, you gotta stand right up. You, you gotta run to a window and say, “Hey! These floors are dirty as hell, and I’m not gonna take it any more!”

Slackers- Laura Prepon, Jason Segal and everyone’s favorite, JASON SCHWARTZMAN come together in this…weird…movie about cheating your way through college.  It’s not really that unlike American Pie, or any of those, I just like it alot better.  It’s a little bit less gross-out than many of those type of movies, but still enjoyable to those who like them.  This movie was quoted all through our undergrad years, specifically the following dialogue:

Sam: Professor Markoe! Thank God you’re here! I was hit by a truck today.
Professor Markoe: Well you alright?
Head T.A. Philip, Bruna, the Office Manager: He was hit by a truck!

My favorite part is at the end, when Ethan sings his song…. I love you but, I hate you, which brings to mind, how much I love you. We could have worked this out you know, in a little room, in a little locked room. I’m sorry you had to settle for Dave, the one-dimensional man. He’s filed under “Cocksucker” in my little black book. Sweetness can rot your teeth. Bittersweet, cacophony. But you hold the key, you hold the key, to my little locked room. You hold the key, you hold the key, to my little locked whoa-ooh-oh-oh. Please let… me… out soon. I luh you.

The Girl Next Door- The classic story of boy falls for girl, who happens to be a porn star. If I gave out any other details, I think too much of the story would be given away. But it’s hilarious and has a great story.  This is one of the more underrated teen movies that I can remember. This one really doesn’t belong on a list of BAD movies, but I think it was advertised as being a teen-gross out. Go see it.

-phila maneto

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