Always the optimist, Jillette gave society a chance by saying the good things that he thinks need more credit. So, with that in mind, I present you with the five figures/phenomena/assorted things that I find overrated in pop culture today.
5. Guillermo del Toro–Writer, Director, Producer
In Esquire‘s 75th Anniversary Edition, it named the 75 most influential people of the 21st century. Guillermo del Toro was one of these people. Now, as reputable as Esquire is, being a step above Playboy, its reasoning behind the choice was kind of bullshit. It feeds us some crap about how he shows us the twisted realism of the human soul. That’s pretty impressive considering he’s only had three movies out in the United States. I’m not going to deny that he is a visionary when it comes to the design of costumes, creatures and various characters in his movies.
However, being good at CGI does not qualify one for a spot amongst the most influential people in the 21st century.
Let’s discuss his movies for a minute, shall we?
Hellboy wasn’t that bad of a movie. It had a solid anti-hero with interesting side characters and the snappy one-liners that the mainstream audiences cream themselves for. However, because it was his first major movie released in America, he didn’t really have the clout to “Toro it Up” as much as he would like.
With Hellboy II: The Golden Army, he pulled out all the stops. It doubled in snappy one-liners, its characters lost complexity and it had a musical number. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! A MUSICAL NUMBER!! In what kind of hellish bizarro-world does this make sense? What’s next Guillermo? A tap dance extravaganza? Singing plays no part in graphic novel movies and never should…
Doesn’t really look Mexican…
4. Weezer–Middle-Aged Band
Remember when Weezer was actually a legitimate band that made decent music? Yeah, neither do I. It seems that Weezer’s place in music is simply to give fat fourteen-year-old girls that shop at Hot Topic something to identify with. Now, I have to give them the Blue Album and Pinkerton. Those two albums are considered well written in many music circles.
However, the Red Album? Really? Two songs on that album prove why listening to Weezer is the musical equivalent to eating a shit sandwich. The first, “Pork and Beans.” The song is basically about how Rivers Cuomo doesn’t care what you think! He likes his life and he’s going to live it however he feels! Damn the man! Yeah! If he didn’t care what everyone thought of him he probably wouldn’t be a rock star, specifically one that craves attention from his lesions of pimply faced depressed fans.Furthermore, if Weezer only cared about doing what they want and not making money or building a fan base why would they make a video including every Internet phenomena in it? They knew that every kid and his brother (and even his mom for that matter) would watch it just to catch a glimse of those stupid unicorns talking about candy mountain and all the other useless crap that YouTube has to offer. So not only are they hypocrites, but the song wasn’t even that good.
Really Rivers? You eat candy and pork and beans together? I hardly believe that.
The next song is “Heart Songs.” Can someone please get Rivers Cuomo a tampon? He’s bleeding from that giant vagina of his….oh wait, that’s his mouth.
I swear to Christ, what is the point of making a song about all the bands and songs that you liked as a kid? I don’t know about you but when I was thirteen I didn’t exactly have the most impeccable taste in music. (Unless N’Sync is considered impeccable, and oh, I think it is). One of the lyrics is “Got together with my bros” Rivers Cuomo just said “bros“.
You know, like the term frat boys use to refer to their friends. I can’t even go on any further than this. I just threw up in my mouth.
You’re not Buddy Holly.
How many times have you heard some Anime geek talk about how much greater Japan is than any other country in the world? Depending on who you are, anywhere from “all the fucking time” to “not at all.” I fall into the “all the fucking time” category. Now Japan has some pretty cool things going for it. Technology and Ninja Warrior come to mind. But for everything cool that comes out of it, fifteen completely insane things follow. How many seizures do their cartoons have to give us before we learn our mistakes?
Oh, and did you know that Japan’s women’s rights are pretty much non-existent and the majority of the Japanese hate the Koreans that live there even though they forced them to come during World War II? Yeah so if you think Japan is cool, then you’re a sexist AND a racist. Also, this:
2. Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a pretty awesome book. Gonzo journalism is another pretty awesome thing that Hunter S. Thompson is accredited for creating. Another thing that Hunter S. Thompson is accredited for creating? Indie fucktards that think they’re awesome and unique because they’ve heard of Hunter S. Thompson. Since the release of the movie Gonzo so many hipsters have jumped on the Thompson train that it’s derailed and killed several bystanders at the train station. Do you know how many douche bags dressed up as Hunter S. Thompson this Halloween without knowing anything about his work? All of them.
Rickrolling is the Internet craze that involves tricking an unwitting victim into clicking on a link that they think will bring them to a related web page. Oh, but it doesn’t. Instead it brings them to the video of 80’s one hit wonder Rick Astley’s video of “Never Gonna Give You Up.”
To be honest, the first time I was rickrolled I thought it was pretty funny. It continued to be funny for at least a month or so after that. Then it happened. While innocently watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, I looked on as puppets sang about friendship. Suddenly, with a halt of puppet voices the music started playing. Rick Astley burst forth from the float like a newborn babe from the womb. The entire audience of the parade got rickrolled!Not only did rickrolling jump the shark, but it did a couple of flips on the way over as well. How about a new type of rolling with a different washed up star? My suggestion: Ruckerrolling. How great would it be if you were clicking through the Internet, possibly looking at kittens when you decide to click on a link for kitten care. Then BAM! There is Darius Rucker singing about the Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. Now that’s comedic gold!
“Please make me relevant again!”
–Michelle Scott (Honorary Super Dudette!)